Trip back to UK, stay or go?
Jun 24th 2004, 5:57 am
#1
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 20
Trip back to UK, stay or go?
My wife and I have now been in Sydney for nearly 4 months - so far so not great. We are renting a nice house, in a nice area but for some reason things just aren't taking off for us. We're struggling to meet like-minded people and don't really have a social life yet. I guess we're neither backpackers, nor family-minded, just young marrieds in that grey area in-between, where being in a couple works against you when you arrive in a new city.
We're both independent people and in London had are own lives as well as one as a couple. For the past 4 months we've spent all out time together and we're both beginning to feel the strain. I made most of my friends in London through work, however here I work with just one other person, so I have no kind of social interaction during my day either. It's driving me nuts. I have joined a nightclass and a gym, but don't really see anything coming of it.
So all in all, I'd give the past 4 months 5 out of ten, however I'm not willing to give up yet and am desperate to make this experience work.
Anyway to my question. We arrived on a return ticket, and we were considering going back to the UK in September for a couple of weeks. It is valid until Feb, but we have loads of people coming to visit between October and Feb, and I don't fancy going back to an English winter. However do you think that a return trip in September could be even more unsettling given my current feelings?
All advice gratefully received
We're both independent people and in London had are own lives as well as one as a couple. For the past 4 months we've spent all out time together and we're both beginning to feel the strain. I made most of my friends in London through work, however here I work with just one other person, so I have no kind of social interaction during my day either. It's driving me nuts. I have joined a nightclass and a gym, but don't really see anything coming of it.
So all in all, I'd give the past 4 months 5 out of ten, however I'm not willing to give up yet and am desperate to make this experience work.
Anyway to my question. We arrived on a return ticket, and we were considering going back to the UK in September for a couple of weeks. It is valid until Feb, but we have loads of people coming to visit between October and Feb, and I don't fancy going back to an English winter. However do you think that a return trip in September could be even more unsettling given my current feelings?
All advice gratefully received
Jun 24th 2004, 6:06 am
#2
Keeping it fairly real
Joined: Jun 2004
Location: In the sun
Posts: 32,863
Re: Trip back to UK, stay or go?
Originally posted by babyface
My wife and I have now been in Sydney for nearly 4 months - so far so not great. We are renting a nice house, in a nice area but for some reason things just aren't taking off for us. We're struggling to meet like-minded people and don't really have a social life yet. I guess we're neither backpackers, nor family-minded, just young marrieds in that grey area in-between, where being in a couple works against you when you arrive in a new city.
We're both independent people and in London had are own lives as well as one as a couple. For the past 4 months we've spent all out time together and we're both beginning to feel the strain. I made most of my friends in London through work, however here I work with just one other person, so I have no kind of social interaction during my day either. It's driving me nuts. I have joined a nightclass and a gym, but don't really see anything coming of it.
So all in all, I'd give the past 4 months 5 out of ten, however I'm not willing to give up yet and am desperate to make this experience work.
Anyway to my question. We arrived on a return ticket, and we were considering going back to the UK in September for a couple of weeks. It is valid until Feb, but we have loads of people coming to visit between October and Feb, and I don't fancy going back to an English winter. However do you think that a return trip in September could be even more unsettling given my current feelings?
All advice gratefully received
My wife and I have now been in Sydney for nearly 4 months - so far so not great. We are renting a nice house, in a nice area but for some reason things just aren't taking off for us. We're struggling to meet like-minded people and don't really have a social life yet. I guess we're neither backpackers, nor family-minded, just young marrieds in that grey area in-between, where being in a couple works against you when you arrive in a new city.
We're both independent people and in London had are own lives as well as one as a couple. For the past 4 months we've spent all out time together and we're both beginning to feel the strain. I made most of my friends in London through work, however here I work with just one other person, so I have no kind of social interaction during my day either. It's driving me nuts. I have joined a nightclass and a gym, but don't really see anything coming of it.
So all in all, I'd give the past 4 months 5 out of ten, however I'm not willing to give up yet and am desperate to make this experience work.
Anyway to my question. We arrived on a return ticket, and we were considering going back to the UK in September for a couple of weeks. It is valid until Feb, but we have loads of people coming to visit between October and Feb, and I don't fancy going back to an English winter. However do you think that a return trip in September could be even more unsettling given my current feelings?
All advice gratefully received
I am not in your position so is hard to comment. However we are off to Perth in September (hopefully) and we have discussed this very subject about returning home for a holiday after about 6 months to a year.
