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For those who had terrible hassles with family...

For those who had terrible hassles with family...

Old Dec 3rd 2006, 3:21 am
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Default For those who had terrible hassles with family...

Remember ages ago we had a thread about how many people here had family who'd practically disowned them for moving to Australia?

I was wondering whether relationships had improved now there was more space between you all or are things as bad as they were before?
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Old Dec 3rd 2006, 6:11 am
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Default Re: For those who had terrible hassles with family...

Originally Posted by iPom
Remember ages ago we had a thread about how many people here had family who'd practically disowned them for moving to Australia?

I was wondering whether relationships had improved now there was more space between you all or are things as bad as they were before?

My relationship with my Mum is improving but had been prior to moving over - she had sort of started to accept the inevitable. My Dad however, is another kettle of fish altogether. Hes not really speaking to me - any contact is initiated by me , he's only talking to the kids on the phone. I've sent photos and am calling regularly but relations are very strained
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Old Dec 3rd 2006, 6:22 am
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Default Re: For those who had terrible hassles with family...

Originally Posted by sme
My relationship with my Mum is improving but had been prior to moving over - she had sort of started to accept the inevitable. My Dad however, is another kettle of fish altogether. Hes not really speaking to me - any contact is initiated by me , he's only talking to the kids on the phone. I've sent photos and am calling regularly but relations are very strained
Do you think he's a bit too proud to get over it for now? Or to admit he was unreasonable?
I'm sorry it's strained, but keep doing what you're doing sme... At least he's talking to the kids... Have they noticed anything?
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Old Dec 3rd 2006, 6:32 am
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Default Re: For those who had terrible hassles with family...

The loose relationships we had have remained the same. The tight ones have suffered.
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Old Dec 3rd 2006, 7:29 am
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Default Re: For those who had terrible hassles with family...

Originally Posted by sme
My relationship with my Mum is improving but had been prior to moving over - she had sort of started to accept the inevitable. My Dad however, is another kettle of fish altogether. Hes not really speaking to me - any contact is initiated by me , he's only talking to the kids on the phone. I've sent photos and am calling regularly but relations are very strained


Surely they sould be happy for you? Gives them a reason for a holiday, dont you think? Thats unfortunate that your family were not behind the move. Good luck anyway. You only get one life. Live it and enjoy.
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Old Dec 3rd 2006, 7:47 am
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Default Re: For those who had terrible hassles with family...

When we moved to Spain my mum sent me a few really detrimental letters, telling me I couldn't look after the children or house properly, lazy, etc, you name it she said it, they were totally unjust and undeserved, I was dumbfounded along with being bloody hurt and angry. I couldn't talk to her for almost a year and she didnt even try and get in-touch, not even to speak to her grandsons. I called her when I made a trip to the UK and wished her a happy birthday and she broke down and cried, we met up but unfortunately didnt discuss the letters, it has become a subject which has been swept under the carpet, maybe because I dont want to embarrass her and I feel maybe her taking her anger out on me was her way of coping, no I'm not saying its acceptable but maybe there was a hint of jealousy too, I was starting on a new adventure...who knows. She often visits and calls and has got used to us being away, but now we are hoping to be in Brisbane from January she's getting nervous again, but its our life and the family know they are welcome to visit, my husbands family have always been great about it, only my mum causes the grief. I hope it will be easier for her with our next move!!
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Old Dec 3rd 2006, 8:03 am
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Default Re: For those who had terrible hassles with family...

