The trials of a British Ex-pat
Sep 23rd 2011, 3:33 am
#1
Almost more Oz than Pom
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2010
Location: Brisbane northern suburbs
Posts: 1,154
The trials of a British Ex-pat
DIARY OF A BRITISH EX-PAT IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA
August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in
Karratha, Western Australia.
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here.
September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today.
No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned
car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a
sun-worshipper - no blasted rain like back in Leeds!!
September 30 - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots
of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me! Another scorcher today, but
I love it here. It's Paradise!
October 10 - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy
though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than we
expected.
October 15 - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over
60% of my body. Missed three days off work. What a dumb thing to do..
Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!
October 20 - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I
left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work,
Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the
upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat ****. I've learned my
lesson though: no more pets in this heat.
October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant blow
dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and
the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order
parts from bloody Perth ......The wife & the kids are complaining.
October 30 - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't
arrived for the air conditioner. House is an oven so we've all been
sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we
can't even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?
November 4 - Finally got the ****ing air-conditioner fixed. It cost $1,500
and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes
it feel about 35. Stupid thieving repairman.
November 8 - If one more smart bastard says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm
going to ****ing throttle him. ****ing heat! By the time I get to work, the
car radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking bloody wet and
I smell like baked cat. This place is the end of the Earth.
November 9 - Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on
the black leather upholstery in my car. I thought my arse was on
fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off
my arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked
cat.
November 10 -- The Weather report might as well be a ****ing recording.. Hot
and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and ****ing sunny. It never ****ing changes!
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 ****ing months and the weatherman
says it might really warm up next week. ****!
November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn ****ing place? Water
restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and
blow into the ****ing pool. The only things that thrive in this ****ing
hell-hole are the ****ing flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear of
swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!
November 20 - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 ****in' degrees today. Now the
air conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said,
'Hot enough for you today?' I wanted to shove the ****ing car up his ****ing
arse. Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of
jail for assaulting the stupid prick.
****ing Karratha! What kind of sick, demented ****ing idiot would want to
live here!
December 1 - WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!! You are ****ing kidding
me!
August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in
Karratha, Western Australia.
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here.
September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today.
No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned
car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a
sun-worshipper - no blasted rain like back in Leeds!!
September 30 - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots
of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me! Another scorcher today, but
I love it here. It's Paradise!
October 10 - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy
though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than we
expected.
October 15 - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over
60% of my body. Missed three days off work. What a dumb thing to do..
Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!
October 20 - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I
left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work,
Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the
upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat ****. I've learned my
lesson though: no more pets in this heat.
October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant blow
dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and
the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order
parts from bloody Perth ......The wife & the kids are complaining.
October 30 - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't
arrived for the air conditioner. House is an oven so we've all been
sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we
can't even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?
November 4 - Finally got the ****ing air-conditioner fixed. It cost $1,500
and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes
it feel about 35. Stupid thieving repairman.
November 8 - If one more smart bastard says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm
going to ****ing throttle him. ****ing heat! By the time I get to work, the
car radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking bloody wet and
I smell like baked cat. This place is the end of the Earth.
November 9 - Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on
the black leather upholstery in my car. I thought my arse was on
fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off
my arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked
cat.
November 10 -- The Weather report might as well be a ****ing recording.. Hot
and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and ****ing sunny. It never ****ing changes!
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 ****ing months and the weatherman
says it might really warm up next week. ****!
November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn ****ing place? Water
restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and
blow into the ****ing pool. The only things that thrive in this ****ing
hell-hole are the ****ing flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear of
swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!
November 20 - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 ****in' degrees today. Now the
air conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said,
'Hot enough for you today?' I wanted to shove the ****ing car up his ****ing
arse. Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of
jail for assaulting the stupid prick.
****ing Karratha! What kind of sick, demented ****ing idiot would want to
live here!
December 1 - WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!! You are ****ing kidding
me!
Sep 23rd 2011, 3:58 am
#2
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 10,375
Re: The trials of a British Ex-pat
DIARY OF A BRITISH EX-PAT IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA
August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in
Karratha, Western Australia.
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here.
September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today.
No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned
car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a
sun-worshipper - no blasted rain like back in Leeds!!