We decided against it as it would def make us unsettled. We have a network of friends and family already in Oz so I suppose we are more fortunate than you.
Our first trip back home is pencilled in for 3 years down the line.
If you returned back to Blighty I think you would find going back to Oz very hard given your circumstances. Hang in there, I'm sure it will all work out for you.
Walla
Jun 24th 2004, 6:17 am
#3
Master of verbal pish©
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 22,198
Re: Trip back to UK, stay or go?
Originally posted by babyface
My wife and I have now been in Sydney for nearly 4 months - so far so not great. We are renting a nice house, in a nice area but for some reason things just aren't taking off for us. We're struggling to meet like-minded people and don't really have a social life yet. I guess we're neither backpackers, nor family-minded, just young marrieds in that grey area in-between, where being in a couple works against you when you arrive in a new city.
We're both independent people and in London had are own lives as well as one as a couple. For the past 4 months we've spent all out time together and we're both beginning to feel the strain. I made most of my friends in London through work, however here I work with just one other person, so I have no kind of social interaction during my day either. It's driving me nuts. I have joined a nightclass and a gym, but don't really see anything coming of it.
So all in all, I'd give the past 4 months 5 out of ten, however I'm not willing to give up yet and am desperate to make this experience work.
Anyway to my question. We arrived on a return ticket, and we were considering going back to the UK in September for a couple of weeks. It is valid until Feb, but we have loads of people coming to visit between October and Feb, and I don't fancy going back to an English winter. However do you think that a return trip in September could be even more unsettling given my current feelings?
All advice gratefully received
My wife and I have now been in Sydney for nearly 4 months - so far so not great. We are renting a nice house, in a nice area but for some reason things just aren't taking off for us. We're struggling to meet like-minded people and don't really have a social life yet. I guess we're neither backpackers, nor family-minded, just young marrieds in that grey area in-between, where being in a couple works against you when you arrive in a new city.
We're both independent people and in London had are own lives as well as one as a couple. For the past 4 months we've spent all out time together and we're both beginning to feel the strain. I made most of my friends in London through work, however here I work with just one other person, so I have no kind of social interaction during my day either. It's driving me nuts. I have joined a nightclass and a gym, but don't really see anything coming of it.
So all in all, I'd give the past 4 months 5 out of ten, however I'm not willing to give up yet and am desperate to make this experience work.
Anyway to my question. We arrived on a return ticket, and we were considering going back to the UK in September for a couple of weeks. It is valid until Feb, but we have loads of people coming to visit between October and Feb, and I don't fancy going back to an English winter. However do you think that a return trip in September could be even more unsettling given my current feelings?
All advice gratefully received
In the uk it took u years to build th friendships you had, give it time. Have you joined any local RSL clubs? Its a good place to start. They are full of Brits. Just listen till u hear someone from the uk and introduce yourself, explaining the trouble your having. Most have been in your position before. You just need to push it a bit ! Dont get me wrong, im not saying dont intorduce urself to Australians. It just helps if u have something in common to start with. An accents always easy to spot.
So this weekend, Get out there and start pushing yourself on people. If they dont like you, u will soon know.
Good luck
Soapy
Last edited by soapy©; Jun 24th 2004 at 6:19 am.
Jun 24th 2004, 6:33 am
#4
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 13,233
Re: Trip back to UK, stay or go?
I guess a lot of people must have these feelings. I know that Jules and I are going through it right now.
We arrived beginning of Feb, so 5 months now.
Some things have gone our way, others not.
Both found work real quick. Made some good friends and had great fun with them. Got a great apartment and made it feel like home.
Now my job could come to an end one month to the next. Two sets of friends we spent most our time with have moved to Brisbane. Now we've got to leave our apartment at the end of six month tenancy so landlord can renovate and up the rent 25%!!!
On top of that the homesick feelings are taking over
We've got lots of visitors in Oct, Nov & Dec which is something to look forward to
Meanwhile we work hard at building a social circle and keep reminding ourselves that we came here to enjoy life in Sydney so that's what we're going to do.
We arrived beginning of Feb, so 5 months now.
Some things have gone our way, others not.
Both found work real quick. Made some good friends and had great fun with them. Got a great apartment and made it feel like home.
Now my job could come to an end one month to the next. Two sets of friends we spent most our time with have moved to Brisbane. Now we've got to leave our apartment at the end of six month tenancy so landlord can renovate and up the rent 25%!!!
