Unhappy families
 

Hi
Just wondering if anyone had any problems breaking the news they were going to Oz to their families.
Were hoping to go to ACT next year taking four young kids.
Grandparents not happy to say the least,we're trying to convince them that this is a decision which is the best for us and our kids.
Any advice.

Re: Unhappy families
 

Hi Samjam

This is a very common thread on this site. Most people have these issues and all offer advice I myself am leaving my mum who's widowed and both my mother and father in law. My father in law is ill with cancer at the moment and things are not looking good for him. Although we are very sad about leaving and taking the kids from their grandparents it's something we have to do. I as yet don't even have my visa so through the whole process it is a very emotional time. Some days you are stronger than others and on other days you are ready just to give in. But as it's been said many times before you would regret it if you never tried. I'm a great believer in fate and if something is meant to be then it will happen.

Take care
Jayne :)

Re: Unhappy families
 

No advice Im afraid!! If you find a way to make it easier for family please let me know as I am wallowing in guilt at the moment!

Lucy

Re: Unhappy families
 

why are you wollowing in guilt ...

its your life and u only get one so do what you want
i bet your parents lived there life ...

S

and before anybody says anything i am really close to my mum and she is taking this very badly but i am not about to be blackmailed into feeling bad about something that is going to be terrific for mine.
if they can't be happy for you then they are being selfish ...
so isn't it time that you where selfish !

Re: Unhappy families
 

Hi Samjam,

Uncanny! I was about to ask a very similar question when I read yours first! We also have 4 young children and despite my mum taking the news well (But you never can tell with her) she is now subtly being akward. We said there would be a ticket for her any time she wanted one (in fact we've put the money for the first one aside for her already. Our eldest is 9 in a couple of weeks, another is 7, then 4 and almost 3. The older children have told us of little conversations she has had with them about spiders and snakes etc. etc....so that feels nice and supportive :scared: I understand how gut wrenching it must be and I've tried to talk to her about it.......but after saying she couldn't afford to take 3 weeks off work, she then announces that she has booked holidays for next year-2 1/2 weeks :confused: I haven't lived at home for 20 years and live 75 miles away now, so I thought although it wouldn't be easy, at least we never lived in one anothers pockets.

It's hard.....the hardest part of migrating, I've no answers. But please be assured there are obviously thousands of us in the same boat.

Keep your chin up and just think of the lifestyle the children will have.

Kind Regards,

Phil

Re: Unhappy families
 

Hi Samjam,
I'm currently going through the same thing with my family who feel that we are completely crazy to move back to OZ.I feel that this is the hardest part of the whole process! My advice would be to do it whilst your children are young, as the older they become the more resistant they are. My seventeen year old son does not want to go back and my twelve year old daughter is heart broken at the prospect.

The guilt I currently feel is IMMENSE!!!!! :( :(

We are planning to move to Canberra too, so PM me if you would like to keep in touch.

Good luck :)

Re: Unhappy families
 

How about arranging to meet them for lunch and then dont turn up, go round their house drunk and slag them off on the way home pop into the in-laws and crap in the front garden before harassing their pets..............believe me they'll be glad to see the back of you ;) ( only joking, it's a very difficult subject which only you can answer)

Re: Unhappy families
 

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Hi
The majority of people that have posted about this subject here, have all had the same problem including us - well me. My husbands parents and family were very supportive from the start really - although they will miss us immensley. My sister and hubby ok, but she cries everytime we start to talk about it, my Mother, well she threw all the 'guilt trips' that she could possibly think about in 5 minutes and boy were they hard to take! In reality, I think that made me even more determined to do it - to prove I am no longer attached to her 'apron strings' !

No matter how old your children are it will always be a 'time' when grandparents think they are going to miss out on so much - no age is a good age in that respect - only my opinion of course I hasten to add!

It is very hard, but that is all part of the emigrating process - we just hope that all will be well in the end and we get the support from most of our UK family.

Hang in there - as others have said - it is your life, they chose to do what they wanted with theirs, now it is your turn.

:) :)

Re: Unhappy families
 

It's never easy leaving loved ones. My mother was very supportive though I could tell that she was sad. She knew I was making a good decision for myself and my kids.
My sister took it badly to begin with. She felt I was abandoning her (she was only 17 when I told her) but with time, she became used to the idea and now they are both looking forward to thier first visit to Oz. For a happy occasion to boot...my wedding! They arrive in 4 days!!

My kids are thrilled that Grandma and Auntie Sandy are coming to see them and are looking forward to showing them all over Perth.

