milliesmum

hubby and I are having a hard time with our decision to go down under, it has come as a total shock because a month ago we were so excited by the prospect, did loads of research and we honestly felt it was the right decision without a doubt. We both have a lot of family and close friends here but felt like we needed to concentrate on just the five of us and build a life somewhere new.

Since early July we have had a busy time with both sides of the family, his sister got married last Friday and my brother gets married this coming sunday, so we have over the last few weeks spent lots of time with both sides. This has made both of us really see what we will be leaving behind and we are now questioning our decision We have had such a good time with all of them and now we are so confused and upset at the thought of leaving them and also depreving them of our 3 kids and vice versa.

So my point/question is have those of you who have close family/friends in the uk regretted your move or has it made you not go?

We have more or less decided to validate the visa (when we get it) and then take time to decide whether its actually right for us.

These mixed emotions have really unsettled me and I don't quite know what to do or how to handle it.

All advice opinions good or bad welcomed, no rose tinteds here!

Caroline G

Don't sell up if you don't have to. Give Oz a try for a year or two and if you prefer the UK return. Why make the decision that it's a permanent move at the moment?

DebraH

I know where you are coming from, i've gone over and over this in my head, but I still come back to the fact that while we have the chance to do something different we should do it. I'm close to my parents, but we don't see a great deal of them, also close to my brothers and sisters but don't see a great deal of them in fact apart from one brother I won't miss them much at all. They have their own lives and don't consider us in any thing that they do. Yes my boys will miss their cousins, but we only see them a few times during the year and then again at christmas.

My best friend keeps asking me how can I take my children away from their family and won't they miss out on the family aspect of their growing up - yes they probably will, but at the moment they don't seem particulary bothered by it at all. I want them to have a chance to experience something different and to see what is out there - while they are still at an age where they can apreciate it all.

It is hard and I'm sure that you'll make the right decision. When I'm with my family (mainly my brother and his family) I do think god I'm really going to miss this lot, but they've promised to come over some time next year to see us and so far are the only members of my family and OHs to do so. We'll see anyway.
Sorry I've gone on a bit and I really do know how you're feeling.
Deb

HiddenPaw

Hi, we have been once for 18 months and came back due to impending arrival of first baby. Now we have 2 children and 4 doting grandparents. This is probably the sole reason that we have not left and gone back to Oz again. My 2 year old adores the time she spends with her grandparents and I still don't know whether breaking up the family is worth it. I guess because I have lived in Oz before I've done the 'adventure/don't want to get to 65 regretting never having gone/it'll be OK with a webcam' so it's hard to find a motive that negates the impact of breaking up the family.

However, in your case, I would imagine having set your heart on it, it would be hard to not go and then spend the next 30 years wondering if you should have gone!

I know lots of people have overcome the problems of friends/family, but it is a big issue for many more. No magic answer from me I'm afraid, but just want to wish you the best of luck in reaching a decision. Either way, I suspect you'll continue to do a lot soul-searching, but if you do go to Oz, remember it doesn't actually have to be forever!

Good luck

Max&Ozzy

Hi,

It's the UK summer time when we all come out to play and, for the most part, quite nicely with each other too. Don't worry, in about another month or so you'll soon remember why you started the migration debate.

Graham

banjo

If your moving date is approaching I think it is only natural to start second guessing yourself.....It's probably best you ask why it was that you wanted to move in the first place, and other than a little run of weddings at the moment, how much do you see / have contact with the family on a day to day basis.

Since being back here, the saving grace has been the grandparents as the boys just love seeing them and visiting etc. We only have my husbands family here and it is miniscule. one each of a sister, father, mother, aunt, uncle and gran. That's it. I think the decision would be a lot harder for us if the family was a lot more extended.

In honesty we found the boys formed great attachments with the families of friends in Australia and by the end they really felt like 'family'

suzimc

It is hard leaving your family and friends behind you, and I have been consistent in that I have said that I the hardest thing for me since leaving the UK in January. But for me, I still believe that my reasons for leaving the UK, and the experiences I am getting from being away from the UK outweigh the ache I get in my heart for 'home' on the odd day. These days it's easy to keep in touch, I speak to my mum every few days, and we use msn to speak to our niece and nephew, who we are very close to, on a very regular basis. The other thing to remember is that life doesn't stand still, and since we left the UK, only little over 6 months ago so much has changed for people who were around us - my parents are considering a move back to the North of England, and some friends who lived nearby are now emigrating to Canada too. You can't stand still and expect everything to stay as it is forever, because other peoples lives will change and move on too. I also never thought that my 85 year old grandmother who had sworn she would never fly again ten years ago would jump on a plane to come and visit...but she did! And now she's considering coming to Aus once we get there too.

I think you're probably having the same jitters that many people have before leaving. I did, and I found things hard in that respect to begin with, but it's become easier over time and I never look back or regret, but just think how lucky I am to have the opportunities I do.

