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Why is life so friggin complicated

Why is life so friggin complicated

Old Oct 9th 2013, 11:50 am
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Default Why is life so friggin complicated

The regulars on here will be saying to themselves 'What excuse does he have now for not going ...', but I am going to put my cards on the table here.

I am conscious that in just over 18 months time that piece of paper in our passports will be worthless and an opportunity of a lifetime will have gone and as a result I know deep down that having always wanted to go to Aus I will have no issue of getting on the plane and going. Perth has everything I enjoy about life. Great Windsurfing, mountain biking and weather. I have always been happiest when the thermometer hits 30c (pretty rare in the uk) and I can get out cycling or get the BBQ out!!! I feel alive when the sun is shining and the weather is warm. The prospect of 6 months cold weather ahead of us in the Uk is most depressing. The windsurfing gear gets packed away, the winter cycling gets done, but only so the fitness does not go.

So why am I writing this. Well, the other 2 people in my life don't share the passion and are perfectly happy here in the Uk with there horse riding life style. The Wife says that she has everything she wants here in England. My 12 year old Daugther tells me Aus has nothing she wants and all of her horse riding idols left Aus to come to England.

It is a tough one and the only avenues I see are.

1. Adopt the 'you only get one shot in life' and go on my own. Not ruled this out

2. Don't go and resent them both when the visa has expired

3. If you know of a number 3 that does not have the pain associated with 1 & 2 please do share.
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Old Oct 9th 2013, 12:05 pm
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Default Re: Why is life so friggin complicated

Originally Posted by flanagaj View Post
The regulars on here will be saying to themselves 'What excuse does he have now for not going ...', but I am going to put my cards on the table here.

I am conscious that in just over 18 months time that piece of paper in our passports will be worthless and an opportunity of a lifetime will have gone and as a result I know deep down that having always wanted to go to Aus I will have no issue of getting on the plane and going. Perth has everything I enjoy about life. Great Windsurfing, mountain biking and weather. I have always been happiest when the thermometer hits 30c (pretty rare in the uk) and I can get out cycling or get the BBQ out!!! I feel alive when the sun is shining and the weather is warm. The prospect of 6 months cold weather ahead of us in the Uk is most depressing. The windsurfing gear gets packed away, the winter cycling gets done, but only so the fitness does not go.

So why am I writing this. Well, the other 2 people in my life don't share the passion and are perfectly happy here in the Uk with there horse riding life style. The Wife says that she has everything she wants here in England. My 12 year old Daugther tells me Aus has nothing she wants and all of her horse riding idols left Aus to come to England.

It is a tough one and the only avenues I see are.

1. Adopt the 'you only get one shot in life' and go on my own. Not ruled this out

2. Don't go and resent them both when the visa has expired

3. If you know of a number 3 that does not have the pain associated with 1 & 2 please do share.
It seems fairly straightforward to me - you need to choose between your wife and daughter, and some imagined life in Australia.
If you choose your family and then resent them for YOUR choice, then you have a bit of growing up to do.
If you choose Australia over your family - then they obviously don't mean a lot to you and - you have a bit of growing up to do.

Gosh. You're a hard one, aren't you?!

By the way, I've been in Perth all my life. 30c in summer is a coolish day. 35 is normal, and week long stretches of 38 - 42 aren't uncommon.

I know that I sound like a hard faced bitch, and I may well be. But by the same token, you sound like a kid having a tantrum because he can't have everything he wants. Both your 'choices' are going to hurt your family.
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Old Oct 9th 2013, 12:15 pm
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Default Re: Why is life so friggin complicated

Originally Posted by spouse of scouse View Post
It seems fairly straightforward to me - you need to choose between your wife and daughter, and some imagined life in Australia.
If you choose your family and then resent them for YOUR choice, then you have a bit of growing up to do.
If you choose Australia over your family - then they obviously don't mean a lot to you and - you have a bit of growing up to do.

Gosh. You're a hard one, aren't you?!

By the way, I've been in Perth all my life. 30c in summer is a coolish day. 35 is normal, and week long stretches of 38 - 42 aren't uncommon.

