PB & Dotty!!!!

Old May 26th 2003, 10:12 am
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Default PB & Dotty!!!!

According to you two,there is absolutely no good reason,s for living in oz .So i put it to you why are you still there???? Baffles everyone on this site!!!
 
Old May 26th 2003, 11:00 am
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Default Re: PB & Dotty!!!!

Originally posted by plumber39
According to you two,there is absolutely no good reason,s for living in oz .So i put it to you why are you still there???? Baffles everyone on this site!!!
yes PB has been there for 9 years. so is he a sucker for punishment, or just a sucker?

maybe Dotty is actually Mrs PB?
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Old May 26th 2003, 11:05 am
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certainly have a lot in common!!
 
Old May 26th 2003, 11:09 am
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Hello everyone, my name is Mrs Pommie Bastard and I thought it was time I introduced myself to you all, and gave you my impressions of Australia. Well as you know from my wonderful, cheerful husband, Pommie Bastard, we have been living in Perth for some years now. We moved here from England after we decided there was nothing left for us to moan about.

We both felt we needed a new challenge in life, as in England you can only really moan about the weather. We considered our options and eventually had to choose between Iraq, Afghanistan and Australia. It was a tough choice and in the end we decided that in Iraq or Afghanistan we would run the risk of being flogged in the street if we bitched and moaned as much as we like to, so our plans were set; and we started the process of moving to Australia.

We had to have our skills assessed by the AWAA (Australian Whinge-Arses Association) which was a nervy time, but we passed with flying colours; our assessor told us that never in all his years had he come across a couple who actually made him want to top himself!! We were so proud.

Next we had to have our level of understanding of the English language tested. This was very hard because as you all know my husband cannot string two words together let alone post a well structured, grammatically correct message on this forum, good job we found a three year old child who was able to do the test on his behalf.

Well with that out the way we just had to have our medicals and get our police checks. The medicals were ok really; they tested our ability to sit on our arses in a pub drinking copious amounts of alcohol, my husband does that well enough for both of us, and also they tested our ability to suck the life out of any happy situation we encounter. My husband has had a history of depression, but in every case it has been someone he spoke to that ended up depressed, so that was all ok. The police checks were a little fraught, my husband has caused many people to have accidents while they are crossing busy roads to avoid talking to him, but no charges have ever stuck.

After that it was all plain sailing, we got the green light and off we went. We left England on a grey, gloomy day (though the sun soon came out once we were on the plane). On landing in Australia we were full of hope for our new start. As both of us like busy cities with lots to do and nice cool weather it made sense that we start out in Darwin, and I cannot recommend it highly enough. There is so much to moan about, it is too hot for us, there is nothing to do, all the locals hate us, the job market is no good for us (I’m an ice sculptor); we had the time of our lives.

Eventually though once you have pissed of everyone around you and really dragged a place down, you have to move on, so we decided to start again in Perth, which is where we are now. So far things are going great, everyone we have encountered so far thinks we are both pathetic, whinging, poms, which of course is what we strive for.

On a final note I would love to pass on some advice to anyone who is in two minds about coming over here: The best ways to really make the locals hate you is to constantly whinge about the weather, always take a negative outlook on life, assume the worst in any situation, create your own bad luck, always live in a small town if you like busy thriving cities, try to find employment in an area of high unemployment, and best of all spend a lot of your time in pubs getting drunk and abusing groups of local lads. Believe me if you follow that advice you will have as great a time as we have.

Best of British to you all.
Mrs Pommie Bastard
 
Old May 26th 2003, 11:15 am
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Originally posted by Mrs P. Bastard
Hello everyone, my name is Mrs Pommie Bastard and I thought it was time I introduced myself to you all, and gave you my impressions of Australia. Well as you know from my wonderful, cheerful husband, Pommie Bastard, we have been living in Perth for some years now. We moved here from England after we decided there was nothing left for us to moan about.

We both felt we needed a new challenge in life, as in England you can only really moan about the weather. We considered our options and eventually had to choose between Iraq, Afghanistan and Australia. It was a tough choice and in the end we decided that in Iraq or Afghanistan we would run the risk of being flogged in the street if we bitched and moaned as much as we like to, so our plans were set; and we started the process of moving to Australia.

We had to have our skills assessed by the AWAA (Australian Whinge-Arses Association) which was a nervy time, but we passed with flying colours; our assessor told us that never in all his years had he come across a couple who actually made him want to top himself!! We were so proud.

Next we had to have our level of understanding of the English language tested. This was very hard because as you all know my husband cannot string two words together let alone post a well structured, grammatically correct message on this forum, good job we found a three year old child who was able to do the test on his behalf.

Well with that out the way we just had to have our medicals and get our police checks. The medicals were ok really; they tested our ability to sit on our arses in a pub drinking copious amounts of alcohol, my husband does that well enough for both of us, and also they tested our ability to suck the life out of any happy situation we encounter. My husband has had a history of depression, but in every case it has been someone he spoke to that ended up depressed, so that was all ok. The police checks were a little fraught, my husband has caused many people to have accidents while they are crossing busy roads to avoid talking to him, but no charges have ever stuck.

