lynnj

I'd really appreciate other peoples views on this as it's beginning to get me down.

My brother arrives in 4 weeks with his wife and my 18 month old nephew who i have never met. This has been planned for a year, they have rented a house down the road from us and have been really looking forward to coming. I have a son they have never seen too and my other 2 are looking forward to meeting their new cousin.

Then..... a few weeks back my in laws called up and announced that they were coming to visit. They arrive 3 days before my brother and stay for 8 weeks, they will be stayinging with us. I am really dissapointed as i was so looking forward to me and my boys spending some quality time with my brother and his family, we havent really seen each other for 7 years. I know nothing can be done, the in laws flights are booked, but i feel it would be better if they too didn't stay with us, but for a very selfish reason..... My kids adore their grandparents, mainly because they let them do anything they want and eat sweets all day, anything i say is immediately undermined by grandma saying "go on i wont tell your mum", this is of course bad enough in a 2 week visit but for 2 months it just can't happen. I'm worried that my kids will want to spend all thier time with the grandparents and not with my brother and that i wont be able to spend time with him without the in laws being there too.

So my question is..... should i suggest they find somewhere to rent, or am i just being selfish?

Lynn

OriginalSunshine

Lynn - best solution would be that YOU find somewhere for them to rent for 2 months, and YOU pay for it. I utterly understand why you are afraid of them coming, and I thoroughly agree with you. However, it now seems to be your problem which is why I would suggest you finding & paying for it if you feel it is important. It's a bit much to suggest they find something when they are overseas.

Personally I find it really hard when rellies come to stay for more than a week, their expectations are really high, they treat it as their holiday - which it is - but they forget that you still have to work, they interfere between your husband and yourself - forgetting that you are not children anymore and are married, they spoil the kids and undermine you - unintentionally or intentionally (I still havent worked that one out yet), they are "ever so humble" offering to pay for the expensive one off items which you cant say yes to - but forget that the grocery bill increases hugely, want clean towels & linen & house more than you have time for, or alternatively are always cleaning and criticising you for dirt, and last but not least, want to stay up late & chat over a bottle or two of wine forgetting that you still have to work the next day, and working with a hangover is stressful and that yes occasionally you want some personal space goddarned it and get the freak away from me you interfering old biddies!

*whoosh* rant over

yes - go find a place for them to rent!

annqldau

We have relatives and friends coming to stay for 3 months in total followed by possibly one month break then another month of relatives, can't complain though as in fit of leaving weakness in Uk we did invite them all.

Must say at this point that they can all feel free to clean if they are daft enough.

They can all chip in for the shopping and beer or I will buy the crapest food around so they will have no choice but to eat out.

Will also have to have nights out with husband while visiting people babysit the eleven year old allowing us to escape and chill out friend and relative free... .

As for the renting not sure you should bother...leave your in laws in your house on their own to enjoy their holiday and go to your brothers with your kids to chill out...or plan b leave your husband with inlaws and go to the brothers.

steve`o

cracking answer

ps noted your into diving
hows the diving around brisbane?

regards Steve
( Padi Divemaster )

pako

Why do your in-laws have to come at the same time. Make your husband explain to them, that's so not fair.

We went to Oz last year and we arranged to go and see my Father-in-law who I hadn't met at the time. My husband was really looking forward to me spending some time with his father. Then my husband's step-mother invited her daughter and husband to stay in their house for the exact same days when we were visiting.

I had never met the step-daughter either and my husband doesn't get along with her. The trip was awful, I felt as if my father-in-law didn't spend or make any effort to get to know me as he was off busy the his other step-kids. As a result we won't visit my husbands father anymore as the trip was that awful.

My point is that maybe my father in-law and my husbands step-mother were in the same situation. 2 sets of rellies wanted to visit at the same time Maybe they didn't like to say no to either sets of kids and now a big rift has developed that can never be repaired.

