Spoke to family ...
Jul 26th 2003, 10:17 pm
#1
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Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2003
Location: Kawana Island, QLD
Posts: 254
Spoke to family ...
And it all kicked off!
Mum still does not want me to go - said I should choose her over losing my visa etc etc.
Wants me to stay for another 5/10 years before leaving and I stuck to my guns and said 'no'.
Started saying Zoe was 'evil' and has changed me since the death of my father. Total bull!
Then my uncle comes in and threatens me!
Apart from that though my mother started to chill and has vowed to support me (said throughgritted teeth)
Even though she blames me (surprises again!). She said I will be back but I think she is very wrong about that!
So now Zoe and me are seething at the comments and when the visa comes this week we are booking a flight and getting on it within 14 days!
Anthony - the irate geordie!
Mum still does not want me to go - said I should choose her over losing my visa etc etc.
Wants me to stay for another 5/10 years before leaving and I stuck to my guns and said 'no'.
Started saying Zoe was 'evil' and has changed me since the death of my father. Total bull!
Then my uncle comes in and threatens me!
Apart from that though my mother started to chill and has vowed to support me (said throughgritted teeth)
Even though she blames me (surprises again!). She said I will be back but I think she is very wrong about that!
So now Zoe and me are seething at the comments and when the visa comes this week we are booking a flight and getting on it within 14 days!
Anthony - the irate geordie!
Jul 26th 2003, 10:20 pm
#2
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 206
Re: Spoke to family ...
Originally posted by anthonykirby
And it all kicked off!
Mum still does not want me to go - said I should choose her over losing my visa etc etc.
Wants me to stay for another 5/10 years before leaving and I stuck to my guns and said 'no'.
Started saying Zoe was 'evil' and has changed me since the death of my father. Total bull!
Then my uncle comes in and threatens me!
Apart from that though my mother started to chill and has vowed to support me (said throughgritted teeth)
Even though she blames me (surprises again!). She said I will be back but I think she is very wrong about that!
So now Zoe and me are seething at the comments and when the visa comes this week we are booking a flight and getting on it within 14 days!
Anthony - the irate geordie!
And it all kicked off!
Mum still does not want me to go - said I should choose her over losing my visa etc etc.
Wants me to stay for another 5/10 years before leaving and I stuck to my guns and said 'no'.
Started saying Zoe was 'evil' and has changed me since the death of my father. Total bull!
Then my uncle comes in and threatens me!
Apart from that though my mother started to chill and has vowed to support me (said throughgritted teeth)
Even though she blames me (surprises again!). She said I will be back but I think she is very wrong about that!
So now Zoe and me are seething at the comments and when the visa comes this week we are booking a flight and getting on it within 14 days!
Anthony - the irate geordie!
Jul 26th 2003, 10:31 pm
#3
Guest
Posts: n/a
Only wish i could be on that plane with you mate!
well fed up at the moment(house sale etc).
May the force be with you my friend!
well fed up at the moment(house sale etc).
May the force be with you my friend!
Jul 27th 2003, 3:09 am
#5
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Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Eatons Hill, Brisbane
Posts: 2,289
Re: Spoke to family ...
Originally posted by anthonykirby
And it all kicked off!
Mum still does not want me to go - said I should choose her over losing my visa etc etc.
Wants me to stay for another 5/10 years before leaving and I stuck to my guns and said 'no'.
Started saying Zoe was 'evil' and has changed me since the death of my father. Total bull!
Then my uncle comes in and threatens me!
Apart from that though my mother started to chill and has vowed to support me (said throughgritted teeth)
Even though she blames me (surprises again!). She said I will be back but I think she is very wrong about that!
So now Zoe and me are seething at the comments and when the visa comes this week we are booking a flight and getting on it within 14 days!
Anthony - the irate geordie!
And it all kicked off!
Mum still does not want me to go - said I should choose her over losing my visa etc etc.
Wants me to stay for another 5/10 years before leaving and I stuck to my guns and said 'no'.
Started saying Zoe was 'evil' and has changed me since the death of my father. Total bull!
Then my uncle comes in and threatens me!
Apart from that though my mother started to chill and has vowed to support me (said throughgritted teeth)
Even though she blames me (surprises again!). She said I will be back but I think she is very wrong about that!
