The UK press has its say!
Nov 24th 2003, 9:53 am
#1
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The UK press has its say!
Badge had a thread on the Aussie press has its say. What do you make of this contribution?
The Sunday Times - Comment
November 23, 2003
Comment: Jeremy Clarkson: I'm sorry, but I enjoyed seeing Australia suffer
The illness I have is catastrophic. My nose is running like a fireman’s hose, my head is full of what feels like molten lava, I have a temperature of 200 degrees Fahrenheit and I know that if Norris McWhirter were to come round, he’d verify that no human being has ever been this sick and survived.
“I have ebola,� I said to my wife yesterday. “No. You have a cold,� she replied in the icy way women have when they don’t realise just how ill a man is.
There was nothing on God’s good earth that would have caused me to get out of bed yesterday morning. Nothing, that is, except a rugby World Cup final between England and Australia.
Beating the Australians at rugby would be like beating the Americans at space shuttle baseball or the Russians at ice bear skating. Beating them would be the single most deliriously joyful thing ever to have been beamed out of my box.
The Australians go to work in shorts and that’s a good enough reason to hate them. Also, they have cookers in their kitchens but choose to cook their prawns in the garden. And the only invention to have come out of Australia, ever, is the rotary washing line.
If it had been England versus someone else, I’d have been under the duvet but us versus the Aussies — with a very real chance that we could rub their noses in the mud — I had to be up for that.
And wasn’t it just the most exciting sporting event you’ve ever seen? A draw at full time in any game of rugby is rare but in a World Cup final it looked like the match had been scripted by the great screen-writer William Goldman himself. Then when the man the Aussies hate more than Satan himself kicked the winning goal seconds from the end of extra time, it really was the perfect ending.
Except for one small thing. Normally, when a game finishes, you want to see the joy etched on the faces of the winners. So that’s what we got. Lots of shots of Martin Johnson and Clive Woodward beaming. But actually what I wanted were big, fat juicy close-ups of Australians in the crowd. I wanted to see their disappointment in all its 16:9 digital high-definition glory.
I’m ashamed to say that when the medals had been handed out and we cut to the 340th ad break, I actually overcame the Marburg virus momentarily and rang a couple of random numbers from the Sydney phone book. Just to laugh.
Because let’s be honest. If the Aussies can’t even win a game of rugby, what are they good at? Think about it. A little over 200 years ago, the people of the civilised world were presented with Australia and America, two new continents to develop as they saw fit.
Unlike Australia, the natives of America did not spend all day painting zig-zags on cave walls. They had bows and arrows and went about their business with your father’s ears on a necklace.
Still, in just a couple of centuries, the Americans have brought life and neon to the desert, built New York out of the swamp and emerged as the most powerful nation the world has ever seen.
Meanwhile, the Australians were given what they call God’s own country. A land of plenty. A land of gold and magnesium and sheep.
But what have the Australians ever done? What is the name of their prime minister? How much is an Aussie dollar worth? Name five films that they’ve made. Now go round your house and try to find something that was made there. Your computer? Your car? Your trousers? When someone has outgrown their home country, they move to America to become even more successful. Jamie Oliver, Simon Cowell and Graham Norton are following in the footsteps of Anne Robinson and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Whereas you never hear anyone say, “Well I’m totally happy. I have lots of friends, an enjoyable career and a great family. So I’m moving to Australia.� No one has ever gone there because of the success they’ve made of themselves somewhere else.
Michael Barrymore, for instance, is on the verge of moving down under. And do you remember Lord Lundy from the Hilaire Belloc poem? Having started out as the minister for war, he moved downwards to become the curator of Big Ben, much to the annoyance of his father:
We had intended you to be
the next prime minister but three
The stocks were sold; the press was squared
The middle class was quite prepared
But as it is! . . . My language fails!
Go out and govern New South Wales.
As a nation of losers, then, this weekend’s result should have been no more of a surprise for Australia than the victory was for us English.
