Carl England

Hi everyone. we could do with some other peoples experiences on when you told your families what you were planning, what they said and their reactions.
we have decided to sell our house to go to oz with and are expecting our visa around oct time. We have not told our families our plans as yet we were going to wait till we had our visa, but with our house going on the market i think the time has come to let them know. So any advise and experiences would be really helpful.
We plan on moving to oz next June (09) so kids can finish a full school year.
Thanks Carl and family.
PS. going on holiday tonight so might not reply for a while but please leave a responce. thanks again.

Claire Bear

Hi,
When we told oh parents they were great , so excited, think it will b good for kids , fab opportunity etc. They re only gutted that they cant come straight out there with us! But, still 100% think we should go for it. My parents, i was expecting may react completely the opposite, but i was pleasantly surprised to find that they were really excited for us too. I was expecting my mum to be annoyed with me and thought we may fall out once i told her, so was totally shocked and chuffed with the positive reaction we got. She actually said to me ,' yeah you are taking a risk, but at the end of the day u take a risk driving your car to work every day, crossing the road, etc. And if you dont try u will never know, so its worth it.' The hardest part for them will prob sink in after weve left and they realise they wont see us or kids for a long time. Good luck with tellin urs and hope you get a positive reaction like we did!

Claire

Paddy_M

Everyone will be different. I know that my family did not take it too well even though I rarely see them in the UK (once in the last year). I have no family of my own so will be moving to Oz as a single person. I had to be hard and just let them know. Asa far as I am concerned it is only a plane ride away (although a long one). I thought that the earlier I told them then the more chance they have to get used to the idea...and even help with the plans etc.

Good luck with the rest of your plans.

As you are no doubt aware (?), Australian schools have a different year from UK schools...so finishing in June in UK would mean your children would start half way through the Australian school year which starts in January.

travelbug

Hi Carl, i told my parents from the start of applying for the visa.... as we wanted them to have plenty of time to get used to the idea that we'd be moving...so that was about 3 years ago now as it did take us 18months from starting the TRA process to actually obtaining the visa..
We also told my OH's Mum at the start - but she was ok about it as my OH's sister and her family emigrated 17years previously.... I do think that both sides didn't necessarily expect us to get our visa though - and i'm sure they all thought that we'd "forget" about the whole idea!
My parents dont talk about us moving very much (if at all) - and if it's brought up by us the subject is quite often changed which i find quite upsetting as its a big deal for us and it's like they're not interested in our lives.... My biggest concern was wanting them to know our real reasons for moving....and for them to know that it wasnt because we wanted to get away from them all! As i'm not close enough to my parents to verbally say the things i wanted to - i did write them both a letter saying why we wanted to go and that wherever we ended up living wouldnt affect how we felt about them all - and that we'd make every effort to ensure that them and the kids had as good a relationship as they could despite the distance. My Dad acknowledged the fact at least that a letter had been sent - although didnt say anything about the content - but to this day (2 months later) my Mum has never mentioned the letter or anything
What's made it harder for me is that both my parents suffer from ill-health - and neither will ever be able to fly to Oz to visit us. So we know we'll have to make the return journeys....but how often we could afford to do that with 4 of us (we're heading to Tasmania) is questionable.... I think my parents know that they're just not going to see us very often and they think the world of our two kids as most grandparents do.....

Most of our friends have been very supportive of our plans and have only had good words to say about us moving - although we've all admitted we will miss one another - but some already have plans to visit which is a big help for me mentally...I just hope they all do manage to get out to see us..

We have now had our visa for just over a year....and my OH would have gone straight away last year given the chance - but it was me that wasn't "ready" to move last year (for previously mentioned reasons and because our son was only 5 months old at the time we received our visa - and i wanted him to have some kind of relationship with his grandparents before we moved) - and i delayed making a decision until after we'd validated our visa's with a trip to both Perth and Tasmania in November/December last year. We upset the OH's family by deciding we liked Tasmania more than we actually liked Perth as his sister & family were hoping we'd decide to move there....so things are a bit strained with that side of the family now - but the whole reason for moving was not to move to where they were - it's for our better life and we felt Tasmania offered the things that we wanted.
Earlier this year we decided to put the house up for sale - and now 3 months later we have not yet had any offers.... With hindsight we should have put our house up as soon as we'd got our visa....but hindsight is a wonderful thing!

