hanjack

Been reading this thread with interest.We are Aussies that have been living in the Uk for 10 years now and our trip home last xmas confirmed that we do wish to return.
However,the pound has since gone down the gurgler and whilst it stays below 2.00 we are staying put.Might add that only 2 months ago we told them(family there and friends here) that we are definitely coming home only to watch it slip from our grasp.I am now 51 years old and certainly dont want a mortgage at my age.Our biggest fear now is that our eldest is doing his gcs's and as u all probably know they last 2 years here and its only a matter of time before he is in UNi and then the family is split up.We dont want that.
So we pray that things improve over here-(they are slowly) and the pound rebounds.We have a good lifestyle over here(most would envy) but home is home(to us) and while we have really had a great time it really is time to come home!We will of course miss our friends over here dreadfully but hopefully they will visit.

paularn

This also strikes close to home for me. I moved to OZ 10yrs ago. I had children from a previous marriage who wanted to stay in Canada with their father. My parents disowned me and I was the talk of the family for moving and leaving the kids in Canada....where they wanted to be!

I spent 3.5yrs in OZ and in that time I managed to get home a couple of times for holidays....only seeing my kids, no other family.

I moved back home, made amends with the parents. We've now been back 7yrs and we are going back....for a number of reasons. Our house is for sale and the plan is to go in January.

I told my mother the other day of the plan and she proceeded to tell me that I am making a huge mistake, I will have a tough time getting a job (I'm a nurse), we will never own another home, I will never own a home when I come back to Canada (umm...I'm not coming back to live again)...that its a huge mistake and she brought up that I should be here for the kids. She also said that she knows I've talked about wanting to go back but didn't actually think I would follow through with it (ahhh...I did it before - you'd think she'd know me better!)

My oldest daughter (24yo) has been laying on the guilt trip HUGE. I will miss out on helping to plan her wedding, I will miss out on being here when she has a baby, etc etc etc. She is doing major emotional blackmail. Meanwhile, we live 10minutes apart and I rarely see her because she (and the other kids) are living their own lives and doing their own thing. And everything revolves around her father. I told her yesterday that I want her to try and get to the stage of saying to herself 'yeah I'm not thrilled with it'...'yeah I wish you wouldn't go'....but....'I want you to be happy'. Just like I'm doing with her at the moment with her personal life choices. If it makes her happy, I'll stand beside her decision, even though I may not like it or agree with it.

It is tough and it makes it even harder when they lay on the guilt trip.

pintara

Hi,
Just wanted to share from a slightly different perspective. I've been living in the UK for a number of years, my parents are in Oz. We talk every day on Skype and my little girl recognises them and loves to show them her toys through the camera! In some ways it has brought us even closer. I hope it all works out for you, time will hopefully help. Enjoy your adventure!

kaungchiau

Speaking from my own experience, it has been easy. I have been living away from home in the last 11 years, the first 2 years, I have classmates and the 9 years after that, virtually on my own.

As for coming to Oz, I informed them before I submit my application. There was no reaction, as they have got used to my absense for so many years. I hope there are understanding parents out there, people leave the UK not necessarily because the grass is greener elsewhere, but economic condition forces many people to do so.

travelbug

This is a thread that is close to my heart. It is now over 2 1/2 years since we got our PR visa's and broke the news to my parents and my OH's mum. We originally intended to move back in 2007 after we'd done our validation trip. Unfortunately when we got back it wasn't long before the credit crunch struck and we were unable to sell our house here. We are now trying again for the 3rd time after having several breaks' in trying to sell due to the property market and due to a family loss this year, but we do hope to move over to Oz next year.
Telling my parents broke my heart as they adore my two kids, but whereas my Dad is fully supportive and can appreciate our reasons for moving, my Mum has spent a lot of the last 2 years making me feel very guilty. We do not spend much time together anyway as our relationship has never been very great, her attention is normally focused on the kids. She never mentions Oz and if someone else brings it up, she normally decides to leave the room to busy herself making a cup of tea or something! The only times her behaviour has improved has been each time we've taken our house off the market, so i think each time that happened she was hoping we'd changed our mind about going. My OH's Mum though took the news much better, although we know she was sad. But my OH's sister has lived in Oz for the last 20years, so she knew that close contact would remain if both sides made the effort & even though she's now in her 70's she's not adverse to travelling out to Oz for holidays and has done this many times over the years.