I know that I sound like a hard faced bitch, and I may well be. But by the same token, you sound like a kid having a tantrum because he can't have everything he wants. Both your 'choices' are going to hurt your family.
That is a very interesting reply. I never realised that my purpose in life is to please others. I have no idea how old you are or whether you have kids, but telling a 41 year old that they should grow up is a little condescending.
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Old Oct 9th 2013, 12:18 pm
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Default Re: Why is life so friggin complicated

Originally Posted by flanagaj View Post
That is a very interesting reply. I never realised that my purpose in life is to please others. I have no idea how old you are or whether you have kids, but telling a 41 year old that they should grow up is a little condescending.
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Old Oct 9th 2013, 12:36 pm
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Default Re: Why is life so friggin complicated

Originally Posted by flanagaj View Post
That is a very interesting reply. I never realised that my purpose in life is to please others. I have no idea how old you are or whether you have kids, but telling a 41 year old that they should grow up is a little condescending.
Actually I agree with SoS.

When you are in a relationship, and especially with a child, you need to think of others. That's not to say you have to do everything they want, and nothing you want, but it can no longer be all about you - which is what your post is coming across as. In fact, IME it rarely can be about you.

I think you have two choices - give up the dream of Australia or give up your family, because as it stands, it appears that you can't have both.
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Old Oct 9th 2013, 12:39 pm
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Default Re: Why is life so friggin complicated

Equally there are those with the same dilemmas who are here, one loves it, one hates it..just as hard to decide what to do!

Do you have a career or job that is easy to get work in? You could ask them to give you two years and if they don't settle you come home.

Have they been over? If so, did it not appeal?

Maybe if they weren't on the same page it might have been best not to have applied for it, what you never had and all that, better than the dilemma you have now. Unfortunately sometimes emigrating raises relationship issues you never thought possible from what I've seen and read on these forums over the years.

Only you can know what risks you want to take with your family.
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Old Oct 9th 2013, 12:40 pm
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Default Re: Why is life so friggin complicated

Then god created "winter" holidays

Spain?

Red Sea?

Greece?

Croatia?

Florida?
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Old Oct 9th 2013, 12:44 pm
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Default Re: Why is life so friggin complicated

Originally Posted by flanagaj View Post
The regulars on here will be saying to themselves 'What excuse does he have now for not going ...', but I am going to put my cards on the table here.

I am conscious that in just over 18 months time that piece of paper in our passports will be worthless and an opportunity of a lifetime will have gone and as a result I know deep down that having always wanted to go to Aus I will have no issue of getting on the plane and going. Perth has everything I enjoy about life. Great Windsurfing, mountain biking and weather. I have always been happiest when the thermometer hits 30c (pretty rare in the uk) and I can get out cycling or get the BBQ out!!! I feel alive when the sun is shining and the weather is warm. The prospect of 6 months cold weather ahead of us in the Uk is most depressing. The windsurfing gear gets packed away, the winter cycling gets done, but only so the fitness does not go.

So why am I writing this. Well, the other 2 people in my life don't share the passion and are perfectly happy here in the Uk with there horse riding life style. The Wife says that she has everything she wants here in England. My 12 year old Daugther tells me Aus has nothing she wants and all of her horse riding idols left Aus to come to England.

It is a tough one and the only avenues I see are.

1. Adopt the 'you only get one shot in life' and go on my own. Not ruled this out

2. Don't go and resent them both when the visa has expired

3. If you know of a number 3 that does not have the pain associated with 1 & 2 please do share.
There are horses in australia

The 12 year old gets no vote

In 18 mths time your chance will be over... Ask the missus to give it a go for your sake... If she won't then sod her and DIY
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Old Oct 9th 2013, 1:27 pm
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Default Re: Why is life so friggin complicated

Originally Posted by flanagaj View Post
That is a very interesting reply. I never realised that my purpose in life is to please others. I have no idea how old you are or whether you have kids, but telling a 41 year old that they should grow up is a little condescending.
I wasn't referring to your chronological age. Nor did I suggest that your purpose in life is to please others. For God's sake, you're not talking about your wife wanting Chinese for dinner and you wanting a curry.

I can understand your disappointment that your wife doesn't share your dream. What I don't understand is you resenting her for this, as you've said you would if you stayed. It's your dream to up stakes and move across the globe, not hers.

