Spellbound

How did you all cope when you heard about a sick loved one overseas?

I have just found out yesterday that my mum has an aggressive rare cancerous tumor and I am in shock and dont know quite what to do or what I can do from over here.

We left the UK about 6 years ago and I haven't been back since, so haven't seen my family since then. I had all the guilt laid on thick when I left and have just had today an anonymous email that simply said 'where are you when your mother needs you'.

How do you all cope?

spartacus

That's just plain mean . . .

Shellfish

Hi Spellbound,

I don't really have any advise to offer but I just wanted to wish your mum well. I can only imagine how incredibly difficult this must be for you.

moneypenny20

I hope the sender feels really good about themselves They assume then that your mother wouldn't have developed cancer had you not left the country?

In simple terms, you feel like shit, you feel that you should be there, you spend a lot on phone calls and worry yourself sick. Your sick relative insists you are not to waste the money travelling back but your gut and heart tell you you have to.

One big thing to remember - a diagnosis of cancer is no longer a death sentence, not even when the doctors say 'terminal' so try and stay positive.

Take care.

the4ofus

Know exactly how you're feeling Spellbound. We are just waiting oon the phone call as my husband's grandpa isn't expected to make it thru the rest of the day He's 93 and had a great life but it doesn't make it any easier on us that love him.

My thoughts are with you and your mum

Lynn xx

Kingseat

What a hideous thing to say to you.

Vash the Stampede

It's very difficult and there are no easy answers.

Both of my grandparents died while I was living in the UK; I wasn't able to fly home to Australia for either of their funerals, because my employer refused to grant holiday leave at short notice. I have since decided that if anything like this happens again, I will simply attend the funeral and fight the consequences in tribunal.

Try to stay positive. My grandmother had breast cancer, but survived it thanks to a mastectomy. She died years later, from Alzheimer's.

Rossi

How do you send an anonamous email ??

Centurion

That's just unnecessary and it sounds as if a member of your family/friend is perhaps not only gutless but evil. Do try to ignore it. At least you have the courage of your convictions.

Best wishes to you and yours.

Spellbound

Thanks everyone for your feedback and comments.

I do not have a large contact list on hotmail and only family know at this stage, so I think the 'anonymous' email came from an upset family member and possibly a young family member as the message was text spelling. The email was sent from a fictiscious hotmail account that I think had been set up just to send the email.

I am trying to forget about it as it makes me feel guilty and they are just being hurtful.

I dont think my mum needs me anyway, she has my dad, sister and daughter to look out for her. What could I do even, if I returned for a couple of weeks. I certainly dont want to go back permanently. As my dad says - all I can do is pray.

My mum said that she would never come and visit me as she cant travel that far, so when we said our goodbyes 6 years ago, it was left that we may never see each other again.

itigo

Thinking of you Spellbound, it is a difficult situation. What a horrid addition to your stress having that email. How cruel.

herrchook

We've just been through this ourselves when a loved one passed away after a short battle with cancer last week.

We had one particular family member insisting my OH return but thankfully, everyone else saw the reality that it's just not always possible or practical. We opted for grieving here as we knew we couldn't do anything for anyone in the UK.

To the OP, only you will know what's right for you. Listen to your heart. It might sound corny but go with your gut instincts. You will have to live with your decision for a long time so make sure it's the right decision for you.

I sincerely hope your Mum fights this battle

Zambia

That's a sh1t of a thing to send. Your mum needs a doctor/specialist , you she may just like to see.

I have only been here 1.5 years and have had this scare once. You could put yourself in the poor house running back and forth.

This scenario above all else is the crappy aspect of migration. There are no easy answers and we all cope in our own way. There was always and old prayer Ii told myself in times like these even though I'm not really that religous.

Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Wish you all the best with what you decide to do

emma75

What a spiteful thing to say. It must be very hard for you and i hope your mum gets better soon. We are still in the UK and are coming to Oz in July, this is something that has gone round in my head about how i will feel being so far away if something happens to a member of my family and receiving a call being so far away. My Nan is 87 and my OH Nan is 93 so we know realistically when we say goodbye it will be the last time we see them. You cant stop people getting ill and horrible things happening. Dont feel any guilty you have nothing to feel guilty about. keep your chin up.
Emma x

Nu-Shooz

Whilst i was living in Perth my mum rang me to say she had breast cancer. We came back to visit her, it was something i had to do.
We moved back to UK 18 months later.
My mum is doing fine, but not being there for her just didn't feel right. I know we all feel differently about these things and visiting your mum isn't going to cure anything...but still..wouldn't you like to see her?