Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Dec 2nd 2008, 2:03 pm
#16
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Sunny Little Mountain!!!!
Posts: 627
Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
I know exactly how you feel - it's a horrible feeling when your kids are so unhappy.
To cut along story short, we came over here in October and within 2 weeks i knew we'd made a massive mistake. We sold everything we had to come here, gave up good jobs and have ended up here in a rental without jobs.
My kids hate it here, the beach lifestyle isn't for them (they're 16 and 13) and they just want to go back.
My OH loves it here and thinks i'm mad, as do all my friends, but i'm not the person i was anymore, i've lost my identity and independence, and i've made my kids so unhappy.............
After several heated discussions with my OH, lots of tears on my part and breaking down in public, i've decided enough is enough - i'm going back. I've booked 3 tickets to the UK leaving on the 28th December, i've even managed to get us a rental in the village where we use to live (will probably be the talk of the place for but who cares?). My OH wants to give it time, see where he wants to be, and that's ok with me. I wouldn't want him to come back out of duty. I don't anticipate our return being easy, anything but! But for the first time since we got here i feel at peace with myself, whether it lasts is another thing, but it's a nice feeling while it lasts.
To cut along story short, we came over here in October and within 2 weeks i knew we'd made a massive mistake. We sold everything we had to come here, gave up good jobs and have ended up here in a rental without jobs.
My kids hate it here, the beach lifestyle isn't for them (they're 16 and 13) and they just want to go back.
My OH loves it here and thinks i'm mad, as do all my friends, but i'm not the person i was anymore, i've lost my identity and independence, and i've made my kids so unhappy.............
After several heated discussions with my OH, lots of tears on my part and breaking down in public, i've decided enough is enough - i'm going back. I've booked 3 tickets to the UK leaving on the 28th December, i've even managed to get us a rental in the village where we use to live (will probably be the talk of the place for but who cares?). My OH wants to give it time, see where he wants to be, and that's ok with me. I wouldn't want him to come back out of duty. I don't anticipate our return being easy, anything but! But for the first time since we got here i feel at peace with myself, whether it lasts is another thing, but it's a nice feeling while it lasts.
You went thru so much to get there and you're giving up.....6 weeks is no length of time to give. You would spend that much time on a holiday to Oz. I am really sorry that you are giving in so quickly. None of my business I know but good luck.
Dec 2nd 2008, 6:49 pm
#17
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Wigan originally but now living in KL Malaysia
Posts: 373
Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
I know exactly how you feel - it's a horrible feeling when your kids are so unhappy.
To cut along story short, we came over here in October and within 2 weeks i knew we'd made a massive mistake. We sold everything we had to come here, gave up good jobs and have ended up here in a rental without jobs.
My kids hate it here, the beach lifestyle isn't for them (they're 16 and 13) and they just want to go back.
My OH loves it here and thinks i'm mad, as do all my friends, but i'm not the person i was anymore, i've lost my identity and independence, and i've made my kids so unhappy.............
After several heated discussions with my OH, lots of tears on my part and breaking down in public, i've decided enough is enough - i'm going back. I've booked 3 tickets to the UK leaving on the 28th December, i've even managed to get us a rental in the village where we use to live (will probably be the talk of the place for but who cares?). My OH wants to give it time, see where he wants to be, and that's ok with me. I wouldn't want him to come back out of duty. I don't anticipate our return being easy, anything but! But for the first time since we got here i feel at peace with myself, whether it lasts is another thing, but it's a nice feeling while it lasts.
To cut along story short, we came over here in October and within 2 weeks i knew we'd made a massive mistake. We sold everything we had to come here, gave up good jobs and have ended up here in a rental without jobs.
My kids hate it here, the beach lifestyle isn't for them (they're 16 and 13) and they just want to go back.
My OH loves it here and thinks i'm mad, as do all my friends, but i'm not the person i was anymore, i've lost my identity and independence, and i've made my kids so unhappy.............
