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Way of life -v- family

Way of life -v- family

Old Jun 28th 2008, 3:20 pm
  #1  
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Default Way of life -v- family

I have just got into a discussion with my sister online about our reasons for moving to Australia and leaving family in uk. I come from a very close family and my sister is my best friend. But I continuosly grew disheartened with life in the uk and feared the life my baby boys would have there as teenagers.
Been here 5 months and getting the moments where we are homesick missing friends and family. The worst time was after my parents visited and left. I wanted to go home.
But now I find myself still questioning my decision. Is the family network more important for your children or the lifestyle?
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Old Jun 28th 2008, 4:21 pm
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Default Re: Way of life -v- family

I have the same relationship with my sister and I can't imagine not seeing her and my two gorgeous nieces whenever I want when we finally make the move to Oz BUT you have only been there five months, try and enjoy it! If you are feeling miserable and homesick on a daily basis after a few years then reconsider your decision. Unless you have comitted murder in the UK you will always have the option to return. Take a step back and remember all the hard work yo put into making the move and just try to sit back, relax with your family and make the most of living the dream...you've worked hard to achieve it.
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Old Jun 28th 2008, 6:49 pm
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Default Re: Way of life -v- family

I too have an close, extended family but have emmigrated 3 times already. I know it sound simplistic but have you considered video-conferencing over the Internet? It's cheaper than phoning (well, free), after the initial cost of getting set up with a web-cam on a computer.

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Old Jun 28th 2008, 11:17 pm
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Default Re: Way of life -v- family

Well, in my book, lifestyle includes family connections because in life it isnt the stuff that counts but the people in it. A life without family connections is pretty sterile and lonely. Your life is what you make of it no matter where you live it and even if you may not have a stonking great Macmansion in UK there is no reason why the kids cant have a happy childhood and productive future if as parents you do the right thing.

I dont mean to say that you shouldnt give Australia a go - look upon it as a big adventure and a good life experience for the kids but if you arent happy then make regular decisions about whether this is the direction you want your life to take and if you find that it isnt going how you want then consider all your options. Dont let yourself drift past the point of no return but seriously weigh up your options at key points along your journey.
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Old Jun 28th 2008, 11:26 pm
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Default Re: Way of life -v- family

for me it is definently family.

i left australia because i married a canadian and he has 2 children. and being here at this point in time is easier in many ways than back in australia.

it has been much much harder than i thought it would be...not being near to my family. we talk on the phone at least once a week and we do the msn thing etc..however it is not the same.

my grandmother is in her mid 90's now...my mother in her mid 60's....my neices and nephews are growing ..some dont' even me. except for the aunty who lives in canada and sends presents and love.

i have a good paying job here in canada. my husbands family and a few freinds...but ...you know it's just not the same.

good luck in what you decide..i miss my sister and my closest friends a lot.

and for some reason..i think as we ( not all) ..but for a lot of us it gets harder as we get older.

plus i miss australia...and what it means to me....i grew up on the coast...the beaches..the white sand..the barbies..the summer and christmas the so called aussie hippy culture....oh i could go and on.....and yes even with it's flies!!..hehehee..OMG did i just say that..LOL
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Old Jun 28th 2008, 11:27 pm
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Default Re: Way of life -v- family

i just thought tho..i spose i miss the lifestyle that you seek. maybe it is different leaving the UK and going to australia.

i truly wish you all the best!
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Old Jun 29th 2008, 12:14 am
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Default Re: Way of life -v- family

its a hard question to answer right this one!

For us personally, although we had great family and friends around us who we socialised with all the time and who are very important to us, we were unhappy and frustrated living in the UK.

I would say we traded family for a life, rather than a lifestyle. We came out with our 2 babies, hubs earns 3 times what he did in the UK, loves his job and is hitting career highs he could never reach in the UK. With his earning ability its enabled me to stay home with the kids which I have loved, I'm so close to them and dont feel I've missed a second with them. He's so happy with his job, I'm so happy with my role, and when he comes home at the end of the day its relaxed and calm.

