t9jla

Well I have now been in Perth for a month having arrived with 7 year old twins (one of each). OH came out first 2 months earlier. A month in and whilst we all seem to like being here, my son is waking up several times a night, every night. He will make every conceivable excuse you can think of as to why. It is really disrupting the whole house because none of us are sleeping, including my daughter who wakes up with all the commotion. We have tried offering rewards for staying in bed, taking toys away for not doing so, being calm about it, losing our temper.... everything. Nothing is working. Also his behaviour at home is really disruptive, having become angry and aggressive, sulky and particularly mean to his sister. They are both bright kids and have been well received by school, with teachers only saying good things which is a complete contrast to home. I accept there is a period of adjustment and everyone is different but this is really spoiling every day for us and making me wonder if we have done the right thing. Will it ever get better, how and when ? Has anyone had similar experiences ? My son is quite deep emotionally and I'm worried that if I don't sort this out quickly things may get worse. Any previous experiences for advice are welcome.

bitzenpces

That sounds like a pretty tough start to your new life in Perth. Hard to think about strategies to use when you're sleep-deprived and tense. I saw a Jo Frost programme the other night where she was reminding the mum about keeping in control and giving her strategies to deal with her disruptive son, who looked about 3 or 4. She makes it look so easy and I wish she could visit us, as we have a disruptive child (boy) who doesn't seem to respond to all the usual recommneded strategies.

I know that it's hard, but try to take a step or two back and put a cool, calm and collected, objective, Jo Frost-type, thinking hat on. Sometimes small things can disrupt a child, let alone major ones such as moving around the world. It might be the different noises at night, fear about spiders or snakes, weird Australian monsters under the bed. Is he too hot/cold/thirsty? Is he eating normally? Does he need a night light on, even if he didn't need one in the UK for several years? Does he need a bedtime story? Was he told wild tales about Australia before he came? Is something happening in the school playground that your daughter isn't experiencing because she's in a different group of kids?

Some sort of fear or anxiety might have him in its grip, but he hasn't told you yet. As adults we can recognise and talk about our feelings much more easily and can seek help, even if it's difficult to find sometimes. I can remember seeing a brochure somewhere about a parenting consultant who does home visits, but you might be able to figure out what is happening yourself.

Petals

Is he sleep walking. Our son used to get up as well come into the room and look at us and start talking to us and my oh used to get cross with him and then he would get worse. It took a while but we worked it out that he was sleep walking and then we would just lead him back to bed, not waking him up stopped all the upsets.

If he is having broken sleep maybe whats making him cranky.

vcf49

Have you thought maybe about a diary/thoughts book for him to write out or draw in on a daily basis? After school, it may help empty his mind of what's waking him and gives you a chance to see what's on his mind and talk it through with him?

Hope things get better for you all soon.

t9jla

I don't think he's sleep walking because he remembers it. I'm sure part of his crankiness is down to lack of sleep, although certainly not all of it because he's really nasty sometimes. As for the diary thing, I hadn't thought of that. I do always try and turn something positive though. I know he misses his UK friends but I've set him up an email address so they can correspond - he slept the night after that but that was a one off apparently ! I've now cheated and gone and bought some Phenergan which is available over the counter here. I once had it years ago for a similar sleep problem with him in the UK which was prescription only. Fingers crossed...............

carolinephillips

Your son has had a big disruption to his life, and one possibility is that he is desperate for attention from you- maybe he is subconsciously scared you will go too. It is hard to do, but you might try to break the cycle of clinginess. When your son wakes, and you talk to him/cuddle him, you are giving him attention which is reinforcing the behaviour. Keep communication to a minimum- "It is time for bed. " Take him back and put him down to sleep . Don't engage in conversation. If he persists repeat as many times as necessary- it may take 20 or 30 times. After 3, just say "bedtime". Just take him by the hand, calmly, (hard to do I know) and return him to bed. Don't linger. It might take a week, but he will get the message eventually.