After several heated discussions with my OH, lots of tears on my part and breaking down in public, i've decided enough is enough - i'm going back. I've booked 3 tickets to the UK leaving on the 28th December, i've even managed to get us a rental in the village where we use to live (will probably be the talk of the place for but who cares?). My OH wants to give it time, see where he wants to be, and that's ok with me. I wouldn't want him to come back out of duty. I don't anticipate our return being easy, anything but! But for the first time since we got here i feel at peace with myself, whether it lasts is another thing, but it's a nice feeling while it lasts.
You do what you think is right hun x x
Dec 3rd 2008, 1:52 am
#18
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,517
Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Hmm, I hate to say this but I think you are being extremely hasty. You have been here less than 6 weeks and you've booked tickets home already??
How about you and your kids come to a compromise with your husband, and change your return flight to May 09.
With all due respect, I predict that you will return home and then by Feb 2009 you will be wondering why you left in the first place. Hence, my suggestion that you give it a little more time here to make sure that you are 100% certain that you want to go home !!
best of luck with whatever you decide,
Mark
How about you and your kids come to a compromise with your husband, and change your return flight to May 09.
With all due respect, I predict that you will return home and then by Feb 2009 you will be wondering why you left in the first place. Hence, my suggestion that you give it a little more time here to make sure that you are 100% certain that you want to go home !!
best of luck with whatever you decide,
Mark
Absolutely none of my business and I really don't expect a reply in such a public forum but are you really giving up after only 6 weeks and not just that effectively giving up on your marriage too?
I suspect there is more to your decision than not liking where you are right now. Did you want to come in the first place? Is this the final straw in a marriage that has reached its sell by date?
In 6/8 weeks no-one can expect to feel settled, to have made new networks etc.
Teenage kids will take some time to settle too. Have they joined clubs groups etc to be proactive about the move. All it takes is a good friend / new boyfriend etc and they could (just could) have a whole new outlook. Its hard being the new kid in town but they won't be the newest one for long. A new school year could change a lot for them.
Good luck
I suspect there is more to your decision than not liking where you are right now. Did you want to come in the first place? Is this the final straw in a marriage that has reached its sell by date?
In 6/8 weeks no-one can expect to feel settled, to have made new networks etc.
Teenage kids will take some time to settle too. Have they joined clubs groups etc to be proactive about the move. All it takes is a good friend / new boyfriend etc and they could (just could) have a whole new outlook. Its hard being the new kid in town but they won't be the newest one for long. A new school year could change a lot for them.
Good luck
I think that you should do what you feel is right and think about the long-term - do you see yourself being happy living here for the rest of your life? We have been here for 3months and miss the UK big time - mainly family, friends etc.. so are flying back in January.
Its hard to settle in when you dont know anyone and dont have a job, but I would say that we have tried which is more than some people have done.
I completely understand how you feel Gina because during the week I used to have a couple of days that would be really upsetting and I would just break down in tears because I felt so far away from home and I missed the life I had in the UK, and then eventually it was nearly every day that I was unhappy so we decided that even though we love Australia, it just isn't for us in the long-term.
Its hard to settle in when you dont know anyone and dont have a job, but I would say that we have tried which is more than some people have done.
I completely understand how you feel Gina because during the week I used to have a couple of days that would be really upsetting and I would just break down in tears because I felt so far away from home and I missed the life I had in the UK, and then eventually it was nearly every day that I was unhappy so we decided that even though we love Australia, it just isn't for us in the long-term.
Mary, I can't believe what I am reading You went thru so much to get there and you're giving up.....6 weeks is no length of time to give. You would spend that much time on a holiday to Oz. I am really sorry that you are giving in so quickly. None of my business I know but good luck.
You went thru so much to get there and you're giving up.....6 weeks is no length of time to give. You would spend that much time on a holiday to Oz. I am really sorry that you are giving in so quickly. None of my business I know but good luck.
