kris maynard

My youngest is 4 on the 31st August and attends nursery 5 mornings a week and is happy there due to her birthday she is due to start big school in September heres my dilemma
we wnt yesterday to visit her new school and new teacher and she was really excited some of her friends from nursery will be in her class then she saw the teacher OMG she clung to me sooo tight and just sobbed (the teacher is scary looking but lovley) i had to leave her screaming this was only for 20 mins and the teacher said she did stop once i left. The thing is i know kids cry when being left but this really was differernt.
Legally i dont have to send her to big school yet we are hoping if everything goes according to plan to be in aus by next easter so should i leave her at nursery or send her to big school with her friends and just ride the storm out!
The thing is if i leave her at nursery and dont send her to big school and everything takes longer to get to Oz ie selling house visas etc she will then have to join the class later and most of the kids would have settled which will probably be worse!!

Please give me some advice or what would you do?
Just taken her to her leavers party at nursery how emotional was that!!

Cheers
Kris

Rudi

Not sure where in Australia you are planning to be, but in NSW she would not be able to start school until January 2007 - the cut off date is July 31st meaning children must be an absolute minimum of 4 and a half when they start school the following February. Based on that then it may be better for her to stay in nursery, where she is happy.

However, if things do not go according to plan for you you may have difficulties in the UK. It is my understanding that your daughter would totally miss her reception year and go straight into year 1 in school. The school do not have to hold a place in the class for you if you choose not to take up the original place in reception.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Rudi

ABCDiamond

This reminded me of my daughters first day at Kindy (reception) down in NSW.
She was clinging to me too, and just about had to be dragged off me by the teacher. I had to walk away without looking back, while she was screaming, it's a feeling I will never forget. But it worked, and she settled eventually.

It may be worth persevering Good luck

Zan

My daughter will be 4 in December and has also been going to playgroup 5 mornings and is loving it. We had a bit of a dilemma as most of her classmates (and best friends) are moving in Sept to the nurseries attached to the schools around here. As we are moving to Oz in January it didn't seem worth moving her for the term eventhough she will miss her friends.
We waitlisted her at 3 nurseries in Sydney for next year and at one point it didn't look like she would get a place for January so then I really regretted not moving her on - luckily a really nice lady at one has pulled some strings and she has been offerred a place for Jan in Sydney (we wouldn't have moved in Jan if she didn't get a place, instead hold off until August/Sept).

As someone else said the cutoff in NSW is 31 July so she wouldn't make it in for next year to start school kindergarten year.

I'd check it out and as we found it can be really hard to get a nursery place - a lot take names from birth.

Guess we are lucky as we have a def date to go (though dh may not be able to come then if the house isn't sold but as me and the girls are Oz citizens and dh applying for a spouse visa at least we don't have the visa timescale problems) which makes the planning easier.

Can you get another visit to the new school?? Maybe it was a one off reaction - but if it happened again then I wouldn't want to send her there if you are likely to be leaving in the next year. Also she doesn't have to start school in Sept does she? I have a few friends with Aug/Sept b'day children who aren't starting until next year - don't know any who are starting at 4.

Zan

kris maynard

Thanks all
We are planning to go to Perth but are waiting for TRA at mo so as much as we would like to be out by next Easter I really dont know!
I think they have to start the term before there 5th birthday so for Lois this would be Easter so if we are not in Oz by then she would have to join the class that she would be joining in Sept so I think that will be harder!
I am taking her back to the new school tomorrow as i spoke to the head this morning so hopefully she will realise the new teacher isnt an ogre!!
What a heart wrenching nightmare this school lark is!!

Any way got to go and wwatch the kids singing now at their leaving party im videoing it but i think all you will hear is me sobbing!!!

Cheers Kris

Bella Donna

Ime, this is a pretty common reaction for a child starting at primary school. One of dd's classmates has only recently stopped crying for her mother each morning and they're in Year Two!!

As I understand it you are legally obliged to provide an education for your child from the beginning of the school term following their fifth birthday, so there's nothing to stop you from keeping her at home until then. If it was me I'd feel inclined to avoid the trauma of starting her at a new school for just a brief period and let her start when she gets to Oz. If she desperately hates it at the local primary then it will be dreadful for her to carry that memory and have to face it all again in Oz - as well as having to settle in a new country. Maybe better to start from scratch there?

