wendywoo68

Can anyone offer any reassurance?? All of a sudden I am doubting what I am doing migrating the other side of the world.

It is something I have wanted for many years and after activating our visas a year ago, we are off on the 25th.

The problem being our 4 year old son has turned very suddenly from a really happy, little boy into a really frustrated angry little boy, who we are finding increasingly difficult to handle.

I know they go through different stages in different ages, but even at his nursery they have said that it seems ever since he has been aware that we are going, he has changed.

I know it is hard for them to understand - his toys, furniture etc all gone and people constantly droning on about our imminent departure and how will grandma cope. But he is excited to be going to live near his beloved cousins in Brisbane.

He is particularly taking it out on me and I feel like I am messing with his little mind when he doesn't really know what on earth is going on.
Has anyone else experienced any of this with ones so young nd if so, how did you deal with it???
I think I need Super Nanny!!!!

Wendy

I think you should talk to him and ask him how he's feeling about it all. It's really easy to forget that they are little people with feelings of their own, and just as we are worried and stressed out by it all they can feel just the same.

Also, why not take him somewhere special for a day out, somewhere that doesn't have anything to do with Australia so that he can have a bit of time out from it all.

moneypenny20

At four he is only worried and stressed because he's picking up your, possibly unspoken, vibes. Sit him down, ask him what he is worried about and although he may word things differently to you, it will probably turn out to be the worries you have for him - making new friends, missing rellies etc but I'm sorry, at his age, they are not his real thoughts. If he does have real concerns then talk them through. Don't start selling this "Aus is fab, lots of beaches, blah blah blah" just explain you are moving here and nothing else much will change in his life. He will still have his parents around him etc.

emelems

I know it sounds a bit " new age " I think you should have a time with your 4 year old (about an hour or so.. perhaps reading him a story or whatever he likes to do) and then ask him what is scaring him?

THey are either picking up on our stress or holding on to their own...

Em x

quoll

He's 4!!! Take out the normal fluctuations in the behaviour of a 4 year old and what are you left with?

He isnt old enough to understand the implications of all the stuff going on around him and the changes in his environment, his parents and his extended family are enough to unsettle anyone. Spend time with him, do nice things together and reassure him that whatever happens you will still be there. He probably wont be able to voice what is going on in his brain but there is probably a fear that his family is going to desert him.

Edited to add - routine is a parents' best friend so try and keep to routines and make a plan for what will be happening next so that he isnt confused by where he will be and what he will be doing. And, most importantly, dont compromise on your boundaries - if you normally dont allow the sofa to be used like a trampoline then dont allow it now, if bedtime is 7.30 then stick to it etc. If you wobble on your boundaries and expectations then you will be letting yourself in for a very hard time, getting him back on track.

markandgill

Hi,

I think I would agree with the previous posts.......You need to reassure him that he will still have parents etc and things will be the same in oz.........Our wee boy continually says he will miss his bedroom , his toys, his tv , etc, etc

We just tell him he will get a new bedroom and a new tv etc etc and he's fine

Keep his routines up when in oz and i'm sure he'll be fine

LOL.......Our wee boy keeps telling us he wants a swimming pool and a snooker table......we'll see

The Crow

My oldest suddenly started to suffer from separation anxiety and became introverted in certain situations after 10 months here (she was 4). Some suggested it was because of the impact of being taken away from 'home' - I refused to believe it - she rarely mentioned life back in England and only occasionally said she missed Granny.

The positive to this is that she settled beautifully at school and now lets me leave her at friends houses to play (a major achievement as it took 3 terms!). She has excelled academically, but just as importantly - after refusing to take part in the kinder nativity and carols by candlelight last year - she has just performed in the school concert in front of an audience of 800 with supreme confidence and gusto!! Not bad for a 5 year old.

wendywoo68

Thanks for your advice, I think you are so right Quoll that routine is the best way to go, although it can be so trying when he is behaving so badly. I do try and understand but it is certainly a stressful time.
I did actually manage to spend a complete 24 hours just me and him.
We just have to weather it and look forward to a new life ahead. Just want to be there now and by pass all that emotional stuff!!
Thanks again