Anne4Terry

I really am not thrilled at the thought of having my mother round for Sunday lunch, but Terry says I need to put everything to one side for the sake of my dad so that we can say goodbye before we go. He is 93 (my dad not Terry) so it will definitely be the last time I see him and probably mum.

I also have a lovely niece and nephew who live with my brother's ex-wife. We don't get on with the ex-wife but again Terry says that I should ignore that and invite them the children to Alex's farewell party. It will be her who brings them and picks them up if they do come.

Thing is he will Terry will be gone while I am still picking up the backlash of the visits

Should I bite my lip and go through with it, or should I be a cold hearted old cow and just go without saying goodbye?

Hutch

Personally speaking, I'd probably invite 'em round a short coffee and a chat before going. Quite apart from anything else, it means you can sit a-top the lofty moral highground knowing that you did right by them even if they never reciprocated. I guess if I was a yank I'd call it something like 'closure' - but I reckon it'll just ease the last few weeks and let you focus on your new life completely.

TruBrit

Hiya...definately a BIG yes although you may not feel like it and obviously I don't know what's gone on in the past but do your bit and then you'll have no buts and ifs later...it'll be fine, be sure to let us know how Sunday goes and good luck

Sam

ummm hard one Anne? can you live with the decision if you choose not to invite them??? i suppose thats really the question! if the answer is yes probably, then hey ho! dont invite them honey!!

I know what i'll be doing when (or should i say if) we go! We wont be inviting any of Alans family, in his own words "they'll find out when the house is empty"

Personal choice in the end, can you live with it or not????

Getting excited for you!!

Sam xxxx

Anne4Terry

This has invoked some quick responses and I am beginning to feel guilty now

Sam

NNNOOOO don't ever do that Anne!!

Guilt was for those who caused the problem! not you matey

what you need to ask yourself is
a) can you live with never seeing them again!!
b) if so, sod them! it's your life matey!,

TruBrit

guilt is a horrible thing to live with...hold your head high you are moving on and go for it..as del boy would say ' ...you know you are doing the right thing'...lol take care

The A Team

I agree with Terry on this one.

If it would make your dad happy and you get on with him then you should say goodbye before you go.

If it's the only way to see your niece and nephew then you should invite them to Alex's farewell party too. As you say you might never see any of them again. There's a few people in my family who i really don't like at all but it would just cause too much heartbreak and bad feeling if I left without saying goodbye.

Anne4Terry

I have spent my whole life feeling guilty, thanks to my mum playing the queen of martyrdom act. I think I will go to my grave feeling that everything is my fault and that I can't do anything right

The A Team

Hmmmm I know that feeling too

TruBrit

hmmmm that's so bad, try not to let yourself be the victim...I don't even know you so sorry for butting in...good luck in your decision.

downunderpom

As she's going to be a ter-martyr ANYWAY, suit yourself. Have a nice send-off with people you like, and if she says anything tell her that you left her out because you knew she'd be awkward, no matter what. Some people you have to slap until they apologise....

Clippy

Hi Anne, this is a real tough one and it just boils down to how you'll feel if you don't say goodbye.

I don't speak to my mom and dad - we had a row just before my son's first birthday - he's 4 on Sunday, so it's been a long time. I still get cards and they send presents for my son but I have no contact with them. They live in Spain now anyway but when they're in the country I always feel on edge.

So many people simply can't understand how I can cut them out of my life, and yet those that know them and how they are completely understand.

I don't hate my parents but I know they'll never change and I know that they'll never apologise and always believe they've done no wrong. My mom recently was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy, when they came over for my nan's funeral I thought it was going to be really hard and I'd crack - nothing's changed though, my mom's still a martyr, my dad said some hurtful things about us to people trying to gain favour. So for me, it's just simpler having them out of my life.

However, the guilt I feel is tremendous - I know I'll just have to live with it though.

Sorry I'm a bit drunk

Anyway, I've rambled and it's all been about myself lol.

What was I trying to say......erm oh yes - right, no-one can answer the question for you. If they've really hurt you so much that you just can't forgive them then no don't invite them to say goodbye. However, if it's no skin of your nose and you know you could manage a few hours in the same room then I'd say go for it. That way you've made the effort and I think you'll rest easier. What's the worst the could happen.....

But don't feel guilty whatever you choose, just concentrate on your new life

Kath (a fair bit tipsy so apologies if I've talked rubbish!)

fraser

Invite them, if they give you any shit let them have it with both barrels(not your mum)

Ialibu

No you wont! Its amazing how 10,000 miles of planet and a couple of oceans lessens the preponderance of others to drop in and dump it on you.

Leave that baggage behind as the aircraft doors close. Occasionally you will think about it and smile.