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Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Old Dec 2nd 2008, 4:04 am
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Default Should I Stay or Should I Go?

We have been here 2 months and are already thinking it's the biggest mistake of our lives. OH was sponsored on a 457 visa and I assumed I would put kids in nursery and get a part time job like back home. However there are no places at childcare and consequently I am stranded in suburbia with 2 little ones. I go to playgroup twice a week but that's it.
We only have 1 wage coming in, OH not really liking his job and is working every other weekend, have disrupted my 4 year olds schooling and am just missing home so much that I am constantly on verge of tears. We have given up our home, jobs we loved and family and friends to follow my OH dream.
Our stuff hasn't even arrived yet and we are thinking of sending it straight back! I know quite a few people who have emmigrated but none have ever come back-feel a failure if we do.
Has anyone else gone through these feelings and either got through it or returned home?
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Old Dec 2nd 2008, 4:12 am
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Default Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Feelings like that are very common, and they will hopefully get better with time. You need to network like mad- don't be afraid to ask for help. Can you get together with some of the mums from playgroup? If your kids are only 4 then you aren't disrupting their schooling, at that age they learn through play, and being in Oz will broaden their experiences. Go to the library and pick up leaflets on what's on for kiddies over the summer hols. Go to the parks, zoos, beaches- explore what's around you. Whatever you do don't sit at home cos you won't get help there.
Hope you feel better soon, but you have to be proactive about it.
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Old Dec 2nd 2008, 4:29 am
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Default Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Originally Posted by Gina73 View Post
We have been here 2 months and are already thinking it's the biggest mistake of our lives. OH was sponsored on a 457 visa and I assumed I would put kids in nursery and get a part time job like back home. However there are no places at childcare and consequently I am stranded in suburbia with 2 little ones. I go to playgroup twice a week but that's it.
We only have 1 wage coming in, OH not really liking his job and is working every other weekend, have disrupted my 4 year olds schooling and am just missing home so much that I am constantly on verge of tears. We have given up our home, jobs we loved and family and friends to follow my OH dream.
Our stuff hasn't even arrived yet and we are thinking of sending it straight back! I know quite a few people who have emmigrated but none have ever come back-feel a failure if we do.
Has anyone else gone through these feelings and either got through it or returned home?
Most newcomers go through this Gina. We certainly did. The first year is without a doubt a tough time as it is a major transition you will have to work through on multiple levels. If you can work through this transition it usually pays off in spades.
The other posters advice regarding getting involved with a local club or some other regular community involvement is gold. Your support network expands very quickly once you get your hook into something like this.

Remember, you have already made a courageous decision (and acted on it) to up and move to the other side of the world. You certainly have it in you to work through the next step and then reap the rewards later.

Chin up and best of luck with the journey. That is what counts, not the destination.
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Old Dec 2nd 2008, 4:38 am
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Default Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Think I am going to have to take the plunge and join the Wacky Races in the motorway and drop OH off at work first thing so I can use the car. Otherwise I am pretty cut off here.
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Old Dec 2nd 2008, 4:50 am
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Default Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Gina,

Sorry to hear that your down, but its a really big life change moving to Oz. You've got to get that friend network up and running as I'm assuming you have no family to fall back on?

We were in the same position when we moved over on a 457 back in 2005 and the first few months are the hardest slog.

We have two little ones who are 3 and nearly one. My wife has a large group of friends all with young children who meet up on a regular basis during the week.

PM me if you want some contact details to arrange meet up with them.

Antney
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Old Dec 2nd 2008, 4:58 am
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Default Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Originally Posted by Gina73 View Post
We have been here 2 months and are already thinking it's the biggest mistake of our lives. OH was sponsored on a 457 visa and I assumed I would put kids in nursery and get a part time job like back home. However there are no places at childcare and consequently I am stranded in suburbia with 2 little ones. I go to playgroup twice a week but that's it. Has anyone else gone through these feelings and either got through it or returned home?
Sounds a bit like my situation, except my DH loves his job and is very happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy too - don't regret the move one bit - but I am also stranded in suburbia. At the moment we can't afford for me to have a car so I get to use the family car one day a week to take my son to his swimming lessons and maybe a playcentre or shopping trip in the afternoon. There's so much around me to do but I'm stuck with a 45 minute walk to the nearest shop - which (I know) is nothing when the weather is cooler and you're NOT pregnant - just walking to the end of the road right now kills me and I'm not even big yet. Anyhoo... I'm going off topic a bit but I just wanted to say you do get used to it - just try to make the absolute most of the weekends you have with you DH and just know that it won't be like that forever. Settling in is bloody hard work and even though I'm incredibly lonely during the week I know that in the long-term I've done the right thing. I wouldn't go back if somebody paid me to (but then again, they'd have to cos we can't afford to ping-pong anyway!!!).

