ozzieeagle

Yes I think thats a wise move especially when there are kids involved.


It is worth it, try and have a time frame for when you will get together again.

Brisben

I am feeling you matey. My mum and dad just spent two weeks with me here in Brisbane, hadn't seen them since I left, all was OK we had a great time. Only when I dropped them at the airport did it really hit me how much I miss them in my life and although i realise that we as a family are much better off here. It is very hard to not feel homesick.

The passage of time helps along with regular phone contact.


Chin up mate

inOz2008

I guess I have no hope then - I started thinking like this the day she was born 2.5 yrs ago!!!

Ok I admit we were expecting a boy and the surprise of a girl gave me some odd initial thoughts along the lines of...OMG its a girl....wow look at her so tiny and sweet...oh no, she's gonna come home in 15yrs+ time with a smutty guy and leave us soon thereafter...

Hence I am enjoying time with her as best as I can between now and that dreadful moment in the future...I suppose girls we cannot "keep" to ourselves and boys we cannot get "rid off"

Kapri

What a touching post Ozzie.
It's definitely food for thought. My kids are 8 and 5 but perhaps in 15 years time I'll be in Australia and they'll be drawn to London's bright lights.

Hopefully for you Buzzy is right and they will look to come back to Australia in a few years time.

bithbheo

Hi everyone....know what this feeling is like now that both my daughter and son have returned to the Uk to live. harder still now my son has joined the British Navy and serving a tour in the gulf...especially not being able to be there to welcome him home ......not only have the kids moved back to the UK but also my parents !!! Have been home each year for the last 5 years and each time gets harder to leave them.....
The waiting at the airport for the final goodbyes is the worst so we now avoid the airport meets and departs by booking a hire car to pick up at the airport and drop back to airport.... so can do the goodbyes at their homes....is better we have found as by time we have got to airport the tears have dried and we can become focused on trip back to Oz.

Bordy

As a fellow "Old Aussie Bastard" Ozzie I can see where you are coming from.
Believe me it will get 100 times worse if a little Ozzie Grandkid comes along & you have to say goodbye to this little bundle who doesn't understand the world yet.
Then it will get 1000 times worse when the grandchild knows who her or his grampa are. Who the **** said life gets easier as you get older.

Cheetah7

The hardest thing for me was when I left my Dad at the station the day before we left.

It didn't hit me till I got home and then I cried for about 2 hours or more.

Every day that I have been here (only 4 weeks), I have alternate thoughts of how lucky I am to be living here, how healthy I am feeling, etc and these thoughts are quite violently replaced by the face that my Dad is getting older - 70 this year and I won't be part of future family gatherings.

I think that by leaving I have removed a piece of the 'family jigsaw' leaving a gap in my family.

Sometimes when Dad phones he sounds old, sometimes he sounds just like Dad but although I have my life to live and after years of asthma, I am enjoying living it healthily, I am only too aware that there are several people that I literally miss with a passion.

This has been from day one, I am not in any way homesick - I dont miss nor care for Tesco or Sainsburys, I dont miss English pubs/culture - I have been there and done that and just because you move countries, that doesnt remove your appreciation for history or culture - you can keep that knowledge up yourself should you choose to do so.

The pain of leaving family cannot be anticipated in advance and can only be dealt with on a day to day basis, positive thoughts and plenty of contact - god bless Facebook as I can post videos on there.

It hurts me to think that those I love will get older and I won't see it. It confuses me to think that if I would give anything to have my Mum back then why have I left my Dad?

But one thing is for sure, I have had my asthma govern my life in the past and I have had my share of living in the 'wrong place'.

Rarely in the past, did I get out of bed with such enthusiasm for the day ahead and rarely have I felt such passion about my surroundings - till I came to Australia.

The flight here was quick, it is a distant memory and if I have to go back for family reasons then we will find the money and the flight time will soon pale into insignificance.

Dad/my sisters are already planning a trip to come and see us and we speak loads of times in the week on the phone and he knows as much about my life now as he did when we were in London - he just hears me speak about stuff with a different voice - I am happier.

Life is short and we only have one chance to live it, and we only have one family to share our lives with.

I guess it is about striking up a balance about satisfying our own needs and not making it too much at the expense of others.

Share your life with your loved ones, keep up the contact, stay happy in what you do and keep in mind that distance does not stop a relationship and cannot affect how much you love someone.

I shall be buying my phonecard tomorrow and calling 'my lot'.

quoll

My sympathies ozzieeagle - not easy is it????

