Should we go back to Sydney??
Jan 16th 2008, 2:11 pm
#1
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 23
Should we go back to Sydney??
Hi there,
I'm new to this website and am hoping some of you might be able to help me with my decision making. My husband and I moved out to Sydney in Jan 2005 and loved it there. I had the usual bouts of homesickness as I am very close to my family in England but nothing that would want me to go back. In October 2007 I had my son and due to pressures from family about coming back and the thought of having no family network with a young child, we returned to England in Jan 2005. My Mum was with us in Oz from the time my son was born to the day we left and it was more pressure from her and my brother in the UK that made me come back. My husband did not want to return but went along with my decision.
Having been back in the UK for 3 years now, we are considering moving back to Sydney for the following reasons:
1. We had a much better lifestyle in Sydney than here
2. For us, the cost of living compared with how much we earned was more favourable in Sydney. In the UK, we struggle to make ends meet whereas in Sydney we never had that problem
3. Better place for my son to grow up
My husband is ready to go back tomorrow however I am 50/50. The only thing keeping me back is the support network that I will no longer have from family and the fact that I will be taking away my 4 year old son from the rest of the family who he has now really got attached to. Part of me wants to go back because we had a much better life out in Sydney and part of me wants to stay, just because of family. On the other hand, we all have our own lives and I may see my Mum every day but I only see my brother and his family twice a week and even then its only for a few minutes.
Don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm new to this website and am hoping some of you might be able to help me with my decision making. My husband and I moved out to Sydney in Jan 2005 and loved it there. I had the usual bouts of homesickness as I am very close to my family in England but nothing that would want me to go back. In October 2007 I had my son and due to pressures from family about coming back and the thought of having no family network with a young child, we returned to England in Jan 2005. My Mum was with us in Oz from the time my son was born to the day we left and it was more pressure from her and my brother in the UK that made me come back. My husband did not want to return but went along with my decision.
Having been back in the UK for 3 years now, we are considering moving back to Sydney for the following reasons:
1. We had a much better lifestyle in Sydney than here
2. For us, the cost of living compared with how much we earned was more favourable in Sydney. In the UK, we struggle to make ends meet whereas in Sydney we never had that problem
3. Better place for my son to grow up
My husband is ready to go back tomorrow however I am 50/50. The only thing keeping me back is the support network that I will no longer have from family and the fact that I will be taking away my 4 year old son from the rest of the family who he has now really got attached to. Part of me wants to go back because we had a much better life out in Sydney and part of me wants to stay, just because of family. On the other hand, we all have our own lives and I may see my Mum every day but I only see my brother and his family twice a week and even then its only for a few minutes.
Don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jan 16th 2008, 2:19 pm
#2
Ping pong PoM
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 1,537
Re: Should we go back to Sydney??
Awww Hunny!
Nobody can tell you what to do... only you can make that decision.
You need to balance your motivation for leaving in the first place and the reasons for going back, I think have increased compared to the reasons you had for going to Sydney in the first place.
Can you really be that far away from your family? Will the lifestyle improvement compensate for the lack of a physical support network?
How will you stand up to family pressures to return the UK, and this, is inevitable?
Will you really be happier in Australia than you are here?
Is your relationship in good order? Because if it's not the sun will just make those cracks wider and deeper....
The most important question is
Where feels like home now? Australia or the UK?
follow your instincts, don't spend too much time torturing yourself, it'll serve no purpose at all!
Ali x
Nobody can tell you what to do... only you can make that decision.
You need to balance your motivation for leaving in the first place and the reasons for going back, I think have increased compared to the reasons you had for going to Sydney in the first place.
Can you really be that far away from your family? Will the lifestyle improvement compensate for the lack of a physical support network?
How will you stand up to family pressures to return the UK, and this, is inevitable?
Will you really be happier in Australia than you are here?
Is your relationship in good order? Because if it's not the sun will just make those cracks wider and deeper....
The most important question is
Where feels like home now? Australia or the UK?
follow your instincts, don't spend too much time torturing yourself, it'll serve no purpose at all!
Ali x
Jan 16th 2008, 2:48 pm
#3
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 875
Re: Should we go back to Sydney??
It is difficult when you have that element of closeness with your family to take into consideration.
However, when you married your husband he in effect became your closest family and you have to do what is right for your family unit - that is you, your husband and your son. You sound as if you want to go back, but expectation from your extended family and your desire to please keeps you in the UK.
Your extended family obviously loves you a lot which is why they want you to stay in the UK. However, their actions are selfish, they want you to fit into their lives. What is to stop them packing up and moving to Oz with you?
Good luck with your decision. I know if it was me I would be off tomorrow. However, I don't have your family considerations to take into account. I wish you luck with your decision and want to congratulate you on having the family network for support. If something was to happen to your mum (fingers crossed it does not for a long time) what would you have in the UK? Would you feel resentful about your lost opportunity?
