AndyR1976

Can I add my 2 cents here!?!

I have lots of experience at this!!! I am an australian, my girlfriend is English and the differences in our parents is remarkable.

When I moved to the UK 3 years ago my parents were very supportive, dad hired and drove my removal truck, helped me move, my mum pays all my australian bills etc and looks after all my affairs and invetments etc over there. I see them regularly (at least every year) so they have been great!

We are moving back to Australia in August and despite the fact that we have been telling my girlfriends' parents our plans for the past 12 months they are making things as difficult as possible! My girlfriend is getting constant comments about how we will be missing birthdays, christmas, family events etc etc. I have remained quite silent about it but it really pisses me off! Why can't they just be happy for their daughter who is doing something she always wanted to do (just coincidence that she met an australian guy though).

I don't know what the answer is...maybe just send them a postcard when you arrive.....

HMG

IMHO tell them as soon as possible. Like AndyR1976, I'm an Aussie and my (now) husband is English.

The in-laws have been very supportive, as they've known from the start that marrying an Aussie is more than likely going to entail a stint out there.

The thing that's helped the most, is that they went to NZ on holiday a while back and now see that although it's on the other side of the world, a trip is not *that* much of a huge undertaking (well for them, anyway). Before the visit you'd think it was a 6 week boat trip!

They've now planned when they're going to first visit, which makes them feel we're not too far away... (although MIL slides in the odd "but of course you won't be here for that, will you..." )

Iwannabethere

My hubby is telling the folks next week and I'm too chicken to be there! I just know it's going to be horrible and I'm dreading it. Hubby's brother died just before Xmas last year and 6 months later we are telling them we have the visa (and they have no idea we have applied!)

And MIL is a natural drama queen.

Ouch!

AndyR1976

Why oh why do fmilies have to be such a pain inthe arse!!!!!!?????????!

Cheetah7

Im not in Australia and don't have kids but this is something I have observed.

I know how bad parents can make you feel, Im feeling pretty bad about leaving my Dad.

But if you take a look in the 'moving back to the UK forum' and read about people who want to leave Australia ASAP before their kids grow up and settle there and they will be 'trapped' and unable to leave, as they don't want their kids to live in one place and themselves living in another.

Some have admitted they won't stay in Oz for citizenship on purpose so if their kids want to come back later, 'they can do it the hard way' or 'why should I make it easy for them'

So to me, whilst I don't think it is acceptable to lay the guilt trip on your kids to stop them migrating, I do try and see it from the other side.

Because in that very forum, you can read about the devastation from when the children either decide that they don't want to move to Australia, or they won't move back to the UK with their parents.

There are many comments like 'splitting the family up' from people who want to move back to the UK.

It must be very hard being a parent and I should imagine they would do anything to stick by their kids.

And its even harder to imagine how these people feel, until your own kids decide that your life is not necessarily the life for them.

I hope my Dad accepts it in time, I am truly sorry for hurting him and whilst I get cross with the guilt trip, I totally understand where he is coming from.

AndyR1976

Profesional Princess

(Great name by the way)

Actually, its a very good point that you make - and I wonder how we will all feel in ten years time when its my kids dashing off to another country!

Having said that though, I find that this is not so much of an issue for us Australians! And here is my theory:

Australia is a big place - larger than all of Europe combined. So when we 'leave home' at the age of 18 (or thereabouts) we really do 'leave home'. Its not like the UK where people leave home to go to university and then the university is only 2 or 3 hours away! Its not really leaving home to me - I have driven further than that to go to a good restaurant!!

In my situation, the NEAREST university to where my parents live was more than 3 hours away. My brother moved to another univeristy in another direction, he was 9 hours drive from my mum and dad and more than 12 hours from me. When you are talking about those sort of distances you don't just pop home for the weekend - so I guess over the years Australian families get used to not seeing each other from one year to the next.

My family is a classic example. I am one of 5 kids (I am 30 and the second youngest). There have only been 3 occassions in the last 15 years where all 5 of us siblings have been together in the same place at the same time - once was my 21st birthday, once was my brothers wedding and the last was a Chrismtas where mum arranged for us all to be in one place.

Also, I have seen my parents for MORE days in the last 3 years (whlst I have been living in the UK) than in the prior 5 years (whilst I was living in Australia - just up the road, theoretically).

So I guess for me (and perhaps a lot of Australians) we are used to being a long way from family and seeing them sporadically etc etc. So it doesn't bother us!!