We do still hope to leave the UK this year....but i guess we'll have to see what happens now with the house selling....

I would say though that if your house is going on the market - i'd say you're best to let your family and friends know your plans.....

Good luck - and i hope you've had a fab holiday!
Cathy

pagey67

We are at the early stages of the process and haven't told anyone yet, mainly because I am a pessimist and don't want to tempt fate. OH has to go thru the VETASSESS so think we will tell people after he has got that. If he doesn't get that no visa.

But it will be difficult, I think my parents will be ok with it, my bro lives in America, altho they have never had the opp to build up the relationship with the kids the same as ours. OH mum will be very dramatic, OH dad will be encouraging ....... I think .

If the house is going on the market, people will ask questions, so I think now is the time to tell people

Travelbug - maybe your parents are reacting like this because if they talk about it makes it real to them, maybe if they put off talking about it it may not happen ....... if you understand what I mean.

travelbug

Hi Good luck with vetassess and getting your visa.
You're definitely right about my parents reaction - i know that's part of the reason they dont talk about it....however, we had original plans (agreed by my Mum before our house went up for sale) that we could stay at theirs with the kids once our house sale went through - so that we could kill a few weeks of the time that our stuff would be in transit to Oz....so that we wouldnt have to wait too long once we were over there.... However, she has since "changed her mind" - even though it was ok previously as they have two spare bedrooms. Again something i find quite hurtful as although it would have been doing us a favour i kind of wanted to spend that time with them - and thought it would be nice for the kids sake... Now once our house is sold we'll probably be leaving the UK within a week of that happening....which is something i haven't told them yet...
But my main thing is that as a parent myself now - i would like to think that if my children ever need my encouragement / advice / help with any major "life changing" event that i would do my utmost to help or at least try and be interested whether it was breaking my heart or not. Isnt being self-less one of the things that being a parent is all about if our children's happiness is at stake? I have tried to be respectful of their feelings at every stage - but it's probably me that has spent more time crying over this whole moving thing than they will do when we actually go....and we havent gone yet!

johnknight001

we told all our family about our plans so they had time to get used to it, my wifes family are very close, you should have seen the stunned silence almost funny if not so seriouse. well the result was if no one mentions it maybe we will not go the other comment behind our backs was it is just a pipe dream and we will not go through with it, well we have spent a small fortune so far and fully plan to go ahead with it, all the bitching just make it easier as far as im concerned. im sure once there we will have no shortage of people wanting a free holiday.
john

weez75

yep can relate to that
we told them our plans about 19 months ago and my parents still wont talk about it, we were very close they only live 4 miles away and i would see them every weekend , i do all the updates by email and although i know they know, i still get no feed back, they boys get ignored if they mention the word oz (when we do see them) and when i phoned them at xmas when we were validating in Adelaide the call lasted 2 minutes and consisted of my mum telling me how busy she was and how she really should get back to peeling the spuds
we have 3 months left and i thought by now they would be making the most of the time we have left but no, if anything they have become more tight lipped and stubborn. I have respected their reaction the whole way through this process, as i feel i can't change their emotions and tell them how to act , all i know is that i will leave with a clear conscience , but how will they be able to live with the way they have treated me and my kids
I guess you never really know your parents until something like this happens , mine are not the people i thought they were , i love them to bit's but i don't like them to much at the moment!
on the upped side my grandparents, aunts, uncles, sister and in-laws have been so supportive and absolutely fantastic

weez75

Oh sorry good luck Carl and have a great holiday

Ladyhart

Well, - from a Mum's point of view my Son told me as soon as the Visa process started I wanted to be really pleased for him and his partner something new to experience no regrets later etc, but I did find it really difficult to talk to them about it.

The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of them (even tho my heart was breaking inside) I just wanted them to be happy so found it easier not to mention it too much. Obviously they were really happy and wanted to share all the good news but I found it difficult at the time, once they were out of sight I could cry again get my head around things and then ask more questions on their next visit when I was more prepared.

The night before he left we had a real heart to heart (probably something we should have done at the start of the application) and now I miss him dreadfully but as long as they are healthy and happy what more can I ask for.