However, when you married your husband he in effect became your closest family and you have to do what is right for your family unit - that is you, your husband and your son. You sound as if you want to go back, but expectation from your extended family and your desire to please keeps you in the UK.
Your extended family obviously loves you a lot which is why they want you to stay in the UK. However, their actions are selfish, they want you to fit into their lives. What is to stop them packing up and moving to Oz with you?
Good luck with your decision. I know if it was me I would be off tomorrow. However, I don't have your family considerations to take into account. I wish you luck with your decision and want to congratulate you on having the family network for support. If something was to happen to your mum (fingers crossed it does not for a long time) what would you have in the UK? Would you feel resentful about your lost opportunity?
Jan 16th 2008, 3:12 pm
#4
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 23
Re: Should we go back to Sydney??
Thanks for you replies. It is true that my family could come to Oz but they have busniesses here they don't want to leave. Also, since coming back I have noticed that it is only my Mum who has always been there for us - there have been occasions when I have needed help financially and emotionally and other than my Mum, no-body has helped! My Mum says that she would spend 4-6 months of every year out in Oz and to be honest, if something ever happened to her, there would be no reason for me to stay in the UK.
Jan 16th 2008, 3:15 pm
#5
Ping pong PoM
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 1,537
Re: Should we go back to Sydney??
Thanks for you replies. It is true that my family could come to Oz but they have busniesses here they don't want to leave. Also, since coming back I have noticed that it is only my Mum who has always been there for us - there have been occasions when I have needed help financially and emotionally and other than my Mum, no-body has helped! My Mum says that she would spend 4-6 months of every year out in Oz and to be honest, if something ever happened to her, there would be no reason for me to stay in the UK.
Good luck!
Ali x
Jan 16th 2008, 3:22 pm
#6
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 875
Re: Should we go back to Sydney??
Sounds as if your mum is a classy lady. I would probably take her up on that offer. Make your man a happy camper tell him to get the tickets booked because you are off. Maybe to make things easier for your mum you could buy a house in Oz that is big enough to give her a granny flat so she would have her own space to stay in. She could decorate it how she likes and it would be her Aussie abode so to speak.
Good luck with your decision.
Good luck with your decision.
Jan 16th 2008, 3:46 pm
#7
not sure...
Joined: May 2007
Location: out in the boonies
Posts: 1,537
Re: Should we go back to Sydney??
I had a bit of this when we announced that we were thinking of moving.
The whole family were in Oz for a wedding in August and after the flights etc my sister said that we ‘had better’ move somewhere closer, otherwise we’ll never see them! The sheer selfishness of that statement convinced me more than ever that we’re doing the right thing because WE want to move. We know other people would rather we didn’t but we’re not living their lives and we won’t be emotionally blackmailed. When we do see our families (and we always have to go see them!) the novelty lasts about 10 minutes and then we all slip back into nipping at each other. The close members of our families will stay in touch and visit etc. The others we have decided not to fret about as they’re only trying to make us do what they want so their own reasons, mostly that they have settled little lives in Ireland and are annoyed that one of us wants to do something a bit more exciting.
Only you can decide but the tone of your e-mail very much suggests that you have already made up your mind…have a good flight!!
The whole family were in Oz for a wedding in August and after the flights etc my sister said that we ‘had better’ move somewhere closer, otherwise we’ll never see them! The sheer selfishness of that statement convinced me more than ever that we’re doing the right thing because WE want to move. We know other people would rather we didn’t but we’re not living their lives and we won’t be emotionally blackmailed. When we do see our families (and we always have to go see them!) the novelty lasts about 10 minutes and then we all slip back into nipping at each other. The close members of our families will stay in touch and visit etc. The others we have decided not to fret about as they’re only trying to make us do what they want so their own reasons, mostly that they have settled little lives in Ireland and are annoyed that one of us wants to do something a bit more exciting.
Only you can decide but the tone of your e-mail very much suggests that you have already made up your mind…have a good flight!!
Jan 16th 2008, 6:10 pm
#8
G'day!
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Surrey, UK
Posts: 30
Re: Should we go back to Sydney??
Hello,
Being pressured by family it is something "I" would never let my self into, i.e: family controlling my decisions, but then again it is my opinion and we are all different...
Going back to your question , you have to do what is right for your family and when I say family I mean, you, your husband and most important your son.
You have to weight all the pro's and con's for all three of you and reach a combine decision with regards to moving or not to Australia.
What ever happens, all the best!
Being pressured by family it is something "I" would never let my self into, i.e: family controlling my decisions, but then again it is my opinion and we are all different...
Going back to your question , you have to do what is right for your family and when I say family I mean, you, your husband and most important your son.
You have to weight all the pro's and con's for all three of you and reach a combine decision with regards to moving or not to Australia.
What ever happens, all the best!
