Sexing up OZ a whole post dedicated to BS.
Sep 3rd 2003, 4:32 am
#1
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2002
Location: Dream life UK....
Posts: 2,912
Sexing up OZ a whole post dedicated to BS.
As fans of the forum decline faster than PB's now dusty keyboard, lets have a little fun.
With more spirit than Tony Blair with a cruise missile give it your best shot.
My personal faves.
Beachfront home sunny coast $3Million, woops I mean $100,000.
Oz is cooler than the UK in summer (sure dear).
Owning a Mc Mansion will make your life complete. (Facade number three please with the fake portico and yellow trim).
With more spirit than Tony Blair with a cruise missile give it your best shot.
My personal faves.
Beachfront home sunny coast $3Million, woops I mean $100,000.
Oz is cooler than the UK in summer (sure dear).
Owning a Mc Mansion will make your life complete. (Facade number three please with the fake portico and yellow trim).
Sep 3rd 2003, 4:43 am
#2
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,185
1. Burglars in Oz are nicer than ones in the UK. They may break into your place in the same way, but they always wipe their feet on the way in, put a cloth over your parrot's cage so as not to worry them, and put your rubbish out for you at the end.
2. Drunks here are less bothersome. They may be pissed, but it is on cream sherry and they preface all swearing with "excuse my French".
3. Young men on the piss here are classier than their English counterparts. They carry clean white hankies to mop up spills, they always tuck their singlets in, and if they ever APPEAR to be behaving like yobs, they are not. And even if they were, it would be your fault for whingeing, and they are not anyway.
2. Drunks here are less bothersome. They may be pissed, but it is on cream sherry and they preface all swearing with "excuse my French".
3. Young men on the piss here are classier than their English counterparts. They carry clean white hankies to mop up spills, they always tuck their singlets in, and if they ever APPEAR to be behaving like yobs, they are not. And even if they were, it would be your fault for whingeing, and they are not anyway.
Sep 3rd 2003, 4:56 am
#3
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Perth, Jnr is back!
Posts: 1,286
Wonderful roads with magnificent drivers in nice little easy to manage broom brooms and of course a zero death rate on said roads.
Sep 3rd 2003, 5:01 am
#4
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2002
Location: England
Posts: 279
You will have so much spare cash with your mortgage free or lower mortgaged house you won't know what to do with those excess $$$.
Mmmmmm, never had to budget so much in my life since arriving in the land of plenty.
Mmmmmm, never had to budget so much in my life since arriving in the land of plenty.
Sep 3rd 2003, 5:02 am
#5
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Westleigh, Sydney
Posts: 553
After arriving in Oz and having identified yourself as a new migrant, you will be asked to fill out the following entry form:-
1. When would you like to start work?
a) Immediately
b) In a few weeks
c) In a few months
d) Never. I intend to leech off the state.
2. What salary would you like?
a) $100,000-$150,000 (basic minimum wage)
b) $150,001-$200,000
c) $200,001-$250,000
d) $250,001 or over
3. What basis would you like your employment to be?
a) 20hpw, 30 days paid leave, 30 days sick (standard terms and conditions)
b) 30hpw, 40 days paid leave, 35 days sick
c) 40hpw, 45 days paid leave, 40 days sick
4. How far from the beach would you like to live?
a) On the beach
b) A stone throw away from the beach
c) A short stroll to the beach
5. How many bedrooms would you like your house to have?
a) 4
b) 5
c) 6
d) 7
6. How many free flights home would you like?
a) 1
b) 2
c) 3
d) unlimited
The immigration officer will take your answers and key them into his computer and allocate you a home and a job and provide you with your flight vouchers as required.
1. When would you like to start work?
a) Immediately
b) In a few weeks
c) In a few months
d) Never. I intend to leech off the state.
2. What salary would you like?
a) $100,000-$150,000 (basic minimum wage)
b) $150,001-$200,000
c) $200,001-$250,000
d) $250,001 or over
3. What basis would you like your employment to be?
a) 20hpw, 30 days paid leave, 30 days sick (standard terms and conditions)
b) 30hpw, 40 days paid leave, 35 days sick
c) 40hpw, 45 days paid leave, 40 days sick
4. How far from the beach would you like to live?
a) On the beach
b) A stone throw away from the beach
c) A short stroll to the beach
5. How many bedrooms would you like your house to have?
a) 4
b) 5
c) 6
d) 7
6. How many free flights home would you like?
a) 1
b) 2
c) 3
d) unlimited
The immigration officer will take your answers and key them into his computer and allocate you a home and a job and provide you with your flight vouchers as required.
