carzinoz

I live less than 5 minutes walk from a bottle shop so not having booze in the house wasn't a deterant...must remember to give her my fly buys card next time she's here

The 6 week trip in April 2009 was booked before the recent impromptu 3 week trip....oh, if only I'd known!!!

Thanks, I think I will take your advice and try to talk this over with them before they come, no matter how horrible it is to do it over the phone or by email it would be worse if they are already here and there's our kid to consider.

kporte

you have to be honest with them. if they are sponging it will ruin the long term relationship. lay your cards on the table and make them pay their way

daunted

This is a subject close to my heart right now. My once calm h ouse has been turned into abattle zone and i want them all just to f*** off :curse:

daunted

my relationship with my step dad is now zero. i will not have him in my house again

little bear

Thats exactly how i felt after 3 weeks, my mum & steptwat (oops sorry slip of the finger there) stepdad then went over to the other side for 6 weeks and were supposed to be staying with us for another 10 days before they flew back to the UK, thankfully they chose to book into a self catering appartment instead, it is a shame though that it can get to that stage, I actually spoke to my auntie and uncle after they left and having holidayed for a week with my mum & him they vowed never again so at least i know it wasn't just us.

I really feel for anyone who has visitors from hell!

foxall22

We have had 3 sets of visitors this year, the last of whom arrive tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to. Our first visitor was a friend for a couple of weeks - great.

Our middle visitor stayed twice, for a month each time. A dear friend who we used to spend a lot of time with pre-move. We couldn't believe the way he behaved.
e.g. Didn't offer ANY money for food/booze/petrol
Didn't offer ANY help in house or garden
Didn't consider how we were at the end of a 12 hr day, but simply replaced 'hello, how was your day?' with 'what's for dinner, I'm hungry.' Did lots of other nitpicking things like treated the dishwasher like a bin, left car stereos on incredibly loud etc. Anyway, we were left more and more incredulous as each day passed. Similar to another post, he didn't seem to comprehend that we weren't up for going out/drinking every night like he was!

We had a break, and when he came back we just had to demand money. It felt horrible, and we don't really recognise our friend any more. We'd literally have to say 'The bill was this, you owe us this. Now please.' and he got a really good deal anyway as he ate a stupid amount (5 eggs on toast anyone? 7 weetbix?).

He still broke our other rules though, like coming into the house with shoes on and countless others.

You really see a different side to people when they visit, and I guess some people don't twig that whilst they're on holiday, not everyone else is. Whilst they're not in their own home, it is someone else's home.

We have now said he is not welcome back. I lost sleep over it, but what else can you do? It's not a good idea to be a doormat. And some relationships inevitably get damaged... I just don't see any other alternative!

carzinoz

Sorry to hear you are in the middle of it right now, how much longer are they staying for?

Cheetah7

Whats happened?

daunted

They arrived Dec 6th in middle of night so i did a 5 hour round trip to collect them willingly. Soon as they arrived i knew it was going to be hard work, just sensed it i guess.
As you will appreciate, being a chef christmas is a really busy time and we are not allowed any time off. I made this perfectly clear well BEFORE they booked flights. I also made it clear that whilst where we live is beautiful, you really do need to hire a car to get the most out of the area etc etc. I would also know they werent stuck at home the whole time whilst i worked.
They went ahead and booked flights saying they understood the situation but when they got here said they werent going to hire a car - which meant they spent the whole time stuck around the house or very limited trips out on the bus into town (only so much shopping you can do hey!) I returned home everyday knackered and was met with bored visitors who i then had to cook for. I start work at 6am and usually have an hour or so sleep when i get back so i can function for the kids in an evening. I didnt feel able to do that every day with them here sat around all day so straight away my back was up cos i didnt think it fair i did it all whilst they sat back. (mum in all fairness did manage to cook 1 meal and did my ironing for me) My christmas food bill was $534 due to all the 'extras' that go with a UK christmas, BUT NOT AN OZZE 1 :curse:I was given $150 towards it which was better than nothing but if it had been me and kids that crazy amount of money would have fed us for 3 weeks!
My step dad is a lazy swine and always has been. My mum runs around after him for everything, he would rather die of thirst than get himself a drink!
...........sorry Im ranting
..Anyway it all came to a head couple of days ago. They had always planned to go to Perth next week for final week of hols to stay at my brothers - all ok with that. Mum said on Monday that they were going to go perth on tuesday (yesterday) and back on Friday. Its my daughters 16th on Saturday. THEN it turns out that only Mum is coming back. THEY didnt tell me btu had told my daughter who was feeling understandably upset at the situation she had been put in! WELL I FLIPPED big time! wont go in to it here but it was a VERY VERY heated arguement resulting in me telling him he is no longer welcome in my house. Ooh and to top it all he wants to be in perth cos there is more to do! All he does is sit in the sun all day! THAT is why i told them to hire a car is it not?
I didnt have a problem with them going upto perth but i feel i have been treated really badly after welcoming them into my home and doing my best to make good of a difficult situation!
Mum is now coming back here on Friday night then going back up on Tuesday night to Perth for remainder of her holiday. They will then fly out with no further contact which to be honest is exactly the way i want it. I feel we have worked so hard to get our lives calm and happy and they have f***** it all up :curse::curse::curse::curse:

daunted

oops sorry - that turned into a mega rant

Cheetah7

You see when I read posts that say 'Oh you are lucky to have visitors and you should look after them if you are prepared to let them stay'

Well that is a crock of shit to be honest, no matter WHO you are, it is plain courtesy and respect to pay your way, help out in the house and not expect people to run around after you.

