Pint of Lager please

Hello,

I have actually trawled this site for a while seeking others in a similar situation as me which is as follows;

I met my girlfriend while living in Ireland and as I had to return to Australia we agreed that she would move out here to continue our relationship. She has been here for two years and we are relatively comfortable just living and working as usual.

I realised pretty early in our relationship that I would not be happy to live in Ireland permanently as I did not think that I could live happily without the relationships that I have here. I told her this and made it clear that I would understand if she felt the same way, we agreed that we would continue our relationship to see how she felt with time (she is very close to her parents and family which makes it hard for her).

It has been almost two years since that conversation but it does come up from time to time and results usually in an argument.

Anyway she still thinks she needs more time to decide if she would like to stay here but I am stressed about it and don't think I can waste any more time waiting for her to make a decision.

I am thinking of making an ultimatum but I realise that it is a stressful situation for her and am thinking if there is a better answer for this situation.

I am wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation or has any advice they can give me with this then that would be great.

Thanks.

Dorothy

Yes. Because women love to be pressured into making life altering decisions.

JoeBloggs80

It sounds like you need to call it a day with her mate.

You may be better off getting one of those mail order brides who will do whatever you want them to.

Dreamy

This.

Oh yeah, and this too.

Seriously mate, you need to put your foot down and tell her to stop messing you about by giving up all her family and friends and moving to the other side of the world so that YOU don't have to give up anything and jeez, she can't decide if this is for her?

How very selfish of her.

Edit: I'm sure it's COMPLETELY legit.. but just in case...

Broad Shoulders

sounds like she needs a backhand to snap her out of it!

On a serious note though, a lot has changed economically in Ireland in those two years. Opportunities are not great at the moment, maybe a holiday over wouldn't be a bad idea. Let her realise for herself what is good about being here.

if that doesn't work smack her about a bit

Bermudashorts

No don't giver her an ultimatum. Very cowardly putting it all onto her, if you want a decision then make it yourself.

brits1

Maybe it is time for you to both go your separate ways, if by now your girlfriend (after 2 years) cannot decide where she wants to be then I don't think she is putting her relationship first, it seems to be her family (not to say thats not very important to some) and Ireland are tugging at her heart strings rather than you and if you are not prepared to go and live in Ireland then sometimes its just time to say "enough already" and move on. Relationships don't always break up just because "the love has gone", maybe this is one of those relationships. Good luck and I hope you both find happiness.
ps (don't normally make a comment like this but here goes...) anyone who finds it funny to think joke about "knocking someone around"...well brainless along with a few other things comes to mind...and yes I do have a sense of humour..just not a sick one.

Jilliebee

Why does the decision have to be made now? If things are going well between you, why does she have to make her mind up about this issue? Seems you are feeling insecure?

As Broad Shoulders has said, go to Ireland on holiday and see what happens when it's time to come home.

I personally can't see myself moving back to UK but I wouldn't like to say that things won't change in the future to alter that decision. Maybe she simply doesn't want to 'never say never' x

Broad Shoulders

glad you approve of my knuckle kissing approach

With All Due Respect...

Forcing her to decide when she's not ready will not go down well. And you may just force her into a decision that you don't really want to hear.

Your only real options are to either give her the time to decide by herself (with your support), choose to enjoy your time together regardless of the uncertainty the future holds, or make the choice of ending it yourself.

Remember, you're asking her to do what you are not prepared to do - leave family and friends on the other side of the World, possibly forever.

Assuming you're not just trolling, I wish you all the best!

quoll

With an attitude like that she'd be a wise girl to kiss you goodbye and get on with her own life. I'm surprised that you havent suggested getting her pregnant then you can force her to stay in Aus with your child.

Nah, this has to be a joke, surely?

jad n rich

You are not happy to live there, sounds like she is not happy to live here.

Do the sensible thing and go your separate ways before you have kids and one of you becomes horribly trapped for life.

People from 2 different countries in a long term relationship should not only love the person but the Country as well (and possibly also their family who often may as well be from Mars such is the cultural difference.)

spouse of scouse

You're the one who's moved the goalposts, not your girlfriend. Your comment that you 'feel like you're wasting your time' says it all. Say goodbye - then neither of you will be wasting your time.

moneypenny20

I'm a bit confused. You're happy at home, she's apparently happy, or happy enough to not need to go back, what's the issue? Why push something that doesn't need pushing? What's wrong with carrying on as you are? Granted you can agree to see how it's going after a specific period but you can't lay it in concrete.

Broad Shoulders

you need a slap!

Pull yourself together woman!