Originally Posted by paulainspain
When we moved to Spain my mum sent me a few really detrimental letters, telling me I couldn't look after the children or house properly, lazy, etc, you name it she said it, they were totally unjust and undeserved, I was dumbfounded along with being bloody hurt and angry. I couldn't talk to her for almost a year and she didnt even try and get in-touch, not even to speak to her grandsons. I called her when I made a trip to the UK and wished her a happy birthday and she broke down and cried, we met up but unfortunately didnt discuss the letters, it has become a subject which has been swept under the carpet, maybe because I dont want to embarrass her and I feel maybe her taking her anger out on me was her way of coping, no I'm not saying its acceptable but maybe there was a hint of jealousy too, I was starting on a new adventure...who knows. She often visits and calls and has got used to us being away, but now we are hoping to be in Brisbane from January she's getting nervous again, but its our life and the family know they are welcome to visit, my husbands family have always been great about it, only my mum causes the grief. I hope it will be easier for her with our next move!!
Sadly, it is your parents' loss if they choose not to communicate with you in a loving way. We only have one life and you must choose to do what is right for your and your own family now. Our son and daughter-in-law chose to emigrate in 2002. We were very sad but wouldn't have stood in their way and used to discuss the move with them and share their excitement. We were of course very sad at losing them BUT..... they were married in Sydney in 2004 and we are now just about to join them on a Contributory Parent Visa. We arrive in January. Our daughter-in-law's parents said they would NEVER see her again and would NEVER go to Oz but....... they too are moving over!!!! Her parents were very difficult over the issue of them migrating but her mum's friends must have worked on her because she soon came round and .... well the rest is history. Even if we had not been able to emigrate to join them - we would NEVER have stood in their way and gave them our blessing for their future opportunities. Your parents too will come round. Give them time and keep the lines of communication open always - even if you feel sore with them. Good Luck. Linda
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Old Dec 3rd 2006, 8:03 am
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Default Re: For those who had terrible hassles with family...

My parents said they were thrilled for us when we first told them. They tried to be supportive to our faces, but told everyone they could that we were being selfish and taking the kids away from them. We were told this by a couple of people, so I tend to believe it. My parents don't like confrontation, so instead of coming out and saying they are upset they will put on a smile and tell you it's alright. My parents have 29 other grandchildren and 9 great grandchildren who they don't really bother with, so don't see why they would be so upset that we were taking our kids. They never said they were upset that my sister in Brisbane had kids here and not there or that my other sister moved her 4 children to Alberta which is 3000km from them.
Since we've been here the past 4 months, I had one email from them that wasn't a reply to one I sent. It was an angry letter saying I haven't written for 4 weeks and they want to know how the children are. I have not heard from any of the 9 siblings I grew up with, including the one who lives in Brisbane.
No, I would say that the relationships have changed. Not necessarily for the worse, though. I have discovered that I am a strong woman who does not need to depend on my sisters or my parents to get me through. As bad as it sounds, I am kind of glad that they don't bother with us. I have only had fleeting moments of homesickness and frankly don't miss my family. My heart breaks for all of those in the going back section who cry daily because they miss family and the familiarity of where they came from but I don't even have twinges of that.
Sorry for the long post, but my dear Hub won't let me talk about not missing my family. He says I'll regret saying that and it's going to come back to bite me in the arse.
Oh, and by the way, his family who were so awful to me for the past 16 years have been wonderful. They write all the time telling us how they miss us and should have made the effort long ago to get to know me better.
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Old Dec 3rd 2006, 8:24 am
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Default Re: For those who had terrible hassles with family...

Originally Posted by budababes
Sadly, it is your parents' loss if they choose not to communicate with you in a loving way. We only have one life and you must choose to do what is right for your and your own family now. Our son and daughter-in-law chose to emigrate in 2002. We were very sad but wouldn't have stood in their way and used to discuss the move with them and share their excitement. We were of course very sad at losing them BUT..... they were married in Sydney in 2004 and we are now just about to join them on a Contributory Parent Visa. We arrive in January. Our daughter-in-law's parents said they would NEVER see her again and would NEVER go to Oz but....... they too are moving over!!!! Her parents were very difficult over the issue of them migrating but her mum's friends must have worked on her because she soon came round and .... well the rest is history. Even if we had not been able to emigrate to join them - we would NEVER have stood in their way and gave them our blessing for their future opportunities. Your parents too will come round. Give them time and keep the lines of communication open always - even if you feel sore with them. Good Luck. Linda
Thanks Linda, you must have been a tower of strength for them when they moved. The support is so important to the ones moving away from their familiar surroundings and embarking on a new life. Good luck to you for when you emmigrate, here's to the new year
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Old Dec 3rd 2006, 8:36 am
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Default Re: For those who had terrible hassles with family...

Originally Posted by iPom
Do you think he's a bit too proud to get over it for now? Or to admit he was unreasonable?
I'm sorry it's strained, but keep doing what you're doing sme... At least he's talking to the kids... Have they noticed anything?

