232Bar

I've said it before and i'll say it again - screw them! - they had the chance to do what they wanted with their lives and chose to do what they did. Why they feel you shouldn't have the same choice is selfish. Turn it around on them - "if you loved us you wouldn't be making us feel guity" I had no first thought, never mind second, about how it would affect my/her family when we left. WE are doing what WE want for US. If they can't handle that - f**k 'em.

rossifumi

We're gone in 3 weeks and Lynn's mum still hasn't phoned to arrange to visit the kids.

A little history

Totally agree 232.

232Bar

Did you get the PM I sent you?

stacey and jordan

Hi tdi,

Thank you for the Karma, things aren't to bad on the home front. His parents don't talk about it at all it's like we are not going. We do try and bring it into the conversation but she will just go oooohhh and change the subject.

My dad still doesn't think i will go keeps telling me it's along way off we might change our minds by then.

My mom's still crying, but she does talk about Australia alot and she's started watching " A new life down under" (bless her) she says it's just going to be hard to let me go.

The hardest is my sister we are both excited about the arrival of new baby. Been doing lots of baby shopping and I'm giving her lots of hand me down baby stuff and i'm going with her to the next scan. But we tend not to talk about the future as we both get upset.

Me and my husband are still very excited about going to OZ but leaving them behind does make it harder. We have decided the Gold Coast is for us and now busy doing lots of research and followed professional princess's advice and getting my mom involved thats why she started watching all the Aussie programmes.

How is it going your end? and do you know where your going?

Keep smiling Karma back to you

Stacey xx

PJA

I'm going through the same with my parents, it's really awkward they just don't talk about Oz it's as if it's not happening. My dad's gone really quiet on me and my mum just keeps crying. We live in the same town which makes it even harder and everytime I bump into someone in the street all I get is 'your mum is devasted that you're emigrating'.

Obviously I expect them to be upset but they're giving me a real hard time over it - they've turned into the kids, they've stopped phoning me, everytime I invite them around they decline and I get comments from my mum like 'Margaret (a friend of hers) said I hope Duncan (her son) never does that to me!!!'

Glad to see I not the only one! It just puts a dampers on your dream to be in Oz!

Jane

mand8002

I agree with a previous poster that our parents have lived their lives the way they wanted and it should be up to us how we want to live ours. My dad wanted to migrate to Oz in the 1970s but my mum would not go. She has always known that I had a fascination with Australia and I always said it was one place I would like to live. Anyway she was devastated when we moved and said she would never come to see us.......well she arrives in June for a 3 week visit, aged 73 having never flown before so anything is possible.

kitty4

My mum thinks us going to Aus is great (she visited us there before, dad died a few years back) and when we settle there permanently she wants to have an extended holiday with us there every year (while it is winter in the UK) and in the meantime wants to spend the british spring & summer months on the isle of wight where she grew up. That's what she wants and she has bought accomodation there from the sale of her house (she lives with us in the north at present and she is 70 but healthy).
Well, everyone is treating me as some sort of evil daughter and my husband of 14 years as a con man!! My 2 brothers who we & Mum haven't seen for several years, they never even send mum cards or phone her, have been really nasty (well, mum is going to be enjoying herself spending what they thought would be their inheritance isn't she!!!). We haven't had a penny off mum, in fact we supplement her pension so she can enjoy herself as she always struggled having enough money bringing us all up.
Mum's sister (whom she sees once a year) is accusing me of putting mum's health at risk and not to expect her to step in and help when something happens and I am on the other side of the world. Does that sound like someone who really cares?
It has shocked me how vindictive family can be. I never saw this attitude coming off any of them. I have to keep telling myself I am doing no wrong. It's not like our move to Aus is out of the blue. Hubby & I lived there before for 3 years on a temp visa. Mum is better off now than she has ever been. See - I'm still talking as though I have to justify myself.
I feel for everyone who is struggling with negative attitudes from family while preparing to move to Aus.

michellemac

I really am amazed at some of the reactions people get from their family! My hubby's parents are lovely, but very small town. Until my hubby and I met, they had never even flown before. It has taken them 6 years to come to terms with it properly but now we have 2 weeks to go, they are being great. My MIL even sold all of our furniture to her friends! They watch all the "new life DownUnder" type shows (and ring us to tell them they are on!) and can talk rationally and reasonably about us going (there was a time when my MIL always welledup when the subject came up). And we are going to stay with them for the last week we are here too. I could not really ask for more.

My only real disappointment is that they have categorically said they will not come to Australia to see us which is very sad for my husband and (selfishly for me!) means that all of our holidays are going to be taken up coming back to the UK to see them. It frustrates me (to say the least!) that my FIL won't get over his fear of flying (nor get treatment for it) in order to see his son and grandchildren. They might feel differently when we are over there but I can't see it happening. Besides who'd look after the dog?! (one of the many excuses )

On the other hand I also have a friend who's brother has just announced to them that him and his wife are moving to Australia. I won't go into to many details in case he/his wife post on here but she is devastated and sees it as a real personal slight against her and her family. I find it difficult to talk to her about it because I really do disagree with her stance on the matter. I can't imagine my brother arrangng anything in his life around me! And I certainly don't think of him when i am making my life plans, but there you go. She has made that sacrifice herself in that she puts her family first, so I can see why she is upset. But she says he is making a huge mistake, that they are trying to run away from some family issues, that he is being selfish .


Being Australian myself, obviously my own family are full of migrants- and probably a few convicts LOL - and people who moved a long way from home so it is fairly normal for us to have someone travelling around somewher
e in the world. My dad's whole family including aunts and uncles came out when he was 12 and his grandfather (my great grandfather) followed them out in the 1960s at the ripe old age of 73 after his brother died and he had no ties to Scotland. On my mum's side, her parents went to the Goldfields for a while, her dad was a child migrant and her mum's family came from Adelaide and before that England. Other families (like my husband's and my friend's families) have barely left their home town for generation upon generation so I can understand (but still not agree with!) their point and fear about stepping into the unknown.