I have told my friend who is coming next year that at the time she is coming, I will not get time off and when I get home from work, I wont be going into town and I am usually in bed by 11pm as I am up at 5.30am the next day.

If I have any visitors, they will have to pay me something towards staying with me, water bills do not pay themselves, they will have to sort their own food out, I eat at work and rarely do so at home.

They will have to hire a car and amuse themselves because I cannot take unpaid leave in my line of work.

And I swear as god made little apples, I will go ballistic if they expect otherwise.

Mandy I am truly horrified at how you have been treated. I would let your step dad go thirsty, get his own bloody food - or better still, empty the sodding fridge so he has to get off his fat backside to buy his own grub.

No wonder you are upset.

daunted

thanks pp. you do start to question if it is 'all me' when things go wrong after looking forward to the visit for so long. They left on Tuesday, he isnt returning, spending remaining 2 weeks of holiday in Perth. Mum is coming back tomorrow for 4 days. I have secured 2 days off work giving us a long weekend but only after nearly getting hte sack over it all and causing lots of s*** at work. Its my daughters 16th birthday on Saturday and so help me if she does anything to spoil the day any more i will not be held responsible for my actions.
From here on in the only people who i will allow to stay in my house are my son and his girlfriend and the kids dad (my ex husband). its ironic that he was the one visitor i dreaded most staying with us but was the great help.

carzinoz

Daunted, it sounds like you did everything right laying out the situation before they came. Hang in there, it won't be for much longer and what a relief it must be that he isn't coming back!

Feel free to rant, I think long term visitors is a problem only ex-pats understand. When my visitor was here people who hadn't experienced it kept saying "it must be wonderful to have her here!" I tried being honest but people were looking at me like I'd just killed my granny LOL so now I just smile and nod.

One of the more embarrasing (but funny) things that happened while she was here was when she planted a smacker on my Pal's hubby's lips when he leaned in to give her a peck on the cheek! His wife told me about it because she'd found her youngest crying thinking her Daddy was getting it on with my visitor...cringe! My visitor has a habit of doing this (even to me and my OH uck!) When I asked her what had happened she coyly told me she couldn't possibly say before accusing him of trying to kiss her...argh!

emelems

I am getting cold feet now My parents are coming over for 3 whole months... I've always had a brilliant relationship with them, and to be fair, if I am working she does the housework and the dinners.. (tho she isnt as good as getting dinners together now as she worries that my hubby and kids wont like them)... Dad is great at cutting lawns and generally helping out....

Re the friends, I think I am going to put a 3 week limit on anyone coming over.. I think 3 weeks is enough..

Can I point out a different view tho???

When I went and stayed with friends, they were brilliant, they cooked for us all each and every night.. poured wine for us.. took us everywhere.. helped us so much we can never ever really repay them...

I tried to cook/clean and do stuff but I always felt very much in the way.. this wasnt the 1st time I tried to do this with friends I was staying with... they just didnt want me to do it.. felt like they had to do it.. so we made sure that we regularly filled up the wine rack and when they asked us to pick up stuff from the shops that we paid for it (AND THEN SHE TRIED TO GIVE ME MONEY! I TOLD HER TO F OFF! !) .. we did hire a car so we didnt impose and we did take them out for a slapup dinner before we left... but I still think that they did way way too much for us.. I am not complaining, dont get me wrong, but as the "host" sometimes you should back off and let the guests get on with it, no?

Just some food for thought... sometimes we are so busy doing what is "right" we don't realise that we are taking over..

Em x

little bear

I would have loved for my mum or steptwat to offered to help in some way, not necessarily financialy but any other way would have been great, in a bid to try and get them out and about on their own to look around Perth (in order to try and give us all some space) i offered them the use of our car but that was no use either.

We were all fully aware that my steptwat is and always has been an incredibly difficult person, if its not his way then its not right as far as he is concerned and my mum waits on him hand and foot, we still believe that the reason he was even more of a nightmare than normal was to get back at us for leaving him to pick up the pieces after we left the UK (obviously my mum found it hard even though she supported our move) and jealousy that we had done something (emigrated to oz) that he had said for many years that he wanted to do, but to be perfectly honest it wasnt so much the waiting and serving them that did it, it was the snidy comments and remarks that were said.

hope your time with your visitors goes well

little bear x