Some will say we've not tried, but i know different. It's not for me and the girls, i've had my life in limbo for the last 2 years waiting for the visa, so i'm not prepared to keep our lives on hold anymore while we try to be happy. We've got 5 years to come back if we change our minds, so it's not the end of the world.Mary, We all realise it is none of our business - but just like the others say - 6 weeks isnt long - just look at the amount of posts you've put on here - you've put so much time and effort into this. Anyhow I have to agree with the poster if you come back now in Feb you'll prob wondering what was so speical about coming back. I'm not there - I dont know what your going through - what I have spoken to you about and read about is that your a fighter Mary!!!! You do what you think is right hun x x
You do what you think is right hun x xHi Em
I told you i wasn't happy!! (understatement of the year!) 6 weeks isn't long for most people, but it is for me. The kids are so depressed Emz, they just want to go home. My eldest has been offered a 6th form place at her old high school and the youngest one is also going back into her old year. They can't wait to go back and i can't wait to take them back. I thought i'd done the research, i thought my kids could handle the move, but i was wrong. I am a fighter Em, but this time i'm gonna fight for the life i gave up too easily. Good luck to everyone already in Oz and those waiting to get here.
Dec 3rd 2008, 2:03 am
#19
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2005
Location: Burnham On Crouch Essex
Posts: 1,511
Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Everyone goes through SOME of the feelings people have talked about, but I work with UK cops here in SA, and some people just never settle, theres just nothing they like about the place, they don't enjoy the work, miss people, and feel very unhappy all the time, this is not good, its not for everyone and theres no shame in saying you gave it a go, and it wasn't for you. Having said that its normal to feel homesick, and miss people and things at times....but is that balanced out?
You need to ask yourself the questions mentioned above, for myself, I don't enjoy life in Adelaide much, but I have enjoyed work since Ive been here. the men are awful....basically Im bored here, but decided to move to Sydney, and I now feel for sure Ill be happier there. I wouldn't hesitate to go back if I felt it was right...now or in the future.Don't listen to anyone else its your life!
GOod Luck
You need to ask yourself the questions mentioned above, for myself, I don't enjoy life in Adelaide much, but I have enjoyed work since Ive been here. the men are awful....basically Im bored here, but decided to move to Sydney, and I now feel for sure Ill be happier there. I wouldn't hesitate to go back if I felt it was right...now or in the future.Don't listen to anyone else its your life!
GOod Luck
Last edited by pompeyblonde; Dec 3rd 2008 at 2:07 am. Reason: crap at typing
Dec 3rd 2008, 2:05 am
#20
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2007
Location: Back in Blighty
Posts: 1,942
Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
I really hope that you have made the best choice for you and yours. Still think its too hasty but its your life and you have to live with your choices not mine.
Maybe it's made you see how good your old life really was and you'll appreciate it all the more, which is no bad thing.
Good Luck
Maybe it's made you see how good your old life really was and you'll appreciate it all the more, which is no bad thing.
Good Luck
Dec 3rd 2008, 2:08 am
#21
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2005
Location: Burnham On Crouch Essex
Posts: 1,511
Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Maybe it's made you see how good your old life really was and you'll appreciate it all the more, which is no bad thing.
Dec 3rd 2008, 2:34 am
#22
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 200
Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
I think 6 weeks is far too short to fully find out what life can be like over here. I've been here 3 years and still working hard to build up a good network of mates etc. I'm also presuming you haven't tried other places in Australia? (ie I know Aussie who went to London for 2 months and hated it but that doesn't mean they wouldn't have loved the scottish highlands for example).
However, as stated above, living here is certainly not for everyone (just like any country) and if you have made your mind up you hate it here then returning home is for the best.
However, as stated above, living here is certainly not for everyone (just like any country) and if you have made your mind up you hate it here then returning home is for the best.
Dec 3rd 2008, 2:39 am
#23
Crazy Cat Lady
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 65,493
Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Apart from anything else, how on earth can you disrupt a four year old's schooling? 
If you're deeply unhappy with the move and you know it's not for you then that's one thing but to imagine stuff that isn't happening doesn't and won't help you sort out where you should be. It's obviously an emotional time for you, and I hope you come to a decision you, as a family, are all happy with. The children are way too young to be stressed about where they are and what they're doing, all they want and need are parents who love them and are happy with where they are.
