Questions about Australia???
Sep 23rd 2005, 5:16 pm
#1
Chocoholic
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2005
Location: Betchworth, Surrey.
Posts: 2,899
Questions about Australia???
The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourist website and the answers are actual responses by the website officials who obviously have a great sense of humour. Enjoy!
Q. Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do plants grow? (UK)
A. We import all plants fully grown, then sit around drinking beer and watch them slowly die.
Q. Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A. Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q. I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow a railway track? (Canada)
A. Sure, it's only 3000 miles; take plenty of water and a tent.
Q. Is it safe to run around the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A. So, it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q. Are there many ATM's in Australia? If so, can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Melbourne, Adelaide, Sydney and Perth? (Ireland)
A. What did your last slave die of?
Q. Can you give me information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A. A-fri-ca is a big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that very big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not.....oh forget it! Sure, there's hippo racing every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, Sydney. Come naked!
Q. Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)
A. Face south then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send you the rest of the directions.
Q. Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (Germany)
A. Why? Use your fingers like we do.
Q. Can you please send me the schedule of the Vienna Boys Choir? (USA)
A. Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is.....oh forget it! Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night straight after the hippo racing. Come naked!
Q. Can I wear high heels in Australia? (Japan)
A. You are a Japanese politician, right?
Q. Please send me a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A. Rattlesnakes live in Am-er-ica which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are harmless, can be handled safely by Americans and make excellent pets.
Q. Are there any supermarkets in Sydney and do they sell fresh milk all year round? (Finalnd)
A. No! We are a peaceful civilisation of vegans. Milk is illegal.
Q.I have a question about a famous Australian animal that lives in trees, but I have forgotten it's name. I think it's a kind of bear. (USA)
A. It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can keep them off by spraying yourself with human urine. We recommend that you should always do this before going out for a walk.
Q. Do they sell perfume in Australia? (France)
A. No! WE don't stink.
Q. I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Please tell me where I can sell it in Australia. (USA)
A. Anywhere where there are significant numbers of Americans.
Q. Can you tell me the region in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A. Yes! Gay nightclubs.
Q. Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (USA)
A. Only at Christmas.
Q. I was in Australia in 1969 on holiday and I want to contact a girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help please? (UK)
A. Yes and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q. Will I be able to speak English in most places in Australia? (USA)
A. Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Q. Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do plants grow? (UK)
A. We import all plants fully grown, then sit around drinking beer and watch them slowly die.
Q. Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A. Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q. I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow a railway track? (Canada)
A. Sure, it's only 3000 miles; take plenty of water and a tent.
Q. Is it safe to run around the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A. So, it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q. Are there many ATM's in Australia? If so, can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Melbourne, Adelaide, Sydney and Perth? (Ireland)
A. What did your last slave die of?
Q. Can you give me information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A. A-fri-ca is a big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that very big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not.....oh forget it! Sure, there's hippo racing every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, Sydney. Come naked!
Q. Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)
A. Face south then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send you the rest of the directions.
Q. Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (Germany)
A. Why? Use your fingers like we do.
Q. Can you please send me the schedule of the Vienna Boys Choir? (USA)
A. Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is.....oh forget it! Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night straight after the hippo racing. Come naked!
Q. Can I wear high heels in Australia? (Japan)
A. You are a Japanese politician, right?
Q. Please send me a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A. Rattlesnakes live in Am-er-ica which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are harmless, can be handled safely by Americans and make excellent pets.
Q. Are there any supermarkets in Sydney and do they sell fresh milk all year round? (Finalnd)
A. No! We are a peaceful civilisation of vegans. Milk is illegal.
Q.I have a question about a famous Australian animal that lives in trees, but I have forgotten it's name. I think it's a kind of bear. (USA)
A. It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can keep them off by spraying yourself with human urine. We recommend that you should always do this before going out for a walk.
Q. Do they sell perfume in Australia? (France)
A. No! WE don't stink.
Q. I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Please tell me where I can sell it in Australia. (USA)
A. Anywhere where there are significant numbers of Americans.
Q. Can you tell me the region in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A. Yes! Gay nightclubs.
Q. Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (USA)
A. Only at Christmas.
Q. I was in Australia in 1969 on holiday and I want to contact a girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help please? (UK)
A. Yes and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q. Will I be able to speak English in most places in Australia? (USA)
A. Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Sep 23rd 2005, 5:45 pm
#2
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 1,927
Re: Questions about Australia???
Originally Posted by Juliecabs
Q. Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A. Depends on how much you've been drinking.
I like it. My boss is South African and when working in Cape Town in the 70s he had to deal with the London office.
One day whilst on the phone to London a car in the street backfired and the guy from London heard that and asked what it was, so the reply was that a Lion was trying to enter the office so the security guard had to shoot it!!!
And the guy in London, thinking that Cape Town streets have lions and zebras walking down them, believed him!!
Sep 23rd 2005, 6:24 pm
#3
Chocoholic
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2005
Location: Betchworth, Surrey.
Posts: 2,899
Re: Questions about Australia???
Originally Posted by manxfamily
I like it. My boss is South African and when working in Cape Town in the 70s he had to deal with the London office.
One day whilst on the phone to London a car in the street backfired and the guy from London heard that and asked what it was, so the reply was that a Lion was trying to enter the office so the security guard had to shoot it!!!
And the guy in London, thinking that Cape Town streets have lions and zebras walking down them, believed him!!
One day whilst on the phone to London a car in the street backfired and the guy from London heard that and asked what it was, so the reply was that a Lion was trying to enter the office so the security guard had to shoot it!!!
