Question for the Longtermers in OZ.
 

Following a conversation I was having this morning.


Do the following thoughts ever go away.

Missing family.

Feeling left out when someone 'over there' has a bub, wedding etc.

Christmas for example does the hot Xmas ever really seem like Christmas.

Does chatting to family on the net ever replace really taking the kids round to see them.

And so on, or do some people really just 'get over' family stuff, get over the old life, you know really just cant be bothered about 'over there' anymore? or did the niggles always remain?

A couple of books I've been reading recently have made reference to Uk winters and Christmas and I must admit it did tug at the old heart strings. The thought of being wrapped up warm and going out for a long walk in the autumn leaves and coming back to a cosy house. ahhhhhh. I don't know if it's a case of the grass is always greener though.

I don't think I've been here long enough to comment fully on the others.

Re: Question for the Longtermers in OZ.
 

Yes and no - no to the politics of family life.. and believe me there is plenty of that in my family. Yes to I miss my mum , I miss not being there for her - to defend her from the wolves. I miss sitting up for hours on end with a bottle of wine - chatting about life, sorting the world and it's probs out. You know the type of thing - mums and daughters babbling.

hubby gets this more than I do.. personally I don't give two hoots about nappies and weddings etc - hubby does - he hates missing out on his nephews birth etc, etc (which he has never met in the flesh and regrets not seeing them growing up) and missing his families weddings etc - me no, I am not very sentimental in this respect

Never to me (and that's after 12 years of the b*ggers here and in Sing , minus the odd christmas that I did go home) I miss cold christmasses - I miss British Christmases - even all the madness that goes with it

Chatting on the net is not the same, my mum is not the net.. but hubby's family are - we talk on a regular basis via web cam - no it's not the same - in fact try it on Christmas day - and you feel worse!

You sort of move on in a way, yes ( I can remember when I first moved abroad - I think it took me over a year , to get over the really bad homesickness.). but you will always miss family and old friends, plus when things happen back home ( which is inevitable).. that's hard! - so I will say no to this .
You always will suffer a bit of homesickness no matter who you are.
You can't block out who you really are. You can't block out family ties - whether they are good or bad ties - they are a part of you.

cheers

yeah...
 

...i find it really difficult but I know that because my wife is aussie and she would want her mum to look after the kids when we have them in the future ...I know I am here for the foreseeable future. But there are so many things to do here and see so it's not like i am not living life.
You know - not having family here is so hard ...but they are happy when i am happy and certain things make being here worthwhile...like when a mate here asks for my help...I mean you realise in the end that the friends you make here become your family....and doesnt that make them all the more special friendships?

You can always go home for christmas, I will just be sh*tfaced wherever I am ....no difference! :D

And my mate got married to a spanish girl and i went back there for it all the way to Bilbao....it was one of the best holidays I ever had.

Re: Question for the Longtermers in OZ.
 

As an ex-long termer, my answer is 'no' to all of them. I found it a little like a death in the family - something that you eventually come to terms with, but never really goes away.

And I never got used to hot Christmases :)

is that why you went back?
 

just out of curiosity ....did you just get fed up and leave or did something in particular act as a catalyst?

Re: is that why you went back?
 

The catalyst was a ~3 year working assignment back to Europe/UK in 2000. However, I always felt deep down that Oz wasn't for me, even though standard of living was good - but then again I've never been that interested in big house+pool (although I had one in Sydney).

What scared me was that I found out that I was not quite as shallow as I thought I was :)

In reply to Dotty: for me, (and I've been an expat for 10 years out of 40), I don't hanker after the family much any more, certainly not for my parents, but perhaps occasionally for a bottle of wine or going out for a beer with one of my brothers or sisters and certainly that would apply to old pals as well. The birthday/ Xmas/ weddings thing (relationships) - doesn't bother me at all.

For my wife, I think it would be a lot tougher until her mother dies but we currently live in her home country so it's not an issue right now.

Cold Xmas's - they're colder and snowier here so doesn't apply. I did have last Xmas in NZ and a couple of years ago in Aus: didn't really feel like Xmas but was more like a jolly bank holiday. :)

Once I was in Madrid for Xmas and New Year to study and that was much better than in the UK.

If I had been asked this question 8 years , just before I returned home to OZ after spending 10 years in Australia, I would have answered, that I did still miss everything about "Home" (being the UK).

But now, having tried it back in the UK for 4 years, and having been back in OZ again now for another 4 years (after my sanity returned :D), I have been able to split the lives up, and I no longer miss anything of importance in the UK.