If you're deeply unhappy with the move and you know it's not for you then that's one thing but to imagine stuff that isn't happening doesn't and won't help you sort out where you should be. It's obviously an emotional time for you, and I hope you come to a decision you, as a family, are all happy with. The children are way too young to be stressed about where they are and what they're doing, all they want and need are parents who love them and are happy with where they are.
Dec 3rd 2008, 3:18 am
#24
Account Open
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 4,298
Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
There is no shame in either...whether it is going home, or staying.
But I think that the real issue is that mary1967 has not spent enough time here to really decide whether or not she hates it here.
consider it this way... if mary1967 had said that she'd only been here for 4hrs and had booked the flights home, we would all think that she was crazy. Every single one of us. Even mary1967 herself would think she was crazy.
How about 4days? 4 weeks?
At what point do you decide that you can confidently say that you cannot stand a place and you don't want to live there? I'm positive that you can't make this kind of decision after less than 6weeks, in exactly the same way that you'd be crazy to make it after only 6hours.
Dec 3rd 2008, 3:20 am
#25
Account Open
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 4,298
Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Here's another angle..
mary1967, if your move had been only 100miles to another county (with new schools for the kids) would you have moved back after only experiencing your new area for only 6weeks? I don't think you would.
mary1967, if your move had been only 100miles to another county (with new schools for the kids) would you have moved back after only experiencing your new area for only 6weeks? I don't think you would.
Dec 3rd 2008, 3:55 am
#26
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Nov 2008
Location: Springfield Lakes, Queensland
Posts: 13
Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
[QUOTE=moneypen20;7031719]Apart from anything else, how on earth can you disrupt a four year old's schooling?
I feel i'ts disrupted if she has already started school in Engand and learned the alphabet phonetically, then started school here and learned the American way ABCDE etc and to then go back to England to the original way. I'm just saying it's a lot to take in for a 4/5 year old. I hope it doesn't affect her and she copes well.
When I was at primary school we were part of an experiment to teach kids to spell how the word sounded not the correct way! Bonkers-it put us well behind and my spelling is still terrible. Just want whats best and easiest for her that's all, but thanks for your opinion.
Anyway we have decided we need to give it at least 6 months- 1year and I feel better now that we have made a decision
I feel i'ts disrupted if she has already started school in Engand and learned the alphabet phonetically, then started school here and learned the American way ABCDE etc and to then go back to England to the original way. I'm just saying it's a lot to take in for a 4/5 year old. I hope it doesn't affect her and she copes well.
When I was at primary school we were part of an experiment to teach kids to spell how the word sounded not the correct way! Bonkers-it put us well behind and my spelling is still terrible. Just want whats best and easiest for her that's all, but thanks for your opinion.
Anyway we have decided we need to give it at least 6 months- 1year and I feel better now that we have made a decision
Dec 3rd 2008, 6:06 am
#27
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 839
Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
I don't think so, but if it does happen, then it's just the costs of 3 flights back, as my OH is staying in Oz.
Our marriage was good before we came here, the only problem is that i want to go home and he doesn't, if he wanted to go as well, then we'd be fine. I agree that my kids may settle in time or they may not, who knows? My eldest is 16, she hates the lifestyle and it's not because she's not made friends with anyone because she has, she's been to sleepovers and parties, she's even got a part-time job and likes the people she works with, but she misses the UK life, as does my younger daughter. I got them enrolled into school within days of getting here and also got them involved in various clubs - the problem is, they just don't get the kids here, they don't get the life and want to go home. I could drag this nightmare on for another 6 months, but what's the point? By then it would definitely be harder for them to adjust.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life here - I've made a mistake and now i'm putting it right, sounds like you're doing the same thing.
Sorry Helena Some will say we've not tried, but i know different. It's not for me and the girls, i've had my life in limbo for the last 2 years waiting for the visa, so i'm not prepared to keep our lives on hold anymore while we try to be happy. We've got 5 years to come back if we change our minds, so it's not the end of the world.