And the guy in London, thinking that Cape Town streets have lions and zebras walking down them, believed him!!
Sep 23rd 2005, 11:14 pm
#4
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2005
Location: Hillarys, Perth
Posts: 67
Re: Questions about Australia???
Thanks Julie, that really made me laugh.. 
Sep 24th 2005, 1:21 am
#5
Banned
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: Morayfield - The Posh Part
Posts: 10,138
Re: Questions about Australia???
class thanks, made me really smile
Sep 24th 2005, 7:22 am
#6
calm down
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: manchester
Posts: 33
Re: Questions about Australia???
Originally Posted by Juliecabs
The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourist website and the answers are actual responses by the website officials who obviously have a great sense of humour. Enjoy!
Q. Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do plants grow? (UK)
A. We import all plants fully grown, then sit around drinking beer and watch them slowly die.
Q. Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A. Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q. I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow a railway track? (Canada)
A. Sure, it's only 3000 miles; take plenty of water and a tent.
Q. Is it safe to run around the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A. So, it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q. Are there many ATM's in Australia? If so, can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Melbourne, Adelaide, Sydney and Perth? (Ireland)
A. What did your last slave die of?
Q. Can you give me information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A. A-fri-ca is a big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that very big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not.....oh forget it! Sure, there's hippo racing every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, Sydney. Come naked!
Q. Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)
A. Face south then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send you the rest of the directions.
Q. Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (Germany)
A. Why? Use your fingers like we do.
Q. Can you please send me the schedule of the Vienna Boys Choir? (USA)
A. Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is.....oh forget it! Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night straight after the hippo racing. Come naked!
Q. Can I wear high heels in Australia? (Japan)
A. You are a Japanese politician, right?
Q. Please send me a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A. Rattlesnakes live in Am-er-ica which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are harmless, can be handled safely by Americans and make excellent pets.
Q. Are there any supermarkets in Sydney and do they sell fresh milk all year round? (Finalnd)
A. No! We are a peaceful civilisation of vegans. Milk is illegal.
Q.I have a question about a famous Australian animal that lives in trees, but I have forgotten it's name. I think it's a kind of bear. (USA)
A. It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can keep them off by spraying yourself with human urine. We recommend that you should always do this before going out for a walk.
Q. Do they sell perfume in Australia? (France)
A. No! WE don't stink.
Q. I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Please tell me where I can sell it in Australia. (USA)
A. Anywhere where there are significant numbers of Americans.
Q. Can you tell me the region in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A. Yes! Gay nightclubs.
Q. Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (USA)
A. Only at Christmas.
Q. I was in Australia in 1969 on holiday and I want to contact a girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help please? (UK)
A. Yes and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q. Will I be able to speak English in most places in Australia? (USA)
A. Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Q. Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do plants grow? (UK)
A. We import all plants fully grown, then sit around drinking beer and watch them slowly die.
Q. Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A. Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q. I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow a railway track? (Canada)
A. Sure, it's only 3000 miles; take plenty of water and a tent.
Q. Is it safe to run around the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A. So, it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q. Are there many ATM's in Australia? If so, can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Melbourne, Adelaide, Sydney and Perth? (Ireland)
A. What did your last slave die of?
Q. Can you give me information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A. A-fri-ca is a big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that very big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not.....oh forget it! Sure, there's hippo racing every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, Sydney. Come naked!
Q. Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)
A. Face south then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send you the rest of the directions.
Q. Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (Germany)
A. Why? Use your fingers like we do.
Q. Can you please send me the schedule of the Vienna Boys Choir? (USA)
A. Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is.....oh forget it! Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night straight after the hippo racing. Come naked!
Q. Can I wear high heels in Australia? (Japan)
A. You are a Japanese politician, right?
Q. Please send me a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A. Rattlesnakes live in Am-er-ica which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are harmless, can be handled safely by Americans and make excellent pets.
Q. Are there any supermarkets in Sydney and do they sell fresh milk all year round? (Finalnd)
A. No! We are a peaceful civilisation of vegans. Milk is illegal.
Q.I have a question about a famous Australian animal that lives in trees, but I have forgotten it's name. I think it's a kind of bear. (USA)
A. It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can keep them off by spraying yourself with human urine. We recommend that you should always do this before going out for a walk.
Q. Do they sell perfume in Australia? (France)
A. No! WE don't stink.
Q. I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Please tell me where I can sell it in Australia. (USA)
A. Anywhere where there are significant numbers of Americans.
Q. Can you tell me the region in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A. Yes! Gay nightclubs.
Q. Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (USA)
A. Only at Christmas.
Q. I was in Australia in 1969 on holiday and I want to contact a girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help please? (UK)
A. Yes and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q. Will I be able to speak English in most places in Australia? (USA)
A. Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
more much more please
Sep 24th 2005, 10:09 am
#7
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 355
Re: Questions about Australia???
Originally Posted by Juliecabs
The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourist website and the answers are actual responses by the website officials who obviously have a great sense of humour. Enjoy!
Q. Will I be able to speak English in most places in Australia? (USA)
A. Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Q. Will I be able to speak English in most places in Australia? (USA)
A. Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Sep 24th 2005, 1:54 pm
#8
Chocoholic
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2005
Location: Betchworth, Surrey.
Posts: 2,899
Re: Questions about Australia???
Originally Posted by NIGENABBY
where is this site!!!!!!
This was sent to me on an email, and I thought it would be funny on here
Julie