OzTennis
The Sunday Times - Comment
November 23, 2003
Comment: Jeremy Clarkson: I'm sorry, but I enjoyed seeing Australia suffer
The illness I have is catastrophic. My nose is running like a fireman’s hose, my head is full of what feels like molten lava, I have a temperature of 200 degrees Fahrenheit and I know that if Norris McWhirter were to come round, he’d verify that no human being has ever been this sick and survived.
“I have ebola,� I said to my wife yesterday. “No. You have a cold,� she replied in the icy way women have when they don’t realise just how ill a man is.
There was nothing on God’s good earth that would have caused me to get out of bed yesterday morning. Nothing, that is, except a rugby World Cup final between England and Australia.
Beating the Australians at rugby would be like beating the Americans at space shuttle baseball or the Russians at ice bear skating. Beating them would be the single most deliriously joyful thing ever to have been beamed out of my box.
The Australians go to work in shorts and that’s a good enough reason to hate them. Also, they have cookers in their kitchens but choose to cook their prawns in the garden. And the only invention to have come out of Australia, ever, is the rotary washing line.
If it had been England versus someone else, I’d have been under the duvet but us versus the Aussies — with a very real chance that we could rub their noses in the mud — I had to be up for that.
And wasn’t it just the most exciting sporting event you’ve ever seen? A draw at full time in any game of rugby is rare but in a World Cup final it looked like the match had been scripted by the great screen-writer William Goldman himself. Then when the man the Aussies hate more than Satan himself kicked the winning goal seconds from the end of extra time, it really was the perfect ending.
Except for one small thing. Normally, when a game finishes, you want to see the joy etched on the faces of the winners. So that’s what we got. Lots of shots of Martin Johnson and Clive Woodward beaming. But actually what I wanted were big, fat juicy close-ups of Australians in the crowd. I wanted to see their disappointment in all its 16:9 digital high-definition glory.
I’m ashamed to say that when the medals had been handed out and we cut to the 340th ad break, I actually overcame the Marburg virus momentarily and rang a couple of random numbers from the Sydney phone book. Just to laugh.
Because let’s be honest. If the Aussies can’t even win a game of rugby, what are they good at? Think about it. A little over 200 years ago, the people of the civilised world were presented with Australia and America, two new continents to develop as they saw fit.
Unlike Australia, the natives of America did not spend all day painting zig-zags on cave walls. They had bows and arrows and went about their business with your father’s ears on a necklace.
Still, in just a couple of centuries, the Americans have brought life and neon to the desert, built New York out of the swamp and emerged as the most powerful nation the world has ever seen.
Meanwhile, the Australians were given what they call God’s own country. A land of plenty. A land of gold and magnesium and sheep.
But what have the Australians ever done? What is the name of their prime minister? How much is an Aussie dollar worth? Name five films that they’ve made. Now go round your house and try to find something that was made there. Your computer? Your car? Your trousers? When someone has outgrown their home country, they move to America to become even more successful. Jamie Oliver, Simon Cowell and Graham Norton are following in the footsteps of Anne Robinson and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Whereas you never hear anyone say, “Well I’m totally happy. I have lots of friends, an enjoyable career and a great family. So I’m moving to Australia.� No one has ever gone there because of the success they’ve made of themselves somewhere else.
Michael Barrymore, for instance, is on the verge of moving down under. And do you remember Lord Lundy from the Hilaire Belloc poem? Having started out as the minister for war, he moved downwards to become the curator of Big Ben, much to the annoyance of his father:
We had intended you to be
the next prime minister but three
The stocks were sold; the press was squared
The middle class was quite prepared
But as it is! . . . My language fails!
Go out and govern New South Wales.
As a nation of losers, then, this weekend’s result should have been no more of a surprise for Australia than the victory was for us English.
OzTennis
Nov 24th 2003, 10:06 am
#2
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Poor little lamb, living such a vicarious life. Oh well, Aussies are good for something then.
Nov 24th 2003, 10:46 am
#3
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can't stand Jeremy Clarkson...smug, head up his ar$e, derisory about most things. He's just a complete and utter #%@#!!
Nov 24th 2003, 10:53 am
#4
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Re: The UK press has its say!
Originally posted by OzTennis
Badge had a thread on the Aussie press has its say. What do you make of this contribution?
OzTennis
Badge had a thread on the Aussie press has its say. What do you make of this contribution?