My life is now here, my family is here. I have chosen my immediate family over anything else. My relatives live their lives, I never try to change that, and they have never tried to change mine. Maybe that helps me, in that we all live our own lives.

It may sound too simple to many, but it works for me. :)

And I agree that it wouldn't work the same for everyone. The closer your ties with relatives in the UK, the harder it will be.

An Aussie tradition now is "Xmas in July" !
You can eat your Xmas Roast Dinner in the cold after all. (well, maybe not up here in QLD :D )



My comments to "sanity" refer only to me. I left the UK to begin a new life, different to the UK. I didn't expect it to be the same as the UK, but with warm weather. When I was back in the UK I remembered why I had left in the first place. Hence I am back here, because this country suits me now.

I don't miss family, never have!
 

I've had to look after myself since I was 14, and had made every decison for myself ever since. Why - my parents split, and my Dad was always very laid back so I never asked him anything.

It never ceased to amaze me to see my 18-28 yr old 'adult' mates having to ask their parents, get money off them - I was too used to doing everything myself as my parents were either skint or didn't know, or weren't in a position to help, or hadn't gone through it themselves. ie. they were never home owners, Dad wasn't in business etc. When I was 21, some of my mates were still playing guitars in their bedrooms, borrowing money off their parents for holidays, I was out leading teams of 10 people plus, had heaps of responsibility in strategic areas, where the lives of thusands of people were effected, making decisions, helping to formulate policy, advising men in their 40s and 50s, teaching, instructing, looking after blokes welfare. It never occured to me to ask my old man or dear!! lol.

Now, 17 years on, I still don't miss them as my mother needs me more than I need her. I quite like having 10,000 miles of seperation if I have to be really honest, as she makes my head go around in circles after a while. When she dies, it will be a bit of a relief to be honest - she is nice though and means well, seriously!! Even my fiancee is quite glad she a long way away! Sounds nice, doesn't it !!? For all their faults, both my parents are the nicest and most sincere people I know.

I get on well (in fact famously) with my old man - he is more like a brother really - but he is only a call away. Everybody loves him but he can look after himself as although he is 72, he looks 50 odd. Remarkable - one of the fittest and healthiest blokes I have ever seen. I see him running for buses, out jogging, cycling. He loves it. I've told him if he fancies Australia to give me a call and I'll see if I can fix it.

My parents don't have the nice family home and support network so I am really not fussed - but my family over here are nice. I've noticed this, people can't understand why I am so laid back with my family, and so blase about them eg. why I call my Dad 'mate' and treat him like a brother rather than a father etc but they are always the ones getting handouts so kind of see their parents as the be all and end all, whereas my old man is a guy I watch rugby with, have a yarn, and that's it. He can't help in any way.

I have a twin brother but he is always doing his own thing and going away so we chat once in a while and that's it, and then we have a good yarn for hous. He didn't even come around to say good bye on Christmas Eve the last night I was in the UK. No skin of my nose. He was busy at home.

Now my fiancee's family : they talk constantly. Yadda yadda. All in spanish, too.

BM

:D

Re: Question for the Longtermers in OZ.
 

Yes. :)

Re: Question for the Longtermers in OZ.
 

But "yes" to which question. ;)

I have a theory - how many people had that "homesick" or "miss the UK" feeling until they went back there for a visit?
After that first visit/return trip how many people felt more settled here?

i havent been here long enough to comment really but a lot has happened in that time, and i can say that i havent missed "home" or family one bit. I thought i might miss my parents a bit when Indie was born, you know them not being able to hold him but to be quite honest i never gave it a thought when the time came. Then a couple of weeks back my mum was in hospital with a life threatening embolism but i didnt feel any need to rush back.

Maybe i'm just a heartless bitch, or maybe i can handle things better if i'm on the other side of the world, things seem less real if you dont have to deal with them first hand.

I also freak out at the thought of my parents coming to visit, i'm sure after a day i'd be wishing they could go.

its not that i dont love them, i just find half a world to be quite close enough to be to them.

lynn

I have been here since 1973 and settled in very quickly.
After about 18 months i got homesick for the strangest things.
I heard the music for "The Archers" and wanted to hear the soap
so much.
The stupid thing is i never listerned to it in the UK.
Oxford st. the Christmas lights dark at 4 o'clock cold .
These are the things i think about as Christmas so a hot summer day is and will never be Christmas.
I went back for a Christmas and never left the heater it was freezing.
Most of what you remember is nostalgia.
As Frank Muir said"Nostalgia is not what it used to be".
Forget the past live the present.