My eldest is 14 so is aware of all the problems - she gets cross with them and is very vocal about its our lives and they ought to get over it . I think your right about my dad being too proud ipom - he said some nasty things too me (so did my mum , mind). He was always full of Oz being the land of opportunity for young families - he emigrated 12 yrs ago but lasted 14 months saying he should have been younger blah, blah, blah. We fully supported him and I feel very bitter it wasn't reciprocated.
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Old Dec 3rd 2006, 9:43 am
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my relationship with my daughter has gradually improved...we are at the point where I don't have to tread on egg shells and when we talk on msn - she puts the web cam on (her choice) and she asks me to put my web cam on!!! One day at a time
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Old Dec 3rd 2006, 10:22 am
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Default Re: For those who had terrible hassles with family...

Originally Posted by sasbear
my relationship with my daughter has gradually improved...we are at the point where I don't have to tread on egg shells and when we talk on msn - she puts the web cam on (her choice) and she asks me to put my web cam on!!! One day at a time

That's damn good news Sasbear.
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Old Dec 3rd 2006, 10:27 am
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Default Re: For those who had terrible hassles with family...

Originally Posted by sme
He was always full of Oz being the land of opportunity for young families - he emigrated 12 yrs ago but lasted 14 months saying he should have been younger blah, blah, blah. We fully supported him and I feel very bitter it wasn't reciprocated.
Perhaps his bitterness and disappointment is therefore about himself in what he views as his 'failed' attempt to break out of the mould, rather than you. You're just a convenient peg to hang it all on perhaps?
It sounds like he has a lot of issues to come to terms with. I mentioned this very thing earlier... who wants to be in their 80's regretting not trying it?! He did try it,... But perhaps in his case, you've bought it all back to him, yet you're there with kids and partner making a go where possibly he couldn't.
I would say the issue lies more with him than you guys. You should just keep doing what you're doing, but maybe a letter at some point to set things straight about how much you obviously still love him.
Male pride is a weird bugger, isn't it?!?!
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Old Dec 3rd 2006, 10:47 am
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Default Re: For those who had terrible hassles with family...

Originally Posted by sasbear
my relationship with my daughter has gradually improved...we are at the point where I don't have to tread on egg shells and when we talk on msn - she puts the web cam on (her choice) and she asks me to put my web cam on!!! One day at a time
Good to hear it's improved, crikey I certainly understand the treading on eggshells bit, not so much the case now, fortunately. Lets hope it carries on improving
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Old Dec 3rd 2006, 12:24 pm
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Default Re: For those who had terrible hassles with family...

Originally Posted by Dorothy
My parents said they were thrilled for us when we first told them. They tried to be supportive to our faces, but told everyone they could that we were being selfish and taking the kids away from them. We were told this by a couple of people, so I tend to believe it. My parents don't like confrontation, so instead of coming out and saying they are upset they will put on a smile and tell you it's alright. My parents have 29 other grandchildren and 9 great grandchildren who they don't really bother with, so don't see why they would be so upset that we were taking our kids. They never said they were upset that my sister in Brisbane had kids here and not there or that my other sister moved her 4 children to Alberta which is 3000km from them.
Since we've been here the past 4 months, I had one email from them that wasn't a reply to one I sent. It was an angry letter saying I haven't written for 4 weeks and they want to know how the children are. I have not heard from any of the 9 siblings I grew up with, including the one who lives in Brisbane.
No, I would say that the relationships have changed. Not necessarily for the worse, though. I have discovered that I am a strong woman who does not need to depend on my sisters or my parents to get me through. As bad as it sounds, I am kind of glad that they don't bother with us. I have only had fleeting moments of homesickness and frankly don't miss my family. My heart breaks for all of those in the going back section who cry daily because they miss family and the familiarity of where they came from but I don't even have twinges of that.
Sorry for the long post, but my dear Hub won't let me talk about not missing my family. He says I'll regret saying that and it's going to come back to bite me in the arse.
Oh, and by the way, his family who were so awful to me for the past 16 years have been wonderful. They write all the time telling us how they miss us and should have made the effort long ago to get to know me better.

I know exactly where your coming from, my family don't ring, write maybe once every 6 months or around our birthdays and xmas and then all we get is a card with money in it and I always try and send something they can open xmas day!
My nan even had the nerve to whine about my son must now start buying his grandad a present, funny all he ever gets is money!
I am glad they are over the other side of the world, who needs family like that?

Jenny
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