Also, and no offence to everyone on here...english people get so uptight about everything! EVERYTHING is an issue! I actually laughed out loud when an irate passenger missed the tube one day - he was standing next to me swearing and carrying on, and I'm like 'hey mate, you do know there is another on in 2 minutes?'. Where I came from if you miss the train the next one is not till next week!! literally! Now...I'm going to shy away from this topic - but I'll maintain to my death that its true!

TeresaG

We decided to tell both sets of parents as soon as possible. We are collecting together everything for the TRA at the moment and they have all known for nearly a year that it is something we were going to be doing. We though it would be best to be honest with them and tell them as we believed it was the fairest thing to do and would also give them as much time as possible to get used to the idea.

My cousin moved out nearly 2 years ago and didn't tell anyone till about 6 weeks before he left with his wife and children. His mum didn't know until one day when she went round and saw his house was up for sale. We decided that we couldn't do that and so told them as soon as we decided to start the process.

My parents have been quite supportive although I know they don't want us to leave. They seem to understand why we are going and try so very hard not to make us feel guilty.

My inlaws are being completely different and make snide comments all the time. They really can't understand why we want to go and are making us feel very guilty every time we see them. I really don't think this is acceptable at all am really struggling to deal with it. I know that my husband is finding it very difficult as they are his parents.

It must be very hard for everyone's parents when we turn around and say we are moving to the other side of the world. I'm very lucky with my parents as they are being incredibly supportive.

Telling them we are moving has been one of the hardest things I have ever done.

Vash the Stampede

Speaking as a fellow Aussie here... Australia is about the size of Western Europe, not the entire European continent.

LOL, too right mate.

Nice post, good point about the distances.

RedT

My parents have been completely odd about us telling them we might move to Oz..mother can't get us there quick enough! In fact, she's bugging the heck out of telling me we should just go and work and then apply for a visa when we're there..despite us both having jobs, a flat etc etc! She can't understand that we'd like to actually apply for a visa and save some money first!

When we said we wanted to live in the US (a few years back) she was totally against it and took every opportunity to tell me how hard it would be and how I'd be murdered as soon as i got off the plane. But for some reason she's totally up for us moving to Oz.

maybe she's trying to tell me something?!

Sandon

Hi

We told both side of the families all in one weekend moms, dads brothers sisters etc. I was shattered by sunday night and was the hardest thing i ever did. Everyone was supportive but some just did not want us to go and was a shock to them. I cried for days afterwards and kept on asking myself was i doing the right thing. Over the weeks things got easier and i'm so excited about going to Oz and it's nice being able to talk to the families about it. Although upsetting, i did feel like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders once everyone knew. All i can say is go for it, its not going to be nice but it will be worth it!

PS i'm dreading the airport both families want to wave us goodbye i think i'm going to cry all the way to the GC.

RedT

There's no way anyone is taking us to the airport, that's just asking for misery in my humble opinion. Say your goodbyes at home, the airport is stressful enough as it is!

Scrawni 2

Well imagine having to tell them twice, what with us going for a second time

My mum was totally distraught last time and I think she made herself ill. She did lay the guild trip on us and it did make me feel real bad.

This time wasn't so bad, no tears, nearly but not quite because I was upbeat about it and she fed off that.

I do know it will be hard again but we both know what to expect this time round.

Mandy

rhona

thanks for everyones replies lots of good advice, liked the idea of sending postcard In hindsight I wish I had said something when we first thought of applying. Think dads going to flip it but I guess he'l have to get used to the idea Il be sure to let you all know when i finally get the courage to tell him. At least i know im not alone

woodring

I know how hard this can be for those who are emigrating.
But please try to understand what your parents may be going through.
My son left for OZ 7 years ago on a working holiday. Has now married a lovely Australian girl and they recently had twins. Last year my daughter ,son in law and 3 grandsons announced that they were leaving for Sydney.We only had a couple of months to get used to the idea before they were gone.
We have supported them all in their moves and only wish them happiness in their new lives.
Having said this ,they are our only children and grand children and we miss them all so much,
not an hour goes by that we do not think of them all.
Even though we have visited 4 times it's not the same as having them living in the next village.
We would love to move to OZ ourselves but it looks as though my wifes health will prevent us from obtaining a visa.
I appreciate how much you all want to make this move, I don't blame you at all. But just spare a thought for those parents left behind and try to understand just how traumatic an event this may be for them.

Cheetah7

Good post.

I think people dont realise how painful it is for their parents until the same thing happens to them and judging by some posts I have read, some will go to lengths to make sure its harder for their kids to get citizenship.

It must be so very hard for a parent to accept this.

Fair play to you for handling it so well.