We're going to WA and I believe that there too they are required to start from the first term after their fifth birthday, but don't quote me on that because I didn't check too closely for that age group. Mine is 8 mid-September and she'll go into Year Three, but instead of having three classes behind her, there will be four so I'mm wondering if she'll be behind with the curriculum compared to here. We'll soon find out!!

Ultimately you have to do what works best for you and your daughter, but I don't think you need to worry too much about her settling down - I'm sure she will in time, especially if there are some little friends she knows.

HTH.

spalen

I remember my son when he was at same stage screaming the place down so badly I could hear him when I was getting in my car - so one day I snuck back and looked in... and by the time i'd walked to the car, pretended to drive off and walked back he was happily playing with other kids. He is now the most confident kid you'd ever meet. Seriously its just normal - stick with the programme and get your child into the class, it'll be a good experience and they'll soon ahave plenty of time to play with youwhen you all start moving over here because of the 'lag' between schools.

Sandra

You really do not need advice - cause you are Mum, and will do the right thing even if you have a few headaches/slipups on the way.

So my thoughts are....what would you do if not thinking about changing to AUS.....then do that.

If you plan to treat your daughter one way, then moving to AUS should not change that, because that is what you will do here. And the most stabilising emotion in a young life is a parent. If you are happy with your choice (given a few emotions long the way) the rest will soon settle down.

So if you want another term or so with nursery, go for it, but if you believe she will get over the terrors in a couple of hours/mins and is ready for it, then that also is right.

I have spent hours agonising over my childrens education, (and still do) and I sent my little buggers to full time educational nursery at 3!!! Called Horror Mother of course by others - but my little darlings loved it, but I would not for one second recommend the same thing for others unless their mum thought it was right. Plus I do not think my kids are better than their peers now for the earlier education...it was just right for them at that age.

Have Fun and do not kick yourself too hard whatever your decision

NAC

It is very difficult making the best decision but as someone has already said you WILL do what's best for your child - you don't need other mums and dads to tell you.

In Scotland, where we are, children seem to start school a bit later. Our son's birthday is in December so he could have started last year when he was 4.5 but we decided to defer him for a year. For two reasons, 1. planning to go to Australia where children start school later anyway and 2. I personally think starting school at 4 is far too early.

It is only my opinion, but I think you can do a lot more damage to a child starting them early rather than late. Our son will be 5.5 when he starts school in August. I think he is ready for it now and I am so glad that we decided to give him that extra year. He is really excited about starting and instead of being something that is going to be traumatic it is going to be a great time to look back on with fond memories. I was also 5.5 when I started school and it didn't do me any harm!!

Good luck with your decision - being a mum's full of them, isn't it!!

Carolyn

Hutch

Spooky - your kid's 3 days younger than my son Josh! It's a similar deal here, except that they have these kind of taster days at his new school. His mum stayed with him for the first one, then went in with him for the second, but left after five minutes and just dropped him off for the third. There's only one kid going to that school who also attends his nursery - and despite the fact that my son Josh is about a year younger than this other child - he looked out for him at the taster days when he got all upset and saved a seat for him on the bench at story time. I think it's pretty obvious they're scared, but as one of Josh's nursery teachers said to us the other day - if you could do the whole 'fly on the wall' thing when they're there, you'd probably see a completely different child to the one you know at home. We're hoping to fly out in July 2006 and are happy to send Josh to do his reception year at primary school because when he goes out to Oz he can concentrate on making friends and learning how things work, without having to worry about being able to spell his name or the like. Well, that and the fact that he's more than ready to go and it'll save us a bloody fortune in nursery fees

jaxowen

hi
from a teaching perspective-
children who cry when mum/carer leaves usually settle down very quickly and the whole experience is far more traumatic for the adults than the children.

very rarely we get a little one who continues to cry - often until the end of year two poor little things. it almost becomes a habit and i often advise that parents in that situation to find someone else to bring them to school for a while to break the habit ie friends mum or grandparent - this is often very effective.

educationally your child would not suffer by waiting until easter - and socially i am sure she would be fine young children go out of their way to make the new girl/boy feel welcome.

i am sure that she will be fine what ever you decide to do - don't waste any more energy beating your self up about it.

good luck
jax