Anyway, your life, your choice, your consequences. You're not going to get answers on a public internet forum. The most you'll get is some validation that you're a jolly good fellow. The least you'll get is someone thinking you're acting like a spoilt child. Ciao.
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Old Oct 9th 2013, 1:38 pm
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Default Re: Why is life so friggin complicated

I'm with Eddie. Whilst you listen to your child, she gets no say, she's 12. I'd say, without knowing for sure obviously, that she's being led by your wife. Without going back through your old posts, I don't know why you've not made it over yet but presumably at some point your wife was up for the adventure. That's how you need to treat the move, as an adventure. It doesn't have to be forever. Your opinion is of no greater or lesser importance than your wifes. You're a partnership, give and take and all that crap. How you could even consider coming without them staggers me unless your marriage is hitting the skids anyway. However, if it is, it won't be rescued by the move, it'll just get to the end even faster. Only you know what's more important to you.
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Old Oct 9th 2013, 5:28 pm
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Default Re: Why is life so friggin complicated

I agree with SoS. What the heck, it's not like your family are consigning you to life in a war torn third world country. If your family are the most important thing in your life then making them happy should take precedence over a nice bit of windsurfing. They're both being very clear that they don't want to go - either you wave them goodbye or draw a line and thank your lucky stars that you haven't totally screwed up your/your family/your kid's lives because of a bit of hedonism and selfishness on your part. None of us gets everything we want out of this life!
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Old Oct 9th 2013, 5:30 pm
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Default Re: Why is life so friggin complicated

Originally Posted by koalakim View Post
Equally there are those with the same dilemmas who are here, one loves it, one hates it..just as hard to decide what to do!

Do you have a career or job that is easy to get work in? You could ask them to give you two years and if they don't settle you come home.

Have they been over? If so, did it not appeal?

Maybe if they weren't on the same page it might have been best not to have applied for it, what you never had and all that, better than the dilemma you have now. Unfortunately sometimes emigrating raises relationship issues you never thought possible from what I've seen and read on these forums over the years.

Only you can know what risks you want to take with your family.
Unfortunately you can't bugger around with a teenager's education. Much easier prospect when they are still small.
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Old Oct 9th 2013, 8:03 pm
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Default Re: Why is life so friggin complicated

Originally Posted by flanagaj View Post
The regulars on here will be saying to themselves 'What excuse does he have now for not going ...', but I am going to put my cards on the table here.

I am conscious that in just over 18 months time that piece of paper in our passports will be worthless and an opportunity of a lifetime will have gone and as a result I know deep down that having always wanted to go to Aus I will have no issue of getting on the plane and going.

So why am I writing this. Well, the other 2 people in my life don't share the passion and are perfectly happy here in the Uk with there horse riding life style. The Wife says that she has everything she wants here in England. My 12 year old Daugther tells me Aus has nothing she wants and all of her horse riding idols left Aus to come to England.

It is a tough one and the only avenues I see are.

1. Adopt the 'you only get one shot in life' and go on my own. Not ruled this out

2. Don't go and resent them both when the visa has expired

3. If you know of a number 3 that does not have the pain associated with 1 & 2 please do share.
Looking at all your posts, you've been at this for 10 years since you first started looking into getting a visa. In between you've mentioned a step daughter, a child doing A Levels - and now its down to crunch time.

In the last 10 years, you & the wife have gotten older - would you say that you (or she) are wiser now, more laid back, life is better for you than it was 10 years ago? Or is it the spirit & adventure in YOU that still wants to do this & you can ignore everyone else & go do it alone - would you do it alone?

Unfortunately its not that simple, you have responsibilities to others (wife only) If she says she is not going no matter what, then I would say 'don't go'

If she is fence sitting - then use the 'look lets give it a go, give me 12 months & if you don't like it or cannot adjust, we shall leave'

This gives you a few approaches

1. She has a cop out knowing she can whinge for the whole 12 months, then chuck in the towel..or

2. What the heck - 'nothing ventured, nothing gained' which is the line I would use

3. this is the number 3 you asked for ... tell her (not the child) that you are giving up the idea of moving to OZ & that we wont know what might have happened - opportunity for a better life, adventure, not knowing whether it would have been a failure or success.

If she blinks on or knows the pressure is off - you have shifted the responsibility to her without constantly nagging about it.

last point:

How old are you now, do you think the same as you did 10 years earlier & do you honestly believe you can start anew & fight for it starting at the bottom moving to OZ now over doing it 10 years earlier?

Good luck
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Old Oct 9th 2013, 8:11 pm
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Default Re: Why is life so friggin complicated

Dumping your wife and kid to move to OZ!! Staggering...

Id rather die than leave my missus and kids for a 'dream' of mine.
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Old Oct 9th 2013, 8:15 pm
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Default Re: Why is life so friggin complicated

10 years and any number of excuses including high cost of living.

I think he is scared to go but putting the blame on wife and child.
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