Jacqui

Did they just ring up and tell you they were coming, flights booked, everything? Surely out of common courtesy, they should have rung first to check if the dates they had in mind were suitable? Or did they make the arrangements with hubby, who forgot to tell you? Hmmm, that caused many a problem with us; my in-laws would never ask me personally about some outing they had planned, they waited until hubby went round, he would just say yes rather than upset his mother, then find out I had other arrangments made already. Or even worse, she'd ask the kids, knowing they would get all excited about going out - then I'd have to tell them, sorry kids, we're already going out somewhere that day. I'm am soooo glad to be free of all those hassles now

lynnj

The problem is that my husband has his 40th between Christmas and New Year, they want to be here for that and as they are retired and living on next to nothing they couldn't afford to fly later in December, so i guess that means they wont be able to afford to rent somewhere to live either and we certainly can't afford to pay for them.

My brother has said (not to me) that if they hadn't already paid their flights they wouldn't be coming. So i just feel that everyone is going to spoil it for each other and there will be bad feeling all round.

Plus to be honest the idea of my in-laws staying here for 8 weeks is terrifying :scared:

Lynn

Three Legs

Tell them to do one ...

It's just that kind of day today

Centurion

Cmon in the water is fine..... For a start its not green, English or a freshwater lake. Wrecks, great marine life, dolphins, mantas and sharks. Beats a naff UK dive everytime

Daren
PADI IDCStaff

flip

Hi - you don't say how long your brother and family are staying. If it's just for a couple of week can't you suggest the in-laws stay with you while they get over their jet lag then go off and see a little more of this beautiful country & return to you when you can give them more of your attention?

lynnj

I did suggest that, but the response was along the lines of "oh we'll just have days here and there so we can spend as much time with the kids as possible" i should just book them a bloody coach tour and be done with it shouldn't i My brother is here for 4 weeks, but they are going to spend some time touring about, maybe i should go with them

For me this is the only downside of my life here, the fact the rellies all want to come in the summer and the retired ones want to stay for much too long, it's their holiday but our life and it's a fairly full life which i don't really want to put on hold for 2 of the best months of the year.

Sorry, i'm being a real whinger now just to cap it all my mother has just phoned to say she has to go in for a bowel op next week

I think i'll go and bury my head in the sand!

Lynn

flip

Absolutely go with them. You could even tell the in-laws your parents had offered to treat you and it was too good an opportunity to miss but sadly the campervan/tent/hotel/state was too small for them to come too.

Good luck with your mum.

Flip

FRAYNE

[QUOTE=lynnj]I did suggest that, but the response was along the lines of "oh we'll just have days here and there so we can spend as much time with the kids as possible" i should just book them a bloody coach tour and be done with it shouldn't i My brother is here for 4 weeks, but they are going to spend some time touring about, maybe i should go with them

For me this is the only downside of my life here, the fact the rellies all want to come in the summer and the retired ones want to stay for much too long, it's their holiday but our life and it's a fairly full life which i don't really want to put on hold for 2 of the best months of the year.

Sorry, i'm being a real whinger now just to cap it all my mother has just phoned to say she has to go in for a bowel op next week

I think i'll go and bury my head in the sand!
Hi there i do sympathise with you all my married life we had loads of rellies cooming to stay, we were in the army mostly in germany and every one came to stay even when we came back to the uk, we live in the south of england and they all live up north i love having people to stay but the food bills go through the roof and when you have been working all day and have to come home and cook it gets a bit much so when we went to stay with my son and his future wife in oz for a month last year we took ourselves of for days stayed in some lovely hotels and when we were with them took them out for meals i dont think we outstayed our welcome i hope not anyway we are staying with them till we find somewhere to rent when we move in the summer hope things dont get to stressful for you and you have a great time with your brother Janet

kimi

Hi Lynn

I total agree with your comments, when I had my first daughter, from time she was 4 weeks old to 6 mths we had a constant line of visitors staying with us, it was dreadful, and every summer is the same.

What I hate is that they never go OUT!!

Now I own holiday homes, so I can put them in there!!!

Kim

psb182

was it you that wanted to move to OZ ?.........just go with the flow....flights are booked it's too late now to do anything about it........I guess thats the price you have to pay for paradise........if the price is too high then I would get yourself back to the UK