Carrianne

Hello,

I have had a very stressful week, although I know, maybe a lot of you may have been delighted at getting the request for meds etc after just 8 weeks, but this changed all of our previous important plans.

We had planned to be out in OZ by Oct/Nov 04, now we have decided if everything is ok and we are able to get a PR visa then we shall go in Feb 04, many reasons have led to this month, we want to go and get settled asap and give ourselves a bit of time to complete work in the apartment we live in and sell and save as much as we can and enjoy one more Christmas at home, with my family.

It was telling my parents, that was the hardest part and I never knew I would feel so mixed, the shock was audable and his mum was teary. I am a very independant person and know this move is the best thing we can do at the time, but it still hurts so see people upset. My parents are 110% behind me as is his mum.

Wish us luck today as his Dad has been in denial that we would even go and today we are going out for lunch and telling him.

It's so strange to feel excited and upset together. x

debs&tim

Hi Carrianne
By the time you get this your lunch will be over. Hope it went ok.
My dad is also the same he even mentioned "wait till I'm gone"!!! which I thought was really unfair of him. The girls (we think) are at the right ages to move 9,6 and 18 months. He never wants to talk about it, so I keep him in the dark most of the time.
Good luck, everything will work out for you. There will be a few tears shed now and absolutely when you finally go but we all have to make decisions in our lifes and we on this forum have decided that this is ours.
Take care
Debs

brox

Hi Carrianne

We have had awful problems with Mr Brox's parents. When we first broke the news 18 months ago his mum had a heart attack, it was put down to the shock of it all, you can imagine how bad we felt, but we stuck to our plans and carried on regardless.

Now we are here and on a huge guilt trip. The goodbuys were the most awful experience I have ever been through. They are now wishing us well, which is lovely, but when we have spoken to them this week its been dreadfull hearing them crying on the other end of the phone.

We are all doing this for different reasons, but we have to remember those reason must be bloody good ones to put our loved ones through such pain. So try not to let tears put you off the real reason why you are doing this. Good luck with everything.

Mrs Brox

dibrucewillis

I'm "filling up" just reading these posts.
My mum says shes done her crying now and she says that she wouldn't want to stop us from going but I know that she is hurting so much.
She says she is going to miss us so much and I keep reassuring her that we will be in touch with her on an almost daily basis using email ,phone,web cam.
She isn't computer literate but I intend to give her a crash course before we go!
She says that she is pleased that she has seen our sons best years (he is 9 now) and that she realises that he will have a better future in Oz.
She assures me that she will come and visit it us but I am not sure about this.She doesn't like flying!
My Dad hasn't really showed any emotions he tends to keeping passing negative comments about the whole thing.

My husband parents are the total opposite.They think we should have done it years ago.
My husbands brother is already out their and they have visited him twice and seen the lifestyle that he now has compared to what he had when he was over here.

I think that this has to be the hardest part about emigrating,leaving loved ones behind.

Diane

paulf

It is a hard thing to do moving so far away. It might not help and sound silly but use web cams to keep in touch, with broadband it would be a good way of talking.

Ari

Our way to cope with this problem is to take mom with us! She will be traveling with us to Sydney, on a tourist visa, to see how we are going to settle, and to look after the baby twins for a month. Hope that after she sees Sydney she'll better understand our decision. I believe that if your parents feel you are within reach, and see that "other side of the world" place, it will seem less far away to them - you just get on a plane, sit and wait, get out - and here the kids are .

Sandra

I have been through this and been here a year, but we only got the PR a few weeks ago and had to say our goodbyes again cause we went back to the uk to validate.

The first time was bloody awful and there is no other way to describe it for us, but the second time ............apart from my sister I wanted back on the plane!!!!

Friends and Family are very very important but if you want to take this move and are sure now, then make it.

There are a few people who will question your move and give you every reason not to - well guess what alot of things may happen after that first move.

(a) you may hate it and the homesickness makes you go back where your heart is (good on your for that decision) or you do not like what aus has to offer...either way you tried it.

(b) they change their minds and come and see you and love your choices...then you hate yourself you cannot see them more

(c) they come and see you and still whinge.........then ask yourselves are you still having fun and want to stay, then stay!

(d) they agree with your choices as they think they are being nice and then refuse to come see you after you have gone - and sometimes this feels like they do it just to make you feel bad - usual excuses, they do not travel well, they do not like it, we only have two weeks holiday, it is so costly...and on and on.......

e) keep on whinging down the phone, making you feel bad.

I love my family and in no way wish to put any of them down...but Andy and I made this decision ....we are trying it and enjoying it (and I can still whinge about our choice) but if I change my mind later.......it will be my decision and not because of who says what and a single emotive reaction of family.

I say again you must think about family before you decide to go. If you have thought it all through then it is your decision. Make the most of it.

Couple of points we did

1) put money away for a couple of single returns home - just in case for those emergencies - so we could tell people we are able to come back ...in case

2) phoned home regularly when we got over and still now

3) wrote letters to those who are not on email.

4) spent time talking as a family about being here and enjoying ourselves...don't dwell on negatives, eg if Nana phones and tells the kids she misses them, make sure you talk to them after.

5) keep older kids in touch with the mates they left...believe me it works (more if people are interested)

Am I preaching, I do not mean to...I have as many bad times here...but actually I find strength now in being positive and finding the ways round them now.

best of luck to all of you telling folks......that is the first step ....

cheers

Don

Didn't seem like preaching to me, you're a star to be so honest. Cheers - Don

SteveBannister

Carrianne, there is a similar thread running at the moment, look at http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...hreadid=151679

Steve.

carey/steve

Hi Carrianne, hope everything went well with your lunch today!
I think many people go through the same thing.
We started the process of emigrating a few years back, i backed out due to the reaction of my mum she was devastated, the pressure got too much and i said to my husband i simply couldn,t do it to her.
Anyway a few years past and we never forgot our dreams and at the end of last year we decided right, we are going to do this no matter what!
We kept it under wraps but in the end i just had to tell her as i felt i couldn,t keep something so important from someone who was like a best friend to me.
To cut a long story short she took it bad again and just couldn,t talk about. In the end i had it out with her and we had abit of a row and then just talked and talked.
She said that she felt it was better not to talk to me and then start crying as she thought i would think she was trying to get me to stay. Now everything is fine and we talk all the time, obviously she is upset about it but things are always better when you talk them through.

I think that this is what alot of people do, "I WON,T TALK BECAUSE THEN I,LL CRY AND THEY WILL THINK IT,S EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL" , then you think they are not interested and it goes round and round.

Talking is best i think!!

booboo1

It can be very unpleasant telling the old folk what your,e planning.

Hubby,s old mum has had two heart attacks so we wanted to tell her at the right time and not completely kill her off.
Eventually we told her and she took it so well and said she half expected it as Im Australian and knew I always wanted to go back.
I even got her to write a statement about our relationship and she was very cooperative. Perhaps she is just glad to get rid of us!!!!
But anyway , as I said to my hubby, we have to think of what is best for our own family.
Cheers BooBoo

Carrianne

thank you all, we we are really suprised they where shocked that we may go early. But we just got it is your lives and it's whats best for you both although we know that all of them are upset when we are not around.

Thanks for the support and advice, it will help closer to the time.

Good luck to everyone else,

Carrianne x