On top of that the homesick feelings are taking over
We've got lots of visitors in Oct, Nov & Dec which is something to look forward to
Meanwhile we work hard at building a social circle and keep reminding ourselves that we came here to enjoy life in Sydney so that's what we're going to do.
Jun 24th 2004, 6:39 am
#5
Master of verbal pish©
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 22,198
Re: Trip back to UK, stay or go?
Originally posted by JulesandChris
I guess a lot of people must have these feelings. I know that Jules and I are going through it right now.
We arrived beginning of Feb, so 5 months now.
Some things have gone our way, others not.
Both found work real quick. Made some good friends and had great fun with them. Got a great apartment and made it feel like home.
Now my job could come to an end one month to the next. Two sets of friends we spent most our time with have moved to Brisbane. Now we've got to leave our apartment at the end of six month tenancy so landlord can renovate and up the rent 25%!!!
On top of that the homesick feelings are taking over
We've got lots of visitors in Oct, Nov & Dec which is something to look forward to
Meanwhile we work hard at building a social circle and keep reminding ourselves that we came here to enjoy life in Sydney so that's what we're going to do.
I guess a lot of people must have these feelings. I know that Jules and I are going through it right now.
We arrived beginning of Feb, so 5 months now.
Some things have gone our way, others not.
Both found work real quick. Made some good friends and had great fun with them. Got a great apartment and made it feel like home.
Now my job could come to an end one month to the next. Two sets of friends we spent most our time with have moved to Brisbane. Now we've got to leave our apartment at the end of six month tenancy so landlord can renovate and up the rent 25%!!!
On top of that the homesick feelings are taking over
We've got lots of visitors in Oct, Nov & Dec which is something to look forward to
Meanwhile we work hard at building a social circle and keep reminding ourselves that we came here to enjoy life in Sydney so that's what we're going to do.
soapy
Jun 24th 2004, 6:39 am
#6
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 13,233
I wrote all that and never answered the question...
No I wouldn't go back. Although I would love to see everyone now, and it might be the last chance I get to see my parents (hope they don't read this) it would probably give us a real negative feeling towards Australia, when our judgement would be clouded by current problems (in post above).
Stick it out till you've had your first visitors, maybe when things are on a more even keel. Then you can get a more balanced picture.
If you want to meet up and have a moan together? pm me
No I wouldn't go back. Although I would love to see everyone now, and it might be the last chance I get to see my parents (hope they don't read this) it would probably give us a real negative feeling towards Australia, when our judgement would be clouded by current problems (in post above).
Stick it out till you've had your first visitors, maybe when things are on a more even keel. Then you can get a more balanced picture.
If you want to meet up and have a moan together? pm me
Jun 24th 2004, 6:47 am
#7
Master of verbal pish©
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 22,198
Originally posted by JulesandChris
I wrote all that and never answered the question...
No I wouldn't go back. Although I would love to see everyone now, and it might be the last chance I get to see my parents (hope they don't read this) it would probably give us a real negative feeling towards Australia, when our judgement would be clouded by current problems (in post above).
Stick it out till you've had your first visitors, maybe when things are on a more even keel. Then you can get a more balanced picture.
If you want to meet up and have a moan together? pm me
I wrote all that and never answered the question...
No I wouldn't go back. Although I would love to see everyone now, and it might be the last chance I get to see my parents (hope they don't read this) it would probably give us a real negative feeling towards Australia, when our judgement would be clouded by current problems (in post above).
Stick it out till you've had your first visitors, maybe when things are on a more even keel. Then you can get a more balanced picture.
If you want to meet up and have a moan together? pm me
The way i look at it
Its like starting a new school in anew area.
We brought 3 teenagers with us and told them the best way to meet pals was to push for friendship. It worked perfect. They are all well settled.
Confidence is a great thing! and if your not confident, pretend you are lol
Jun 24th 2004, 8:31 am
#8
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 11,149
It took you years to get together your social networks back home so you cannot expect these things to happen in 4 months in a new country. Most people I know here I regard as aquaintances and colleagues rather than friends. Making a new social network takes a lot of time. If you don't give it 2 years you cannot say that you truly tried. It is not easy uprooting yourself over 10,000 miles.
Personally I would go on holiday in Australia as going back is not a rest. I spent a week and a half back in the UK last year and could not stop for need of seeing people.
I believe someone might be organising another Sydney meet up so that may be a goer for you. The good thing is you recognise your problems and I am sure you can deal with them. Good luck whatever you decide.
