Should I invite family I don't get on with to say goodbye?
#16
Re: Should I invite family I don't get on with to say goodbye?
Originally Posted by Anne4Terry
I really am not thrilled at the thought of having my mother round for Sunday lunch, but Terry says I need to put everything to one side for the sake of my dad so that we can say goodbye before we go. He is 93 (my dad not Terry) so it will definitely be the last time I see him and probably mum.
I also have a lovely niece and nephew who live with my brother's ex-wife. We don't get on with the ex-wife but again Terry says that I should ignore that and invite them the children to Alex's farewell party. It will be her who brings them and picks them up if they do come.
Thing is he will Terry will be gone while I am still picking up the backlash of the visits
Should I bite my lip and go through with it, or should I be a cold hearted old cow and just go without saying goodbye?
I also have a lovely niece and nephew who live with my brother's ex-wife. We don't get on with the ex-wife but again Terry says that I should ignore that and invite them the children to Alex's farewell party. It will be her who brings them and picks them up if they do come.
Thing is he will Terry will be gone while I am still picking up the backlash of the visits
Should I bite my lip and go through with it, or should I be a cold hearted old cow and just go without saying goodbye?
Just my 2pence worth...
#17
Banned
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 96
Re: Should I invite family I don't get on with to say goodbye?
I was in your position before we left Blighty. I chose not to invite the family who I did not like (Mum, sister, brother) and was going to slope off without so much as a word, that was until I got a very emotional phone call and I felt real guilty and obviously you can't turn back the clock and have a second leaving do.
We now speak on the phone to my mum most weeks and are closer than we have been for years.
I would invite them and see how it goes. if it goes tits up at least you tried and if not then great. Win win situation.
Hope this helps.
We now speak on the phone to my mum most weeks and are closer than we have been for years.
I would invite them and see how it goes. if it goes tits up at least you tried and if not then great. Win win situation.
Hope this helps.
#18
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 2,873
Re: Should I invite family I don't get on with to say goodbye?
Thanks for all the replies. I guess I probably will go for it We are not having a big party ourselves so will mean that when they come round I will be in direct firing line and won't be able to escape, but hey ho. I'm just a bit worried about what crap is going to get dumped on me after Terry has left (he is leaving a month before me). He has always said that he was going to tell my mum straight about the way she treats me before we left, but now that I will still be here I'd rather he didn't. Still, who gives a sh*t, in a few weeks I'll be off to a new life in the sun. (Did that sound convincing? )
#19
Re: Should I invite family I don't get on with to say goodbye?
Originally Posted by Anne4Terry
Thanks for all the replies. I guess I probably will go for it We are not having a big party ourselves so will mean that when they come round I will be in direct firing line and won't be able to escape, but hey ho. I'm just a bit worried about what crap is going to get dumped on me after Terry has left (he is leaving a month before me). He has always said that he was going to tell my mum straight about the way she treats me before we left, but now that I will still be here I'd rather he didn't. Still, who gives a sh*t, in a few weeks I'll be off to a new life in the sun. (Did that sound convincing? )
You can only do so much and I think once Terry has gone if they try to offload on you just shut the door, put down the phone and just say you are not going to take this anymore!!and then hang up..!!Don't give them the power to upset you or lay guilt at your feet.
I had to leave my hubby in Oz as I came home 3 weeks before him and I felt so worried about all the pooh they would give him and believe me they tried it but he just said enough my mind in my own and so is my life..!!
Guilt can be a paralysing emotion don't let it grip you...!!! move forward in your mind.
All the best.....!!
#20
Re: Should I invite family I don't get on with to say goodbye?
Originally Posted by Anne4Terry
I really am not thrilled at the thought of having my mother round for Sunday lunch, but Terry says I need to put everything to one side for the sake of my dad so that we can say goodbye before we go. He is 93 (my dad not Terry) so it will definitely be the last time I see him and probably mum.
I also have a lovely niece and nephew who live with my brother's ex-wife. We don't get on with the ex-wife but again Terry says that I should ignore that and invite them the children to Alex's farewell party. It will be her who brings them and picks them up if they do come.
Thing is he will Terry will be gone while I am still picking up the backlash of the visits
Should I bite my lip and go through with it, or should I be a cold hearted old cow and just go without saying goodbye?
I also have a lovely niece and nephew who live with my brother's ex-wife. We don't get on with the ex-wife but again Terry says that I should ignore that and invite them the children to Alex's farewell party. It will be her who brings them and picks them up if they do come.
Thing is he will Terry will be gone while I am still picking up the backlash of the visits
Should I bite my lip and go through with it, or should I be a cold hearted old cow and just go without saying goodbye?