Just wish it wasn't the other side of the bl**dy world

Fly Away

I'd go for the sonner rather than later option.

We planned to tell the in laws after we had the skills assessment - after all, there was no point telling them if we couldn't get the first requirement. Unfortunately, FIL died a few weeks after we started getting paperwork together for it and our 7 yr old daughter told MIL 3 days later that we were going to live in Australia!!! This obviously isn't the way to break the news. We wished we'd told them as soon as we started to think about it - about 6 months before.

Even now MIL won't talk about it and we have to tell SIL what is happening so she can tell her mother... Just wish we could find a better way to handle it.

SimonG

If everything goes ok this will be the second (and last) time we move abroad.

First time was in 2003 and went to Canada, told both sides of the family from very early on. Both sets of family took it hard, which was very upsetting for OH as her family where quite nasty with it. My side played the guilt trip that we where taking the grand kids away etc etc. But my parents live less than 100 miles away, and have visited us four times in 22 years. Two of those visits where also because my mother had to travel for work and it was 'close' to us. We stayed 19 months in Canada and returned to the tune of 'we knew you wouldn't stay'.

This time round it is very cloak and dagger, nobody is being told anything until we have visas in hand. Only people who know are the OH older sister already in Australia.

I hope that when you do decide to tell your family about your plans that they understand and support you. It can be a very difficult time and to have your family sniping at a time when you feel you are stressed to death anyway with all the planning and arranging. So good luck.

Simon.

Carl England

Hi simon
My family life about ten miles away but i never realy see them i see my parents about twice a year two of my kids don't even know who they are as they never see them so will be no love lost there. my oh is quiet close to hers but has has occasional family fall out. we were going to wait but till had visa in hand but as we have decided to sell out house think it is only right to tell them now.
but having said that my parents put their house on the market, changed their number and never told me!!don't know why i bother.
where are you moving to?
will be a while before i reply as offf to manchester airport NOW.
regards
Carl

moving2oz

I had sleepless nights over the thought of telling my parents. I planned my speech in my head but when it came down to it I didn't have the bottle to tell my parents ad sent hubby over on a sunday morning. For the whole time he was gone (30 minutes) I have never cleaned my house so quickly!!!!! To our shock they had an idea what we we're planning and we're just waiting for us to tell them. My dad said what gave it away was I left out a book, "living and working in Australia" out when he was baby sitting!!!!!
There we're lots and lots of tears but we have their understanding and surpport. We made a deal that even though they don't like talking about we will always talk about it. My dad has been a great help and has even made a coment about retiring out there. People say that it's your life and you have to do what is right for you and your family, still doesn't make it easier when leaving loved ones behind. My friend is in Perth and her Mum died in Uk a few months ago. It took them 5 days to get back. For a few days I felt very confused about what we are planning and just how far away from loved ones we will be, but one thing it makes you realise is life is short and you have to live life to the full.

Emma R

Hi Carl,

My hubby and I told our families after about 6 months of deciding to try to emigrate (around May 07) on a 175 visa. I don’t think either of them particulary took us seriously (as we are always coming up with weird and wonderful travel plans!), but they did understand why we wanted to try to do it etc and we have been talking to them about it every couple of weeks since. But after the hubby started his RPL assessment and we put our house up for sale (both in April 08 and sold in May yay!) I think they all realised we were serious!

We are now just about to start the process of applying for the perm 175 visa as the hubby got enough points on his RPL (we weren’t sure if he would or not). When we told our families last week we are definitely going now, the hubby’s folks were really happy for us but also upset as they now know we are really going now and are going to miss us like mad! My mum didn’t really say anything!? So I still don’t think she really thinks we are going yet, I'm going to have to work on that one… I get the impression she thinks we’re deserting her or something, but we are doing it to give ourselves a better life. So I think its going to get a bit awkward but I'm glad I told her our plans last year, I wouldn't feel right just telling her a few months before we leave.

My advice would be to just to what you feel is best, if they love you they will understand why you are emigrating and that you are doing it for you and your family. After all it is only a day flight away and not another planet. They can either choose to get excited with you and your plans and make the most of their time with you all, or ignore it and before they know it you'll be ready to leave!

Good luck, Emma