Personally I would go on holiday in Australia as going back is not a rest. I spent a week and a half back in the UK last year and could not stop for need of seeing people.
I believe someone might be organising another Sydney meet up so that may be a goer for you. The good thing is you recognise your problems and I am sure you can deal with them. Good luck whatever you decide.
Jun 24th 2004, 10:06 am
#9
Crazy Cat Lady
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 65,493
Re: Trip back to UK, stay or go?
I would def stay, see over the worst of the homesickness. Once you are happier and have made friends etc then see. I am sure that if you come back to visit when on a downer you will just not want to go back at all.
Anyway, what do you mean you've made no friends, what about us lot on here
you will just not want to go back at all.Anyway, what do you mean you've made no friends, what about us lot on here
Jun 24th 2004, 10:38 am
#10
She's a bird, you know
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 7,655
Yep, try and ride it out for a few more months yet. A return trip home would be unsettling at the moment.
As BP said, there is some sort of Sydney meet up due to happen sometime soon - go along to that. Or organise your own by sticking the details up here. You'll find like-minded people there.
I can appreciate what you are going through, not because I've been there (going back to rural Oz where life is a little friendlier) but because a good friend of mine is. She's a pom, from London, married an aussie last year and has been living in Sydney since. SHe says she's never been so lonely.
PM me if you want me to see if you can meet up...
As BP said, there is some sort of Sydney meet up due to happen sometime soon - go along to that. Or organise your own by sticking the details up here. You'll find like-minded people there.
I can appreciate what you are going through, not because I've been there (going back to rural Oz where life is a little friendlier) but because a good friend of mine is. She's a pom, from London, married an aussie last year and has been living in Sydney since. SHe says she's never been so lonely.
PM me if you want me to see if you can meet up...
Jun 24th 2004, 1:57 pm
#11
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Joined: May 2004
Location: Crawley West Sussex
Posts: 2,315
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Personally I would go on holiday in Australia as going back is not a rest. I spent a week and a half back in the UK last year and could not stop for need of seeing people.
Personally I would go on holiday in Australia as going back is not a rest. I spent a week and a half back in the UK last year and could not stop for need of seeing people.
Also taking a holiday in Oz might give you a chance to see another area which you might find more easy to setle into than SYdney.
Just a thought, but dont give up yet.
Kala
Jun 24th 2004, 3:26 pm
#12
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Sydney
Posts: 314
Re: Trip back to UK, stay or go?
I was listening to my friends daughters talk a few weeks ago (emmigrated to brisbane 2 years ago). The 18 year old was finding it hard to make friends and had just started college. The 10 year old said 'Louise you just have to follow people round all day until they have to talk to you - it worked for me'!
To be 10 again!
To be 10 again!
Jun 24th 2004, 4:18 pm
#13
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Trip back to UK, stay or go?
Originally posted by babyface
My wife and I have now been in Sydney for nearly 4 months - so far so not great. We are renting a nice house, in a nice area but for some reason things just aren't taking off for us. We're struggling to meet like-minded people and don't really have a social life yet. I guess we're neither backpackers, nor family-minded, just young marrieds in that grey area in-between, where being in a couple works against you when you arrive in a new city.
We're both independent people and in London had are own lives as well as one as a couple. For the past 4 months we've spent all out time together and we're both beginning to feel the strain. I made most of my friends in London through work, however here I work with just one other person, so I have no kind of social interaction during my day either. It's driving me nuts. I have joined a nightclass and a gym, but don't really see anything coming of it.
So all in all, I'd give the past 4 months 5 out of ten, however I'm not willing to give up yet and am desperate to make this experience work.
Anyway to my question. We arrived on a return ticket, and we were considering going back to the UK in September for a couple of weeks. It is valid until Feb, but we have loads of people coming to visit between October and Feb, and I don't fancy going back to an English winter. However do you think that a return trip in September could be even more unsettling given my current feelings?
All advice gratefully received
My wife and I have now been in Sydney for nearly 4 months - so far so not great. We are renting a nice house, in a nice area but for some reason things just aren't taking off for us. We're struggling to meet like-minded people and don't really have a social life yet. I guess we're neither backpackers, nor family-minded, just young marrieds in that grey area in-between, where being in a couple works against you when you arrive in a new city.
We're both independent people and in London had are own lives as well as one as a couple. For the past 4 months we've spent all out time together and we're both beginning to feel the strain. I made most of my friends in London through work, however here I work with just one other person, so I have no kind of social interaction during my day either. It's driving me nuts. I have joined a nightclass and a gym, but don't really see anything coming of it.