It's probably not helping you that you still think of the UK as home. I dunno

Anyhoo - I have my first 'night out' in over 5 months on Friday night at DH's Xmas do. I'm faaaar too excited about being in company again!!! Sad, eh?!!
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Old Dec 2nd 2008, 5:12 am
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Default Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I know exactly how you feel - it's a horrible feeling when your kids are so unhappy.

To cut along story short, we came over here in October and within 2 weeks i knew we'd made a massive mistake. We sold everything we had to come here, gave up good jobs and have ended up here in a rental without jobs.

My kids hate it here, the beach lifestyle isn't for them (they're 16 and 13) and they just want to go back.

My OH loves it here and thinks i'm mad, as do all my friends, but i'm not the person i was anymore, i've lost my identity and independence, and i've made my kids so unhappy.............

After several heated discussions with my OH, lots of tears on my part and breaking down in public, i've decided enough is enough - i'm going back. I've booked 3 tickets to the UK leaving on the 28th December, i've even managed to get us a rental in the village where we use to live (will probably be the talk of the place for but who cares?). My OH wants to give it time, see where he wants to be, and that's ok with me. I wouldn't want him to come back out of duty. I don't anticipate our return being easy, anything but! But for the first time since we got here i feel at peace with myself, whether it lasts is another thing, but it's a nice feeling while it lasts.

Last edited by mary1967; Dec 2nd 2008 at 5:14 am.
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Old Dec 2nd 2008, 5:42 am
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Default Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Originally Posted by mary1967 View Post
I know exactly how you feel - it's a horrible feeling when your kids are so unhappy.

To cut along story short, we came over here in October and within 2 weeks i knew we'd made a massive mistake. We sold everything we had to come here, gave up good jobs and have ended up here in a rental without jobs.

My kids hate it here, the beach lifestyle isn't for them (they're 16 and 13) and they just want to go back.

My OH loves it here and thinks i'm mad, as do all my friends, but i'm not the person i was anymore, i've lost my identity and independence, and i've made my kids so unhappy.............

After several heated discussions with my OH, lots of tears on my part and breaking down in public, i've decided enough is enough - i'm going back. I've booked 3 tickets to the UK leaving on the 28th December, i've even managed to get us a rental in the village where we use to live (will probably be the talk of the place for but who cares?). My OH wants to give it time, see where he wants to be, and that's ok with me. I wouldn't want him to come back out of duty. I don't anticipate our return being easy, anything but! But for the first time since we got here i feel at peace with myself, whether it lasts is another thing, but it's a nice feeling while it lasts.
Hmm, I hate to say this but I think you are being extremely hasty. You have been here less than 6 weeks and you've booked tickets home already??



How about you and your kids come to a compromise with your husband, and change your return flight to May 09.

With all due respect, I predict that you will return home and then by Feb 2009 you will be wondering why you left in the first place. Hence, my suggestion that you give it a little more time here to make sure that you are 100% certain that you want to go home !!

best of luck with whatever you decide,
Mark
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Old Dec 2nd 2008, 6:04 am
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Default Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Originally Posted by markallwood View Post
Hmm, I hate to say this but I think you are being extremely hasty. You have been here less than 6 weeks and you've booked tickets home already??



How about you and your kids come to a compromise with your husband, and change your return flight to May 09.

With all due respect, I predict that you will return home and then by Feb 2009 you will be wondering why you left in the first place. Hence, my suggestion that you give it a little more time here to make sure that you are 100% certain that you want to go home !!

best of luck with whatever you decide,
Mark
Absolutely none of my business and I really don't expect a reply in such a public forum but are you really giving up after only 6 weeks and not just that effectively giving up on your marriage too?

I suspect there is more to your decision than not liking where you are right now. Did you want to come in the first place? Is this the final straw in a marriage that has reached its sell by date?