My parents unfortunately will never be able to visit us, and i'm not sure they would ever have chosen to visit Oz if they were well enough to. My father has a lung disease and has an oxygen machine at home. My mother has a kidney disease and has recently started home dialysis, both of their illnesses having worsened since we started our visa applications nearly 4 years ago. These things add to my guilt of moving away as i feel like the worst daughter in the world for even considering moving away from them, let alone taking the kids away from them. Because i could not discuss these feelings with my parents i once wrote them a very long letter explaining how i felt and that i knew how much our actions would hurt them. I wasn't trying to justify our actions, but wanting to reassure them that us moving didn't mean that we didn't love them any less...My Dad's only comment to me spilling my heart out in a letter was "why did you pop it through the letterbox instead of knocking with it?" - and to this day my Mum has never acknowledged the letter...

However, my parents have both suffered ill-health for many years and neither will ever regain good-health. I have always lived near them (i will be 40 next year) and seen them often, whereas my older brother has lived in different countries / different area's in the UK and they have always accepted that as the norm for him. I have a younger brother who is much closer to my parents than i am, who lives very near them and i know he will be there for them when we leave...So i have spent the last year trying to
emotionally "distance" myself from their current situation so that i can enable us to still go-ahead with our plans and at least give Oz a go. When friends have been upset and likewise with the OH's mum and my parents i normally say that it may only be for a while that we go - just for the experience - and i think for some to think that we may come back one day makes it easier for them to deal with (and it also eases my own guilt feelings). I am hoping that should we ever decide not to come back that by then they will have adapted & gotten used to the fact that we're far away.

It is hard to think about not seeing them and with their ill-health knowing that there's always the possibility i may need to come back in an emergency, but i once said to my 6 year old daughter "will you miss your Nanny's and Grandad if we move to Australia" and she said "yes of course i will, but i can ring them on the telephone like when i do at home"!

To us this has always been the hardest part of the whole emigration process....No-one said it would be easy - and they were blooming right!

Mrs Vash

You can cry on my shoulder any time

My Mum can't fly and like another poster on this thread, we have taken my parents' only grandchild abroad. I constantly feel sad about this, but in the end, it was weighing up whether our daughter would have a better life here or in the UK that swung it for me. A 51/49% decision.

James516

We moved about 18 months ago and since then my OH has seen her mum for a combined total of about 5 months, with another 4 weeks to come in Feb. She comes out 2x a year, we go back 1x a year. She sees her mum far more now than we ever did in the UK.

Which may be why I've been looking at the MBTUK forum

nbn8

We are looking to migrate next year and I am very close to my family as I see them most days and they take an active part in my childens lives. OH hasnt seen his parents for over a year and they are the opposite in that out of choice take NO part in our childrens lives. My parents although obviously very upset are very supportive. We talk about it in length and mum's response has been yes she will miss us all dearly but her only comfort is that she must have done a good job in bringing me up if I can give up my life and move to the other side of the world she is so proud. (you can imagine my tears at this point).

I to am so proud to have them both as my parents and feel very lucky that they will come to visit and I understand that this is not the case for some. IMO it is very sad that some parents are willing to loose friendship in order to remain angry/bitter at the loss rather than trying to make the best of the situation. My dad again is very supportive although he hasnt travelled abroad for a number of years due to illness he is willing or should I say determined to make the flight to visit. Of course I have the guilty feelings all of the time how can I take the children away from their grandparents, Aunts, cousins etc but I think its one of those we need to give a go situations.

Who knows what the future holds..........I just wish everyone had the same support as what Im getting at the moment as it sure makes this hard process a little easier.

My closest friend on the otherhand is the exact opposite, he has not been involved with any of the process and infact it has turned into a taboo subject but who knows what will happen.......

simongb

This is a big issue. Australia is much father away than the USA, where I live, but it's the same thing for people all over the world. Missing family and friends and what to do as your parents age. I am lucky that I come home several times a year. Both my parents have died in the last 10 months and it has been very, very difficult. I have been back and forth many times and missed a lot of work. This is something you have to expect when you live far away. Not only do you have to emotionally deal with the thought of sick parents, you have the dilemma of whether to return to the UK or not (is it the right time? Should I go now or wait awhile??) and your other siblings having all the responsibility. It's just very difficult and there are issues to deal with that family who live round the corner don't have to face.