juleschap

Hi ya
We're hoping to move to the Perth area in September and we've got a 13 year old who just doesnt want to go. I'm hoping that if I can find him a football team, boxing club and an athletics club to join then it would give him a chance to make friends and continue doing the activities he loves over here. The main focus would be on football he loves it. Does anyone know of any under 14 or under 15 teams that would be interested. Or can anyone give me any tips on how to improve this move for him.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Jules

hpka

Some things that may help (but I'm no expert, just thinking ideas up here):
* Offer a free trip to his friends to come out and see him in a few months (I will admit this isn't realistic)
* New Netbook + a year long Skype Subscription to help with communication home. The more important thing here is communication... it wouldn't be a bad idea to ask him to get some mates on Skype before he goes
* Find him a few young professionals who can convince him that dual citizenship is great
* Try sending him off on a short camp-like thing in another country to prove the rest of the world isn't that bad.
* (Only at the time that you actually move) Have 1 parent go ahead of him to set the house up etc... so when he gets there things feel a bit more stable and set up.
* Remind him that thousands of folks a mere 5 years older than him voluntarily and willingly do this whenever the chance comes up?

bluekipper

Ive got this problem, my daughter is 13 near 14, and she doesnt want to go back to OZ, we lived there 2006-2007, she always wanted to go bk the UK, even tho she made a few mates in OZ, think it didnt help that our eldest was having a ball, told her she would be better now shes older as she doesnt need us at her side 24/7, she`d be more independant and be able to go beach, school etc on her own, but nope, she is not having it, we wouldnt stay just because she has said thats what she wants, but even so, you want them to want to go as bad as you do dont you?

Bluekipper

hpka

Again, non-expert, non-experienced idea: Have a word with the Aussy mates or their parents and see if you can discretely set up some phone calls...

Also, see if there are any NEW hobbies that they can take up over there. Diving and Skiing were it for me.

RenShen

I really feel for anyone in this position. As adults we know that they are too young to make a very informed decision, yet they are convinced they know it all.

I can only agree with previous posts and suggest bribery. I know its shallow but it always works for me.

Good luck, Ren.

quoll

At 13 basically tell them they have no choice and they are coming and they can choose whether to be as miserable as sin once they get here or to make the best of it until they are old enough to return. The more you enter into discussion and palliative measures the more you play the game. You could throw it right back onto them with "sorry mate, you are coming and so what can YOU do to make the move work for you" get them to come up with 3 suggestions for what they can do (research their own soccer clubs, get a list of their mates' msns or whatever, get a part time job to save for the fare home etc) and then stop the conversation. Next time they start whingeing dont enter into the argument but just go back to "I'm sorry you feel like that, now, which of your ideas have you begun to work on". Hopefully they wont be the impulsive run away from home kind of kid and they will realize that they cant press your stress buttons by nagging. Keep calm and you have a better than even chance that they will like it once they get here and if they dont like it then you can fly them home when they are 18. It's fear of the unknown and 13 is an uncomfortable age to change away from all that you know.

furkew

Our son was 12 when we made the move, and he didnt want to come either.

When we originally started making plans for the move he was 10, and loved the idea. Because of getting closer to friends, and the unknown, when it came to the big day he had changed his tune.

I agree with Quoll. They have no choice. The decision has been made, and you are going. We did as a family agree that if at any time in the first 2 years, somebody in the family couldnt settle or really wanted to go back, as a family we would decide what was best for everybody, and possibly go back.

July 25th will be 2 years in Australia, and my son is now 14. At the moment he is in Holland (that was home before we came here) staying with his best friend telling him all about going surfing, motocroos, the great life, footy and everything else. He cant wait till his mate comes over next year, so that he can show off everything he has here.

Good luck with everything, and i'm sure it will work out once you are actually here, and your son is playing in the local soccer team ,and has got to know plenty of other kids at school.

copa

I know a family who came to Australia with their 5 kids on "a holiday" ... after they were out here they told the kids they weren't going back. The father went back and sold the house etc..

The kids were all dual citizens but were born and raised in Europe...

It was very traumatic for a couple of the kids ... years later they still regreted not being abale to say goodbye to their old country..

quoll

Oh that is a nasty thing to do to kids - no way would that be sensible because you dont have the closure on what was "yours". I can imagine huge resentment.

Let's face it, kids with dual nationality are laughing really because they can make choices once they leave education. Many of them go back because they choose to and some of them stay there - it's what we want for our kids, I guess to be happy, healthy and independent.

Wanderlust

Hiya,

My parents did this to me when I was 14. We had been living in South Africa since I was a toddler and we were going back to the UK. Considering what was happening in S. Africa at the time (1984) they made the move for the safety of our family. I was adamant I didn't want to go and kicked up a helluva fuss about it, temper tantrums, screaming fits, swearing I'd hate them forever.... I didn't want to lose my friends, and at 14 I had a crush on a boy who I thought I'd love forever... LOL. My poor parents!!! I cringe now to think about how I behaved.

But - I survived and actually enjoyed the whole move and making new friends, having new experiences etc. I did stay in touch with my friends, but back then it was by old fashioned snail mail. If I'd had Skype back then I'd have been in heaven! I found that the kids I'd left behind were envious of my great adventure, and the new ones I met were very interested to hear all about it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that at 14 I had to do what my parents wanted, and I adapted and survived. Life didn't come to a grinding halt, the sky didn't fall. Yes, I hated my parents for it at the time, but looking back it was probably one of the best decisions they made for me and my brother's futures.

Basically - your kids have to do what you tell them to do. They don't have a say in it. They can either try and make the most of it, or fight you all the way. But in the end - you have to do what you know is best. They will survive. And if after they grow up and they absolutley hate it here in Aus, they can always go back to see what they were missing. Chances are though, they will love it here, and will thank you for making the move when they realise what you went through for them.

Good luck - hope your kid comes around to your way of thinking. But if he doesn't - stick with your plan, he'll survive.

Cheers!

W.

OzWannabee

I agree with this. Our 15 year old didn't want to come but she had no choice. We said she could come back to the UK to go to Uni if she wanted to. She did go back for a holiday but decided to go to Uni in Brisbane.

dejags

I totally agree Quoll. Very well written.

petensue

Hi Jules,I would also suggest you look around for schools that have specialist soccer education.My daughters are not interested but their school in Woodvale has one though it is quite expensive and they always seem to be going to some soccer tournament abroad!I would expect there are a number of schools that are like that.Sue.

micmay3_in_oz

Not an easy situation – I remember moving area in the UK (only up the road in the grand scale of things but too far away from mates). Having been there and knowing how much I resented it at 15 I had some awareness of what I was putting my own 12 and 14 year olds through when we moved here and indeed felt very guilty. We tried to offset their concerns and reluctance by promising that if they did not settle here they could return to the UK once they were old enough. (and by ‘old enough’ I didn’t tell them I meant when they were over 30) Fortunately, we have a big enough family for them to go and plonk themselves on if need be.

On the up side I think bringing them over did a lot of good for their relationship as brothers – they had to learn to get along better as they had no one else for the first month or so. As things have turned out they both seem to be very settled. In fact the eldest one moaned the other day as to why we had not done it sooner. Can’t bloomin win whatever you decide.

Mx

steve`o

top answer and quite right you carnt have the tail wagging the dog