OzTennis
Who gives a damn? After all the sh!te in the oz press towards England in the the build up to the final we are entitled to have a go back. All I know is the best team won and we are enjoying celebrating and rubbing the Ozzies noses in it. Could be worse you could be in Oz having a Pom telling you just how good it feels to be a winner. We won and the cup is on its way to England. Now pleeeeaaase let us expats/ poms just enjoy it.
"We are the champions we are the champions no time for loosers cause we are the champions of the world."
Nov 24th 2003, 10:56 am
#5
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Originally posted by HiddenPaw
can't stand Jeremy Clarkson...smug, head up his ar$e, derisory about most things. He's just a complete and utter #%@#!!
can't stand Jeremy Clarkson...smug, head up his ar$e, derisory about most things. He's just a complete and utter #%@#!!
Incidentally, I'm not proud at some of the efforts of the Australian press and denounce them too.
OzTennis
Nov 24th 2003, 11:43 am
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Re: The UK press has its say!
Originally posted by nicholls clan
Who gives a damn? After all the sh!te in the oz press towards England in the the build up to the final we are entitled to have a go back. All I know is the best team won and we are enjoying celebrating and rubbing the Ozzies noses in it. Could be worse you could be in Oz having a Pom telling you just how good it feels to be a winner. We won and the cup is on its way to England. Now pleeeeaaase let us expats/ poms just enjoy it.
"We are the champions we are the champions no time for loosers cause we are the champions of the world."
Who gives a damn? After all the sh!te in the oz press towards England in the the build up to the final we are entitled to have a go back. All I know is the best team won and we are enjoying celebrating and rubbing the Ozzies noses in it. Could be worse you could be in Oz having a Pom telling you just how good it feels to be a winner. We won and the cup is on its way to England. Now pleeeeaaase let us expats/ poms just enjoy it.
"We are the champions we are the champions no time for loosers cause we are the champions of the world."
BTW - Is that loosers as in 'loose and maul' in the words of the Queen song?
Enjoy your victory.
OzTennis
Nov 24th 2003, 11:54 am
#7
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Originally posted by OzTennis
Agreed! I thought he had been sniffing too much petrol from the cars he test drives or really did have the ebola virus when he wrote much of the article. If he hasn't then much of the article is racist, imperialist, arrogant, ignorant and historically and geographically incorrect.
Incidentally, I'm not proud at some of the efforts of the Australian press and denounce them too.
OzTennis
Agreed! I thought he had been sniffing too much petrol from the cars he test drives or really did have the ebola virus when he wrote much of the article. If he hasn't then much of the article is racist, imperialist, arrogant, ignorant and historically and geographically incorrect.
Incidentally, I'm not proud at some of the efforts of the Australian press and denounce them too.
OzTennis
Nov 24th 2003, 12:40 pm
#8
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Originally posted by ace ventura
Hi oz i'm afraid clarkson gives the english a bad name by actually writing before he thinks, he's more suited to watching soccer because he has the right mentality for it surrounded by his decaying empire,it seems to me it's only the media doing the slagging and not the people of either country
Hi oz i'm afraid clarkson gives the english a bad name by actually writing before he thinks, he's more suited to watching soccer because he has the right mentality for it surrounded by his decaying empire,it seems to me it's only the media doing the slagging and not the people of either country
OzTennis
P.S. the admen have been having a field day. I liked the one for an English beer which just said 6 x under a pint. The Nike ad has a map of Australia with pins in Perth, Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane. Each pin has a word written on it and when you read them it says The Empire Strikes Back.
Nov 24th 2003, 7:47 pm
#9
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oh well you know how it feels when you read crap in the press slating your home country.
funny how these aussies get all upset when the boots on the other foot.
who cares if its correct the aussies deserve everything they get for being so obnoxious for so long. They really are the lowest of the low when it comes to sport and handling winning or losing. Lets hope the economic boom in Australia lifts the chip off their shoulders so they can get over their fear and loathing of England.
funny how these aussies get all upset when the boots on the other foot.
who cares if its correct the aussies deserve everything they get for being so obnoxious for so long. They really are the lowest of the low when it comes to sport and handling winning or losing. Lets hope the economic boom in Australia lifts the chip off their shoulders so they can get over their fear and loathing of England.