Jokat

I understand what you're saying completely. We've been out here 9 months now, and have had real ups and downs since we got here. Where we live now (Mandurah) is great, and thats gone a long way to helping us get to grips with this 'new life'. But despite that, leaving family and close friends has left a huge hole in our lives that that just can't be filled, and probably never will be. I miss my parents more than I can say- I'm in my forties, an only child, and have always had a very close relationship with both my mum and dad, and same for our two daughters, who are their only grand children. For two years we planned coming here, and I admit that I completely underestimated how much I would miss them, and how much it would bother me that I'd taken our girls away from them. They have been nothing but supportive to us, have never once laid on the guilt trip about us coming out here, thank god, otherwise I'd probably have crumbled altogether! They came out for a holiday earlier this year, and for those 6 weeks I felt a complete person again, and felt that I had a complete family again. They loved it out here, and dad told me that no matter how much they missed us, they were happy because they could see why we'd done it. They've now got their next trip booked, coming out again for Christmas and New Year! We've both really missed our oldest and closest friends - its hard trying to make new ones, and at times feels a bit unnatural and forced. We've met some lovely people who we get on really well with, BUT we just dont think that we'll ever get the same level of absolute trust and understanding that comes from years of knowing someone. Despite all that, for now, this is where we want to be, because the positives outweigh the negatives. We're not going around all sad, we're enjoying our time here, meeting new people, and having a go at making this work for ourselves and our girls. And as somebody else posted, it doesn't have to be forever if you don't want it to be. That, and the knowledge that we're only a day away if we needed to get back definately helps to put things into perspective. Everyone is different and some cope much better with the separation process than others - but we all find our own ways of handling it. Not sure if everything I've said will actually help in any way, but at least you know there are others out there who know what you're going through!

username 34

we went through the same heartache - really really hard as I'm very close to my family and friends. We had a great family life and social life as we all loved so close.

The decision really came down to the fact that after a long days work me and the hubby picked up our oldest from nursery, angry and upset with work conditions, pay and hours, I was pregnant again, we had NO spare cash, worrying about anything breaking down as no money to fix, no prospect of a decent holiday, kids prospect of going to local state schools where they would be lost in the education system if they're not execptionally bright etc.. and seeing the family never made that any better

my parents are fairly wealthy, we had a lovely home, a amum who stayed at home with us, nice holidays, private education, sports clubs etc...

we looked at our kids and just thought FOR THEM we could give them all the opportunites by going abroad, better life, private education, happy parents,, we had to think of our family unit - the 4 of us - and prioritise that. Our friends and family visit us regualrly and we visit the UK once a year - THAT THE DIFFERENCE to Oz - we are still very accessible and it makes things much easier.

the longer we are away the more we are used to it. Our youngest son knows no other than the West Indies, our oldest barely knows England either so here is home for them and they are used to and happy knowing they see family for holidays and then back to normality.

its hard, but you have to make the decision for your immediate family unit...
and you can ALWAYS return!!

good luck x

milliesmum

Thank you all so much, I think that we are currently in such an abnormal situation and life is not normally so hectic, I think once the dust settles and we go back to normality the reasons we had for going in the first place will come back.

It will be hard, this is what i am also learning and whilst we will miss our family, friends etc we will also regret not giving it a chance. We were planning going in May 2007 visa and house sale allowing and time is flying right now so this is also scaring me, I can't keep up with it all!

I am all over the place right now, jumping from one extreme to the other, so it really helps getting others opinions, so thanks again!!!

Cheetah7

I am getting really scared about leaving my family and know where you are coming from.

Chances like this dont come around very often and what I have told myself is that instead of splitting up my family, I am giving them yet another choice of country to visit.

I have family in Cyprus, so they go there to visit, and now they have the option of visiting family in Oz.

Of course they could go there anytime, but its nicer when you are visiting someone.

I dont know what to suggest, but I will say dont not go to Australia.

At least try it and by doing that, you give yourself more options.

fnord

This is a difficult one.

I've lived in the UK for about 15 years but now I'm looking to move back closer to home. This is in no small part due to the fact that I feel my children (2 and 3) are missing out their grandparents (and vice versa). My folks have already said they don't think they can handle the long trip to London to see us again. Melbourne to Dunedin is a better prospect than London to Dunedin.

Funny how I wasn't bothered about family when I was simply married without kids. I suddenly started missing "home" and "family" when I had kids.

milliesmum

How long does the visa last once validated?

We will have trouble from my family when (if) we tell them we are going, there will be guilt trips, hysterics (my mum) emotional blackmail etc etc, I have been dreading this for ages, We have not told them yet because it will cause havoc and I did not want to ruin my little brothers big day.

I still want to go and so does dh, we just honestly don't know if we are strong enough to cope with the stress of it all, plus we have 3 kids aged 7, 4 and 18 months which makes it difficult, perhaps we should wait a couple of years? I don't know It just feels like we are being selfish

PP, you on msn later or tomorrow?

Juliecabs

The visa lasts for 5 years once it's validated, so there is nothing stopping you getting it stamped at the airport and getting on the next flight home.

I'm going through the same emotions as you. We are supposed to be leaving here at the end of this month (visa permitting) and I'm petrified, but hubby and the kids are desperate to go. So we will go and give it our best. We've decided to rent our house out just in case it doesn't work out.

Good Luck to you whatever you decide.

Julie. x

Cheetah7

Ill be on msn tomorrow morning.