Jon77

So finally we arrived down under emotionally and physically shot last week. Our 3 year old son wasn't so bad on the flight at all mind.

The worst bit of the whole journey in fact was the VERY start. My Mother, Father and Sister all came to see us off and they all had a bit of a breakdown, lots of tears. I always knew that this moment would come but I have been that busy getting everything organised for the move that I never really stopped to think about how it would be at the moment of goodbye.

It was like being hit in the guts with a sledge hammer, totally knocked me off my feet and still can't get it out of my mind. I have telephoned my parents a few times now and each time they get emotional about it all again, which sets me off again.

I started work today which I feel helped me a little as it got me back in to a routine and talking to new people, but even then it hits me.

I feel guilty because I have taken my grandson away from his UK grandparents (has Aussie grandparents here) and I am finding that hard to take at the moment. I always knew this would be the case of course, but it only really hit as we were leaving.

Any others here been through similar emotions?

micmay3_in_oz

When we moved over here I felt so guilty for leaving my mum behind (even though there are another five siblings over there who I knew would look after her). It is like grieving and in some ways it is a little worse - because unlike when we lost my dad, we had some 'control' over leaving me mum behind but what helped me through was knowing that my mum thought I had made the right decision.

Even now, nearly five years on, I have my moments and I know my mum has her moments because we speak about it. Overall though, things have got a little easier. I speak to my mum most days and the kids and OH have settled well which has made life a lot easier.

It takes time, try not to 'pedestal-build' about life 'back home'. Life over here can be hard but does offer different opportunities - as I said it takes time.

I hope all works out for you

Mx

sue1964

I did the same as you but 12 years ago but I we didnt want everyone at airport as knew it would be to upsetting for everyone.
I felt like the worse daughter in the world taking their grandkids away from them as played a big part in taking care of them.
Once they came out to visit though they said best thing we could of done.

Would I do it again not sure yes we have a lovely house and nice life style and the weathers lovely and my son built a house at 21 which wouldnt of been able to do if still in UK.

My dad died last year in the UK and yes I got to be with him.But looking back you dont think that far ahead parents getting old or getting sick but it happens all to quick.And wonder time is to short and you should spend time with family even if only at the special times like Xmas.

Friends are great and we have some great friends but what would happen if you got sick they still have to work and have thier own lifes so I think important to have family around.
The guilt will die down but over the years it will creep back.Good luck and enjoy your new life you made the choice for a reason and just remember why you did it.

Margaret3

Jon i had that sledgehammer feeling for about 4 - 6 months, sounds a long time, i know, but it does get better.

i61w

We moved here 8 years ago and it was when we first told our parents that we where emigrating to the other side of the world that both mothers tried to talk us out of it. Gradually they came around and accepted that we where moving and not dying and that they could still talk with us whenever they wanted. My Dad was quite exited about us moving on in life and wished he had done it years ago.
At the airport most of our family and friends came to see us off and all showed emotion as we where leaving. We found it difficult as we walked through the door and all had tears in our eyes however we knew that good things where ahead of us.
One thing my Father said to me was that if either of them died we weren't to come back for the funerals. He also told me that one day they would be gone and if we didn't go to Australia now we may not get that chance in the future and we would regret it. As it turned out my Mum died August 09 and as my father had told me, I didn't go back. It wasn't as hard as I had thought it might be, I did my grieving here with my wife and children and we all took the day off on the day of the funeral.
Don't live your life for other's, live it for yourself or one day it will be too late and the life you wanted will only be a "what if".

I hope you can push through your sadness and realise that your future comes first.

Ian

itxrd

Its normal man. You'll be fine in a few weeks.

It really depends on how close the grandparents were. Would they have seen him every day? Lots of families on here have gone back because they 'think' family will be there for them all day every day but realistically it doesn't work like that

I'm in same boat as have 1 and 3 yr olds with grandparents in UK. They come over now once a year for 4-6 weeks. Thats more hardcore quality time and gives them a holiday and some sun.

Rambi

Yes. Probably the toughest thing about moving.

LINZI

Hope things get better for you all
Like Rambi says it is one of the toughest things about this whole moving thing.

bumble69

1 year ago I came to Melbourne with my wife and 5 month old daughter. She is my parents only grandchild and so I had exactly the same emotions, still do sometimes to be honest. We have Aus grandparents as well so while it's nice for one set, it's really quite difficult for the other. We use a lot of Skype, which whilst far from perfect does help massively, for all of us.

I banned them all from the airport which turned out to be the right thing, but that kind of hindsight doesn't really help!

Hang in there, there's plenty on here who've done the same thing and totally get it.

Someone pointed out to me once that my family are the ones with me or 'below' me - the ones above me have made their life. I can spot the obvious flaw in this, but I suppose I understand the sentiment.

itxrd

Good point around when loved ones get sick. Now that will be difficult!

I can't believe you didn't go back for your mom's funeral. I could never do that no matter what they told me. But everyones different

i61w

I was extremely close to my mum but what could I do once she had gone?

It would have been a different matter if I knew she was going to die, nothing would have kept me away. As it was, my Dad was having a hard time deciding where to spread her ashes, he finally decided to bring them over with him last Xmas and we spread them at Point Danger. She had from the first time visiting us here wanted to stay.....and now she has.

itxrd

Awww, thats sad. Feel like i'm going to cry (and I am not being sarcastic at all - just want to be clear). Suppose its going to happen to us all who have moved over here

steen1976

Got this to come on Monday coming. Guts in knots thinking about it.

Steve2009

I personally don't think it's a good idea having people see you off at the airport. It's too stressful on all concerned, not least because it's so public. When I'm leaving I do my good byes gradually over a couple of days (as people flow off back to their own lives after events) and with as little fuss as possible. It's not easy but the alternative is unthinkable for me.

Great Escape

We opted for a minimal send off at the airport - just my parents and my husbands parents and that was emotional enough! We broke the journey to Oz with a few days in Dubai and basically spend the whole time walking around with faces like a smacked a*se!! So, no found memories of Dubai!! It is really hard and it does hit you hard. We've been here now 16 months and my husband especially is still really guilt ridden. We're very close to our parents, they're getting old and won't be here for ever, and it's hard when you realise you're cutting your time with them even shorter (especially when they say they're too old to visit).

I've had a difficult first year, with my Mum undergoing major surgery and a difficult recovery (which is still ongoing). But, my Dad insisted I didn't go back, even when she was really ill in hospital - as he said, there was nothing I could do and she was so poorly, she didn't want any visitors at all! I'm not sure whether it will get easier with time, but we're going to give it a good go. Despite being devastated, both our parents have said they think we've done the right thing. If we still feel the same way in 4 years time, then perhaps we'll have a re-think!

Best of luck. You're experiencing what I think most people have/are. I hope things work out for you - you're not alone!!!