sudds

hi were new to using this board and would like to ask any members if they have experienced the same or similar.
After asking all our kid 17, 15, 13 whether the were for moving to australia they all gave the green light
Oldes now has decided he only wants to validate his visa, whilst we can probably work with him it has set our plans off track a little.
Has anyone got any stories to share so we can compare
thanks
carl and linda

chatty34

My daughter is about to turn 14, was always keen to move to oz up until the last 6 months and has given us a few headaches by saying that she doesnt want to go and will miss school/family/friends too much.
We went to Oz 2 weeks ago to validate our visas (still trying to sell our house) and she loved it and now cant wait to go and live there.
So lets hope your eldest has a great validation trip that could change their mind completely..... I do admit that I did lots of things that I knew my eldest would love, including lots of shopping in the shops that I knew she would love

Elaine M

Hi Carl and Linda,

My two teenage daughters also were all for the move initially then got cold feet (I think possibly having boyfriends influenced them just a bit ).

They validated then ended up staying behind in the UK when I emigrated last September.

It's been hard to leave them behind but the youngest (17) loves her college course and seems to be coping reasonably well. The eldest (19) is working and happy but is now talking about coming over after all if her bf can get a spouse visa.

Your ideal will probably be to bring all your children with you (that was my plan) but if the eldest is really dead set against the idea AND is capable of standing on his own two feet, you might have to consider that his dreams and goals are not the same as yours.

Happy for you to send me a pm if you have any specific thoughts you want to share.

Elaine M

jaxowen

reluctant/fickle teenagers are often mentioned on this forum. We've got three aged - 14, 16, 17. eldest lives with her mum and is just coming out to validate as will be into final year of a-levels when we go. she is planning to spend some of her gap year with us then we'll see. 16 year old has girlsfriend of 1 year! obviously he is planning to spend the rest of his life with her as 'it is definately the real thing and anyone who thinks other wise doesn't know what they're talking about!' He has agreed to come out for about 6 months to see how it goes! The youngest was initially keen but has since developed a social life and has no desire to 'leave his best mate as they are planning to be in a band together and anyway if they get signed by a record company before we go he's not even going to come and validate!' ah bless em!

I think the problem is that teenagers lives are so great it's no wonder that they don't want it to change, they can't imagine that it could be better, they have great mates/girlfriends. they enjoy the comfort of their familiar stomping ground, their bed/hotel rooms have everything they could ever need and whats more they live with at least one cash dispensing cook!

As a parent it is our job to feel guilty about every descision we ever make with regard to our childrens lives and emigrating could be concieved as a very selfish act - however if you genuinely believe that their lives could be improved by the move then hold on to that very tightly and go for it..

So with all that in mind i pop my blinkers back on keep applying that extra layer that keeps me thick skinned and keep my fingers crossed that i can just get them all on the bluddy plane - after that it's every man for himself!

jax

btw Oliver Reed once said in an interview that 'the fact that all his kids can afford the counselling they now need due to his poor parenting shows that he can't have been that bad a parent in the first place!'

mmm.. best keep some of that money from the house sale to one side

scissors

lol, we ve had a similar experience,my 17 yr old daughter was really for it when hubby first suggested it , it was me who wasnt sure,but with 2 of them going on and on about it, i came round to the idea,and now im all for it, but low and behold,the TEENAGER has suddenly decided that shes got a lot of friends here and shes enjoying her life at the momment,although she hasnt said shes not coming she isnt anywhere near as keen as she was Ijust hope and pray she doersnt meet the boy of her dreams before we go :scared:
I think ive convinced her to give it 2 yrs,well actually i said thats what we d all do,and then we ll come back for a holiday, then we should know if we want to stay there or not.....heres hopeing.

tracey.

Hilton`s

I have wrote on this forum before about the fact that my 14 year old son
is up for migrating to Oz and my 17 year old son isn`t so keen. The trouble
is that the longer time goes on, and we applied last April! the more of a life
the boys are getting themselves and I am starting to worry that they both
won`t want to go. My 14 year old (Luke) says that it will be hard to leave
all of his mates but he still thinks that it will be better in the long run.
My 17 year old (Michael) doesn`t say he won`t come but he looks all down
and says there will never be a good time for him to go. Deep down I really
do think that they will get on fine as they are really social and quite often
my house seems like a youth club more than a family home, (lol) but it is
really hard to make the final decision as we all have a lot to lose if it all
goes horribly wrong.

If only us mums and dads had a crystal ball bye !!!

Bye for now,

Tracey x

Nikki

Hi

Thought I would add another dimension to this thread!

My Mum and Dad are not together. When I was 21, my Dad with his new family moved from the UK to Australia. My Dad had family over there and after going for a holiday he felt he could give my half Brother (then 12) and Sister (then 10) a better life over there. So they went!

I understood his reasons and whilst it was hard, I did not blame him or feel he was abandoning me (although my Mum did!). Before he left my Dad said one day I may visit Australia and feel the same way about giving my Family a better quality of life. At the time I had a 1 year old son, I told him I would never want to leave the UK and this was my home, why would I ever want to leave!

