baldbutts

So after much discussion with Mrs BB,BB Jnr, and Granny BB (who looked after Buttsniffer for 6 months),we brought the hound over.(change the word "much discussion"for"me sulking,blackmailing and crying 'but if we bring the dog,I can't get a boat' like a girl).
We visited him once in quarantine,and the little git couldn't give a toss-ignored us and sniffed a lot of dog wee.
Picked him up a few days before xmas-merry chimbo Mrs BB/Jnr-you wanted him-that's yer pressie quota.
Things were o.k for a week or so,then the dog turns into a cross between Houdini and Chopper Read.
He had a fight with every Dog he met who dared to touch his retrieve toy,and then refused to retrieve it anyway.
He slept outside in the U.K,-rock'ard-,until Granny BB got hold of him,then he had his own bed,smoking jacket and slippers.
So now he's here,does he want to sleep outside ? Fuzzy Duck
Got him one of those hessian beds to make him that bit more comfortable (he slept on concrete in England,even though he had a kennel)so he decides to turn it into something resembling the pube collection in Chris Evans shower plug hole.
Not content with that,he then starts to dig up the block paving (and breaks it too--how ???).During the day,he sleeps in the garden-not any more.He's dug so far down that the fence nearly collapsed.
His "compound" is our patio-surrounded by pool fencing,and totally paved.Plenty of shade and places to defecate (he tends to use the same area I do ).
"Great ",I think,"you aint goin' nowhere son ".Trust me to pick a dog who knows that a double negative makes a positive.
The pool gate leading outside has been off it's hinges,the self closer spring is now a self stay opener, and there are teeth prints from top to bottom.This is a cast metal gate !!Some are higher than he can stand.Mrs BB thought they may be mine,as I have a habit of leaving teeth prints on the sink next to the karzi.
Yesterday,he finally manged to escape,but unfortunately Mrs BB found him before a road train did.So she kept an eye on him from afar to see how he got out.
He took a run up,and headbutted the gate,until it twisted,then pawed at it until there was enough room to squeeze through.
Add to this,a fly screen that's been flattened,and countless times waking us up by clawing the doors,you can see I'm really enjoying having a dog around again.
But the piss de resistance was last Saturday evening.After a night civilised and refined evening on the balcony playing checkers with BB jnr,and then strip twister with the local swingers society,I have this alcohol fuelled brainwave.Why not let the dog sleep up there-he'll be close to us,so should settle,and he can't escape,coz it's a 9 foot drop.So I slur to Mrs BB "and if he does jump,it'll save me the vets fee for that magic injection"
Two minutes after getting into bed (including giving Mrs BB the best 42 seconds of her life),we hear a" THUD".After being sarcastically congratulated by Mrs BB-not for the 42 seconds,for wishing the dogs demise,I go on the balcony to see if the noise was Buttsniffer base jumping,or my testicles settling for the night."If he's dead.I'll kill him"
No dog,and no dog on the concrete below.I go down stairs-still no dog.I go into the road,and there's Buttsniffer walking down the road on an adventure,stopping occasionally to take in the aroma of fresh bitch urine,singing "a-root toot toot,& a rinky tinky toot" That's dog for "I'm free,to do what I want any ole time"
So,who says that bringing a dog to Oz unsettles 'em ?My laid back mutt has turned into buttsniffing,genital licking nightmare.(funny,Mrs BB used the same words to describe me at her bridge club).
Right,I've typed too much,and haven't even told you about the rellies visit,or Granny BB's visit at the end of Feb.


BB-look at the time-I wasn't p****d when i posted
Here's a piccy of him if you're interested

Don

Told you the cheap option was kinder!

Nice one, BB.

bondipom

Is there something a vet can do with a scalpel to muzzle your dogs desires?

BTW The story had me in stitches.

jockney

Hi,Baldy,You nearly finished me off with the "aroma of fresh bitch urine"bit,I spluttered my cup of tea all over the place.Your humour is sadly missed on this site!How`s the sparkin going in perth?worked out what active is yet, and red,white and blue,trust the aussies to be different,I must have said yellow as much as no worries. keep posting jockney

hevs

Hi BB
effin funny as mate, as ever! Your posts never fail to crack me up, thats why you get my vote for funniest - everytime. Great to see you back on line mate

yvsie

oh noooooooooo baldy!!....soph told me you were having problems with him!
isnt there a dog psychologist near you...maybe he needs counselling?
its his answer to you leaving him many moons ago...right ya buggers i'll be a git for a while ..that'll show ya!

oh well good luck with him
.....btw ...we will come and visit soon....promise!..
maybe i could get a lethal injection for him from my work??!!! :scared: ...and you can do the deed!!!



joking peeps!

joem

I was laughing just reading your post, but when I scrolled down and seen the pic of the bad mother f**ker, I completely cracked up



joem

dmf

Well you had us in fits of laughter - tears rolling down our faces - and when we saw the picture surely it can't be him? He doesn't look big enough.

We got a puppy 4 months ago and she is a handful too - not as bad as yours though.

Cheers, Dawn

Graham & Kath

I dont normally comment on your topics but OMG I was crying with laughter especially the bit about giving Mrs BB the best 42 seconds of her life (could you give Graham a few tips please!!!)

Thats not REALLY your pooch is it????

How about a long bit of strong elastic on its lead????

Kath

Nibbs

For once I truly ROTFLMAO. Seat broke

Nice to hear a somewhat delayed installment of BB Place. The Archers just isn't much of a replacement you know.

teach

I must admit I was expecting something a whole lot bigger thatn that cute little bundle of fluff. Take him to the vets and get him snipped, no not his hair. Well he does need a good hair cut too I suppose, looks like a girl.

Sarah

kentcoast

Hi BB
Did Granny BB put him in the front loader!
Hope its still going well out there
Sarah

WBB

LOL great post.

Lillipilli

This would be the funniest post I've read in a long time. Do you write for a living, if not, you should try writing short stories? It had me in stitches, and then to see the photo of the canine houdini, was the icing on the cake!

Thanks for the laughs, at least life will never be boring at your place.

Lillipilli

Lillipilli

This would be the funniest post I've read in a long time. Do you write for a living, if not, you should try writing short stories? It had me in stitches, and then to see the photo of the canine houdini, was the icing on the cake!

Thanks for the laughs, at least life will never be boring at your place.

Lillipilli