In 6/8 weeks no-one can expect to feel settled, to have made new networks etc.

Teenage kids will take some time to settle too. Have they joined clubs groups etc to be proactive about the move. All it takes is a good friend / new boyfriend etc and they could (just could) have a whole new outlook. Its hard being the new kid in town but they won't be the newest one for long. A new school year could change a lot for them.

Gina 73, Be brave and invite the other mums around, to another meet up etc. Have you checked with the local council about child care venues you may have missed? Have you put names down for places? If you are used to working and now aren't, that's another big change that takes time to adjust to. Join classes in the evenings etc to make new friends - start new hobbies or at least keep/get fit whilst you settle in. Good luck
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Old Dec 2nd 2008, 6:06 am
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Default Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Originally Posted by markallwood View Post
Hmm, I hate to say this but I think you are being extremely hasty. You have been here less than 6 weeks and you've booked tickets home already??



How about you and your kids come to a compromise with your husband, and change your return flight to May 09.

With all due respect, I predict that you will return home and then by Feb 2009 you will be wondering why you left in the first place. Hence, my suggestion that you give it a little more time here to make sure that you are 100% certain that you want to go home !!

best of luck with whatever you decide,
Mark
Got to agree with MA on this one. I know the idea of giving it time, when every day may feel like an eternity, is a difficult one, but on the scale of a lifetime, six weeks is just the blinking of an eye. You can't expect to recreate the life you had in the UK, which has taken you a lfetime to achieve, in just two months here. It might take 6 months, a year, maybe even two years, but with a bit of endeavour, and a willingness to get out of your comfort zone, you'll have a chance of getting there.
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Old Dec 2nd 2008, 6:08 am
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Default Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

STAY and fight the same fight we all did. Hard time the first 6 months without a doubt because everything were better at home ... forget about all that. Now you are here and you will appreciate in while once you have seen this wonderful nature ...

Good Luck!
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Old Dec 2nd 2008, 8:19 am
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Default Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

i too say stay ... i hated being here for the first 10 weeks i was lonely as hell - spoke to no one etc stuck at home with 2 kids under the age of 4 now 1 yr on


i love it -


please give it 6 months and if you still feel the same then as you do now then go back to the uk and at least you know you have tried it - giving up after 6 weeks is really too soon
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Old Dec 2nd 2008, 9:15 am
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Default Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I think that you should do what you feel is right and think about the long-term - do you see yourself being happy living here for the rest of your life? We have been here for 3months and miss the UK big time - mainly family, friends etc.. so are flying back in January.
Its hard to settle in when you dont know anyone and dont have a job, but I would say that we have tried which is more than some people have done.
I completely understand how you feel Gina because during the week I used to have a couple of days that would be really upsetting and I would just break down in tears because I felt so far away from home and I missed the life I had in the UK, and then eventually it was nearly every day that I was unhappy so we decided that even though we love Australia, it just isn't for us in the long-term.
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Old Dec 2nd 2008, 9:25 am
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Default Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Originally Posted by Gina73 View Post
We have been here 2 months and are already thinking it's the biggest mistake of our lives. OH was sponsored on a 457 visa and I assumed I would put kids in nursery and get a part time job like back home. However there are no places at childcare and consequently I am stranded in suburbia with 2 little ones. I go to playgroup twice a week but that's it.
We only have 1 wage coming in, OH not really liking his job and is working every other weekend, have disrupted my 4 year olds schooling and am just missing home so much that I am constantly on verge of tears. We have given up our home, jobs we loved and family and friends to follow my OH dream.
Our stuff hasn't even arrived yet and we are thinking of sending it straight back! I know quite a few people who have emmigrated but none have ever come back-feel a failure if we do.
Has anyone else gone through these feelings and either got through it or returned home?

Maybe you should give it a little more time.
I felt like you do after 3 months.Now 11 months later I know I want to go back
I'm no longer homesick and I know how that feels. I just know now that i prefer home.
It is a big wrench for everyone

Take care
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Old Dec 2nd 2008, 9:48 am
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Default Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I went through the same feelings up to the 6months mark then things start to get more familiar and you begin to figure out things a bit more.

Give it a year at least, think of all the money spent and difficulty getting over here, dont give up on a bright future just because of short term hardships currently going on. Stay with it, you can do it
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