I have to say, I often wonder who is happier - people like us who move away from home, have to make new friendships and leave behind all that we know and know we cause hurt to our family (and ourselves when we feel homesick) or those who are really happy to stay in their hometowns with the same people they grew up with and family closeby - it must be easy in a way. At least we aren't the worse kind of all and that is the people who want to leave home but can't/won't and will always have to wonder "what if".

Sorry to go off on one. My only advice really is to try and avoid confrontation until they get used to it- remember that you have been building up to this move in your minds for quite some time, your family on the other hand have had it sprung on them and need to get used to the idea but you can't take back anything you say in anger. Had you asked me about my Inlaws a few years ago I would have been very negative about the whole thing but they really have come round. I'm still half expecting my MIL to maybe make the journey herself but there is no way my FIL would do it.

Michelle

jmc

Im going through exactley the same situation;
told my parents about 4 weeks ago that we were thinking of moving to oz,
mum cried but said she doesnt blame us my dad was a bit more interested wanted to know which part we were thinking of moving to.
Over the next few weeks they didnt really speak to us about anything they just came over to pick children up from school but soon as i got home they were off, im quite close to my mum and she has looked after our cildren from being babies they are now 12 and 9 and they are my parents life.
After a couple of weeks my dad had word with OH at work and gave him a piece of his mind he said they couldnt sleep mum was waking up in the night crying they wasnt eating, and they had brought up our chidren and we ought to buy a holiday in the south of France, and we were giving up our buisnesses which are very succsesfull.
After this nothing else was said mum was still off with me, recently the word oz still hasnt been mentioned but at least she is now talking to me.
My thoughts havent changed i think once you have made your dessision to make a newlife you cannot live with yourself thinking if only, as i said to my parents its for your grandchidrens future.
i no exactly what you going through it is constantley on your mind .

wish you luck.
lou.

td1

Hi Stacey,

Its like reading my families reaction when I read your post. My Mums best line is still " if you dont like it you can allways come back". I think she is hoping if she says it enough times it will come true. Have one person ( my best friend) who is just so excited for us but everyone else is giving us mixed signals.
Saw my mum at easter and was trying to say to her like there are lots of ways to keep in touch like web cams and cd's full of photos but she just said they would make her all cry!!!
Makes it soooooo difficult and takes the edge of our excitement at going.

We are of to Melbourne on the 21st June so we are still going despite the upset we seem to be causing.

Issie

I told my parents a good 18 months ago and she has got so much better with it.....to the point where she is encouraging us to go ' for the kids as there is nothing here' Once they realise how serious you are then they will just have to accept it otherwise loose you which a few have done on here....which is very sad, life is just too short.

Good luck and remember that this is YOUR life , don't go living it for other people because if the shoe was on the other foot do you think they would have doubts

geordie mandy

This is such an emotive issue for everyone concerned.
My parents for a while have known me and my husband would move abroad (with the army) and they accepted that (we did not have kids at time) i lived in Germany and they never once visited me (dad ex forces) told me that was life we can not afford to visit all the excuses you can think off. My in laws in comparison visited us regulary in Germany and enjoyed doing so.
when we mentioned we might want to move to Australia the first thing they said was well we wont see the kids any more a shame but if you want to go to the otherside of the world that is your choice just dont expect us to visit.
Despite that, i was told that my parents had considered doing the same when they were younger just did not as everyone disaproved of them. Very much like history repeating itself.
My sister has called me selfish and all other names as well.
My in laws have been fairly quiet about it but as my FIL has both a brother and sister out there has just said go for a visit first.
No matter what people do with there lives there will always be members of the family who will disapprove whether it is through envy or what ever.
My late uncle always told me to follow your heart as you only have one life in this world so live it to the max, enjoy yourself .
I hope every one finds the strength to continue with their plans despite what gets chucked at them.
Mandy

whisky

We have done a lot of moving over the years. Some short distances and some long.
Whenever we go off on one of these moves, we have always found that family and friends begin to distance themselves and maybe bite a little, but I have come to the conclusion that it is a coping mechanism for them to cope with what you have told them.
Family nearly always come around in the end, after they have got used to the shock. Usually after you have left.
Friends, we have good ones who have been used to our ways over the years. Others, we have lost due to the coping mechanism switching off.

Whisky

TraceyW

Hi Stacey n Jordan

Firstly, I see you're from Worcestershire. Whereabouts? We came from Bromsgrove.

My parents were exactly the same when I told them of our plans. My Mum cried lots, my Dad just didn't talk about it.

It was very awkward broaching the subject with them, I always felt so guilty.

By the time we left, a year or so later, they were a little more positive and supportive. They would still give me guilt trips though.

Unfortunately dad died last year which creates a lot of problems now Mum is alone. The guilt trips are unbelievable now. Mom came over to spend 5 weeks with us last Christmas which was great. She is still not coping very well alone and lets me know regulary how lonely she is.

All I can say to you is this; it is your life, you have to live it as you see fit and the only reason they are reacting in this way is because they love you. Put yourself in their shoes.

Emigrating is the hardest thing in the world to do if you are leaving loved ones behind. You have to stay focused, be selfish and stay on track. Also, please try to be sure that this is the right thing for you to do. There are lots of people not living the Aussie dream over here.

I wish you good luck for the future. Keep your chin up.

Tracy

stacey and jordan

Hi Tracey,

We are from Redditch so not far from Bromsgrove, i am sorry to hear about your Dad. This is the main reason that gives me doubts about going to Australia. If some think was to happen to one of my family members.

Stacey xx