September 30 - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots
of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me! Another scorcher today, but
I love it here. It's Paradise!
October 10 - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy
though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than we
expected.
October 15 - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over
60% of my body. Missed three days off work. What a dumb thing to do..
Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!
October 20 - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I
left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work,
Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the
upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat ****. I've learned my
lesson though: no more pets in this heat.
October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant blow
dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and
the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order
parts from bloody Perth ......The wife & the kids are complaining.
October 30 - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't
arrived for the air conditioner. House is an oven so we've all been
sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we
can't even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?
November 4 - Finally got the ****ing air-conditioner fixed. It cost $1,500
and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes
it feel about 35. Stupid thieving repairman.
November 8 - If one more smart bastard says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm
going to ****ing throttle him. ****ing heat! By the time I get to work, the
car radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking bloody wet and
I smell like baked cat. This place is the end of the Earth.
November 9 - Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on
the black leather upholstery in my car. I thought my arse was on
fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off
my arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked
cat.
November 10 -- The Weather report might as well be a ****ing recording.. Hot
and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and ****ing sunny. It never ****ing changes!
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 ****ing months and the weatherman
says it might really warm up next week. ****!
November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn ****ing place? Water
restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and
blow into the ****ing pool. The only things that thrive in this ****ing
hell-hole are the ****ing flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear of
swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!
November 20 - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 ****in' degrees today. Now the
air conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said,
'Hot enough for you today?' I wanted to shove the ****ing car up his ****ing
arse. Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of
jail for assaulting the stupid prick.
****ing Karratha! What kind of sick, demented ****ing idiot would want to
live here!
December 1 - WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!! You are ****ing kidding
me!
August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in
Karratha, Western Australia.
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here.
September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today.
No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned
car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a
sun-worshipper - no blasted rain like back in Leeds!!
September 30 - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots
of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me! Another scorcher today, but
I love it here. It's Paradise!
October 10 - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy
though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than we
expected.
October 15 - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over
60% of my body. Missed three days off work. What a dumb thing to do..
Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!
October 20 - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I
left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work,
Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the
upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat ****. I've learned my
lesson though: no more pets in this heat.
October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant blow
dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and
the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order
parts from bloody Perth ......The wife & the kids are complaining.
October 30 - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't
arrived for the air conditioner. House is an oven so we've all been
sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we
can't even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?
November 4 - Finally got the ****ing air-conditioner fixed. It cost $1,500
and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes
it feel about 35. Stupid thieving repairman.
November 8 - If one more smart bastard says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm
going to ****ing throttle him. ****ing heat! By the time I get to work, the
car radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking bloody wet and
I smell like baked cat. This place is the end of the Earth.
November 9 - Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on
the black leather upholstery in my car. I thought my arse was on
fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off
my arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked
cat.
November 10 -- The Weather report might as well be a ****ing recording.. Hot
and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and ****ing sunny. It never ****ing changes!
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 ****ing months and the weatherman
says it might really warm up next week. ****!
November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn ****ing place? Water
restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and
blow into the ****ing pool. The only things that thrive in this ****ing
hell-hole are the ****ing flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear of
swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!
November 20 - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 ****in' degrees today. Now the
air conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said,
'Hot enough for you today?' I wanted to shove the ****ing car up his ****ing
arse. Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of
jail for assaulting the stupid prick.
****ing Karratha! What kind of sick, demented ****ing idiot would want to
live here!
December 1 - WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!! You are ****ing kidding
me!
An oldie, but its that time of year again soon and I HATE it.
Sep 23rd 2011, 3:55 pm
#3
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: in Paisley, for now!
Posts: 170
Re: The trials of a British Ex-pat
DIARY OF A BRITISH EX-PAT IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA
August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in
Karratha, Western Australia.
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here.
September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today.
No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned
car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a
sun-worshipper - no blasted rain like back in Leeds!!
September 30 - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots
of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me! Another scorcher today, but
I love it here. It's Paradise!
October 10 - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy
though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than we
expected.
October 15 - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over
60% of my body. Missed three days off work. What a dumb thing to do..
Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!
October 20 - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I
left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work,
Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the
upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat ****. I've learned my
lesson though: no more pets in this heat.
