Hels

Not sure if this is the right place for this post or not.....

Alot of you know that the Hubby and I were planning on flying to Florida to spend some time with some friends before heading home to Oz.

I have just found out that my friend, Gary, passed away last night. Obviously, his family are devistated. He has a wife, Katie a daughter who has 2 children and one due in October and a Son who has one child.

We had planned to stay with them for 2 weeks....I dont know what to do now. I dont want to be a burden on Katie when she is greiving. We wont be getting there until after the funeral. But as my Sister suggested, sometimes after the funeral is the best time to go as everyone tends to stay away to let you adjust and begin to heal....

I just dont know....I am totally gutted that this wonderful human being is no longer here....He was such a character...a real larger than life man who had a heart so big....what a waste.....

stephenwhite68

i personally would ask his wife, she may be looking forward to having someone around after the funeral to move her on ...
id check with her and then decide ...

lacey21

You know it might just waht the doctor ordered for the lady and her family. Someone new to look at and take her mind off the silence in the house. Might be a bit akward for a while but she may need the company. You know this best best go off your instincts.

Lace sad for your loss

Tass

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Jeez Hels ! You're getting a rough time just now ! Sorry to read your news !

Ask her , ask your friend . As mentioned B4 it might help her through her grieving process ,however it's obviously not gonna be the happy start to your new life ! Your going to be the shoulder to cry on and reminise with ,then again she might be a brave lady who doesn't really mention it and wants you to get on with it.
She may not want you there at all , fair enough .
Everybody deals with bereavement differently , you're obviously going to have to speak to her soon and then you'll know by just chatting.
If you're in the vicinity you can visit but not crowd either .
See how it goes.

BIG HUG COMING YOUR WAY.
Try and stay positive ,
Love Tass. x

OzTennis

Sincerest sympathies Hels. As the others suggest, it probably would be best to sound out Katie (or her relatives/friends) if you can and then respect her wishes.

OzTennis

Pollyana

Deepest sympathy Hels, I think the others are right - just be straight out and ask her, telling her you'll respect her wishes. She would probably rather that than you tiptoeing around afraid to speak to her openly.

And as someone who knows exactly what you are going through - I lost two friends in the 6 weeks before I emigrated, one of whom was very very close to me - I just want to send you the biggest hug ever. It taught me one thing, life is precious - say what you mean, do the things you always mean to do, make the most of everything. Give Katie a hug, and see if she wants the company.

"Have no fear for me when I fly by night,
For waking, I shall discover the brightness of eternity...."

Love
Polly
xx

YFitz

That's a really hard one and I think it all depends on what kind of person Katie is. When my f-i-l passed away my m-i-l wanted people around to talk to and to keep her busy, however, when my mum lost her mum she was in bits and just wanted to be alone- it was very stressful as obviously we were all worrried about her as she wasn't eating and sleeping and lost interest in everything. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that everyone copes with their grief so differently- she may be thrilled to have you or she may need time with just her family- only she can say.
Am sorry you have lost a dear friend.

Yvonne

Ushas

How sad! But to be honest the best thing to do is probably ask her. Ask if she'd rather have you there or not. Allow her to make the choice that's right for her. She may really appreciate the love and support. Or may want you nearby (in a hotel) but not on the doorstep as such.

Hope this helps.

moneypenny20

God, am sooooo sorrry for all concerned. But agree with all in checking with his wife. If you have already arranged to go and stay I should imagine it will be something to vaguely look forward to for her. As you say, after the funeral people do stay away and if you then say we won't stay it might hit her harder.

Hope she and family are ok.

Lots of cyber hugs heading your way.

Penny

bundy

Sad for you Hels

You know your friend best of all and you are in the best position to judge what you think she might be feeling. Leave it open to her - say you'll be there if she wants you to be, but understand if she doesn't. It's about all you can do.

Hels

Thanks to everyone for your replies and your suggestions....I just couldnt think what was the best way to handle this after I found out. It was just all sudden and totally unexpected.

Its funny how you just connect with people. I met Gary in an internet chat room and he became such a close friend, I have been to stay with them a few times now and so has my Hubby, in fact both of them mean the world to me....I just cant believe there is no Gary anymore....he might be gone...but he will never be forgotten....


Gary Goodman.....Now in HOG heaven....

debsy

Hels
Sorry mate' dont really know what to say to you right now, except that I am thinking of you at this time of sadness for you.

Debsx

Bordy

Sorry to hear that Hels.

Obviously the thought of you coming to stay for 2 weeks was to much for the poor bloke.

hevs

sorry mate

tinaj

Sorry to hear your news. I agree with al the posters, ask her or a close relative whether it would still be a good idea for you to stay. She is probably still looking forward to seeing you all even though this tragedy has happened.