So all in all, I'd give the past 4 months 5 out of ten, however I'm not willing to give up yet and am desperate to make this experience work.
Anyway to my question. We arrived on a return ticket, and we were considering going back to the UK in September for a couple of weeks. It is valid until Feb, but we have loads of people coming to visit between October and Feb, and I don't fancy going back to an English winter. However do you think that a return trip in September could be even more unsettling given my current feelings?
All advice gratefully received
I think it would definately unsettle you and would advise not to do it.
Have you thought of joing a club like Apex - similar to the Round Table in the Uk except its open to men and women. We were active memebers of Table and Ladies Circle (Jill not me !!) in the UK and have already been in otuch with them in Perth - they are sure to have an outlet in Sydney.
Its a great club to a) meet like minded "professional" people who want a good time and b) do a bit of good getting involved in the community. They have regaulr meets and social evenings where you both should be able to make a new circle of friends.
Jill has already been invited out to their next meeting in August (they break over the Oz Winter) and have seemed ever so helpful and friendly. Its not for everyone but if its like the UK they like their beers, food and just having a good time !!
I think the link is www.apex.com.au but if you do a search you should find it.
good luck with whatever you do. Don't give up just yet as just think of all the grief that you went through to get there in the first place !!
Best wishes
Warren
Perth 2004....Twice !!
:scared: :scared:
Jun 24th 2004, 4:21 pm
#14
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2003
Location: Renting in Port Kennedy Perth
Posts: 447
We have talked about the "returning to UK" soon after leaving & decided against it. We were going to go this summer & return in December for hubbies sister wedding - but decided it would be too unsettling so soon after moving. So we have decided to stay until after the wedding & leave on 3/1.
Maybe it might be worth joining a club where you play a team game - that way it is a bit easier to get to know your team members & there tends to be more of a social side to things - I joined a gym & although you see some familiar faces each time - it often does not strech to having drinks after etc. just a thought!
Stick with it - it has been a long journey & as they say friendships take a long time to form.
cheers
pockygoes
Maybe it might be worth joining a club where you play a team game - that way it is a bit easier to get to know your team members & there tends to be more of a social side to things - I joined a gym & although you see some familiar faces each time - it often does not strech to having drinks after etc. just a thought!
Stick with it - it has been a long journey & as they say friendships take a long time to form.
cheers
pockygoes
Jun 24th 2004, 5:37 pm
#15
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,389
Most people seem to be advising you not to go back to uk so soon. I can see their point of view. It definately takes longer than 4 months to settle in and make friends.
I never had a problem with homesickness whilst living abroad, but my daughter missed her uk friends when we went to the far east and several parents advised us to make a trip back to uk to see her friends during the summer holidays after a year. We did and she enjoyed the trip and seeing old friends but also began to see that she had made friends at her new school and couldn't wait to return!. Then when we relocated back to uk after 6 yrs she missed her friends in Singapore! she's tried hard to make friends at school here in uk. she had many moments of homesickness for singapore in our first yr back so I decided to take her back for a week last November to visit the school and friends there . It was the right thing for her. It really helped her settle into this school year.
Each person needs to find their comfort zone in a new environment and we were lucky enough to have masses of "airmiles" to allow our daughter to make those trips.
Only you know what will help you, what will you gain from a trip to uk? Will it help you settle in oz? Then do it. If you think it might cause you a set back in your efforts to integrate then leave it longer.
BEST WISHES
Helinuk
I never had a problem with homesickness whilst living abroad, but my daughter missed her uk friends when we went to the far east and several parents advised us to make a trip back to uk to see her friends during the summer holidays after a year. We did and she enjoyed the trip and seeing old friends but also began to see that she had made friends at her new school and couldn't wait to return!. Then when we relocated back to uk after 6 yrs she missed her friends in Singapore! she's tried hard to make friends at school here in uk. she had many moments of homesickness for singapore in our first yr back so I decided to take her back for a week last November to visit the school and friends there . It was the right thing for her. It really helped her settle into this school year.
Each person needs to find their comfort zone in a new environment and we were lucky enough to have masses of "airmiles" to allow our daughter to make those trips.
Only you know what will help you, what will you gain from a trip to uk? Will it help you settle in oz? Then do it. If you think it might cause you a set back in your efforts to integrate then leave it longer.
BEST WISHES
Helinuk