The truth about mossies and other fings
Jul 10th 2003, 6:31 am
#16
Be true to your skew
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Wanneroo, WA
Posts: 373
?
Originally posted by fishyben
we all know the one about "if a tree falls down in the forest and there's know one there does it make a noise"
But...
If a man makes a mistake and there's no woman to see it , is it still his fault ?
we all know the one about "if a tree falls down in the forest and there's know one there does it make a noise"
But...
If a man makes a mistake and there's no woman to see it , is it still his fault ?
Jul 10th 2003, 10:13 am
#17
A Male Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Townsville
Posts: 2,106
Re: ?
Originally posted by Pookin
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
The universe is the collection of stars and other deep sky objects that we know of. The universe is'nt everything...
Space is theoretically never ending, and the universe (or ours anyway) is growing into it.
There are loads of different theories regarding this, some saying that there are several universe, some saying the universe is a "infinate" object (like a doughnut), where you will get back to where you started if you travel for long enough.
Only thing that is for certain is that the universe is expanding.
Last edited by PeteY; Jul 10th 2003 at 10:36 am.
Jul 10th 2003, 10:41 am
#18
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 359
if u keep your eyes open while you sneeze,your eyeballs will pop out only to be supported by your optic cord
Jul 10th 2003, 12:10 pm
#19
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 498
If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would
stand seven feet, two inches tall.
stand seven feet, two inches tall.
Oh and by the way. The universe IS everything. It must be by definition. It is expanding into nothing - again by definition.
Jul 10th 2003, 1:42 pm
#20
Gone Senile Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Location: Sydney
Posts: 3,014
Don' know the technical name but little people possibly caused through growing disorders - can lick their elbows! I knew I couldn't so did not try!
But I like the list for a laugh!
Cheers
But I like the list for a laugh!
Cheers
Jul 10th 2003, 7:56 pm
#21
A Male Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Townsville
Posts: 2,106
Originally posted by etlniwd
Oh and by the way. The universe IS everything. It must be by definition. It is expanding into nothing - again by definition.
Oh and by the way. The universe IS everything. It must be by definition. It is expanding into nothing - again by definition.
Have a quick read....
http://www.newscientist.com/hottopic...sp?id=22994400
http://fusionanomaly.net/multiverse.html
It was named as such before we knew about red-shift. It is possible to measure the amount of red-shift (degredation of light) to work out stellar distances. If you want....i suppose the science community to lobby to have the name changed, so you can understand it better. Is Bill ok with you?
It is scientific FACT that it is expanding.
Originally posted by etlniwd
It is expanding into nothing - again by definition.
It is expanding into nothing - again by definition.
Oh...and Barbie....if she was 5'4", her head would be about the same size as a grapefruit. I personally think thats scarier than if she were 7 foot tall.
Last edited by PeteY; Jul 10th 2003 at 11:49 pm.
Jul 10th 2003, 9:12 pm
#22
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 193
wow
my universe is definately expanding after this lot
my universe is definately expanding after this lot
Jul 10th 2003, 9:51 pm
#23
Be true to your skew
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Wanneroo, WA
Posts: 373
Friday Humour - a long one!
Saw this a while ago and think it's priceless!
Actual Answers to Sixth Grade History tests:
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they
all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The
climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live
elsewhere.
2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first
book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created
from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I
my brother's son?"
3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea,
where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide
to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever
reached Canada.
4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven
hundred porcupines.
5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had
myths. A myth is a female moth.
6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by
another man of that name.
7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went
around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died
from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career
suffered a dramatic decline.
8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped,
hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks.
History calls people Romans because they never stayed in
one place for very long.
10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him
because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying,
he gasped out:"Tee hee, Brutus."
11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his
subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was
cannonized by Bernard Shaw.
13. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should
be hanged twice for the same offense.
14. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The
greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote
many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
15. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow
through an apple while standing on his son's head.
16. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a
queen she was a success. When she exposed herself
before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
17. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another
important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter
Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes
and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised
the world with a 100-foot clipper.
18. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was
William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564,
supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money
and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote
tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a
heroicouplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
19. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was
Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great
author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then
his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
20. During the Renaissance America began.
Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered
America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were
called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
21. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this
was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a
hard one for the settlers. Many died and many babies were
born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
22. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was
the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would
send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally
the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.
23. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and
Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of
Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two
cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself
cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
24. Soon the Constitution of the United States was
adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution
the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
25. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was
born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.
Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865,
Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of
the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assassinator
was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This
ruined Booth's career.
26. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a
reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote
a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton.
It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are
falling off the trees.
27. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
compositions and had a large number of children. In
between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in
his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the
most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He
was very large.
28. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.
He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in
the forest even when everyone was calling for him.
Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
29. The French Revolution was accomplished before it
happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted
an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a
baroness, she couldn't have any children.
30. The sun never set on the British Empire because
the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the
West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a
thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced
virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
31. The nineteenth century was a time of a great
many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing
by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention
of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did
the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure
for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the
Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And
Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
Actual Answers to Sixth Grade History tests:
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they
all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The
climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live
elsewhere.
2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first
book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created
from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I
my brother's son?"
3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea,
where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide
to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever
reached Canada.
4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven
hundred porcupines.
5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had
myths. A myth is a female moth.
6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by
another man of that name.
7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went
around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died
from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career
suffered a dramatic decline.
8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped,
hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks.
History calls people Romans because they never stayed in
one place for very long.
10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him
because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying,
he gasped out:"Tee hee, Brutus."
11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his
subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was
cannonized by Bernard Shaw.
13. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should
be hanged twice for the same offense.
14. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The
greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote
many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
15. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow
through an apple while standing on his son's head.
16. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a
queen she was a success. When she exposed herself
before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
17. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another
important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter
Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes
and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised
the world with a 100-foot clipper.
18. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was
William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564,
supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money
and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote
tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a
heroicouplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
19. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was
Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great
author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then
his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
20. During the Renaissance America began.
Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered
America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were
called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
21. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this
was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a
hard one for the settlers. Many died and many babies were
born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
22. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was
the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would
send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally
the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.
23. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and
Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of
Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two
cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself
cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
24. Soon the Constitution of the United States was
adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution
the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
25. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was
born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.
Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865,
Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of
the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assassinator
was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This
ruined Booth's career.
26. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a
reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote
a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton.
It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are
falling off the trees.
27. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
compositions and had a large number of children. In
between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in
his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the
most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He
was very large.
28. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.
He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in
the forest even when everyone was calling for him.
Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
29. The French Revolution was accomplished before it
happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted
an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a
baroness, she couldn't have any children.
30. The sun never set on the British Empire because
the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the
West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a
thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced
virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
31. The nineteenth century was a time of a great
many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing
by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention
of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did
the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure
for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the
Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And
Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
Jul 10th 2003, 10:51 pm
#24
High in the Dandenongs
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Listening to Puffing Billy
Posts: 9,183
[
The one about the elbow is wrong too. I tried it...but the wife just said 'don't be a twat!' ......I make that 50/50!
Gra.. [/QUOTE]
Can't lick mine (elbow!) but also if you pinch the skin on your elbow really really hard, it doesn't hurt!
The one about the elbow is wrong too. I tried it...but the wife just said 'don't be a twat!' ......I make that 50/50!
Gra.. [/QUOTE]
Can't lick mine (elbow!) but also if you pinch the skin on your elbow really really hard, it doesn't hurt!
Jul 10th 2003, 10:59 pm
#25
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2003
Location: Formally Outback SA. Now Brighton SA
Posts: 138
Pookin - that is the best chain garbage ever - first saw it yonks ago and still howl with tears of laughter everytime I read it. Thanks for that - these are priceless. Especially funny cos I am a teacher. In fact I marked a goodie in an exam only the other day. Q. Name an Act of Parliament that legislate sagainst discrimination in the workplace? A. (from one of mine) The Sex Act.
My last day at work today - feeling very sad.
Elaine
My last day at work today - feeling very sad.
Elaine
Jul 10th 2003, 11:49 pm
#26
Be true to your skew
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Wanneroo, WA
Posts: 373
Originally posted by grubelice
Pookin - that is the best chain garbage ever - first saw it yonks ago and still howl with tears of laughter everytime I read it. Thanks for that - these are priceless. Especially funny cos I am a teacher. In fact I marked a goodie in an exam only the other day. Q. Name an Act of Parliament that legislate sagainst discrimination in the workplace? A. (from one of mine) The Sex Act.
My last day at work today - feeling very sad.
Elaine
Pookin - that is the best chain garbage ever - first saw it yonks ago and still howl with tears of laughter everytime I read it. Thanks for that - these are priceless. Especially funny cos I am a teacher. In fact I marked a goodie in an exam only the other day. Q. Name an Act of Parliament that legislate sagainst discrimination in the workplace? A. (from one of mine) The Sex Act.
My last day at work today - feeling very sad.
Elaine
Enjoy your last day at work, mine's in 3 weeks, will be sad to leave, but time to move on as I'm sure you know.
Having a lovely day working at home today, will miss that, since I've been told that I'll soon be under the Aussie working whip!
