Don

Forgive me for posting a rare self-indulgent post but I don't want to e-mail my family and need to sound off.

12 noon today found my wife & myself getting a report back on Little Don #1 (now 2 years 8 months). Wife had taken him for examination a few weeks earlier because he's slow on learning to speak. Medical Dr and Child Psychologist examined him - mostly play activities.

They said at the time of the first meet there was nothing wrong with his hearing but he had a complex problem that was resulting in him learning to speak a bit more slowly than usual.

Within a few minutes today they were telling us my little boy was showing all the signs of autism, ie lost in his own world, not wanting to interact socially and prone to random acts of violence etc. All because, in their (wow!) hour of examination, Little Don was scared of some ugly 50 year old cow and didn't want to play with her - he gave her a biff on the face when she tried to muscle in on his games (though he never usually would do anything like that - what would you do if you were 2 and a half and some ugly witch tried to leer at you up close?)

Anyway, we listen, I ask a few questions and decide to check it out on the internet. Wife is in tears when we leave, I don't like to criticise her but she is a bit of a loony when it comes to crap like this (ie she always unquestioningly believes what the so-called experts tell her) and just to let you know she can be a bit of a moron in this field, she recently went to some Gypsy Rose Lee to get her fortune told (loadsamoney) and believes in all the rubbish herbal remedies etc rather than a bit of modern medicine. (Yesterday was pretty good, in the morning I say our house will sell and the price will go up when they put down proper asphalt roads in the village, she says that'll never happen in our lifetimes, that same afternoon she phones me to say they laid the tarmac in the main road that morning!)

So I tell her it's all rubbish, Little Don #1 is completely normal and slow on speech because he's learning 2 languages, he loves being with other kids and is normally never violent, just a bit jealous of the attention his little bro is getting these days (8 months), he ashows a lot of affection to others too. Don #1's intelligence shines through though acually that wouldn't mean he couldn't be autistic.

More tears.

We get to the kindergarten to pick up Little Don #1, I persuade my wife to ask the governess to talk about our boy, not saying the word 'autism' but saying we're concerned about the possible anti-social behaviour, violence, dream world. She immediately say: those are signs of autism. She says Little Don doesn't show any of those signs. She used to care for a seriously autistic child. She says Little Don is just another 'normal' kid. He loves all the social side of playing with other kids in the kindergarten.

Wife stops the tears. I breathe again.

Will check it all out a bit more in NZ but I just don't believe the 'diagnosis' was based on the right inputs. Rubbish in, rubbish out.

Badge

sound off all you like Mr Pleasance.

Sometimes I suppose you have to follow gut feeling. And I'm sure your humour, and strength of character would bring you through anything..

keep us posted
badgers

debsy

Hi Don
I read your post with some interest. I have two daughters. One is two years older than the other. The eldest has always been very forward doing everything early and she is very bright. The second child has always been slow at everything. She did not say a word until she was over three and we were terrified that there was something wrong with her.

Well, once she started to speak there was no stopping her believe me - in both languages. She is 6 now and speaks two languages. She has been slow with her fine motor skills. Anyway, we started to give her a fish oil called eye q and you cant believe what a difference it has made. SHe could not ride a bike or do a lot of other things but since she has been on the eye the difference is tremendous.

I think it is difficult for bilingual children as apparently they have to use both sides of their brain!!! Dont worry he will be ok. One day you will turn round and say (like we did) and to think that we were concerned about his speech - now he never shuts up!

Debs

fizz38

boy! does what you say sound familiar same scenario as our little boy at that age,finally diagnosed with acute hearing problems due to chronic glue ear hence no interation with others,never having a clue as to what was going on etc.....violent tendancies everything you mention so off to see the same pepole as you same diagnosis..Autism.
Got very upset talkes to his kindergarten teacher and playgroup leader (attended 2 different groups) they all agreed what a load off rubbish.
Well to cut a long story short just before his 4th birthday they discovered his hearing problems went through 4 sets of Grommets but now wears hearing aids and the difference is phenomenal!!!!!!Just wished we had pushed the so-called professionals a lot harder alot earlier instead of thinking they knew better.
Don't give up hope YOU know your child better than anyone trust your instincts and good luck

Don

Thanks Badgers. It was a tough time for a couple of hours, my wife asked them what was best for our boy and they said 'stability', she said, would going to NZ next week be inadvisable and they said yes so my wife was on the point of putting her foot down - just because some quack wanted to look as if she knew her stuff.