So now Zoe and me are seething at the comments and when the visa comes this week we are booking a flight and getting on it within 14 days!
Anthony - the irate geordie!
just remember to stay focused and remember that you are making this major change for YOU, not your mum, family etc. but for your happiness!
Mark's family are being very supportive yet my mum is saying we shouldn't count are chickens and try to forget about 'your dream!' yes we are only at the TRA stage but determined to get to the stage you are at!
take care both of you
rach & family
Jul 27th 2003, 4:22 am
#6
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Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Dossing with the inlaws
Posts: 302
Anthony,
I can sympathise lots with your plight and agree that you have to be stong in every way to do what we are doing but I am concerned you've not appreciated everything.
In a previous post, you included a link to your local paper which had an article about your dad. I seem to remember that he died only at the end of last year, and that you have one sister.
I think you might need to give your mum a bit of reassurance and understanding, mate. My dad died when I was 21 (14 years ago) and I have one sister. I don't think I would have been able to leave only a few months after this event. Ar you sure that your mum is not still grieving and that her attitude to you is not a bit of a panic reaction to the loss of family members. Having someone emigrate is like a bereavement anyway.
It seems shes trying to put a brave face on it- some comforting words might help..
just a thought
I can sympathise lots with your plight and agree that you have to be stong in every way to do what we are doing but I am concerned you've not appreciated everything.
In a previous post, you included a link to your local paper which had an article about your dad. I seem to remember that he died only at the end of last year, and that you have one sister.
I think you might need to give your mum a bit of reassurance and understanding, mate. My dad died when I was 21 (14 years ago) and I have one sister. I don't think I would have been able to leave only a few months after this event. Ar you sure that your mum is not still grieving and that her attitude to you is not a bit of a panic reaction to the loss of family members. Having someone emigrate is like a bereavement anyway.
It seems shes trying to put a brave face on it- some comforting words might help..
just a thought
Jul 27th 2003, 4:53 am
#7
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 160
Re: Spoke to family ...
As soon as you get that visa, get on the plane and run like hell ................
Jul 27th 2003, 5:20 am
#8
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Joined: May 2003
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 334
Hi Anthony & Zoe,
It does sound like your mum's still grieving so you have to take what she says 'with a grain of salt' and try to keep positive and say cheerful 'we'll be in touch regularly' things to her.
But you've got to get on with your life. That's the most important thing. Parent's responsibility to children is to raise them and then let them go, however hard it can be. Children's responsibility is to live happy lives and they don't owe their parents anything.
For what it's worth, our relationship with my British husband's parents was easier when we lived in Oz. We spoke by phone more often than when we were in the UK and the conversations were more positive. The whole emotional blackmail thing isn't so effective over the phone.
We are off to Oz in 6 weeks. There are very good reasons to go now for our own family's future (husband, myself and our son). My in-laws are now elderly so it's difficult to leave but it would be very morbid to hang around waiting for them to die before going anywhere!
It seems a bit heartless but you must prioritise your own family - the one that starts with you and Zoe. That's how the world has always been and many parents have had to learn to accept it.
Good luck to you both,
Jo
It does sound like your mum's still grieving so you have to take what she says 'with a grain of salt' and try to keep positive and say cheerful 'we'll be in touch regularly' things to her.
But you've got to get on with your life. That's the most important thing. Parent's responsibility to children is to raise them and then let them go, however hard it can be. Children's responsibility is to live happy lives and they don't owe their parents anything.
For what it's worth, our relationship with my British husband's parents was easier when we lived in Oz. We spoke by phone more often than when we were in the UK and the conversations were more positive. The whole emotional blackmail thing isn't so effective over the phone.
We are off to Oz in 6 weeks. There are very good reasons to go now for our own family's future (husband, myself and our son). My in-laws are now elderly so it's difficult to leave but it would be very morbid to hang around waiting for them to die before going anywhere!
It seems a bit heartless but you must prioritise your own family - the one that starts with you and Zoe. That's how the world has always been and many parents have had to learn to accept it.
