lijokyka

We have been back in the UK now for a few months and now want to go back more to Oz than ever.

Have we got homesickness for Oz now we have been back for a few months or will it pass??

What to do??

Oh by the way we are already ping pongers so should know better but there is something about Oz we really miss.

Anyone else felt this way......how did you deal with it. Going back would destroy my Mum but do we do it anyway.....came back for her, not us, now regretting it deeply.

Thanks.

Wendy&Mike

Do what you want to do. That is what everyone else is doing.

Mike.

burtreynoldsisonit

Go back to Australia. That's where you seem to be happy. Forget about everything and enjoy life. I know that is so cliche but it's the truth. 100 years out of infinity is nothing. If after 100 years you were taken to heaven and people asked you what your life was like, would you rather say "Although I had millions of dollars, I drove the nicest cars, I had the most famous of friends and I wore the trendiest of clothes, I made a decision that I regretted deeply which affected my life" Or would you rather say "My life was simple. I was happy." I can't answer for anyone, but I know what's important to me. For example, I like new clothes. They're fun. But they're not much use when I'm feeling sad. When I'm happy, I don't mind my clothes.

You know what makes you happy. Nothing's more important than happiness. Remember also that life is not linear, you can't be happy all the time. You just can't. You have to try and be happy more times than not

lijokyka

I hear what you are saying and agree with it 100%

The only thing is my Mum. She would disown me and I dont know if i can live with the guilt.

I just want to please everyone and that means staying here. Do I make the ultimate sacrifice for her and live here only 50% happy for the rest of my life??

Life is so so bloody hard.

joh117

Hey I totally understand your dilema.

We didnt come back cos of Mum but that was a factor so my little girl knew her family. We are now looking to go back. We have told family and friends of our intentions. Everyone is very supportive and thinks its a great idea. That is everyone exept my mum. She is looking for the negative in everything. She hates the fact I have an answer to everything. She has so far come up with no positives just all negatives.

Now to top it all off I have just discovered I am expecting. I am dreading telling my mum as she will think this should stop me from going to Oz but when I tell her the plans do not change she will go off on one. Personally I would rather give birth in Oz than the UK anyday as I think the care provision is far superior than what is on offer with the NHS. Not slating the NHS but the thought of a shared ward is not where I want baby number 2 and then to be sent home after a few hours is not my idea of fun either.

My mum is not threatening to disown me. She is playing the old heartstrings and cries and then says she doesnt want a relationship with me over the phone and wants us in her life and that she cant imagine life without her grand daughter.

She does have the capabilities to come and visit us in Oz and we get spent quality time together in Oz.

I guess I will have to tell her at some point that we are having another baby and plan to have the baby in Oz too. I do have a relationship with mum where I will be able to tell her that I have dreaded telling her what should be joyful news due to her reaction and I am sure she will cry again.

She wont move to Oz due to my sister and her kids being in the UK (she rarely sees my sis) I have no contact with my sister and her kids and my hubby has no real connection with his family so not an issue to him. My dad thinks its a great idea as it means holidays in the Sun especially when he retires next year. (Mum and Dad are not together)

I am still going to do what I want to do and will not have my life run by my mum.

Life is too short and I dont want to regret not doing something in later life

Jo

bubblegum_babe

My mum is already digging her heals in and kicking up a fuss to the point where she tried to say I'm selfish and only thinking of myself and I'm being unfair to my son (even tho he also wants to go) and I've not even started the visa process yet

The way I see it is my mums had nearly 50 years to live her life and now this is my turn - If I fall flat on my face and hate living in Oz at least I've done it my way and lived my life how I want to

BTW my mum emigrated to Spain two years ago, I see her twice a year and we ring each other for a quick 20 minutes every other week BUT thats ok in her books because Spain is only a two hour flight away but Oz is the other side of the world therefore I shouldn't go :curse:

stevelaird

You cant live life for your mother she has made the decisions in her life that she wanted to make for the way she wanted to spend her life. You need to do the same as i keep saying to my wife you only live once and this is NOT a practice run.

steve

burtreynoldsisonit

Ah sorry to hear that , I can see your problem

"I just want to please everyone..."

