paulry

Why doesn't the OP leave their child with his father? That way she'll be free to return to England to her family and the boy can keep the relationship with his dad. Why does custody always default to the mother?

moneypenny20

Now there's a very good question.

yorkshiretobrisbane

NEVER EVER could I leave my child..

Debbie2NZ

If you move back to England with your son, could you come back every year with him to see his Dad ? With plenty of Skype in between times ? Are you going to hang round until your son's Dad gets a new partner ? With the possible added complication of your son getting a half sibling/step sibling ? Sorry you are hurting over this but who welched on the deal ? Doesn't sound to me like it's you. That's no reason to punish anybody. Be a whole person. Where will you heal better, UK or Aus ?

paulry

I feel exactly the same about my two. No ways could I step aside and watch them be removed from my life. Strange how your ex is okay with it.

itxrd

ooh its a tough one. I always think logically what makes the most sense but in this situation you just can't say

Kudos for yorkshire to Brisbane for putting this all out there. You sound very reasonable. I'm a mans man and we are only getting your side of the story but if he has left the family and is okay with you going back I wouldn't ruin your life to stay here. I'd try my best but beyond that you have to look out for yourself. I'm all for kids needing their dads around but he needs to pull out some stops and show he wants you to stay.

He's shown he's no good and how do you know he won't be one of those absentee dads in the future. And then you stayed for no reason.

yorkshiretobrisbane

It hurts me to think he so easily says go - there is no way I am EVER living in England again. Which is why I am now considering trying 6 months here alone with my little boy and see how I go. Maybe at the end I may know the right country! But 6 months is a long time to hate something!

My parents I am sure will be out as soon as I get a place they've been desperate to come this year and are holding off til this is sorted and I decide what we are doing.

Wish this dam house would sell

Bix

Do you think hubby has found romance elsewhere?


EDIT
Not trying to be disrespectful or hurtful BTW

paddyo

No, you got it right, but as I said things change as do feelings. I just feel uncomfortable with the thought of running away before the dust has cleared and all parties, well the two adults, have had time to clarify their thoughts.

paddyo

'he's shown he's no good'??? How on earth did you come to that conclusion??? You ahve only heard one side and all 'he' has said is that he no longer loves the OP......yes I agree the statement that he will not follow them to UK does not sound very caring, but this is all second hand and maybe slightly skewed.

paddyo

Now you have confused me.....so you don;t want to EVER live in England again but you want to go back and be with those who care for you??
So you are going to stay in Oz??

moneypenny20

No, she was saying that he said she should go, that he had no intention.........

paddyo

well......main reasons relationships break up;
1. One of the parties has met someone else who they would rather be with,
2. Unreasonable behaviour forces one of the parties to break the unstable relationship;
3. financial worries bring about stress in the relationship and thus break the bonds.

I think the reason is irrelevant, and private, but the OP has been very open about their pain and their sorrow at the break. As I said before, she has a very difficult decision but I suspect the sheer loneliness she feels right now rises above all other issues.

paddyo

ah...ok...re-read it, understand. I think her 6 month plan is a good idea.

paulry

I'm not sure how long you've been separated nor do I know (or particularly want to know) the circumstances behind your break up but maybe just maybe your feelings could again change for eachother but this time in a positive way and you might want to give it another go? Relationships are weird like that sometimes and you both have something in common - your son who needs loving and nurturing and there's no better environment for that to happen than one which is calm and preferably with both parents. Not making any major decisions location-wise for six months or so to allow all of you to absorb, reconsider and adjust to what has undoubtedly been a shock to your systems looks both reasonable and sensible.