itxrd

Or at least live close to each other... that would be as good as it could get if you see what I mean. I find it hard to see what in the UK is more important than his father. Your relatives can all say they will help out etc but as has happened to many on here when it comes to the crunch...

yorkshiretobrisbane

I'd love to say there was a chance, I wish there was..but reality is he doesn't love me and doesn't want our family life.

yorkshiretobrisbane

But it's his dad that has separated our little
fam...

I really want the best for my son...but I also need to be a happy mummy

Sally Simpson

Yes you do & it will happen. I know it is an old cliche, but time really is a great healer.
Big hugs x

itxrd

Oh dear. I get it now. My pal is in exactly the same situation, but at least you have faced up to the situation - thats the hardest part. He is still clinging on...

Its tough but I'd still try to stay for the boy. Its not easy though - what if the dad is hardly around anyway and spends more time rolling out of nightclubs...like you say you have to be happy yourself.

You sound like a lovely girl. Good luck. Its a bad time for you now but good things happen to good people.

Reaver

I really understand you how bad you must feel right now, but moving back to the UK wont guarantee you find any happiness. Parents arent around forever and you consider you're son the most.

How does he feel about his dad? Are they close?

Right now you have a job, and you're little boy has friends and Im going to assume that he sees his daddy on a regular basis. If you move back to the UK, (and the UK isnt that great this moment IMHO,) you're going to drag your son away from his dad and his friends and come back to a load of problems.

Looking for somewhere to live, a school for your son, looking for a job...? Thats a lot of stress in anyones live, nevermind when you're single AND just seperated from the one you love. Take a year, give it time to get back on your feet so to speak, time for the wounds to heal then with a clear head you can make an informed decision.

Just my opinion.......

.

yorkshiretobrisbane

Yes they have a great relationship...and I really know the best thing would be to stay here. But I really dont know if I can be 100% happy and I really really want to be happy.

Other thing I am worrying about is schooling as my little one would be able to start nursery school September this year and school September 2012 in England. In Aussie I would have a little bit more time and he would start in Jan 2013.

The sun is shining here in Brissy and its a beautiful morning, which makes me feel alittle positive for a change.

jad n rich

Give yourself some time to see how you go for a few months. ( You have that, your son is young, education at this stage is not going to suffer much by moving countries. )

Then look at how your life is in your new position as mum with son. Do you like your new life, home, work. How much input your sons dad is having.

These are hard questions to answer now, you haven't had much time living that life yet. Try it and see how it fits.

Then ask yourself the big questions.

Where are you happier?

If you are to move overseas is your sons Dad happy with it, will they still be in contact - will the dad travel to visit him, till he is old enough to visit Dad.

New Partners they often change how you view things - you sound young I assume you want a new relationship. Do you want that with an aussie and of course the new commitment to Aus that brings to you and any future kids you might have with an aussie. Or would you prefer a long term relationship in the UK which means you'r with family and the kids are english. ( looking ahead, kids with an aussie probably really really mean you are staying here!! )

Your career/job, which country will suit you better, you are going to be the breadwinner.

Climate, which one has more months you prefer, eg I love OZ weather today,but it kills me in summer

Finances, Aus is VV generous with family payments, no idea about UK, where can you survive best.

So try it, and while doing that start to answer the big questions armed with a big notebook or diary cause you will read back on it things become clear

Good luck I went through it all when my eldest was tiny, blimey it makes you stronger

paddyo

Sooooooo....whats happened so far?

yorkshiretobrisbane

Well...we are STILL trying to sell our beautiful home so we can all move on.

As for deciding which country me and my boy are going to live well that changes everyday..today is a England day.. I have to be happy and hope that wherever that maybe dad will follow for the sake of his son.

Fingers crossed for openhome tomorrow

Bernieboy

Good luck.

yorkshiretobrisbane

Thanks we really need a sale but do not want to give it away - we both need to come out if this with money in our pockets. Built the dam house to live in 'forever' technically boy how life changes so quickly!

paddyo

But I thought you said that he was NOT going to go back to England and that if you took your son there he would not follow?

I understand your need for happiness, and you do need to have some 'ME' thoughts, but, if you know he won't go to England and state that that maybe dad will follow for the sake of his son. isn't that a bit like 'using' your son to make the father feel guilty and go back to UK as well?

You may gather from my earlier posts that I am all for putting the child first, not the parents issues with each other. You seriously need to look at how seperating the son from his dad will affect him and not resort to 'hoping' that the father will follow, especially as he is adamant that he will not go back to UK. You say you have finances, a good job and good home.
Whats really back in UK that would force you to reach a decision to go back there with your son knowing that you will probably 'sentence' him to a life without his father?? I also have an issue with the father making such a stance, but we haven't heard his side.

yorkshiretobrisbane

Well... I want best for son and me and basically his dad needs to realize the world doesn't revolve around him. England is not great but neither is Australia. I have never been 100% happy in Australia, we came here with mind set if we like it and it works for us we'll stay if not we'll go back. I feel I have to stay here for my ex, I feel trapped.

My son has all grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles etc back in England. When we was back at Easter he was in his element and absolutely loved spending time with them. I am not using my son to punish his dad, far from it actually, I just wish he would realize that his son needs both parents. I need some support at the moment and that would be in England. He would easily be able to adjust and work in england would not be a problem for him at all.

Tough life decision have never been my strong point..

Janna and Nick

It's been a while since I've posted on here. I've been focussing my time and life on living here in Australia and embracing it fully. I've read your post and feel compelled to comment.

Firstly let me say I do not have first hand experience of your situation. I do however have a close friend who is in the same position. Kids are older and husband is a complete nutcase! He walked away after making the family live his dream by moving to Australia. It has not been easy and it continues to not be easy now and we are a year or so down the line. I'm not telling you this to scare you or make you go back to England. I'm telling you A) so you know you are not alone and B) so it's not a rosy picture of everything will be nice and fluffy and happy with butterflies etc. etc.

Forget for a second that you are in Australia. That is an added complication. Try to imagine yourself in England now. The heartache you are feeling, the abandonment, the anger, the loneliness, the confusion would all still be the same. The only difference being you have you family around you. Having a holiday is great but that will be completely different to living there. Normal life still has to carry on. Work, social, homelife etc. There will still be many hours in a day when you are alone or it's just you and your son. There will still be early wake ups in the morning when everything seems so much worse than it really is.

The fact is your marriage has ended and no matter where this occurs in the world, it is still a trauma, a wrench, a sh*t experience to go through. In times like these we make rash decisions because we don't want to feel the pain anymore. You're thinking maybe if I go back to England it won't hurt anymore. Or mum and dad will make it better. The reality is the only thing that will make you feel better is time.

Especially as you say he no longer loves you anymore. That is a serious confidence knock.

You need time to breathe. To just be. You need to grieve and get angry and feel cheated and all of those things we do when a relationship ends. Especially a marriage because of all the promises we make and the commitment. But life will get better again. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You will laugh again. You will be happy and you will also love again. Being single after all this time is scary. Change isn't nice and more often than not is unwelcome.

Give yourself a break and don't worry so much about right and wrong. Spend time getting to know the real you after being a wife and a mother first.

I guess if you take anything from my post, take your time. Don't rush into anything. You don't want to make a rash decision after being hurt so badly by someone who promised to love you forever.

You will be okay. You will make it through. Believe in yourself and give yourself some credit.

I wish you the very best both now and for your future.