Teenage daughter doesn't want to go!!!
 

I'm new to this site after just watching for a couple of weeks but I need to share our problem with others.

We told the kids that we want to emigrate to Australia on Sunday but our 16 year old daughter (in her last year at school) cried and said she doesn't want to go.

We are now torn. We have dreamt of this move for ages and are now in a position to do it. Advice need please!!!!! She said although it was our dream, it wasn't hers. She wants to finish college here.

Help!

Re: Teenage daughter doesn't want to go!!!
 

It won't be long until she leaves home anyway. Why not let her finish these important school years, then go. She'll come out to see you later, maybe she'll want to stay.

My heart goes out to you. (I have two teens). Try taking her for a holiday here first. If she does not change her mind then you will have to choose Australia or her, at that age she can probably refuse to go. Its tough but it is a sad fact that in the immigration move people can disagree (in a family unit) about who will like it and who wont. Husbands/wifes can disagree about staying once here and kids most certainly can love it or hate it. Its certainly not for everbody and family opinions and reactions even once arrived can vary wildly. Try the holiday and see how you go from there, you never know she may love it.

hi scrawni,

I feel for you on this one.
I too have teenage kids, as do a few other members of this site.
Mine are 18, 13 and 10 yrs old.
Our oldest, Jonathan, is finishing his A levels at the moment and will hopefully start a degree in Oz. He doesnt really want to go but understands that if we dont go now we wont be able to because of our age (41 and 42).
He says that if he doesnt sort out a place at uni he will come back to the UK. At least he will have validated his visa and then he will have a few yrs to decide where he wants to be.
It will break my heart if he doesnt stay in Oz with us but he is an adult and will make his own mind up in the end. Conversly, we may not like Oz and want to go back to the Uk and he may meet someone or love it so much that he wants to stay....dilema either way!!!!
I know that I will have to begin to let go, as all mothers do, but it is difficult.
I understand that your problem is slightly different in that your daughter is younger but if you explain like we did. We told our son that at the end of the day he would be leaving us to go to uni in the near future and spread his wings. His life is beginning and he wouldnt give us a thought when he made plans to travel. We wanted him to give us all this chance to experience a different culture and maybe do the best thing we have ever done for our family....
( and also possibly the worst i know...before any of the others flame me!!)

email me directly if you want to chat
best wishes to you


hope this helps

Teenage dilemma!
 

Thanks to all that replied I really appreciate everyones thoughts.

My husband said we should try and pursuade her to go but is worried that if we leave it too long they may change entry levels such as points.

I was really excited until this happened and now I confused and concerned for my family.

The thing is she is 16 and by the time we are accepted she may have left home and moved on anyway! I tried to tell her that she could come with us, and then decide at a later date.

The holiday thing is a good idea that we have already thought of and may book to go in the summer hols when all her exams are finished.

My 8 year old son seem happy enough, (he's been watching too much crocodile hunter!!) and asked me today why I haven't told his teacher yet.

Kids, who'd have em! (ME)

easy. apply now, validate by a holiday, and sit in england for a few years. by the time you reach the max time limit to make a yes / no call, (5yrs), she will be what, 21 ? Graduated from University, and her own life.

We did same kind of thing it did not work for us son was 18 years old when we left already at Uni so he said he may come , but changed his mind when he left education and very happy in UK.:D :cool: :beer:

Hi scrawni,
I hve just been through the same thing myself and i feel sosorry for you.
Our daughter is 17 just started 6 th form. When we originally had the idea to go to Oz she was all for it ad very excited.
The visa we have gone on only took 6 weeks to come through and in that time she changed her mind. For various reasons we cannot leav it until next year so its now or never. She pointed out that she wouldbe leaving next year anyway so she may as well rent a room in a house and stay here and come out when she finishes her course. We have tried everything to make her change her mind but she found out that at 17 she is classed as a young adult and does not by law have to cme with us.
She left home on Sunday (she works 35hrs a week by the way and is on £700 per month so moneys not the problem) and we are hoping and praying that she finds that livingon yur own isnt all she thinks it wilbe.
This isprobaby one of the hardest few weeks i have ever had to go through as we have always been so close.
Like you my son is 9 and when we tld him just said cool and cant wait to go.
hope this may help you
kismet

Re: Teenage daughter doesn't want to go!!!
 