I don't think your problem is should I go or not, more like, is my happiness more important than my mums? I can't speak for anyone but myself I'm afraid, and I can see how that would be a big decision. You're mum should also decide between her happiness and yours. Unfortunately, you both want different things. In that case the only resolution will be a comprimisation or you doing what's best for you. You can't live your life through anothers eyes.

Bluenose

I feel for you, always difficult when grandchildren are involved as it would be good for them to see them. But if your unhappy, you have to look after number one.

I'm an only child so wasn't sure how my parents would take to me trying to go to Oz but they are fine with it and may join me if I'm fortunate to get a visa so feel really lucky.

Adam

lijokyka

Thanks everyone for your support.

I know there are a lot of people out there in the same situation as myself and I really feel for them.

The first time we went she was quite supportive when we were still in the UK but it turned horrible when we got there and the emotional stuff started and when you are 12000 miles away it really gets to you so we came back.

Lasted 6 months then returned to a different area and loved it. Mum did not speak to me for 4 months before we went which made it easier to go, which sounds horrible but the lack of contact helped really.

Then she rang and it started again, the emotional stuff, and her promises of being the best grandma in the world and looking after her grandchildren and having more to do with them...............so we came back AGAIN!!

So its all our fault really and I should have not given in to her again.

So with a financial loss to ourselves and promises of an amazing relationship we are back.

Well my Mum see her grandchildren as and when it suits her and although she is semi retired and lives only 25 mins away I can go 3 weeks without seeing her.

This is what really bugs the backside off me because I still can not confront her with this and she sees no wrong with this situation (maybe there isnt...I dont know...am I being unrealistic) but I would like her to see more of them and me.

So if things dont change I will go back omg why does it have to be so hard.

Sorry I have gone on but as no one else knows about this apart the hubby its a good venting place and I hope you lot dont mind.

ozzydreamer

Emigrating is hard at the best of times - let alone when you have a situation like yours!
Your mum sounds complicated - most people want what is best for their kids and put the kids first - seems your mum is thinking more of herself Im afraid. And like you say - you gave it a shot by returning - and proved that its not working. If you and your mum can go for 4 mths without talking then maybe you have a rocky relationship, and the different countries may help! At the end of the day, you have to put your own family first and decide what is best them, and that also includes you being happy.

I dont envy you at all! We hope to emigrate once weve finnished starting our family in about 4 yrs - and my mum has already said 'no your not'! So I may have the same problem in 4 yrs time!

Wheeler-Jones

Ouch - really feel for you.

You need to be selfish - yes, you are going to feel guilty at the end of the day, but this is YOUR life, not your mothers.

You can't let others feelings get in the way of your ultimate happiness. I am in England for 6 months longer than anticipated because of my hubby, I couldn't envisage staying here much longer as it would ruin my relationship. Would you not being to resent your mother if being in made you the UK unhappy? If that is the case, then better to leave and hope she will come around.

Good luck

bubblegum_babe

At least she can't say your being unfair because like you said you came back to build bridges and attempt to try again. Ok it hasn't worked out but at least you tried

quoll

Bottom line - whose life do you want to live? Yours? or hers?

She has already had you dancing to her tune - twice - what makes you think you can stand it a third time? You may have to take a very strong stand and if she cuts things off with you then so be it - has she done the "I will cut you out of my will" bit yet? If that comes and your desire to live in Aus is so powerful that that is what you want then you have to look after number 1 because no one else is going to do it for you.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

ray2gill

Your mother is obviously just thinking of herself. If you trully love someone and you want them to be happy you let them go. You know in your heart that you are truly loved when your parents do that. Not because they want to see you go but because they want YOUto be happy.