My 12 year old Brother did not want to go, he was up for it at the beginning but after completing his first year at high school in the UK he was upset to be leaving. He is now 22 settled in a relationship in a lovely house in Canberra doing what he always dreamed since watching Top Gun as a boy....he joined the Air Force (Australian!).

My Husband and I along with our 3 children have visited Australia twice, we fell in love with the place on our first trip, but went again to make sure we had not fallen in love with a holiday destination (if you know what I mean). The second time we looked at Australia as a place to live and bring up our family with a view to spending our retirement years there, I finally understood what my Dad mean't all those years ago.

My Dad once said when he went for his holiday in the very beginning he always remembers taking off from Sydney and looking down at the crystal blue water and the fantastic beaches.......he always knew he would return.....I had the exact same feeling 2 years ago and I know that eventually that is a place we will eventually call home.

My eldest child is now 10, we want to make the move now before we hit problems with teenage years like you guys are talking about. I know how hard it is when families split. I did not see my Brother and Sister from being 12 and 10 until they were 18 and 16. They left England as kids and then I met them again as young Adults.

I suppose, despite my ramblings, what I am trying to say is that when I was 21, stubbornly I told my Dad there would be no life in Australia for me, I thought what I had here was great but until I went I did not know what a fantastic alternative I had. But life changes along with your priorities! Now I am willing to sacrifice leaving family behind here and the hardship that will bring to give my children what I hope will be a better life.

Sorry for the length of this thread, but explaining 11 years in a nutshell is a bit tricky!

Nikki

sudds

Thank heavens that other people have or are having the same experiences....youve no idea how good it is to be able to swap stories....thanks for the effort of replying

aussie73

If you can afford it perhaps a good idea would be to take them on a holiday to OZ, but be careful to stay or travel to places in OZ you think they would love, that would give them the best possible impression of OZ.

Mel Gibson

l don't think you should force or put undue pressure on your kids to move to OZ. The problem with doing this is that they are then going to blame you for things that go wrong with their lives in OZ . For example if they end up unemployed in OZ or a job they don't like ,they may say its your fault," if l stayed in the UK like l wanted to, l would probably have a fantastic high paying job".

C.Owen

We have two girls ( 13 and 20 ) the youngest one is really looking forward to going , hopefully May / June if the house sells by then...
The oldest ... different story, she didn't like it enough .. (when we visited rellies few years back )to make her want to move there mmm Brisbane or Manchester ... now let me think !!!!

As hard as we tried to make here see the reasons we wanted to go, she has stuck by her decision and won't budge... she loves her job ( Cabin Crew for Brittania Airways , so she travels quite a bit as you can imagine ) ..
Anyway she is happy for us to go ( so she says ) and we have to respect her decision as she is now an adult after all, but it will be very hard to board the plane and leave her when we eventually go.

The way we looked at it was... we could change our plans and stay ...but then miss out on the oportunity of a lifetime and then no doubt there would be several times we'd say " If Only "... and who knows the eldest girl might get married then clear off herself in a couple of years to wherever.... and leave us stuck in Manchester of all places !!!

No ... we are going to take our oportunity ( grab it with both hands in fact ) and hopefully our eldest girl will miss us so much, she will follow us out at some point..... Fingers & Toes crossed

Chris Mitchell

Hi
We have had very similar conversations with our kids, unfortunately for us it isn't clear whether our eldest who is 20 will be able to come with us. He isn't too concerned at the mo as he is making plans with friends, although we will be gutted if he can't come. the kids are keen to go at the mo friends will be an issue to contend with when dates etc are sorted. knowing what we are having to do to get there at least if we stay 2 years they can then make their own decisions but the doors to the UK and Oz will be open to them in the future. we have had loads of discussion (me and hubby) are we doing the right thing by the kids but if we dont try it then we will never know! but there are loads of kids doing this all the time coz of parents jobs etc its just such a big step and there is bound to be anxiety on all sides.

the beauty of this forum there are others in the same boat (wish we were and it was on its way to Oz!!!) and we can support each other.



at the mo we are all happy and hope to go later this year.
Good Luck to all Chris and the Mitchell 7

Chris Mitchell

Hi we are in much the same position as you our eldest son 20 has much the same attitude as your daughter although he would like to come at some point.
You should congratulate your self on raising such a sensible, thoughtful girl as your, daughter!

My son has already been to Italy for 3 months and plans to do a lot more travelling, so we either go and let him do what is right for him or stay, depriving our other4 of the opportunity and still miss out when he settles in Timbuktoo

Take Care
Chris

sudds

Thanks for the replys seriously greatful. It helps to know were not the only ones (with a Kevin and Perry) attitude keep the stories coming. Ta

JAJ

You need to accept that as children become older and turn into adults, they will have their own view about what they want to do in life. For that reason an older child should not be allowed to veto the rest of the family's move to Australia.

Clearly if an older child wants to stay behind in the UK he or she has the right to do so. However such child has also got to be aware that if he or she doesn't take up PR and become a citizen in Australia, he may be stuck in the UK and unable to migrate later on if he changes his mind. With rights come responsiblities for the consequences of one's actions.

Jeremy