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Where one partner doesn't want to move?

Where one partner doesn't want to move?

Old Dec 28th 2007, 6:11 pm
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Default Where one partner doesn't want to move?

I was just wondering if there's many people out there where one person in a relationship is keen to move (to Australia) but the other person doesn't. Not married but in a steady relationship. What would you do?
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 6:17 pm
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Default Re: Where one partner doesn't want to move?

Hi, to begin with I didn't want to move out there but when i looked deep inside myself I realised that I did I was just worrying about my family when I actually had to be selfish.

I would suggest you go there for a holiday and see what they think then. It works one of two ways you either accept their decission and stay in the UK OR you go over there on the previso that if the other half still doesn't like it when there over there after 6 months then you come home as at least you tried!

Good luck though but don't pressure them as it's a MAJOR decision to make!!
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 6:27 pm
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Default Re: Where one partner doesn't want to move?

Hi Tipp.

I agree with Natalie, if you can afford a holiday then go!! I wasnt really that bothered (read my post 'the rollercoaster') but after visiting in August i fell in love with the place!!

I felt a bit like you in that my parents were one of the reasons i dithered but i have to think of my family ie my sons and i have to put them first.

Try before you buy if you can!!
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 6:30 pm
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Default Re: Where one partner doesn't want to move?

Originally Posted by tipp1974 View Post
I was just wondering if there's many people out there where one person in a relationship is keen to move (to Australia) but the other person doesn't. Not married but in a steady relationship. What would you do?
If one person doesn't want to go it won't work. Then it's a choice them or Australia. Depends on which you have most faith in and want to be with!
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 6:44 pm
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Default Re: Where one partner doesn't want to move?

I disagree!!!

Some people are more cautious than others. I am certainly one of those.

I find change quite uncomfortable so my knee jerk reaction would be 'no, no.. no need for me to go!'

Sometimes its a compromise in a relationship surely?
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 9:48 pm
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Default Re: Where one partner doesn't want to move?

If you browse through the Moving Back to the Uk forum you will find that a lot of the returnees from Aus (not all, but a lot) are returning because one partner doesn't like it, and often didn't want to come in the first place.
Obviously it depends on the individuals and their relationship, but if one person is really against it, your marriage/relationship is likely to suffer as a result. I had one good friends who left her husband and went home with her little girl after trying to like it for a couple of years, another who gave up husband and business and went back, and there are several others that have been on here.
Migrating is probably the most stressful thing you will ever do in your life, and unless the relationship is very vey strong migrating can put it under too much pressure for it to survive. If you have a split before you start, over whether to go or not, thats not good news.

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Old Dec 28th 2007, 10:09 pm
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Default Re: Where one partner doesn't want to move?

As others have said, have a holiday here first.

Some ppl will say, I aint doing a reccie trip, cos its too expensive...

well HELLO its bloody more expensive to move here, then move back, cos you dont like the bread, flies, ppl, lifestyle..

For it to work, it has to be MUTUAL
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 10:33 pm
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Default Re: Where one partner doesn't want to move?

Originally Posted by tipp1974 View Post
I was just wondering if there's many people out there where one person in a relationship is keen to move (to Australia) but the other person doesn't. Not married but in a steady relationship. What would you do?
Personally I'd say no - do not make the move.

You have to both be very committed to the move here and have a great relationship.

The move here could destroy all that if your partner really does not like it here.There would be a lot of bitterness and you would get the blame.

I've seen many come over in this situation and most don't work out.

A friend of mine is kind of going through this at moment, he loves his partner very much but the strain is awful on him.

Mrs Tyke had lived over here for a few years and always wanted to come back.I knew of her wish when I became her husband but she never pushed it.
Then an opportunity to come out and have a nosey presented itself - I fell in love with the place and we were thinking on the same page.

Sorry to give you a negative response but it may save you massive heartache later.
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 10:34 pm
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Default Re: Where one partner doesn't want to move?

Originally Posted by Timber Floor Au View Post
As others have said, have a holiday here first.

Some ppl will say, I aint doing a reccie trip, cos its too expensive...

well HELLO its bloody more expensive to move here, then move back, cos you dont like the bread, flies, ppl, lifestyle..

For it to work, it has to be MUTUAL
Aye - reccie trip - forgot that bit.

Worth it if in doubt.
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Old Dec 29th 2007, 12:54 am
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Default Re: Where one partner doesn't want to move?

Originally Posted by tipp1974 View Post
I was just wondering if there's many people out there where one person in a relationship is keen to move (to Australia) but the other person doesn't. Not married but in a steady relationship. What would you do?
Get ready for long story...

8 yrs ago [stay with me now] I helped my partner fill in his PR application but we split up cos I didn't really want to go to oz and thought the longer we stayed together, the harder it would be when the time came for him to go. I couldn't afford to go on holiday to check it out either as I was really broke. Little did I know it would take nearly 2 yrs for his visa to come through.

Last year we bumped into each other at a wedding. It was the frst time we'd clapped eyes on each other in 7yrs and he was flying back to oz the following day. As we were both (sort of!) single, he suggested I fly out for a holiday. This time I could afford to do it and loved it. 18 months later, I am here on a student visa (good excuse to retrain in something else) and we have bought a house together, all thanks to my UK house equity.

I am aware of the fact that I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him and, if anything goes wrong, I'll probably be on the next flight back to blighty. But we have a good relationship and so far so good.

I try not to think about the years we have missed out on - hindsight's great innit? I just put it down to timing - I couldn't do anything quick about my financial status at the time so I nipped the relationship in the bud while I could. If it hadn't been for the money stuff, I prob would have come for a reccie and loved it. As it was, my OH did the reccie stuff and decided on Queensland. Interestingly though, he's never really felt settled here and has been back and forth between oz and the UK over the years (loves oz, misses friends and family). That is until I got here. Ta da!