Scrawni! I have a 15 year old daughter and a 16 year old son,I got our pr visa's last Thursday after nearly two long years,My son is due to take his Gcse's In May,BIG PROBLEM! he is now in a band (punk) got a girlfriend( in love yuk!!!!!!) and he was having second thoughts about the move, I found a quick knee to his groin and a couple of slaps around the head worked well for me :).
Nah! only kidding,I just told them both, I think it's a whole new way of life out there out there for the whole family,give it 24 months,if not we will think again.
My sister emigrated 11 years ago, again with teenage children, three boys,they gave her hell,hated Australia, so she told them to come back to the UK on there own,they did!!,stayed here for about a year, hated the UK,went running home to mum !!! and have all now settled down,got married and have children of there own,and loving every minute of it.

Ok not quite the same I have a head strong 12 year old who felt we were wrecking his life moving as we did 6 months ago. We have laid out the options for the future - give us the initial time over here and then make up your mind. We have promised future commitment to him to study back in the UK for A levels and Uni - little bugger asked did the same offer count for him to study in Canada! He is happily for us very pleased here and asked the other day, 'what did we do in the UK Mum?' Ok 12 year old impressed with beach, school, mates, but it made me smile.

scrawni, I have no answers, my Mum and Dad moved me about quite often while I was younger and I adapted. I have seen lots of things and enjoyed every experience albeit some in hindsight! You are a parent you may always be WRONG - but lay out your options and ask your daughter to be part of them?

Hope you can find your path through this difficult time, best wishes

Boy am I glad that our daughter is ony 3 and a half, and can't wait to go to Australia. I don't know what I'd do if she was older and didn't want to come. On the other hand we have both said that when she's older and wants to go back home it would be no problem.

I really do feel for you on this one, perhaps once she have had time to think about it she will feel much better and start dreaming of all those Aussie surfer dudes, OMG, better shut up now before the situation gets reversed LOL.

All the very best and hope things work out ok for you all.

Julie
Adelaide by early 2003

Teenage dilemma!
 

Many Many thanks for advice, it's nice to know there are a few people out there who have been through the same.

Spoke with her before school today (she had not said a word on the subject since Sunday) and she said that she has been thinking about nothing else and that she might say YES!!!!! only if she has the option to come back in the future if she doesn't like it. A little bit more pursuading and it may be good news.

I told her that she may have left home already by the time we are ready to go or would she have given us a second thought if it had been her wanting to go and travel.

Anyway I feel a bit better and not so down now I know she is thinking about changing her mind. Lets hope that she doesn't change it back again to not going at all!.

I'll let you all know the outcome. By the way we have contacted two agencies, Go - Matilda and Overseas Emigration, does anyone recommend these or do you recommend others?

Next dilemma, telling my parents! Keep you posted.

Hi Scrawni,

Good to hear that you've chatted to your daughter and things may be taking a turn for the better!!

I always think that its nice to have people on this site who have been there or done that!!

As far as agents go, I haven't used one and haven't encountered any problems so far. it depends on you application type and if you have any envisaged problems...??
There is an agent who gives advice on this site ...for free...from Go Matilda and having spoken to him personally i found him very personable.
I think that some of the contributors of this site are using him...maybe they will let you kow how they find him...

Best Wishes in what you do

keep us posted!!!!

Scrawni

You are not alone, I have two daughters aged 9 and 16. The eldest has just taken her GCSE's and started college. When we first told her that we were thinking of moving (that was quite some time ago) she was ok about it but concerned about leaving boyfriend and friends. As it has got closer and closer she started to more negative about it. We tried everything to try and explain that we were doing this for the whole family and that if she didn't want to stay after college then she could come back, but alas this didn't work.
We were both worried and when she said that she was thinking of staying we thought long and hard and decided (and told her)that we wouldn't leave her behind it was all the family or none of us.
That was a couple of weeks ago, since then I have managed to find a young 18 year old australian girl who is a friend of a friend and is emailing my daughter and sending her loads of information particulary about high schools etc. This seems to be working, and she is talking more and more each day about moving, still not all postive but we are getting there.
If you want to contact me please do, I think we all need someone to chat to and share particular problems.
Good Luck, this is not an easy one to solve and it does take patients.

Terri

Altho my daughters where younger my eldest still didnt want to come, however I told her that it would be a holiday at first and then we would see what she thought.....

Now I know there is no way she would go back ! lol