My parents are now 84 and I also have one son living in UK - leaving them every year gets harder and harder. I hold it together while we go to the station just down the road from their place then when I get on the train I bawl my eyes out (not a pretty sight for other passengers!). Every year I wonder if this is the last time I will see them. They have been absolutely brilliant - when I first left them to live in PNG at 24 they basically just waved me goodbye and told me to get on with it. When I took away their only grandson they just waved us goodbye and made plans to come for a holiday and they did - for 15 years they came for half a year every year. Now they are too old and they will never get to see their great granddaughter who lives here with her dad, our other son. My heart bleeds for them that they will never get to meet the sweetest little girl (they only had grandsons!) who has blessed our lives with her arrival last year. Mum has learned to use the computer so she can download pictures and print them off but she hasnt mastered videos yet!

Our eldest son has been back twice in 6 years - he comes and slips right back into the family but he itches to go back home again and he is heading down the path to stay in UK for some years yet - career and lifestyle are what are keeping him there. I doubt that he looks back at us, here, once he is on the plane (we didnt look back when we came here all young, bright eyed and bushy tailed, so why should he look back?!) He went for a "gap" year - yeah right! He has his own life to lead so if we get a sms once a month we are doing well - he is a busy chap so emails are also fairly sparse on the ground and he really doesnt have time for video calls via skype!

No one told us that this could be so bl**dy hard!

NKSK version 2

Ozzie - I've just spent the last 30 minutes pondering this post. And I'd just about decided to move back to the UK on the basis of it!

But then I kind of realised that moving back to the UK wouldn't stop this happening (not that you necessarily suggested that it would). We could have been living in the UK consistently and my children could still meet someone from abroad and move continents. And I'd still be just as bereft...!

ozzieeagle

Thanks everyone for relating their experiences, it is tough. One week and a few days on, and things are becoming easier again. Everyone has their own way of coping. I think the most difficult thing to deal with, would be elderly parents and knowing that time is limited. I've had a trip to the UK booked for over 9 months now, well before my daughter arranged her flying visit. I'm going back on my own for a trip for 5 weeks trip commencing on the 30th of next month, primarily to see my ageing parents.

I'm glad that you realised you cannot predict the future NKSK. I would have felt terribly guilty had you upped stumps because of our individual experience.

My own personal solution, which I'm on target to achieve, is to plan retirement so I can spend as much time in the UK and Europe as I want. Still thats at least 9 years away, which almost certainly wont solve the issue of distance with my Parents.

Still If my Children decide to move where ever. The wife and I should have the capacity to turn up on their doorsteps whenever we feel we want to...... hopefully. I think where kids are concerned this is probably the way to go.

Chef69

BEING A MUM
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter
casually mentions that she and her husband are
thinking of 'starting a family.' 'We're taking a
survey,' she says half-joking. 'Do you think I should
have a baby?' 'It will change your life,' I say,
carefully keeping my tone neutral. 'I know,' she
says, 'no more sleeping in on weekends, no more
spontaneous vacations.' But that is not what I meant
at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what
to tell her. I want her to know what she will never
learn in childbirth classes.

I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child
bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave
her with an emotional wound so raw that she will
forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she
will never again read a newspaper without asking,
'What if that had been MY child?' That every plane
crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she
sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if
anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish
suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she
is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive
level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent
call of 'Mum!' will cause her to drop a souffle or her
best crystal without a moments hesitation.

I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many
years she has invested in her career, she will be
professionally derailed by motherhood. She might
arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going
into an important business meeting and she will think
of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every
ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to
make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every day decisions
will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's
desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's
at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right
there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming
children, issues of independence and gender identity
will be weighed against the prospect that a child
molester may be lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will
second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking
at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that
eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but
she will never feel the same about herself.

That her life, now so important, will be of less value
to her once she has a child. That she would give
herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will
also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish
her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish
theirs.

I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny
stretch marks will become badges of honor. My
daughter's relationship with her husband will change,
and not in the way she thinks. I wish she could
understand how much more you can love a man who is
careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to
play with his child. I think she should know that she
will fall in love with him again for reasons she would
now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel
with women throughout history who have tried to stop
war, prejudice and drunk driving. I want to describe
to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child
learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the
belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of
a dog or cat for the first time.

I want her to taste the joy that is so real it
actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that
tears have formed in my eyes. 'You'll never regret
it,' I finally say. Then I reached across the table,
squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent
prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere
mortal women who stumble their way into this most
wonderful of callings.