Originally posted by OzTennis
Yep, agreed. I nearly choked on my Tim Tams when reading this yesterday, it made me quite angry. Most of the coverage has been justifiable euphoria and positives.
OzTennis
P.S. the admen have been having a field day. I liked the one for an English beer which just said 6 x under a pint. The Nike ad has a map of Australia with pins in Perth, Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane. Each pin has a word written on it and when you read them it says The Empire Strikes Back.
Yep, agreed. I nearly choked on my Tim Tams when reading this yesterday, it made me quite angry. Most of the coverage has been justifiable euphoria and positives.
OzTennis
P.S. the admen have been having a field day. I liked the one for an English beer which just said 6 x under a pint. The Nike ad has a map of Australia with pins in Perth, Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane. Each pin has a word written on it and when you read them it says The Empire Strikes Back.
Nov 24th 2003, 8:19 pm
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Originally posted by captaincook
oh well you know how it feels when you read crap in the press slating your home country.
funny how these aussies get all upset when the boots on the other foot.
who cares if its correct the aussies deserve everything they get for being so obnoxious for so long. They really are the lowest of the low when it comes to sport and handling winning or losing. Lets hope the economic boom in Australia lifts the chip off their shoulders so they can get over their fear and loathing of England.
oh well you know how it feels when you read crap in the press slating your home country.
funny how these aussies get all upset when the boots on the other foot.
who cares if its correct the aussies deserve everything they get for being so obnoxious for so long. They really are the lowest of the low when it comes to sport and handling winning or losing. Lets hope the economic boom in Australia lifts the chip off their shoulders so they can get over their fear and loathing of England.
Nov 24th 2003, 8:29 pm
#11
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Jeremy Clarkson has now written two articles for the Sun saying how much he prefers rugby!! (I don't even get it - I've caught a few on the train)
Only he worries if they get paid as much as soccer players then THEY wil get in to fights etc- and how do you win a fight against a 16 stone flanker?!
Badge
Only he worries if they get paid as much as soccer players then THEY wil get in to fights etc- and how do you win a fight against a 16 stone flanker?!
Badge
Nov 25th 2003, 1:18 am
#12
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"Whereas you never hear anyone say, “Well I’m totally happy. I have lots of friends, an enjoyable career and a great family. So I’m moving to Australia.� No one has ever gone there because of the success they’ve made of themselves somewhere else".
It's the only bit Clarkson got right.
Scottm.
It's the only bit Clarkson got right.
Scottm.
Nov 25th 2003, 1:34 am
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How can a man whose dress sense is still in the eighties complain about Aussies wearing shorts.
So far we have Clarkson Bad Winner and Howard Bad Loser.
I am pleasantly surprised at the dignity of most Aussies who have commented on the result. Even the SMH ate humble pie after dishing up so much crap over the last week.
I am still waiting for the comments from those with the biggest gobs of them all. Their silence is deafening.
So far we have Clarkson Bad Winner and Howard Bad Loser.
I am pleasantly surprised at the dignity of most Aussies who have commented on the result. Even the SMH ate humble pie after dishing up so much crap over the last week.
I am still waiting for the comments from those with the biggest gobs of them all. Their silence is deafening.
Nov 25th 2003, 2:39 am
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Originally posted by scottm
"Whereas you never hear anyone say, “Well I’m totally happy. I have lots of friends, an enjoyable career and a great family. So I’m moving to Australia.� No one has ever gone there because of the success they’ve made of themselves somewhere else".
It's the only bit Clarkson got right.
Scottm.
"Whereas you never hear anyone say, “Well I’m totally happy. I have lots of friends, an enjoyable career and a great family. So I’m moving to Australia.� No one has ever gone there because of the success they’ve made of themselves somewhere else".
It's the only bit Clarkson got right.
Scottm.
U.K. Farmer Peter Weber moved to Tasmania in 1998 from the United Kingdom
Nov 25th 2003, 2:41 am
#15
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Clarkson's a wanker. Ignore him.