My best advice... give it time. It will get easier and with the internet, comunication is a breeze! I speak to my Mum and sis almost daily via MSN messenger voice chat... cheap and easy!

Best of luck!

Siren

Re: Unhappy families
 

This thread makes me feel old.

We are parents of someone who has migrated.

We are also going to go soon but both have elderly parents here.

TBH There has never been any hassle. We did not give it much thought when our sons left (they have not really lived with us since they went to university many years ago).
Our parents are not much bothered. People have to get on with their lives.

Ironically we see more of our son who lives in Australia more now than when he lived in the UK as he comes over here every few weeks as part of his work.

So no problems for us despite seeing the problem from both sides.

G

Re: Unhappy families
 

We are only just beginning the journey by gathering info and contacting migration agent but i can imagine how you must be feeling.I know when our 2 young uns grandparents learn of our plans,we will begin a journey into the land of guilt and "you are crazy".We have no family in OZ but i visited Perth(mosman park)back in 1988 and have had a desire to one day return with my better half and kids.Who knows how it all turns out but we are more scared of not trying and 15 years down the line......."if only".
Best of luck to all in this situation.

Re: Unhappy families
 

I'm with you Grayling. I hope to spend more time with my parents when we move over to Perth. At the moment we live over 400 miles from them so we see them a week here and a long weekend there- not nearly as often as I would like. Now that they have both retired I really hope that they will spend their horribe Scottish winters in the sun with us. So far they have been very supportive although I suspect they are gutted deep down. I think those parents who are doing the guilt trip thing are just scared. I know how I would feel if any of my kids said to me in years to come that they wanted to move to the others side of the world- so don't be too hard on them. In saying that, if a parent is been deliberately obstructive I doubt there is anything that can be said that will make them feel differently :(
Yvonne

Re: Unhappy families
 

Hi its all very hard my mum was very upset when i first told her 9 months ago we wanted to emigrate but she wants me to be happy now if i bring it up i conversation she seems to pretend not to hear me like she thinks if she ignores it it wont happen she is elderly and on her own and even though i have a sister who lives neer her i feel so upset to leave her. But lets face it i would be more upset if she didnt care. I guess its just natural to feel this way but dosent make it any easier :(

Re: Unhappy families
 

Ithink this statement sums us up.....all our family relationships with all our parents alive, we hurt them taking us and the grandchildren away...because they do care and care loads hopefully enough to want you to follow a dream/adventure and try something new.

Nothing make the feelings easier but you can have a good life and enjoy what you want as a smaller family unit, and the best feeling in the world is getting the last one over here on holiday (at the moment) and he loving it and saying he can see why we did it.

To explain - we both have parents still alive but both sets of parents divorced - not one lot of four with their own lives wanted us to emigrate, including my mother who went to Spain!

The last of the four parents (who finally made the visit after 2.5 yrs) is having a whale of time here at the moment watching his happy grandkids and knowing we did our thing and somehow got it right.

I have no magic answers but it is tough enough moving over without beating yourselves up about it. Keep calm and it might be alright with the majority of familys. Put it another way....my Gran went on her travels at 67 and brought back an Aussie to Northern Ireland she kept and married....so you never know!

One thing....my son (only 14) is talking about studying in Canada ....and the first thought (did not leave my lips) was that he could not think about leaving me!!! Well I had a good laugh at myself and just hope if it happens I am the smiling happy supportive parent I wanted.

If I thought to presume with one little bit of advice......however thoughtless and cruel the words said to you before you go, bite back your own harsh words. They have an age living where they always did thinking about those words....while you have a lifetime of advetures and hard work to be getting on with, in the sad moment you might have do not be remebering your verbal regrets.

Gosh I waffle ...but mean it

Re: Unhappy families
 

Hi Samjam wish i knew the answer
we are in a rotton position My father in law died tonight very suddenly we knew he had lung cancer and have been making our plans to go to Oz next year thinking we had ages to worry about how he would be when we left he has deteriorated and died in less than a week so everything is in flux just shows though that nothing goes the way you think One thing it has really highlighted to me though is that life is for living and you never ever know what is round the corner we have to live our lives now and that is my advice to you I agree with the relpies to this post look forward do whats right for your family. Even th ough I know June will desperatly want Stuart to stay now that his dad has died in the long run it will be kinder to help her find her life here and bring her out to see u s
well that is fine in planning but who knows now what will happen in reality
lifes a bitch and then you die the important thing i thing is to die happy with no regrets good luck love Mary