Probably none of that helps but go with the reccie if you can. So there.

Last edited by pominNoosa; Dec 29th 2007 at 12:58 am.
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Old Dec 29th 2007, 2:38 am
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Default Re: Where one partner doesn't want to move?

Definately come for a holiday, enough people on here who can point you in the right direction of places to check out for a potential move.

This is your life, not your parents, not your partners but yours. When you are sat in a chair at 70, do you want to be saying I didn't go to Australia because my partner didnt want to. The yearning to go, doesnt vanish.

It may sound selfish but this life is primarilly about you. The people who love you will support you in your decisions. I have been through all this and lived to tell the tale.
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Old Dec 29th 2007, 6:48 am
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Default Re: Where one partner doesn't want to move?

Hiya,

Its always, always been a dream of mine to go to australia to live...ever since i was a child. Must be in the blood cos my grandparents and parents all applied over the years and for one reason or another never went..

Well anyway..about 3 years ago i suggested to kev about moving and he was a definate NO!! I was a bit bummed but we are married and have 4 kids so what could i do!!

My mum took ill and later passed away in the aug, the following march i suggested to Kev again, how bout moving to aus...he hummed and haa'd for a while and eventually agreed...

That was nearly 2 years ago....and we are still in the UK sorting everything out.

We went for a holiday march this year and absolutly loved it...and we are in no doubts whatsoever that its the right thing to do.

The whole process is exhausting and extremley stressfull but we persevered and are hoping to get our visas soon. (everything was sent to Adalaide by our agent dec 4th 07)

So i also suggest going for a holiday....although 2/3 weeks is hard to base a whole life on but it will be a start. Also go when its at its hottest that way you will get an idea on the sort of temperatures you are contending with.

Good luck.

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Old Dec 29th 2007, 7:16 am
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Default Re: Where one partner doesn't want to move?

Hi all.. Thanks for your replies and sharing your own experiences.
I should of giving more information in the original post.
We did go on a holiday in March. Although she did enjoy it - she definitely wouldn't like to live there. We have a pretty good setup at home, house wise and job wise etc but then the weather here is terrible (and usual other reasons for wanting to live in Aus) and lifestyle especially during the winter is go to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed and the whole thing starts over again.
I was in Australia for a year before we met on a working holiday visa and loved it. I did look into applying for PR at the time, went to an agent but she put my occupation into a 40 point category but later found out from an agent at home that I should of been classed as a 60 point. At the time I would of been able to apply if I was given 60 points for occupation.Problem was later on, I was over 30 years old so lost points and then didn't meet the 120 point mark. Now with the extra points for IELTS (which I have passed) I have the 120 point mark again.
As one of the other posts said The yearning to go, doesnt vanish..... so I guess I have some more thinking to do....
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Old Dec 29th 2007, 8:10 am
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Default Re: Where one partner doesn't want to move?

I'm not sure a reccie tells you anything. If one partner doesn't want to leave the UK, I'd say it's out the window. A reccie, no matter how hard you try becomes a holiday of sorts. If you're very close to family, it's unlikely to work, some manage but most don't. If you can do a reccie of six months then that would be worthwhile, less than that you really don't get the real picture. Have holidays, enjoy the UK, not everyone wants or needs Aus.
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Old Dec 29th 2007, 12:19 pm
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Default Re: Where one partner doesn't want to move?

I would like you to know that i was like your partner a definate NO for over 10 years, (hopefully you wont have to wait that long!!!) i then began to see how unhappy my partner was with work and day to day life. The weather, not being able to do anything at weekends cos of the weather. So i agreed to take a holiday begining of last year (thinking it would get it out of his system and life would go back the way it was) I did not for one minute think it would be me who fell in love with Australia. I am very close to my family, my partner is not. I agreed to apply for the visa. Dont get me wrong its been hard and emotional but i put on my thick skin and got through. We arrived in August this year and after 6 weeks i thought i had made a terrible mistake (to be fair we both did) the weather was not that great and there is alot of learning to be done, including the fact the way of life is better but you do pay for it in other ways ie low wages, higher mortgage rates etc. Once your earning the dollar cost of living is quite high too. We could quite easily have jumped on a plane back to the UK, but we did not put our kids, family and friends through all this for 6 weeks!! We have stuck with it and we are so glad we did. It is very hard on any relationship no matter how solid you think you are. You spend alot more time together and there is alot of stuff to go through. My first christmas here has been hard without my family but looking at my two boys, they love it here, they swim every day come rain or shine, made friends, play outside. It was the right move for them. My partner would never go back to the UK I cant say that i never would, after all my family are there but when i weigh it up Australia does come up trumps for us as a family.

Your partner may not have liked Australia but i am not sure where you guys went. We went to Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane, we travelled around a bit outside each city and there were places we liked and did not like. We have met two couples one uk couple had moved to adelaide and hated it and then moved to sunshine coast, another moved to perth and disliked it and came to the sunshine coast. We are all looking for different areas to suit us and it maybe we choose wrong first time around. I would also like to say we all have this Australian illusion but the truth is - it is the same as being in the UK on a day to day basis but with the weather on your side.

I wish you both luck, dont let go of the dream if she really does not want to go, you will just have to be paitent and wait.

Also not sure if its an option for you but i believe (and i may be wrong) you can apply (takes about a year - 18 months), once you have the visa and you have validated it (another holiday to oz will do it) you can come back anytime upto two years. Giving your partner 3 years to come round!!! Seems along time but trust me flys by.

Good luck
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