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-   -   Is this right decision??? (https://britishexpats.com/forum/australia-54/right-decision-237253/)

delboy Jun 18th 2004 10:05 pm

Is this right decision???
 
:confused: :( hi there ,im allison delboys wife, im writing this thread for some advice and reasurrance.
Two weeks ago recieved visa,s which were excellant news ,i have two lovely boys Robert who is nine years old,and James who is 19 months old,and i also have alovely mum and dad who i love dearly and are very close to me,and have always been there for me through good and bad times.
My ? is HOW can i leave them behind when they are a big part of my life and familly :confused:
But i know ive got to do this for my boys future and ourselves,however i do have my own familly now.
Has anyone else ? these feelings,and should i be doing it if i have such feelings.i feel like im on uppers and downers at the moment,i get really excited about my future ,and then boom get really scared.
Im sure im not the only one who feels like this??
Is this normall??

many thanks for listening to my concerns
Allison

El Milesi Jun 18th 2004 10:13 pm

Hi,

If you go through this website, you'll find so many people with the same feelings.

You're definitely not alone.

However, don't think of this as final, as you can always return and you're family can always visit.

It's a great opportunity for you're whole family which is worth the risk, and yes it's completely normal.

debsy Jun 18th 2004 10:13 pm

Re: Is this right decision???
 

Originally posted by delboy
:confused: :( hi there ,im allison delboys wife, im writing this thread for some advice and reasurrance.
Two weeks ago recieved visa,s which were excellant news ,i have two lovely boys Robert who is nine years old,and James who is 19 months old,and i also have alovely mum and dad who i love dearly and are very close to me,and have always been there for me through good and bad times.
My ? is HOW can i leave them behind when they are a big part of my life and familly :confused:
But i know ive got to do this for my boys future and ourselves,however i do have my own familly now.
Has anyone else ? these feelings,and should i be doing it if i have such feelings.i feel like im on uppers and downers at the moment,i get really excited about my future ,and then boom get really scared.
Im sure im not the only one who feels like this??
Is this normall??

many thanks for listening to my concerns
Allison
Hiya Allison
I know exactly how you feel at moment:(
Sometimes I wish that we had never applied for migration.
I have bad days and good days but I feel really confused.

I had a thread the other day like this and a lot of those already in Oz admitted that they had been having similar feelings.

Dont worry you will be fine.
Tomorrows another day;)

ianj Jun 18th 2004 10:14 pm

In a nutshell.......YES.

I have exactly the same and think that most people on here either do, or have. Its called being human and having emotions.

I wont go on about it but what you are feeling is what I feel nearly every day. As the days get closer to going, I should be in Melbourne by the end of July, I get more and more anxious but also excited.

Its the great unknown that is the scary and exciting part. Ride the wave and enjoy it.

PHIZA Jun 18th 2004 10:22 pm

Allison hang on in there ;) :(

We are of to Perth pretty soon.
We all get these feelings, we've got four children aged 10, 12, 15 and 16 and we are very close to both my wifes and my side of the family. We see my wifes sistyer and husband every day and my family at least once a week! :(

But we feel that you must do what you feel is right for YOUR family, which is you and your children.

Whatever happens, your Mum and Dad will still be your Mum and Dad and you'll love each other just the same. :)
Just think of all the lovely holidays they and the rest of your family you are leaving behind can look forward to! :D

Don't forget you can buy phone cards over there that make it really cheap to phone back to the UK! Do a search on phonecards on this forum, I think you can phone for as little as 2c/min! :D

dotty Jun 18th 2004 11:21 pm

Re: Is this right decision???
 
Hang on.

If someone is about to get married and is having doubts should we all say think of the lovely dress and the cake, ohh and the postcards you can send your mum from the honeymoon.
:eek:

Allison, I will get slagged to the max for this post but as you know I have had nothing but best wishes and helpful advice for you, you seem a lovely lady.

What you are saying is a very big issue, Family and that is the reason many come back, many do find bigger house or whatever will not compensate for family. How are you supposed to hide your feelings and just pretend it wont matter.

Can you organise a big family chin wag, tell everyone how you feel, work out if your mum and dad are in the financilal position to come to OZ or young and healthy enough. Will emails and phone calls give you or the kids enough family contact, if not will you be able to afford to go back to the UK for visits. Practical stuff, real stuff talk about it, who knows your family may be in the postition to come over every 6 months for all we know, but finding out the honest situation is necessary.

If you still have doubts, why not forget shipping everything etc, you can store and send later etc, when you have tried it and seen if it is something you can cope with, I am not saying dont go, obviously you got the visas for a reason, but for gawd sake dont ignore those little warnings about family, if you really have doubts make it a temporary move say 2 years making sure you have the practicalities such as money in place to go back if you want to.

Dont bottle it up saying it will be right, start talking to them now, really being honest about it, it might just be cold feet but some people cant give up family so nows the time to discuss it not when you are miles away. Walking around bottling it all up must be awful, let it out tell them:) I bet even that will make you feel better:)

mlbonner Jun 18th 2004 11:27 pm

Re: Is this right decision???
 