This is just a suggestion- I'm sure there will be others, and you have to find something that works for you.

RedDragon2008

Have you tried talking through his concerns well before bed time so they are not weighing on his little head as he tries to get into deep sleep?

Having said above its what we went through with a slightly younger child for first few months.

During the day they were happy and appeared very relaxed with the move but at night the body would say otherwise with sore tummy, bed wetting etc.

Suddenly after a long drawn out conversation they had all these issues running in their heads like who was now living in their old house and how would their friends find them, and where are we moving to next......

ajw

Hello, I really feel for you. My son was 4 when we moved countries and it took him probably six months to settle properly. In terms of the sleep issues I agree with Caroline and the methods she has outlined. It really may take some time to crack it but eventually he will get the message. During the day when you are having a really hard time with him, I think its really important to be very calm and consistent (much easier said than done I know) and dont raise your voice. Dont get into word battles with him (they will always win), instead say nothing and close down the argument that way or walk away. I agree that he is probably feeling insecure, maybe a little frightened of all the recent changes and is lashing out at the people he loves. I can highly recommend this website: www.disciplinehelp.com . It is free to register and you have access to some excellent content on behaviours, why they happen and how to deal with them. My 6 year old is currently going through a very difficult patch at home (fine at school though) and I have found it a fantastic resource. Good luck to you!!

macy

It sounds awful for you, has he always been disruptive or is it just since you arrived? If he has only done it since arriving then it seems to be "anger" maybe on his part and he is punishing you for taking him away from everything he knew. As he is a nice boy he won't take it out on his school community he will take it out on you as he feels comfortable doing that.

Boys have trouble expressing themselves at the best of times ( I have a couple) and I suppose this is one way of letting you know that he isn't best pleased at these turn of events in his life. I would try and get him involved in some sports to run off that testosterone and I would maybe look at some kind of counselling for him, in children his age they do offer some great group counselling for children in Brisbane not sure about your area.

Good luck, I am sure he will settle down but good on you for wanting to nip it in the bud.

Can I just add that boys of his age do have agressive bursts sometimes, that last a few months, if you get a chance to read the book " Raising Boys" it explains it, very interesting on how misunderstood they can be and as a mother how to cope with it all! Best wishes.

bra_boy

You may already be doing some of these.

Try tiring him by physical exercise. Most kids of that age can easily handle 2 hours of playground type exercise (bit of running and climbing), but may only get 30-40 min at school. Send him outdoors before and after dinner.

Keep the emotional temper cool in the run up to bedtime (around 8 pm, I presume). Not too much horseplay from the kids, no exciting TV/computer games, and no shouting from anybody. Cuddles, reading, bit of affection at bed time.

Also avoid junk food throughout the evening, esp. things that are loaded with sugar.

Lastly, do not give any payoff when he gets up - just firm requests to go to bed, repeated ad nauseum in a calm manner - no other interaction.

Being mean to his sister - probably all is not well at school (outside the main social group?). Teachers do not have a clue what is really going on.

bybyQLD

We have had very similar problem.

may sound silly, but have you tried a worm tablet?
good luck.

galba

That was my first thought too!!c

t9jla

Thank you for all your advice. Phenergan however seems to have done the trick, 5 nights uninterrupted sleep now and I'm hoping for number 6 tonight. I have drained the last of the bottle tonight though so we will have to see how tomorrow goes........ I'm pleased to say the behaviour is going in the right direction too. There is hope yet for me and the rest of you.

carolinephillips

That is good to hear- have a happy and restful Christmas.

Dorothy

I am surprised at some of the replies. Give him a worm tablet? Dose him up with drugs? How about before giving a child worm tablets you have a medical professional check to see whether he actually has worms? And how is dosing up a child with phenergran good for him? Does he actually have a condition that needs treatment with a sedative?

In many countries (including US & UK), promethazine is contra-indicated in children less than 2 years age, and strongly cautioned against in children between 2 - 6 years age, due to problems with respiratory depression and sleep apnoea.