Relationships
#1
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Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: Currambine
Posts: 140
Relationships
How many relationships have collapsed since moving to Oz - mine is currently in a bit of a mess
#2
Re: Relationships
Originally Posted by capacity
How many relationships have collapsed since moving to Oz - mine is currently in a bit of a mess
How sad
Have you tried some couple counselling ?
It is a common occurance when couples put themselves and their relationships through huge strain. Try to focus on the areas that do tie you together and try to find some common goals. If you can go out as a couple and do fun things, its too easy to loose the fun in relationships.
Good luck and I hope it can get better
Gillian
#3
Re: Relationships
Hi hope that your OK.
I really do think that most of us really do underestimate the emotional toll that immigrating will have on us. I'm a counsellor and have done LOADS of personal work during my training and on going proffesional developement - having said that I have hit rock bottom both on my own and in my relationship on more than one occasion since our move to Oz. We've now been here a year and I've love to say its great all the time, but it isn't and we're really still in the middle of this process. Many expats that I've spoken to have said it takes a good 2/3 years to really feel like you've got through the missing home in an extreem sense.
Things to identify would be,
What are the issues? You know what is your potential arguing REALLY about, its not normally the usual annoying things like dirty cups left on the side etc.
Were there problems before you moved? If so, this doesn't mean your doomed, just that you may need to work harder to resolve them as your both probably out of your familier comfort zone.
Communication is usually the problem, meaning lack of it, or not the right type. Make time for each other, try to be honest about whats going on for you.
Stress is a real issue, most of the time in a relationship one is stressed whilst the other supports and visa versa. However, as you've both undertaken what is a huge step you are both potentially under extreem pressure even if this doesn't seem that obvious.
You may need to off load to people you can trust, or seek some proffesional counselling, which would bring clarity and relief.
Good luck, your truely not alone.
Take care
Tracey
I really do think that most of us really do underestimate the emotional toll that immigrating will have on us. I'm a counsellor and have done LOADS of personal work during my training and on going proffesional developement - having said that I have hit rock bottom both on my own and in my relationship on more than one occasion since our move to Oz. We've now been here a year and I've love to say its great all the time, but it isn't and we're really still in the middle of this process. Many expats that I've spoken to have said it takes a good 2/3 years to really feel like you've got through the missing home in an extreem sense.
Things to identify would be,
What are the issues? You know what is your potential arguing REALLY about, its not normally the usual annoying things like dirty cups left on the side etc.
Were there problems before you moved? If so, this doesn't mean your doomed, just that you may need to work harder to resolve them as your both probably out of your familier comfort zone.
Communication is usually the problem, meaning lack of it, or not the right type. Make time for each other, try to be honest about whats going on for you.
Stress is a real issue, most of the time in a relationship one is stressed whilst the other supports and visa versa. However, as you've both undertaken what is a huge step you are both potentially under extreem pressure even if this doesn't seem that obvious.
You may need to off load to people you can trust, or seek some proffesional counselling, which would bring clarity and relief.
Good luck, your truely not alone.
Take care
Tracey
Originally Posted by capacity
How many relationships have collapsed since moving to Oz - mine is currently in a bit of a mess
#4
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,693
Re: Relationships
Originally Posted by capacity
How many relationships have collapsed since moving to Oz - mine is currently in a bit of a mess
Dont know your circumstances but stick at it for afew years ? once familiarity with new surroundings sets in and quality of life generally increases
you will both be better ?
Good point though that if all not well prior to emigration, emigration isn't the wonder cure.
Best wishes anyway.
Dave
#5
Account Closed
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,533
Re: Relationships
I've known a few people who's relationshops have really suffered by being here. I've seen a grown man have a complete nervous breakdown. Not pleasant for him or his family.
This emmigration lark is a bit like saying "We'll have a baby. That'll bring us closer together" when the cracks are already like crevices.
I hope you can sort out your relationship capacity. It must be really hard going through that when you're so far from home. Would your partner/hubby consider counselling to help sort this?
All the best to you xxx
This emmigration lark is a bit like saying "We'll have a baby. That'll bring us closer together" when the cracks are already like crevices.
I hope you can sort out your relationship capacity. It must be really hard going through that when you're so far from home. Would your partner/hubby consider counselling to help sort this?