Good luck to you both,
Jo
Jul 27th 2003, 7:02 pm
#9
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Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Dossing with the inlaws
Posts: 302
Well said Jolyn, especially the emotional blackmail bit.
I have had more of this than any man can stomach. Still, its worth rising above it and taking the opportunity to be on better terms via e-mail / phone from far away.
Try to take heed of this Anthony. You can throw your arms up in despair while in this country, but see if you can set in place the conditions so that when you are in Oz, you can have a better (ableit different) relationship with family.
I have had more of this than any man can stomach. Still, its worth rising above it and taking the opportunity to be on better terms via e-mail / phone from far away.
Try to take heed of this Anthony. You can throw your arms up in despair while in this country, but see if you can set in place the conditions so that when you are in Oz, you can have a better (ableit different) relationship with family.
Jul 27th 2003, 7:53 pm
#10
Not here
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,621
Re: Spoke to family ...
Originally posted by anthonykirby
And it all kicked off!
Mum still does not want me to go - said I should choose her over losing my visa etc etc.
Wants me to stay for another 5/10 years before leaving and I stuck to my guns and said 'no'.
Started saying Zoe was 'evil' and has changed me since the death of my father. Total bull!
Then my uncle comes in and threatens me!
Apart from that though my mother started to chill and has vowed to support me (said throughgritted teeth)
Even though she blames me (surprises again!). She said I will be back but I think she is very wrong about that!
So now Zoe and me are seething at the comments and when the visa comes this week we are booking a flight and getting on it within 14 days!
Anthony - the irate geordie!
And it all kicked off!
Mum still does not want me to go - said I should choose her over losing my visa etc etc.
Wants me to stay for another 5/10 years before leaving and I stuck to my guns and said 'no'.
Started saying Zoe was 'evil' and has changed me since the death of my father. Total bull!
Then my uncle comes in and threatens me!
Apart from that though my mother started to chill and has vowed to support me (said throughgritted teeth)
Even though she blames me (surprises again!). She said I will be back but I think she is very wrong about that!
So now Zoe and me are seething at the comments and when the visa comes this week we are booking a flight and getting on it within 14 days!
Anthony - the irate geordie!
I'll Say A Little Prayer
From the moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you..
While combing my hair now
And wond'ring what dress to wear now
I say a little prayer for you...
Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart, and I'll love you
Forever, and ever, we never will part, oh I love you
Together, forever, that's how it should be
Living without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me...
I run for the bus dear, while riding I think of us dear,
I say a lil prayer for you
At work I just take time, and all through my coffee break time
I say a lil prayer for you...
Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart, and I'll love you
Forever, and ever, we never will part, oh I love you
Together, forever, that's how it should be
Living without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me...
My darling believe me
For me there is no one but you
Say you love me too...
Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart, and I'll love you
Forever, and ever, we never will part, oh I love you
Together, forever, that's how it should be
Living without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me...
Jul 27th 2003, 9:24 pm
#11
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2002
Location: Dream life UK....
Posts: 2,912
Its your mum, she loves you, she is hurt. My mum was like that, so angry, she wrote me terrible letters, said things I still cant believe. Then when I was all those miles away I understood, and to this day I hope my kids never want to live on the opposite side of the world to me. Fortunately at this stage we are all heading to one place, at different times but still the same place.
Dont be angry with her, would you rather she did not care? Remember too the practical side, a trip to OZ is not possible for many older people, others cant afford it. They are not in the heady Oz stage, all they see is the distance. I bet she would not be so dramatic if you were going to France its the reality of the distance that hurts them so much.
Remember once people emigrate the may only see their family a couple of times again. Older ones, well I never saw my nan and grandad again, the guilt would have been awful if there had been a rift still going on. Leave on good terms whatever you do.
Dont be angry with her, would you rather she did not care? Remember too the practical side, a trip to OZ is not possible for many older people, others cant afford it. They are not in the heady Oz stage, all they see is the distance. I bet she would not be so dramatic if you were going to France its the reality of the distance that hurts them so much.
Remember once people emigrate the may only see their family a couple of times again. Older ones, well I never saw my nan and grandad again, the guilt would have been awful if there had been a rift still going on. Leave on good terms whatever you do.
Last edited by dotty; Jul 27th 2003 at 9:28 pm.