October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant blow
dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and
the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order
parts from bloody Perth ......The wife & the kids are complaining.
October 30 - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't
arrived for the air conditioner. House is an oven so we've all been
sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we
can't even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?
November 4 - Finally got the ****ing air-conditioner fixed. It cost $1,500
and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes
it feel about 35. Stupid thieving repairman.
November 8 - If one more smart bastard says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm
going to ****ing throttle him. ****ing heat! By the time I get to work, the
car radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking bloody wet and
I smell like baked cat. This place is the end of the Earth.
November 9 - Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on
the black leather upholstery in my car. I thought my arse was on
fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off
my arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked
cat.
November 10 -- The Weather report might as well be a ****ing recording.. Hot
and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and ****ing sunny. It never ****ing changes!
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 ****ing months and the weatherman
says it might really warm up next week. ****!
November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn ****ing place? Water
restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and
blow into the ****ing pool. The only things that thrive in this ****ing
hell-hole are the ****ing flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear of
swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!
November 20 - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 ****in' degrees today. Now the
air conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said,
'Hot enough for you today?' I wanted to shove the ****ing car up his ****ing
arse. Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of
jail for assaulting the stupid prick.
****ing Karratha! What kind of sick, demented ****ing idiot would want to
live here!
December 1 - WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!! You are ****ing kidding
me!
August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in
Karratha, Western Australia.
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here.
September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today.
No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned
car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a
sun-worshipper - no blasted rain like back in Leeds!!
September 30 - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots
of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me! Another scorcher today, but
I love it here. It's Paradise!
October 10 - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy
though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than we
expected.
October 15 - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over
60% of my body. Missed three days off work. What a dumb thing to do..
Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!
October 20 - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I
left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work,
Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the
upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat ****. I've learned my
lesson though: no more pets in this heat.
October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant blow
dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and
the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order
parts from bloody Perth ......The wife & the kids are complaining.
October 30 - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't
arrived for the air conditioner. House is an oven so we've all been
sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we
can't even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?
November 4 - Finally got the ****ing air-conditioner fixed. It cost $1,500
and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes
it feel about 35. Stupid thieving repairman.
November 8 - If one more smart bastard says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm
going to ****ing throttle him. ****ing heat! By the time I get to work, the
car radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking bloody wet and
I smell like baked cat. This place is the end of the Earth.
November 9 - Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on
the black leather upholstery in my car. I thought my arse was on
fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off
my arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked
cat.
November 10 -- The Weather report might as well be a ****ing recording.. Hot
and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and ****ing sunny. It never ****ing changes!
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 ****ing months and the weatherman
says it might really warm up next week. ****!
November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn ****ing place? Water
restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and
blow into the ****ing pool. The only things that thrive in this ****ing
hell-hole are the ****ing flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear of
swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!
November 20 - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 ****in' degrees today. Now the
air conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said,
'Hot enough for you today?' I wanted to shove the ****ing car up his ****ing
arse. Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of
jail for assaulting the stupid prick.
****ing Karratha! What kind of sick, demented ****ing idiot would want to
live here!
December 1 - WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!! You are ****ing kidding
me!
first time ive seen that. very amusing
Sep 23rd 2011, 9:29 pm
#4
Banned
Joined: Apr 2010
Location: UK for the moment
Posts: 40
Re: The trials of a British Ex-pat
Briliant, well done
Sep 23rd 2011, 11:08 pm
#5
Banned
Joined: Jan 2011
Location: The REAL Utopia.
Posts: 9,910
Re: The trials of a British Ex-pat
An oldie but a goodie.
Sep 24th 2011, 8:51 pm
#6
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: Wales, UK
Posts: 309
Re: The trials of a British Ex-pat
...poor kitty 
Sep 25th 2011, 3:17 am
#7
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: In a house
Posts: 2,590
Re: The trials of a British Ex-pat
Lives in K'town, been lovely so far this winter, just starting to heat up now, bring on the heat & cyclones.
An awful lot of people come up here in the winter seeking work then flee South once the get a week of 40c plus evey day.
An awful lot of people come up here in the winter seeking work then flee South once the get a week of 40c plus evey day.