Hi Em I told you i wasn't happy!! (understatement of the year!) 6 weeks isn't long for most people, but it is for me. The kids are so depressed Emz, they just want to go home. My eldest has been offered a 6th form place at her old high school and the youngest one is also going back into her old year. They can't wait to go back and i can't wait to take them back. I thought i'd done the research, i thought my kids could handle the move, but i was wrong. I am a fighter Em, but this time i'm gonna fight for the life i gave up too easily.
Good luck to everyone already in Oz and those waiting to get here.
Our marriage was good before we came here, the only problem is that i want to go home and he doesn't, if he wanted to go as well, then we'd be fine. I agree that my kids may settle in time or they may not, who knows? My eldest is 16, she hates the lifestyle and it's not because she's not made friends with anyone because she has, she's been to sleepovers and parties, she's even got a part-time job and likes the people she works with, but she misses the UK life, as does my younger daughter. I got them enrolled into school within days of getting here and also got them involved in various clubs - the problem is, they just don't get the kids here, they don't get the life and want to go home. I could drag this nightmare on for another 6 months, but what's the point? By then it would definitely be harder for them to adjust.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life here - I've made a mistake and now i'm putting it right, sounds like you're doing the same thing.
Sorry Helena
Some will say we've not tried, but i know different. It's not for me and the girls, i've had my life in limbo for the last 2 years waiting for the visa, so i'm not prepared to keep our lives on hold anymore while we try to be happy. We've got 5 years to come back if we change our minds, so it's not the end of the world.Hi Em
I told you i wasn't happy!! (understatement of the year!) 6 weeks isn't long for most people, but it is for me. The kids are so depressed Emz, they just want to go home. My eldest has been offered a 6th form place at her old high school and the youngest one is also going back into her old year. They can't wait to go back and i can't wait to take them back. I thought i'd done the research, i thought my kids could handle the move, but i was wrong. I am a fighter Em, but this time i'm gonna fight for the life i gave up too easily. Good luck to everyone already in Oz and those waiting to get here.
Australia is too sub standard in the things that matter. You've made a mistake.So have Iand so have lots of others .
You gave it a go.
If I was forced to stay here I'd go crazy.
Try to enjoy the time you have here as a holiday
Dec 3rd 2008, 6:51 am
#28
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Wigan originally but now living in KL Malaysia
Posts: 373
Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
I don't think so, but if it does happen, then it's just the costs of 3 flights back, as my OH is staying in Oz.
Our marriage was good before we came here, the only problem is that i want to go home and he doesn't, if he wanted to go as well, then we'd be fine. I agree that my kids may settle in time or they may not, who knows? My eldest is 16, she hates the lifestyle and it's not because she's not made friends with anyone because she has, she's been to sleepovers and parties, she's even got a part-time job and likes the people she works with, but she misses the UK life, as does my younger daughter. I got them enrolled into school within days of getting here and also got them involved in various clubs - the problem is, they just don't get the kids here, they don't get the life and want to go home. I could drag this nightmare on for another 6 months, but what's the point? By then it would definitely be harder for them to adjust.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life here - I've made a mistake and now i'm putting it right, sounds like you're doing the same thing.
Sorry Helena Some will say we've not tried, but i know different. It's not for me and the girls, i've had my life in limbo for the last 2 years waiting for the visa, so i'm not prepared to keep our lives on hold anymore while we try to be happy. We've got 5 years to come back if we change our minds, so it's not the end of the world.
Hi Em I told you i wasn't happy!! (understatement of the year!) 6 weeks isn't long for most people, but it is for me. The kids are so depressed Emz, they just want to go home. My eldest has been offered a 6th form place at her old high school and the youngest one is also going back into her old year. They can't wait to go back and i can't wait to take them back. I thought i'd done the research, i thought my kids could handle the move, but i was wrong. I am a fighter Em, but this time i'm gonna fight for the life i gave up too easily.