Sep 3rd 2003, 5:03 am
#6
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Perth, Jnr is back!
Posts: 1,286
But that only works out to 1 pound and 50 pence so it MUST be a bargain!!
Sep 3rd 2003, 5:05 am
#7
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2002
Location: England
Posts: 279
Originally posted by dracupg
After arriving in Oz and having identified yourself as a new migrant, you will be asked to fill out the following entry form:-
1. When would you like to start work?
a) Immediately
b) In a few weeks
c) In a few months
d) Never. I intend to leech off the state.
2. What salary would you like?
a) $100,000-$150,000 (basic minimum wage)
b) $150,001-$200,000
c) $200,001-$250,000
d) $250,001 or over
3. What basis would you like your employment to be?
a) 20hpw, 30 days paid leave, 30 days sick (standard terms and conditions)
b) 30hpw, 40 days paid leave, 35 days sick
c) 40hpw, 45 days paid leave, 40 days sick
4. How far from the beach would you like to live?
a) On the beach
b) A stone throw away from the beach
c) A short stroll to the beach
5. How many bedrooms would you like your house to have?
a) 4
b) 5
c) 6
d) 7
6. How many free flights home would you like?
a) 1
b) 2
c) 3
d) unlimited
The immigration officer will take your answers and key them into his computer and allocate you a home and a job and provide you with your flight vouchers as required.
After arriving in Oz and having identified yourself as a new migrant, you will be asked to fill out the following entry form:-
1. When would you like to start work?
a) Immediately
b) In a few weeks
c) In a few months
d) Never. I intend to leech off the state.
2. What salary would you like?
a) $100,000-$150,000 (basic minimum wage)
b) $150,001-$200,000
c) $200,001-$250,000
d) $250,001 or over
3. What basis would you like your employment to be?
a) 20hpw, 30 days paid leave, 30 days sick (standard terms and conditions)
b) 30hpw, 40 days paid leave, 35 days sick
c) 40hpw, 45 days paid leave, 40 days sick
4. How far from the beach would you like to live?
a) On the beach
b) A stone throw away from the beach
c) A short stroll to the beach
5. How many bedrooms would you like your house to have?
a) 4
b) 5
c) 6
d) 7
6. How many free flights home would you like?
a) 1
b) 2
c) 3
d) unlimited
The immigration officer will take your answers and key them into his computer and allocate you a home and a job and provide you with your flight vouchers as required.
Sep 3rd 2003, 5:08 am
#8
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,185
Oz: The career opportunities of London and New York, the community feel of a rural village, the weather of St Tropez, the interest of ancient Egypt, the Roman Empire, ancient Greece, and a trip to Mars all rolled into one, the crime of 1910 Shropshire, the driving of a police training school, the style of Milan and Paris, and all just a ten minute bus ride from where you are now.
"Who could ask for anything more?"
"Who could ask for anything more?"
Sep 3rd 2003, 5:13 am
#9
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2002
Location: Dream life UK....
Posts: 2,912
Your new big car is allowed to go over 60 mile an hour.
Speeding 3klm over the limit will not land you with a fine.
Nobody will ram their shopping trolley into your car.
Speeding 3klm over the limit will not land you with a fine.
Nobody will ram their shopping trolley into your car.
Sep 3rd 2003, 5:14 am
#10
Gone Senile Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Location: Sydney
Posts: 3,014
State Education is free, no extras to pay, children are supported in clases of 5-10 and have extra support every time they need it.
Children can walk freely to and from school with no need for caution.
Free Dental treatment for children and pregnant ladies.
Children can walk freely to and from school with no need for caution.
Free Dental treatment for children and pregnant ladies.
Sep 3rd 2003, 5:20 am
#11
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,185
Originally posted by dracupg
After arriving in Oz and having identified yourself as a new migrant, you will be asked to fill out the following entry form:-
1. When would you like to start work?
a) Immediately
b) In a few weeks
c) In a few months
d) Never. I intend to leech off the state.