Don

Thanks Debs, I reckon I could do with some of that fish oil for the Child Psychologist.

One thing I never forget about number 1 son is that he is brilliant as far as physical activity goes, always shooting about on his bike, playing football and basketball, running about like a mad thing and also into swimming (though not yet without my support!) OK he could be a box of chocolates Gump athlete but I reckon he's normal or advanced in every aspect apart from talking and as you say, that'll come.

Don

That is very sound advice/ experience and once in NZ I resolve to really push this problem, there might be some minor issue we have overlooked and that might make a huge difference if the medics spot it.

Watt Dabney

Hi Don,

I think you are right to trust your own instincts. Our daughter hardly uttered a sound till she was well over 2. Now my step-mother is a child psycologist (specialises in Autism and Asbergers). Every time she saw Hannah she spend all her time trying to get her to make a sound. I mean Hannah wouldn't even laugh or giggle at any of the silly faces she pulled. You should have seen the display it was ridiculous. Hannah just used to sit and stare at her like she was a lunatic (which is what she must have looked like to Hannah). As soon as she left Hannah would babble baby speak to me and Hubby quite happily, though she wouldn't for others and didn't actually speak till well over 2. As soon as she did speak my Dad said he was so relieved cause my step-mom had been sure there was something wrong with her.
Its so annoying when doctors don't listen to parents. I spent the 1st 3 years of Hannahs life telling anyone who would listen that she had a problem as she choked and vomited too much. Doctors and Health Visitors assured me it was nothing and she would row out of it. Eventually they listened the Doc said "I'll have a look down her throat but I don't expect to see anything" stuck the toungue depresser down there, I mean actually wedged it between her tonsils and she didn't even flinch Doc says "oooh I've never seen that before" Turns out she has no sensation in her soft pallate. We coped but an earlier diagnosis would have been nice, but then that would have meant listening to me and unless you have a medical degree youre opion counts for nothing!

Don't worry Don, I'm sure your instincts are spot on. If there is a problem the parents know deep down.

Paula

Don

Thanks Paula. One thing I learned today was that autism didn't even exist about 40 years ago (ie it wasn't a recognised condition). So the Psychologists are busy over-diagnosing in some cases, methinks. I guess some of my pals at school were autistic without any of us knowing or it even affecting our lives that much! (But now I know what was wrong with old Banger!)

whisky

Sorry to hear all the goings on with the experts. Sounds as though you are going through the mill a bit.
Now, I am no expert, but my advice would be ~ the sooner you get out of there the better.

Whisky

nell m

Hi Don

I agree, you've got to use your own instincts, trust the people who spend the most time with him, an hour's nothing.

When I had my son I developed a serious allergy - rash everywhere and started swelling up - had to call the doctor out, he gave me some antihistamines straight away and a prescription to get more in the morning, I specifically asked him if it was ok to take as I was breastfeeding, he said fine, so next day hubby went to chemist to get more, and asked as we werent convinced doctor knew his stuff and chemist said some antihistamines are ok but this one was a definite no-no with breast feeding! Luckily I only took the one the Doc gave me.

PS I didn't speak 'til I was nearly 3, my mum kept taking me back to the Doctors as she thought I may be deaf but all of a sudden I started talking and skipped the mama, dada stage and said the proper words, she reckons I must have been in my cot at night practicing 'til I got it right so I didn't look foolish!

Don

Whiskers - you have had a tough week yourself, sorry to hear about your cousin.

Don

Best advice I think we got was that near enough EVERYTHING crosses the placenta and near enough EVERYTHING goes through in the breastmilk. Or rather, they can't show that it doesn't. So best to not take the risk. Even too much salt can screw up a newborn's kidneys.

Teresa

Don

There are alot of so called experts out there who feel the need to justify everything a child does/rate they do it at, they feel they have to "label" children, you know your son and so does his carer, each one develops at their own rate and will blossom when ready.

It can be hard being a parent when you have issues forced upon you, stick with your gut feelings and I'm sure he will get there in his own time, they usually do!!!!

Teresa

Nibbs

Hi Don,

Feel free to go for it mate. I know I would if some jerk said that about my son with naff all to back it up.

Personally although I know it's wrong I suspect I would have demonstrated some fine examples of anti-social behaviour to the trick cyclist!

Go easy