#21
Re: Should I invite family I don't get on with to say goodbye?
i fully understand what you are talking about going through same thing myself but just because i am leaving doesn't change it for me all circumstances are different that's just my choice each to there own as they say
we are also having a big party in the club for the one's we care about.
jocky boy on beth's side
we are also having a big party in the club for the one's we care about.
jocky boy on beth's side
#22
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Hillarys, Perth
Posts: 555
Re: Should I invite family I don't get on with to say goodbye?
Poor Anne . I bet you just feel so worn down about it all, as if you didn't have enough stresses to cope with. Personally, I would invite them (for the shortest time possible) but not for Sunday Lunch. I'd invite everyone round at the same time so that the focus isn't on your mum and make a big pot of soup, sandwiches and nibbles so you're not slaving over the cooker. That way, you've done the decent thing and haven't given any cause for complaint. Although some people can complain about everything . You can then leave with a clear conscience (as you rightly should!)
We haven't seen my hubby's mum for 3 years (she's only seen my youngest, who will be 6 in April, 3 times ). She will only find out from her brothers and sisters where and when we are going (if she asks that is!). I feel very sad that this is the case and then I remember she's an evil witch and feel much better .
Wishing you all the best for the time when it comes. Stay positive, focus on your new life, and let everything else wash over you. Failing that have a
Sending you some positive K.
TJ
We haven't seen my hubby's mum for 3 years (she's only seen my youngest, who will be 6 in April, 3 times ). She will only find out from her brothers and sisters where and when we are going (if she asks that is!). I feel very sad that this is the case and then I remember she's an evil witch and feel much better .
Wishing you all the best for the time when it comes. Stay positive, focus on your new life, and let everything else wash over you. Failing that have a
Sending you some positive K.
TJ
#23
Re: Should I invite family I don't get on with to say goodbye?
Originally Posted by Anne4Terry
I really am not thrilled at the thought of having my mother round for Sunday lunch, but Terry says I need to put everything to one side for the sake of my dad so that we can say goodbye before we go. He is 93 (my dad not Terry) so it will definitely be the last time I see him and probably mum.
I also have a lovely niece and nephew who live with my brother's ex-wife. We don't get on with the ex-wife but again Terry says that I should ignore that and invite them the children to Alex's farewell party. It will be her who brings them and picks them up if they do come.
Thing is he will Terry will be gone while I am still picking up the backlash of the visits
Should I bite my lip and go through with it, or should I be a cold hearted old cow and just go without saying goodbye?
I also have a lovely niece and nephew who live with my brother's ex-wife. We don't get on with the ex-wife but again Terry says that I should ignore that and invite them the children to Alex's farewell party. It will be her who brings them and picks them up if they do come.
Thing is he will Terry will be gone while I am still picking up the backlash of the visits
Should I bite my lip and go through with it, or should I be a cold hearted old cow and just go without saying goodbye?
Have no regrets !!!!! so YES invite them all , have a few glasses of wine and hold your head high and smile
#24
Sunny Sydney
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Sydney
Posts: 6,241
Re: Should I invite family I don't get on with to say goodbye?
Originally Posted by Anne4Terry
Thanks for all the replies. I guess I probably will go for it We are not having a big party ourselves so will mean that when they come round I will be in direct firing line and won't be able to escape, but hey ho. I'm just a bit worried about what crap is going to get dumped on me after Terry has left (he is leaving a month before me). He has always said that he was going to tell my mum straight about the way she treats me before we left, but now that I will still be here I'd rather he didn't. Still, who gives a sh*t, in a few weeks I'll be off to a new life in the sun. (Did that sound convincing? )
Good luck whatever you deicde.
Gill
#25
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 2,873
Re: Should I invite family I don't get on with to say goodbye?
Originally Posted by The Johnstons
Failing that have a
TJ
TJ
#26
Re: Should I invite family I don't get on with to say goodbye?
Originally Posted by Anne4Terry
Now that's a good idea. Go through the afternoon in a drunken haze. I'm going to give cause for complaint anyway whatever I do so I might as well be guilty as charged
#27
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,347
Re: Should I invite family I don't get on with to say goodbye?
Originally Posted by Anne4Terry
I really am not thrilled at the thought of having my mother round for Sunday lunch, but Terry says I need to put everything to one side for the sake of my dad so that we can say goodbye before we go. He is 93 (my dad not Terry) so it will definitely be the last time I see him and probably mum.
