Badge

OK - thought this up whilst I was ripping down the roof at the weekend...just a bit of satire...

Who are Expats?

Mr and Mrs Typical Expat

Mr Typical Expat is a white, tradesmen from the midlands or heart of the UK aged 40 plus and with 2-3 kids. He has worked hard and has been on the tools a fair while. He has seen the value of his home treble in 5 years and now sees the chance to live mortgage free complete with 4x4 in driveway.

Mrs Typical Expat wants to get to Australia for much the same reason as her husband, but especially for the “lovely” weather. Is often found drunk after posting on how long it is taking for the house to sell – with daily updates of viewers trooping through the house. Loves red wine. They first visited Australia in 1997 to see mates in Perth and decided to move there and then. The Sunshine and Gold coasts are also popular.

Is likely to say:
“We know it will be hard, but the sun makes everything much better”
Key words not to mention:
mortgage-free, average wage

The Mr Sun reader poster

Is a variant of Mr Expat, but extreme. Terse and inarticulate, with overuse of CAPS has come on the site to have a complaint of the way the UK has gone down the drain to take his mind off the fact he has waited far too long for a visa. Spends his time in the UK down the pub or shopping. Effectively he feels persecuted in the UK and wants to swap his pursuit of ‘The Sun’
lifestyle for the Antipodean version which he feels will reward him more appropriately. Also reads the Daily Mail and has taken the migrant articles to heart. Is very indignant when the members of the forum provide balance but often comes around.

The ‘rose tinted’ poster

Most posters are guilty of this at some point or another. A newly arrived poster will post like this:

“We have been here [24hrs /1/2/5 days] and we love it. The parks are lovely, we love the wide open spaces and the barbeque things in the parks. Yesterday we went to the beach - it was "lovely". Even the weather has been lovely. There are lots of restaurants and we had a "lovely" meal, even the Australians we have spoken to have been "lovely" [OK friendly - I'll give them that one]. We will never go back. This morning we got a rental and this arvo we went to Retrovision/Megamart/Good Guys and they gave us money to take the goods away so it pays to haggle. We then had time to buy 2 cars just before sunset but forgot to buy phone cards and open bank accounts – you can’t have it all - it was lovely all the same.

Did I say the sunset was lovely?”

There is another type; they were always realistic and had a love of Australia but continue to see the good. They often end up doing very well. They are the positive but down to earth poster who manages to keep a sense of perspective.

The realistic poster

This person is always posting real posts and is very proud of the fact. They have long forgotten that they themselves were original rose tinted posters and love to put people ‘straight”. Both ‘rose tinted’ posters and ‘realistic’ posters provide much of the material for arguments. (qv)

The expat IN Australia

Not a dream in sight, these people came to Australia for business reasons. There is nothing they like better than to cause a bit of a stir – there is no emotional attachment for the move; in fact they are bemused by the constant Austrophile mania. Can be very informative, and also a real rile.

The Intellectual poster

These posters are often old sweats, they have sat through many the same arguments. They can comment on the price of lettuce, elucidate on Australian party politics, and offer stats on top loaders and the variances of LPG vs diesel. Eventually they become moderators and die lonely.

The “Why are they going at all?” posters

The posters who spend all their time so immersed in their negative doubts or balanced thoughts of Australia you wonder why now they even entertain the idea of going. Some even confuse people by apparently indicating they want to stay in England for most of their membership before then talking about the move to Australia like it will happen after all.

Arguments

Can break out at any time. Often caused by a newbie asking an innocent question or a troll fiahing for an upset. A realistic poster clashes with a rose-tinted poster and parties join the fray to support their cliques. Little sub plots develop. It is often impossible to follow a poster’s alignment, or analysis only that they are indignant. People are misquoted, medical records are dusted off, children's schooling or lack of, are brought in. Few apologies are offered, but occasionally an olive branch in the form of karma is given. Often the post is put back on track before a thread killer terminates the useful life. The classics are often rejuvenated some time after by a ‘funny member’.

The thread killer

A misunderstood but capable and intelligent poster. Discovered and commented on a while ago but only recently diagnosed, species. Completely misreads a thread and comes in all inappropriately too late or too sensible, thus killing it.

The ‘funny poster’.

A funny member is either a bored member who is tired of forum life but cannot escape addiction or just one of the natural comedians who always crops up from time to time. The best form a little online social club. Tends to get themselves in to trouble when someone who has had a hard day takes the flippancy the wrong way. Eg the TRA was posted late, or the viewer was a time-waster.

The ‘first name terms’ poster

I won’t mention any names Bordy(!) Is always calling a member by their first name and coming all over like a kindly uncle in the process.

The old sweat

Came to Australia in the 60s and 70s (around the time whinging Pom came in to use) and has discovered this site only recently. Is amused by all the antics and likes to recount what it was really like in the old days before equity was a watch word and when God Save the Queen was still the anthem. Priceless.

eg MrMover, TheCrone

Pollyana

OK Badge, your next challenge - and the best way to make yourself (un)popular - is to categorise as many posters as possible.........and make your views public (not that I am in a wicked mood, but it would certainly make for a lively few days on the forum!)

Badge

as if I would do such a thing...

JackTheLad

Brilliant! Brilliant brilliant.

Thats such good observation, I reckon I fall into 3 of the categories and the Mrs JTL falls into another two, so were a bit of everything.

Great post, love it,

Cheers,
JTL

Bix

Reckon this Badge bloke has the wrong forum.

Don't recognise anyone in that content

JackTheLad

Oh right, he didn't have an lion biting arse category...

JTL

philian4

good one!!

MrsDagboy

LOL love it badge, I think you got it down pat, only one I would add is the "waffler" who actually doesnt really want to contribute anything worthwhile to the discussion or in fact the forum, just starts waffling on & drags the thread completely off topic. .

Thank god the Lounge seems to keep most of the wafflers amused these days .

louise4

LOL. very funny. just got to work out what one i am. all of the above probably

louise

cadman

I think there's a bit of the thread killer in all of us

We've all been a bit "rose tinted" at one time or another

We all think we're comical, realistic, old sweats.

I think I'm more of a "lost" poster - been around a while, will be around a while yet, posts now and again, most people who posted when I first applied have "crossed over" to the other side.
By the time I go across no-one will know who the **** I am. (cue "who are you again" jokes by the "comical" posters )

Cadman

worzel

Excellent post Recognise myself in many bits of it

Badge

perfect

vandiemen

Excellent badge!!

MrsDagboy

Hmmmm yep, who are you again?

cadman

Cheers Mrs.D

The thread killer in me wants to bang on about how people I've met never remember me but I'm resisting it