Originally posted by dotty

Allison, I will get slagged to the max for this post but as you know I have had nothing but best wishes and helpful advice for you, you seem a lovely lady.



Nah, I wont slag you off :) What you said is very sensible.



It sounds to me like you're not having issues with your family putting pressure on you (normally the case) but putting pressure on yourself?? Nothing is forever unless you want it to be, why not think of Australia as an extended holiday & see how you go? When I go, I'm going to open a savings account and put a little bit aside each month in case I ever need to get back to the UK PDQ - why not do something similar, that way if it ever gets too much & you need to get back here before you 'go mad' it'll be easier for you. A lot of people (everyone) has some doubts about something or another I'm sure, just makes you normal, thats all :)

Whatever happens you need to be happy, but like Dotty says, you have your visas now, may as well at least use them, even if it is just for a long holiday :D

RAG62 Jun 18th 2004 11:35 pm

Dear Alison,
I have had the same feelings as you. My wife is keen to go to Aus and so was I until this week when I got "cold feet". With a good home, nice neighbourhood and 3 children to think about all of school age I am now really not so sure that Aus is the big break that I thought it was going to be.

You read the Return to the uk forum and you can see that it is not all hunky dorey down under. In particular education, standard of living and career prospects seem to be worse than in the UK. Suddenly the attraction of hot weather loses its gloss.

The only sure way is to try it for a while but I am in the position where I cant really afford to go there and come back if I dont like it. If we sold the house in the uK we would not be able to buy a similar one should we return due to house price inflation.

Oh woe , woe woe.
Richard

Peter Jun 18th 2004 11:39 pm

Delboy, in the nicest possible way, tell your folks to get over themselves and deal with it.

The welfare and lives of you and your children come before that of anybody else, parents included.

It's your life, not theirs.

Sorry if this is straight up, but you aren't being selfish by making decisions for you and your children that upset anybody else.

whisky Jun 19th 2004 7:49 am

Delboy,

The feelings you are having are very natural, and if any one tells you that they didn't have those feelings, then I think they are not human.
I had every emotion you can think of when going through the process, but I knew in my heart that it was what I wanted to do, and knew that in time, these feelings would get easier (not always the case for some).

If deep down, you have real doubts, it can be a very traumatic time for some, having come all the way out here, sold everything, carted it half way across the world, and a few months down the line, you want to go back to the UK.

I agree with Dotty.

If you really feel that way, come out, even if it is for a couple of months and check it out first.

On a personal note, we love it here, and although I miss my eldest daughter, we wouldn't want to go back, but I have put money away for a flight should i ever want to or need to go back.

Good luck to you, and hope that you will be happy whatever your final decision.

Whisky

walla Jun 19th 2004 8:12 am

Re: Is this right decision???
 

Originally posted by delboy
:confused: :( hi there ,im allison delboys wife, im writing this thread for some advice and reasurrance.
Two weeks ago recieved visa,s which were excellant news ,i have two lovely boys Robert who is nine years old,and James who is 19 months old,and i also have alovely mum and dad who i love dearly and are very close to me,and have always been there for me through good and bad times.
My ? is HOW can i leave them behind when they are a big part of my life and familly :confused:
But i know ive got to do this for my boys future and ourselves,however i do have my own familly now.
Has anyone else ? these feelings,and should i be doing it if i have such feelings.i feel like im on uppers and downers at the moment,i get really excited about my future ,and then boom get really scared.
Im sure im not the only one who feels like this??
Is this normall??

many thanks for listening to my concerns
Allison
Hi

It's all normal so hope this helps:

When we get out to Perth I am sure we will be going through the same as you are now.

We are not getting into this in the UK. We are from a large and close family, my friends date back to nursery school and a very close too. We know it will be a huge wrench to leave.

Our parents are devastated but understanding

We have decided to stay focused on ourselves and our children and the better life we will hopefully have in Perth, we have close family there too so we are at a bit of an advantage to most.

Our motto is: It's our family, our life, our decision and our future.

Your family back in the UK will always be your family, it's a small world now (we keep saying that to reassure ourselves!!) and I'm sure your family will have great holidays in the sun once you get out there.

Walla

hwiseman Jun 19th 2004 10:59 am

Re: Is this right decision???
 
When I made the decision to migrate 7 years ago, my family were very sad, and whilst they tried to put a brave face on it, they were pretty devastated.

However, I have phoned them every week and I have been lucky to make a point of going back to the UK each year. My father has been to visit three times. Ironically, it has enhanced our relationships because before that we took each other for granted and now we don't. When my Dad is no longer around at least he and I have some extremely happy memories of his visits to Oz. He raves about the place (my Mum has been once and is not intending to come again even though she enjoyed it - I find that difficult). We all go on holiday when we go back to the UK and really make the most of the time.

Australia is an absolutely fantastic place to bring up children. It is very outdoors, healthy lifestyle. The education and health systems I would say are better than the UK.

In summary, whilst I don't know your circumstances, yes it is a difficult decision and yes, people will be upset but they get used to it and your relationships will be greatly enhanced. In the meantime, you will be doing something wonderful for your children as well as yourselves as parents. I don't know of any migrants here for whom it has not worked out well with their families and if anything, my husband and my experience is unusual in that his family cannot visit and my mum will not come out - we still have very strong loving relationships.