I also have a lovely niece and nephew who live with my brother's ex-wife. We don't get on with the ex-wife but again Terry says that I should ignore that and invite them the children to Alex's farewell party. It will be her who brings them and picks them up if they do come.
Thing is he will Terry will be gone while I am still picking up the backlash of the visits
Should I bite my lip and go through with it, or should I be a cold hearted old cow and just go without saying goodbye?
I also have a lovely niece and nephew who live with my brother's ex-wife. We don't get on with the ex-wife but again Terry says that I should ignore that and invite them the children to Alex's farewell party. It will be her who brings them and picks them up if they do come.
Thing is he will Terry will be gone while I am still picking up the backlash of the visits
Should I bite my lip and go through with it, or should I be a cold hearted old cow and just go without saying goodbye?
As far as your niece and nephew are concerned, it isn't going to be too much of a hassle for you personally if all you have to contend with is seeing the SIL briefly while she drops them and picks them up. She can drop them at the gate and you might not even have to talk to her close up.
As far as your dad is concerned, I'd be a little more circumspect. I don't know what your family circumstances are - although I do remember you talking about the dreadful time you've had with your mum - but with your dad being so elderly, I'm sure you're right about it being your final goodbye to him. If he's never really caused you any heartache, might it not be good to see him to say goodbye? Could you take him out for a meal somewhere rather than have them come to the house? To take him out alone would also constitute a very strong snub to your mother - would she take the hint?
FWIW, my parents were divorced. I - like many kids - took sides and didn't see my dad for years. He's only seen our dd four times in her life. I didn't think I'd miss him for a moment, but he celebrated his 80th birthday just before Christmas, and he's going into hospital on the anniversary of my mum's death next week, and all of a sudden I miss him an awful lot....
Hope you find that way that works for you, Anne - whatever that is.
Sue
#28
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 423
Re: Should I invite family I don't get on with to say goodbye?
Originally Posted by Anne4Terry
I really am not thrilled at the thought of having my mother round for Sunday lunch, but Terry says I need to put everything to one side for the sake of my dad so that we can say goodbye before we go. He is 93 (my dad not Terry) so it will definitely be the last time I see him and probably mum.
I also have a lovely niece and nephew who live with my brother's ex-wife. We don't get on with the ex-wife but again Terry says that I should ignore that and invite them the children to Alex's farewell party. It will be her who brings them and picks them up if they do come.
Thing is he will Terry will be gone while I am still picking up the backlash of the visits
Should I bite my lip and go through with it, or should I be a cold hearted old cow and just go without saying goodbye?
I also have a lovely niece and nephew who live with my brother's ex-wife. We don't get on with the ex-wife but again Terry says that I should ignore that and invite them the children to Alex's farewell party. It will be her who brings them and picks them up if they do come.
Thing is he will Terry will be gone while I am still picking up the backlash of the visits
Should I bite my lip and go through with it, or should I be a cold hearted old cow and just go without saying goodbye?
Its a hard one. Follow the heart or the head? One of those ones your on your own. Good luck.
#29
Re: Should I invite family I don't get on with to say goodbye?
I went and saw my mum with whom I hadnt spoken to for ten years, before i came out here,4 months ago. Im glad I made my peace as it is probably the last time i will see her.
My concencience is clear now...just my 2 pennith
My concencience is clear now...just my 2 pennith
#30
Re: Should I invite family I don't get on with to say goodbye?
Originally Posted by Anne4Terry
I really am not thrilled at the thought of having my mother round for Sunday lunch, but Terry says I need to put everything to one side for the sake of my dad so that we can say goodbye before we go. He is 93 (my dad not Terry) so it will definitely be the last time I see him and probably mum.
I also have a lovely niece and nephew who live with my brother's ex-wife. We don't get on with the ex-wife but again Terry says that I should ignore that and invite them the children to Alex's farewell party. It will be her who brings them and picks them up if they do come.
Thing is he will Terry will be gone while I am still picking up the backlash of the visits
Should I bite my lip and go through with it, or should I be a cold hearted old cow and just go without saying goodbye?
I also have a lovely niece and nephew who live with my brother's ex-wife. We don't get on with the ex-wife but again Terry says that I should ignore that and invite them the children to Alex's farewell party. It will be her who brings them and picks them up if they do come.
Thing is he will Terry will be gone while I am still picking up the backlash of the visits
Should I bite my lip and go through with it, or should I be a cold hearted old cow and just go without saying goodbye?
if you can live with not inviting them and saying goodbye, then why add to the stress you are already under?
send cards, saying 'sorry we didnt see you before we left'......at least it shows you thought of them, but without you having to go through the added stress of tense 'do's.
good luck
sue x