We have private schooling - which many think is unnecessary on this forum, but for my oldest who's been going for a year its been fantastic, one teacher to 4 pupils!

We've travelled alot and taken the kids to fabulous places and many times back to the UK. The climate here means they are fantastically healthy, never get colds, spend their time swimming and playing outside and are exceptionally fit.

Leaving the UK and family has been hard, really hard in the 1st year, but OUR family, us 4, we are so happy, contented and relaxed - which we simply were not able to be in the UK with the wages being lower, me working, stress about money ..... doesnt matter how much we loved our friends and family they couldnt improve our feeling of "treading water" day after day, year after year.

After 12 months of being here we knew we'd never go back, and now more than 4 years on .... I love seeing friends and family, but we are making the first trip back to the UK since 2006 and only now visit once every 2 years as its the right thing to do to let the kids see everyone and vice versa - nothing about wanting to be back in England for sure!

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Old Jun 29th 2008, 12:35 am
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Default Re: Way of life -v- family

Some people would notice that for blokes the concept of being far away from your extended family is one of the better things about living in Australia. It saves so much grief and family crap.

You can choose your friends and not your family as they say - but you can move to the opposite side of the world away from them.
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Old Jun 29th 2008, 12:38 am
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Default Re: Way of life -v- family

Originally Posted by Centurion View Post

You can choose your friends and not your family as they say - but you can move to the opposite side of the world away from them.
and the nice thing is that for us the people we want to come visit do so .... and the ones we don't - we say we're unable to fit them in when they are looking to come

as for my loser sister ... 4000 miles seperation is just about right, cant hear her whinging and bitching this far out!
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Old Jun 29th 2008, 3:37 pm
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Default Re: Way of life -v- family

I've always thought it must be hardest for those who've always lived close to, and seen a lot of, much loved family and childhood friends.

We'd moved a lot and have a great relationship with family and friends all over the UK but we'd got used to upping sticks and having to make new friends. Oh and I've always felt I could call mum for a recipe, or a gripe, or to show off about the weather without always needing the longer more challenging conversations - though we love our Sunday night catch-ups too.

In close to home circumstances I'd probably like to keep a safety blanket for a while - renting out your home rather than selling may be an option - and then treat it like an adventure discovering whether you really do fall in love with the place or checking out a couple of different states to see where you most closely belong.

Anyway good luck with those heartwrenching decisions for those still in the UK and for settling in smoothly to those already here.
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Old Jun 29th 2008, 5:35 pm
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Default Re: Way of life -v- family

My contribution to this thread is more from the PoV of being a 1st Gen Aussie as my parents are immigrants from the UK.

Mum's family emigrated in the 50's to get away from what Britain was like post war, and it helped that they had family already there who'd made the move a few years before.

Dad came over by himself to start in a new country in the 60's. He was an only child, and returned to the UK when his father was sick in the 70's, again, when his father had another operation in the 80s, and twice in 90's to bury both his parents. His mother never forgave my mum for "keeping" him in Australia far away from her, and wrote venomous letters to all including me about it. However the one thing I remember each late night he came home from the UK looking tired, sometimes drunk (the hostesses used to ply him with liquor) - and his bone crushing hugs were enough for me to know he was glad to be home.

When I went over in 2006, I went and visited Kingsbury where dad was born and lived, even got to go into his childhood home, and I remember the photo's gran used to send of various rooms. The man who took the flat after she passed away was still living there and knew that she had lived there before him, so when he saw me taking photographs of his front door , he came out to say hello, and he invited me in.

So - mum's family moved for lifestyle reasons, and dad moved to get away from his mother! I admire my Grandmother for making the bold move to Australia, and I commend my dad for his strength, and not being afraid to do it alone.

Moving overseas to start a new life is going to induce feelings of home sickness, missing your family, missing friends.. but don't focus on what you're missing. You need to make a life to suit your needs now, and in the future.

Good luck
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