JenJen

Just wondering for those of you without any family in oz and few if any friends out there, are you having any doubts about it working out with mainly just hubby/ wife for company at least initially?

Just feeling maxed out I guess really and not sure how much of it is the pressure of xmas having the in laws invite themselves over aswell as the usual family round. It's just even hubby's breathing is annoying me and I've got panic alarm bells ringing off in my head.
I'm just wondering if we'll survive the stress of having to do the house up sell it and move and thats before we even get out there and him and the kids will be 90+ % of my company.
He's hard work at the best of times, I know women say this is men but he seems to think in this lifetime he's always right (which in my book must make me always wrong) he works crappy shifts right now so we have little if any family time he gets called in to work alot and altho he has the option to say no he always says yes even when they phone up at 1am and wake the whole house up, he goes out at least one evening a week so in total is gone around 4/5 evenings/nights and is home for 2 or 3, I know I prob sound unreasonable but my worry is we'll get out there and things will be like this, he'll opt for hell and all overtime going, he'll get in with the guys at work and be going off to golf and pool and i'll be at home 24/7.

I'm just wondering if you feel your strong enough as a couple without family or close friends to get through this experience together???

Jen

shiels

Hiya Jen............

Have you been reading my mind???!!!!!!!

You know every morning when i wake up, the first thought on my mind is always something to do with our plans.........the most popular thought being 'what the hell am i/we doing!!!!'
I often wonder are we strong enough to do this, will we do nothing but argue, disagree or fall out?? But this is always overidden by my thought of 'regret'. I dont want to be regretting the fact that we never gave it a try, nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that sort of thing. Being a great believer in fate, i believe that things happen for a reason, therefore my OH was granted with his citizenship by descent, 15 years after his Aussie mum died........... FOR A REASON!!!!!

We only have one relative out there, a cousin of my moms whos weve only met once and that was this year when we went to Aus for the first time!!!
Other than that one set of friends who we made via the internet, and some friends in Perth...but we are heading to the GC.......

Where are you heading to Jen??
C x

herrchook

Aww Jen. So sorry you're feeling like this. I think the best advise I can offer is that you get yourself a job as soon as you possible can. That way, you'll be able to forge your own social life and not depend on your husband for company.

Hope your Christmas is OK for you all.

Gill

JenJen

We're supposed to be heading for Melbourne.... supposed to be.
I do want to do it, but it occured to me yesterday that if my dad or either of my two best friends asked me to go I would have alot less doubts, hubby has let me down alot particularly this last year and thinks sorry fixes it he puts work first which I can understand to a certain extent then come his kids, then his family and then me. I get short shrift for everyone else.
I used to go out alot I gave that all up when we had kids rarely going out after, he would still go out, in the last few months had started going out again til he had to get a new job and working weekends means I can't go out cause all my friends work in the week, no babysitter for all 3 kids at weekend, but it leaves him free to go out every Thursday evening for 4 - 5 hours and sometimes on a Tuesday too. If you mention to him about not going, i.e planning a romantic night or one or more of the kids have a sick bug or something he'll still go out.
At least here if i'm feeling isolated I can call my dad or a friend and normally someone will be able to come over.
I just don't know if the relationship is strong enough

I would but our youngest will prob only be 2 when we move and for alot of reasons it wouldn't be fair to leave him in daycare, it's not all black and white with littlie

Jen

esperanza

Poor Jen....

Just think, if you don't do something then things might just carry on as they are. This might be the last christmas in a while where you are shopping in the dark for in-laws who have invited themselves - next year you and your family could be enjoying some sun on the beach!
I'm going in a few months with just OH. I have a handful of contacts who are friends of friends, hopefully they might help if we hit a crisis, but we're basically starting from scratch with only OH's job a certainty. Don't know exactly where we'll live, don't know what job I will do, don't know an awful lot actually as have never been to Oz! But I can't wait to get out there and give it a try.
Think positive - from the sound of some of your posts you aren't at all 100% happy with you life at the moment, so take this opportunity to try turning it all around and making a fresh start. There is always lots of support on here when you need it - keep smiling.