Good luck to everyone already in Oz and those waiting to get here.
Our marriage was good before we came here, the only problem is that i want to go home and he doesn't, if he wanted to go as well, then we'd be fine. I agree that my kids may settle in time or they may not, who knows? My eldest is 16, she hates the lifestyle and it's not because she's not made friends with anyone because she has, she's been to sleepovers and parties, she's even got a part-time job and likes the people she works with, but she misses the UK life, as does my younger daughter. I got them enrolled into school within days of getting here and also got them involved in various clubs - the problem is, they just don't get the kids here, they don't get the life and want to go home. I could drag this nightmare on for another 6 months, but what's the point? By then it would definitely be harder for them to adjust.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life here - I've made a mistake and now i'm putting it right, sounds like you're doing the same thing.
Sorry Helena
Some will say we've not tried, but i know different. It's not for me and the girls, i've had my life in limbo for the last 2 years waiting for the visa, so i'm not prepared to keep our lives on hold anymore while we try to be happy. We've got 5 years to come back if we change our minds, so it's not the end of the world.Hi Em
I told you i wasn't happy!! (understatement of the year!) 6 weeks isn't long for most people, but it is for me. The kids are so depressed Emz, they just want to go home. My eldest has been offered a 6th form place at her old high school and the youngest one is also going back into her old year. They can't wait to go back and i can't wait to take them back. I thought i'd done the research, i thought my kids could handle the move, but i was wrong. I am a fighter Em, but this time i'm gonna fight for the life i gave up too easily. Good luck to everyone already in Oz and those waiting to get here.
Dec 3rd 2008, 7:18 am
#29
Account Closed
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 171
Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
I knew too after a couple of weeks that it wasn't right for me but after knowing that I had suggested Australia I had to give it a go for the family.
We had said before we had left the UK that if any of us were unhappy we would talk about it and come to a decision together. It's no point anyone being unhappy or arguing and that has happened with us.
We tried one suburb and then another and now after 5 years we are all very happy to be going back. Our children are now 17, 14 and 9. The two older (girls) are very happy to be going back as are not 100% happy here. Have friends, part time jobs etc but miss the culture and life in the UK and at times have been really bored here (they get fed up with the beach here and not much else). We have been back to the UK every year in the 5 years we have been here and they have really enjoyed it there and miss so much.
Although youngest (boy) was only 4 when he came here he really has missed the UK and family and is so excited about returning. Even my OH who has been happy to plod along with life here is now 100% happy to be going back too.
At least we are going back all happy to be going back. Not bothered what people will say when we are back. We are not running away here. We prefer the Uk, moving to a new area and are lucky enough to have jobs and money to do so.
We leave here in January and can't wait. Nobody can tell you how long to give it a go you will know yourself how you feel. Your children will know too.
Can't tell you what to do but good luck with whatever you decide and sort it out as a family don't be unhappy for months/ years on end.
We had said before we had left the UK that if any of us were unhappy we would talk about it and come to a decision together. It's no point anyone being unhappy or arguing and that has happened with us.
We tried one suburb and then another and now after 5 years we are all very happy to be going back. Our children are now 17, 14 and 9. The two older (girls) are very happy to be going back as are not 100% happy here. Have friends, part time jobs etc but miss the culture and life in the UK and at times have been really bored here (they get fed up with the beach here and not much else). We have been back to the UK every year in the 5 years we have been here and they have really enjoyed it there and miss so much.
Although youngest (boy) was only 4 when he came here he really has missed the UK and family and is so excited about returning. Even my OH who has been happy to plod along with life here is now 100% happy to be going back too.
At least we are going back all happy to be going back. Not bothered what people will say when we are back. We are not running away here. We prefer the Uk, moving to a new area and are lucky enough to have jobs and money to do so.
We leave here in January and can't wait. Nobody can tell you how long to give it a go you will know yourself how you feel. Your children will know too.
Can't tell you what to do but good luck with whatever you decide and sort it out as a family don't be unhappy for months/ years on end.