2. What salary would you like?
a) $100,000-$150,000 (basic minimum wage)
b) $150,001-$200,000
c) $200,001-$250,000
d) $250,001 or over
3. What basis would you like your employment to be?
a) 20hpw, 30 days paid leave, 30 days sick (standard terms and conditions)
b) 30hpw, 40 days paid leave, 35 days sick
c) 40hpw, 45 days paid leave, 40 days sick
4. How far from the beach would you like to live?
a) On the beach
b) A stone throw away from the beach
c) A short stroll to the beach
5. How many bedrooms would you like your house to have?
a) 4
b) 5
c) 6
d) 7
6. How many free flights home would you like?
a) 1
b) 2
c) 3
d) unlimited
The immigration officer will take your answers and key them into his computer and allocate you a home and a job and provide you with your flight vouchers as required.
After arriving in Oz and having identified yourself as a new migrant, you will be asked to fill out the following entry form:-
1. When would you like to start work?
a) Immediately
b) In a few weeks
c) In a few months
d) Never. I intend to leech off the state.
2. What salary would you like?
a) $100,000-$150,000 (basic minimum wage)
b) $150,001-$200,000
c) $200,001-$250,000
d) $250,001 or over
3. What basis would you like your employment to be?
a) 20hpw, 30 days paid leave, 30 days sick (standard terms and conditions)
b) 30hpw, 40 days paid leave, 35 days sick
c) 40hpw, 45 days paid leave, 40 days sick
4. How far from the beach would you like to live?
a) On the beach
b) A stone throw away from the beach
c) A short stroll to the beach
5. How many bedrooms would you like your house to have?
a) 4
b) 5
c) 6
d) 7
6. How many free flights home would you like?
a) 1
b) 2
c) 3
d) unlimited
The immigration officer will take your answers and key them into his computer and allocate you a home and a job and provide you with your flight vouchers as required.
When I took the early version of this standard test many years ago, you did not have to travel to them to fill it in. They visited you at the hotel in which you stayed until the house was allocated, just to save you the tiring drive. Now you have to make your own way there and that is what I mean about Oz going down hill in the last few decades.
Good post.
Sep 3rd 2003, 5:20 am
#12
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Perth, Jnr is back!
Posts: 1,286
Of course with the new lifestyle you are never going to be ill so you won't need to use the generous 10 days per year sick pay that most companies give
Sep 3rd 2003, 5:22 am
#13
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,185
Originally posted by Sandra
State Education is free, no extras to pay, children are supported in clases of 5-10 and have extra support every time they need it.
Children can walk freely to and from school with no need for caution.
Free Dental treatment for children and pregnant ladies.
State Education is free, no extras to pay, children are supported in clases of 5-10 and have extra support every time they need it.
Children can walk freely to and from school with no need for caution.
Free Dental treatment for children and pregnant ladies.
My children were always picked up in the morning by the school chauffeur. Another sign of the downward spiral of Oz, in that they now have to walk, even if, as you so rightly say, the streets and roads are perfectly safe.
Sep 3rd 2003, 5:26 am
#14
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2002
Location: Dream life UK....
Posts: 2,912
School buses were made after 1971 and have seat belts.
Schools have airconditioning.
Kids go to the loo in 2's cause OZ has no nasty people.
Schools have airconditioning.
Kids go to the loo in 2's cause OZ has no nasty people.
Sep 3rd 2003, 5:37 am
#15
Gone Senile Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Location: Sydney
Posts: 3,014
Shops have a vast range of food and goods and nothing is seasonal or overpriced at any time.
All Wine and Spirits not from Australia are reasonably priced and freely available.
The workmen I get to quote are all reasonable and I only need to get one or two because they do not treat me as a blow in who has no idea of the price.
The housing building standards are very high and insultation is a given in house construction. Saving on heating and cooling costs is very easy given the levels of insulation.
Running a pool is very very cheap and there is no maintenance required for the 3 months of the year you do not use it.
Boy I love this place!
Sorry need to edit last line
All Wine and Spirits not from Australia are reasonably priced and freely available.
The workmen I get to quote are all reasonable and I only need to get one or two because they do not treat me as a blow in who has no idea of the price.
The housing building standards are very high and insultation is a given in house construction. Saving on heating and cooling costs is very easy given the levels of insulation.
Running a pool is very very cheap and there is no maintenance required for the 3 months of the year you do not use it.
Boy I love this place!
Sorry need to edit last line