JenJen

Where would we be without computers eh ???

Jen

Poppett44

I'd take some time out to really think things through, which you seem to be doing anyway.
Theres no getting away from it,,emigrating is a very stressful business and if your relationship is rocky I reckon it could kill it stone dead.
I have spent the last 3 months , 24/7 with mu husband as he is struggling to get a job.
For the first month I wanted to kill him everything and I mean everything about him annoyed me right down to the radio station he played in the car,,,I spent a lot of time screaming niside my head!
Luckily for us we had/have a strong relationship and he understands that I need some space now and again and will go off for a few hours.
Things are back to normal now and dare I say it, I will even miss his company when he eventually gets a job.

Good luck with everything Jen, but do be prepared for a lot of stress over the next few months (((hugs)))

Lorraine xx

>Trigger<

Ok a bloke's perspective is needed here,What you described jen was us a few years ago...now...my Mrs is never in the bloody house,
coffee mornings,tupperware,after work drinks,perfume parties,Sunday morning breakfast,Gym....are you getting the picture.

Or maybe i'm pissed she's got more friends than me!!

esperanza

On the plus side Jen, Oz might be a chance for your man to re-prioritise his life. You will have to work together to make it work, and you can set new ground-rules & expectations - like one week you get a 'night off' and the next week he does. He must see that just because he is the one with a salary the family does not revolve around him.
This might seem hideously patronising (not meant to be!) but have you talked to him about how you feel? If not then please do - too much time to think on your own can be really depressing and you never know he might surprise you and start giving you a bit more support. What have you got to lose?

herrchook

Jen, I've two little ones (3 & 4) myself so I sympathise and I completely understand your predicament re getting a job. I'm in the same situation myself. However, I'm also moving to Melbourne. Hopefully by August, so stay in touch, and we can get together when we're both out there. It sounds like there's a great expat network in Melbourne so I'm sure you'll not be alone.

Gill

JenJen

Thanks Lorraine

Lmao well that would be what i'd hope for, cause i just feel like I would be making a mistake to fully rely on him out there as I can't even do that here

Jen

JenJen

He does actually think the family revolves around him cause he pays for everything. I've given up talking to him he DOES know how I feel but after starting many discussions that either turn into arguments or are still going round in circles at one 1am - when they started at 8pm - I give up he won't hear anything negative about himself or that he's overlooked my feeligns and by 1am i'm tired peed off and normally just give up cause i've got no energy left, he wears me down.

Jen

Wendy

I could have happily murdered my hubby for the first 4 months of being here He was in my face every minute of every day. I was so glad when he got his job.

As for me, well I have some new friends and we go out at least once a week to the pub and take the kids with us Of course we can't get drunk or act stupid with them there but it's so nice to not be sat at home staring at four walls all the time. During the week, we meet up for coffee, go shopping etc etc. It's the first time since my Mum died that I have any kind of social life and I love it

It's not easy moving here and I'd say if you are not happy in your marriage then moving here won't solve it. If it's just the normal pre-migration doubts that you have, then you won't know how it is until you try it.

nicola411

hi jen

DOnt sell your house in the UK. that is my advice as you never know both yo and your hubby might not like it or vice versa. I moved here with my family in august and would ideally like to return home sometime towads the end of next year. I also had a full "daytime" social life in the uk with my friends and all our kids. now I am lonely and finding it difficult to have my hubby as my only friends as there are certain things he is just not interested in. anyway if you can keep your uk place it enables you to have a safety net in case it isnt all fantastic.Remmber aus wont fix your problems in your marriage in anything it will magnify them.

shauna250568

I would seriously think about part-time daycare if you can. It will help you little one settle, give you a chance to meet some of the other mums and taking little one to and from nursery will give you some (no offence) much needed time away from hubby.

I don't think it will be easy as it is a stressful time even without the problems of a rocky relationship but try to remain positive. This could be your chance to get back on track and have a new and happier life for you and your family.

Remember it doesn't have to be forever you can always come back if things get too bad.