All the best to you xxx
#6
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 23,400
Re: Relationships
I think that anyone who makes the decision to migrate to save/improve a rocky relationship is heading for problems.
Problems you have here, will go with you to Australia and in lots of cases, will be magnified.
I have no illusions at all as to the stress we will suffer in moving, but I also know we have been to hell and back in the UK and have come through it.
The saying 'same shit, shinier bucket' is so true.
Our worries will stay the same, just in a different country.
We intend to work our backs off in whatever job we can get.
We know we will have as many bills as here, if not more perhaps.
We will need to work hard to make friends.
Transport wont be as good as London unless you get a car (we are spoilt here)
Food will cost pretty much the same if not more.
The flies will drive us both mad.
I will miss my family to distraction and probably get homesick.
I know this, we both know this and have learned from a previous experience, that if you both want similar things in life then you are fighting from the same angle. Therefore, taking tempers out on one another when you are on the same side is self destructive.
We have discussed it long and hard and we know know we can do this, we know it will be stressful, but I reckon we will be just fine.
I am sorry for anyone who's relationship has suffered due to this process. Its easy to forget your original reasons for doing it and lose your way a bit.
Problems you have here, will go with you to Australia and in lots of cases, will be magnified.
I have no illusions at all as to the stress we will suffer in moving, but I also know we have been to hell and back in the UK and have come through it.
The saying 'same shit, shinier bucket' is so true.
Our worries will stay the same, just in a different country.
We intend to work our backs off in whatever job we can get.
We know we will have as many bills as here, if not more perhaps.
We will need to work hard to make friends.
Transport wont be as good as London unless you get a car (we are spoilt here)
Food will cost pretty much the same if not more.
The flies will drive us both mad.
I will miss my family to distraction and probably get homesick.
I know this, we both know this and have learned from a previous experience, that if you both want similar things in life then you are fighting from the same angle. Therefore, taking tempers out on one another when you are on the same side is self destructive.
We have discussed it long and hard and we know know we can do this, we know it will be stressful, but I reckon we will be just fine.
I am sorry for anyone who's relationship has suffered due to this process. Its easy to forget your original reasons for doing it and lose your way a bit.
#7
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,693
Re: Relationships
Originally Posted by Professional Princess
I think that anyone who makes the decision to migrate to save/improve a rocky relationship is heading for problems.
Problems you have here, will go with you to Australia and in lots of cases, will be magnified.
I have no illusions at all as to the stress we will suffer in moving, but I also know we have been to hell and back in the UK and have come through it.
The saying 'same shit, shinier bucket' is so true.
Our worries will stay the same, just in a different country.
We intend to work our backs off in whatever job we can get.
We know we will have as many bills as here, if not more perhaps.
We will need to work hard to make friends.
Transport wont be as good as London unless you get a car (we are spoilt here)
Food will cost pretty much the same if not more.
The flies will drive us both mad.
I will miss my family to distraction and probably get homesick.
I know this, we both know this and have learned from a previous experience, that if you both want similar things in life then you are fighting from the same angle. Therefore, taking tempers out on one another when you are on the same side is self destructive.
We have discussed it long and hard and we know know we can do this, we know it will be stressful, but I reckon we will be just fine.
I am sorry for anyone who's relationship has suffered due to this process. Its easy to forget your original reasons for doing it and lose your way a bit.
Problems you have here, will go with you to Australia and in lots of cases, will be magnified.
I have no illusions at all as to the stress we will suffer in moving, but I also know we have been to hell and back in the UK and have come through it.
The saying 'same shit, shinier bucket' is so true.
Our worries will stay the same, just in a different country.
We intend to work our backs off in whatever job we can get.
We know we will have as many bills as here, if not more perhaps.
We will need to work hard to make friends.
Transport wont be as good as London unless you get a car (we are spoilt here)
Food will cost pretty much the same if not more.
The flies will drive us both mad.
I will miss my family to distraction and probably get homesick.
I know this, we both know this and have learned from a previous experience, that if you both want similar things in life then you are fighting from the same angle. Therefore, taking tempers out on one another when you are on the same side is self destructive.
We have discussed it long and hard and we know know we can do this, we know it will be stressful, but I reckon we will be just fine.
I am sorry for anyone who's relationship has suffered due to this process. Its easy to forget your original reasons for doing it and lose your way a bit.