N1cky

When we moved to LA my view of what life was going to be like, and what it was really like were two totally different things. I have no idea how or why I thought we would be sat out each evening eating dinner, looking over the ocean. I've been in the US 6 years now, and the only time I've eaten dinner overlooking the ocean was when we had a vacation in Hawaii.

There is no in the middle though, they either move to the other side of the world, or they don't. No matter which choice is made, one person is going to have to give in on what they want (it can't be seen as a compromise)

My thoughts exactly.

not2old

and there was this thread & a particular post from the OP 10 months ago. Its like the never ending story.

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...8#post10423138

Sally Redux

Life is 'friggin complicated' when you have a family.

However, if he is massively committed to windsurfing and sun, he will go and at least he won't have any 'what if' s.

BASHO

The only real issue here is whether to ditch the wife and brat if they won't come to Australia and come alone.

Absolutely the OP'S call.

Rooted if you do , rooted if you don't.

My suggestion, holiday if you can afford it, then make the call.

N1cky

Must be a bright kid, she's currently 12, and 10 months ago she only had 2.5 years of school left.

Sally Redux

He seemed to be saying he wanted to wait until she's finished school, but what age would that be? Not many stop at 16 now. So even a 5 year extension now would not be enough.

Geordie George

The trouble with speaking to people IRL, who do know all the details, is that they tend to give opinions based on the facts (as they see them) and they may be at odds with what the person asking for advice wants to hear. That's the beauty of the t'interweb; you present your case as you see fit and sit back and wait for validation of your choice/impending choice. If you don't get that, then you flounce. (Particularly if what you're being told online matches with what people IRL are saying to you.) Just my observation after wasting too much time here over the years.

What the OP chooses to do shouldn't be judged by strangers - we have no right whatsoever to comment on his situation (despite being invited to do so). However, his daughter does have the right to judge his decisions. And that judgement, possibly made as a 12-year-old - a difficult age for anyone, may well influence the relationship she has with her father, and the opinion she holds of him, for the rest of her life.

ozzieeagle

Agree totally with the above, Just one point though, I do think that discussing personal life changing issues on the net is not an ideal thing to do. People are already in a vulnerable and difficult situation and when they get negative replies it's only going to make them feel worse.

Plus those replies are never aware of the total full facts of any given situation. So I really feel one is generally doing more harm than good than exposing themselves to negative feedback on a Internet forum, especially with crucial issues.

RedDragon2008

Please just grow up

You have portrayed your circumstances and people have commented, giving their honest opinions. You can agree or disagree with their views but they have given them which is the purpose of a public forum.

The only thing people have sympathy for is your visa timeframe is running out and you are in between a rock and a hard place. But you know the decision you have to make and it appears more you are intent on seeking justification for making a selfish one or looking for ammo to assist with coercing your wife.

Get your hands away from the sweets and eat your vegetables

Dorothy

No, they have/had 2.5 years remaining validity of their visa, not schooling. What he said was that they would like to finish her schooling in UK but that would take them past the 2.5 years remaining visa validity.

You know, Flanagj, we were in a similar position recently. We moved to Australia as a family 7 years ago because we (the adults) wanted to. Things didn't go to plan in our chosen area and we had to move interstate. Moving to Perth was never my idea and frankly I've never really felt very settled here.

Over the years we (read I) talked about going home or moving to the eastern states. My husband is very opposed to moving as he has a job here he loves, we built a house he loves and our kids are settled. It's only me who wants to go. My desire to move has caused a lot of friction in our marriage and at more than one point I considered moving back home on my own. So, what stopped me? Well, I love my family and the thought of seeing them only rarely absolutely breaks my heart. I would rather compromise and have holidays home annually and get to stay with people who I love than be without them somewhere else and that's what I've done. Instead of allowing myself to be resentful I have built myself a life here knowing that while it's not perfect it's not really all that bad either.

My husband is supportive of me being able to take trips to satisfy my need for Canada. Maybe your wife would be the same? You know, you can always get ETAs annually and come for holidays to satisfy your need for Australia. That way nobody actually loses. You get to come to Perth and enjoy it as a tourist and keep your family. If you really, truly feel that you will spend the rest of your life resenting your wife and child if they don't move for you, then I agree with others that you and she should have some couples counselling. We found it very helpful when we were deciding whether I would go on my own or stay. Having someone to just listen to you both and have you talk to each other in a neutral setting is very helpful.

While others may have been quick to judge, I think that for a lot of people it's difficult to understand how someone could want something to the exclusion of the people in their lives they love.

Chortlepuss

I'm just back from 5 months in UK. Went on my own and got a contract out there. It has done me the world of good but I do have a very independant and capable hubby and mych older kids. I needed to spend time there, I miss it dreadfully (ironically partly because I am an outdoors country girl and feel a bit trapped by the heat!). I had a chance to stay but decided to come back and see my youngest through to uni. My hubby will consider moving back (taking a secondment from work here) once kids are sorted. You could go on your own but it's all about compromise. It is hard when you both want different things. But for adventure, the UK is right up there - and of course you have proximity to wonderful places for travel. Australia is a great country and had been kind to us, but I no longer regard it as some kind of utopia - just a fun place for a temporary adventure.

Alfresco

Then this thread shall be closed.