Dumbledore

Hi there
Feeling very stressed right now on the process of transitioning back to Sydney.
We lived & worked here for 3 years, then have been back in NZ 2 years (moves with OH job). However I decided last Oct or so that I really wanted to come back to Sydney permanently - way more job opportunities & better standard of living than NZ plus like being in bigger more cosmopolitan city. Founf it very difficult settling back into life in Auckland and relationships with old friends changed somewhat. OH at the time said he did not mind where we lived.

Very luckily - have been back working on short term contract at my old work in Sydney since end of Feb. Due to finish in 2 weeks time - possibility they may extend it for at least 6 months and get me to cover for someone going on mat leave but not definite yet. Have been actively looking at other contract roles but market very sluggish and nothing on the horizon yet.

OH still in NZ working at old job & living in our house. His work not very
conducive to him moving back to Sydney office although may be remote
possibility. He has not resigned nor have we out put our house on the market
as we feel I need to secure longer term work first in Sydney before we do that.
In the meantime I have been staying with friends the past 10 weeks renting their spare room off them and living out of suitcases. I commute back to NZ every 2nd / 3rd weekend to see OH. Was ok for the first 6 weeks but really finding it's putting a strain in us now and with us being in different countries we are pretty much leading separate lives.

Really enjoying being back in Sydney but finding it really tough being car-less, without home comforts and OH, and the uncertainty of not knowing what is
happening next. Starting to even doubt my decision now - maybe it's all just
too hard - we have very nice house in NZ, I could make more of an effort to make new friends and I would just need to settle for less-demanding, lower paid work (this is prob the main reason I want back to Sydney as since
going back to Auckland my career has gone backwards bigtime as too small & economically struggling to provide opportunities similar to Sydney and I feel my career will just stagnate & go nowhere if I stay there).

The saying "be careful what you wish for" keeps popping up in my head when I get a bit down. Saying that though I was in NZ last weekend and just found it quite dull & very small town.

Has anyone got any advice or has been through something similar ? I feel like I need some support from others who understand how I am feeling

Bermudashorts

I don't have any similar experiences but thought I would get the ball rolling.

Hmm so current situation doesn't seem sustainable. What was the plan when you first moved back How long was this arrangement expected to go on for? It doesn't sound like it is an arrangement that should be open ended; at one point me and Mr BS wondered if one of us would go on ahead and look for work but we definitely would have put a strict time limit on that. It would have been three months had we done that.

I think you need to have a heart to heart with OH and work out what it is you both want to do and / or are both willing to do. Does he want to move to Sydney for example? You don't really indicate a particular preference of his. If he is for the move and you have savings to tide you over, then don't prolong this anymore, just bite the bullet and do it. (I am presuming you both have the right to live and work in Australia).

Dumbledore

Thanks for your feedback BS. Yep, the current situation is not sustainable and I think I thought I would be sorted out with some kind of longer term work before now ( I am a contractor in my profession).

The original plan was for me to take the short term work and see what I thought of being back in Sydney after 4/5 weeks before we made any plans to move back. Now I do definitely want to come back, the plan is for me to secure a longer term contact and once that's in the bag then we will sell our NZ house and OH will come over also. OH has largely gone along with my plans as last time the move was driven through his work and I had to trail along; this time I think he feels it's my turn to lead the way.
(we are both professionals with good careers who have no kids so fairly flexible)

OH admits he is very stressed also about potentially chaning jobs (he has had a perm role and has been with his company 7+ years) and so has decided not to look anymore, let me sort my work situtation out and then he will follow along. I am not convinced he really does want to come back - I think sometimes he is just going along with me - and he is NZer with all his family there (although saying that we have seen relatively little of them since returning). I know he also loves our house in Auckland and its quite imporant to him for his status within his family.
It is very difficult however for him to open him and say what he does really think as he knows I have been pretty unhappy since returning to NZ (and definitely very depressed at the lack of decent contract roles around).

I think your comment about putting a line in the sand is useful. If the extension to my current contract falls through then perhaps I will give myself a deadline to find more work & if that comes and goes, then perhaps I need to look at just swallowing my pride & going back to NZ before either I or my marriage self destruct from the stress of it all.