Plus, your children are young enough that you can give yourselves two years and then decide whether to stay another two years or go home etc. Webcams, emails, instant messenger are fantastic ways of staying in touch.

Hope this helps. I live in Sydney. H

hwiseman Jun 19th 2004 11:15 am

Sorry, just been scrolling down the messages.

People have posted "bad things about Australia" on this website. Any shortcomings are nothing compared to the shortcomings of remaining in the UK in my opinion.

Forget the crap about the insects, yeah you have to be a wee bit careful but people here don't give it a second thought. They live absolutely normally compared to people in the UK. The last time anyone died from a funnel web was in 1981. How many people die from bee stings in the UK each year?

I have never seen a snake other than in a glass cage. I have been here for 7 years and we drove around the outback of Australia for seven weeks and still were not confronted with anything nasty. (The kangaroo hopping out of the bush next to our tent was cute the emus running through the camp site were just amazing to see....).

Work opportunities can be great or bad - no different from the UK, it depends what line of work you are in, your experience etc.
Is the money less - well yes, of course, if you simply compare exchange rates but costs are less too. I find a rule of thumb comparison is to divide the Australian income by two to give you a UK equivalent salary in terms of what it can buy and what your standard of living might be like. The fact that the exhange rate is 0.4 or less is irrelevant.

The tax system is shite (I am a tax adviser so am very well informed on this point) but this is not something I would base my decision on as to whether to migrate. It is a wee inconvenience compared against the many wonderful advantages of living here.

The healthcare system - twice I have had minor accidents both requiring xrays and crutches for a couple of days. On both occasions, I got to see a doctor straightaway, get xrayed and be given crutches before I left. And this was without needing to go to a hospital and, on a Saturday in the first case. I would be amazed if you now got healthcare like that in the UK. I am talking Sydney of course - would be different in a small country town.

It's hard to migrate - it brings up all your fears of giving up the known for the unknown. I have many many expatriate friends who have done it and are still here 7 years later wondering why they were worried.

There is a transition, it takes a while to settle in, it's not a picnic, but I have never regretted the decision for a single moment. All I am saying is to ignore the fears and objectively weigh up the pros and cons. If you sell your house, 12 months is not going to make such a huge difference that you could not get back into the UK property market. You may involve financial loss - if you can afford it then consider it against whether, when you are on your death bed, would you regret not giving yourself a chance, if you did give yourself the chance and loved it, would you be there on your death bed thinking, shit, that move cost me $20K?

Just offering some other perspectives - everyone's experience is different.

madsad Jun 19th 2004 1:08 pm

Re: Is this right decision???
 

Originally posted by delboy
:confused: :( hi there ,im allison delboys wife, im writing this thread for some advice and reasurrance.
Two weeks ago recieved visa,s which were excellant news ,i have two lovely boys Robert who is nine years old,and James who is 19 months old,and i also have alovely mum and dad who i love dearly and are very close to me,and have always been there for me through good and bad times.
My ? is HOW can i leave them behind when they are a big part of my life and familly :confused:
But i know ive got to do this for my boys future and ourselves,however i do have my own familly now.
Has anyone else ? these feelings,and should i be doing it if i have such feelings.i feel like im on uppers and downers at the moment,i get really excited about my future ,and then boom get really scared.
Im sure im not the only one who feels like this??
Is this normall??

many thanks for listening to my concerns

You have to do the best for you & your's, you cannot live your live for other people and while it may sound harsh that includes your mum & dad, while you will miss them you want to give your boys the best you can, just because you are leaving it does not mean your mum & dad wont still be a prt of your life, of course they will.

Rest assured we all have these concerns and moments of blind panic!! keep your chin up & just bear in mind that you are doing what you think is best for your kids.
Allison
;)

madsad Jun 19th 2004 1:09 pm

Re: Is this right decision???
 

Originally posted by delboy
:confused: :( hi there ,im allison delboys wife, im writing this thread for some advice and reasurrance.
Two weeks ago recieved visa,s which were excellant news ,i have two lovely boys Robert who is nine years old,and James who is 19 months old,and i also have alovely mum and dad who i love dearly and are very close to me,and have always been there for me through good and bad times.
My ? is HOW can i leave them behind when they are a big part of my life and familly :confused:
But i know ive got to do this for my boys future and ourselves,however i do have my own familly now.
Has anyone else ? these feelings,and should i be doing it if i have such feelings.i feel like im on uppers and downers at the moment,i get really excited about my future ,and then boom get really scared.
Im sure im not the only one who feels like this??
Is this normall??

many thanks for listening to my concerns


You have to do the best for you & your's, you cannot live your live for other people and while it may sound harsh that includes your mum & dad, while you will miss them you want to give your boys the best you can, just because you are leaving it does not mean your mum & dad wont still be a prt of your life, of course they will.

Rest assured we all have these concerns and moments of blind panic!! keep your chin up & just bear in mind that you are doing what you think is best for your kids.
Allison


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