After that it was all plain sailing, we got the green light and off we went. We left England on a grey, gloomy day (though the sun soon came out once we were on the plane). On landing in Australia we were full of hope for our new start. As both of us like busy cities with lots to do and nice cool weather it made sense that we start out in Darwin, and I cannot recommend it highly enough. There is so much to moan about, it is too hot for us, there is nothing to do, all the locals hate us, the job market is no good for us (I’m an ice sculptor); we had the time of our lives.

Eventually though once you have pissed of everyone around you and really dragged a place down, you have to move on, so we decided to start again in Perth, which is where we are now. So far things are going great, everyone we have encountered so far thinks we are both pathetic, whinging, poms, which of course is what we strive for.

On a final note I would love to pass on some advice to anyone who is in two minds about coming over here: The best ways to really make the locals hate you is to constantly whinge about the weather, always take a negative outlook on life, assume the worst in any situation, create your own bad luck, always live in a small town if you like busy thriving cities, try to find employment in an area of high unemployment, and best of all spend a lot of your time in pubs getting drunk and abusing groups of local lads. Believe me if you follow that advice you will have as great a time as we have.

Best of British to you all.
Mrs Pommie Bastard
Mrs PB, delighted to meet you.

We heard a rumour that those people who whinge the loudest are trying to compensate for lacking in other.....ahem...areas. bit like those who buy large powerful cars. can you confirm this about PB?

no need for exact measurements, this is a family show
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Old May 26th 2003, 11:15 am
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Originally posted by Mrs P. Bastard
Hello everyone, my name is Mrs Pommie Bastard and I thought it was time I introduced myself to you all, and gave you my impressions of Australia. Well as you know from my wonderful, cheerful husband, Pommie Bastard, we have been living in Perth for some years now. We moved here from England after we decided there was nothing left for us to moan about.

We both felt we needed a new challenge in life, as in England you can only really moan about the weather. We considered our options and eventually had to choose between Iraq, Afghanistan and Australia. It was a tough choice and in the end we decided that in Iraq or Afghanistan we would run the risk of being flogged in the street if we bitched and moaned as much as we like to, so our plans were set; and we started the process of moving to Australia.

We had to have our skills assessed by the AWAA (Australian Whinge-Arses Association) which was a nervy time, but we passed with flying colours; our assessor told us that never in all his years had he come across a couple who actually made him want to top himself!! We were so proud.

Next we had to have our level of understanding of the English language tested. This was very hard because as you all know my husband cannot string two words together let alone post a well structured, grammatically correct message on this forum, good job we found a three year old child who was able to do the test on his behalf.

Well with that out the way we just had to have our medicals and get our police checks. The medicals were ok really; they tested our ability to sit on our arses in a pub drinking copious amounts of alcohol, my husband does that well enough for both of us, and also they tested our ability to suck the life out of any happy situation we encounter. My husband has had a history of depression, but in every case it has been someone he spoke to that ended up depressed, so that was all ok. The police checks were a little fraught, my husband has caused many people to have accidents while they are crossing busy roads to avoid talking to him, but no charges have ever stuck.

After that it was all plain sailing, we got the green light and off we went. We left England on a grey, gloomy day (though the sun soon came out once we were on the plane). On landing in Australia we were full of hope for our new start. As both of us like busy cities with lots to do and nice cool weather it made sense that we start out in Darwin, and I cannot recommend it highly enough. There is so much to moan about, it is too hot for us, there is nothing to do, all the locals hate us, the job market is no good for us (I’m an ice sculptor); we had the time of our lives.

Eventually though once you have pissed of everyone around you and really dragged a place down, you have to move on, so we decided to start again in Perth, which is where we are now. So far things are going great, everyone we have encountered so far thinks we are both pathetic, whinging, poms, which of course is what we strive for.

On a final note I would love to pass on some advice to anyone who is in two minds about coming over here: The best ways to really make the locals hate you is to constantly whinge about the weather, always take a negative outlook on life, assume the worst in any situation, create your own bad luck, always live in a small town if you like busy thriving cities, try to find employment in an area of high unemployment, and best of all spend a lot of your time in pubs getting drunk and abusing groups of local lads. Believe me if you follow that advice you will have as great a time as we have.

Best of British to you all.
Mrs Pommie Bastard
I have read this cut and paste before, old and boring just like P.B.
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Old May 26th 2003, 11:29 am
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Originally posted by scoobydooathome
I have read this cut and paste before, old and boring just like P.B.
you mean it's not Mrs PB?
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Old May 26th 2003, 11:33 am
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Originally posted by rainingagain
you mean it's not Mrs PB?
Yes rainagain,

This is not the real Mrs P.B.

This is an old cut and paste with no relevance,

To be quite honest, I think P.B. is a wind up merchant, good on ya 10 / 10 for effect,
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Old May 26th 2003, 2:16 pm
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I think PB and Dotty provide good entertainment and at least they do throw in a few pearls of wisdom as well.
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Old May 26th 2003, 5:58 pm
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Someone should post the 'play' scene about PB - hilarious though that old guy who used to be moderator and resigned in a huff pulled it.

Cheers - Don
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Old May 26th 2003, 6:10 pm
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will the real Mrs P.B Please stand up,please stand up.

BooBoo
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Old May 27th 2003, 3:55 am
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Default Re: PB & Dotty!!!!

Originally posted by plumber39
According to you two,there is absolutely no good reason,s for living in oz .So i put it to you why are you still there???? Baffles everyone on this site!!!
I am off in August and I am bored at work so?


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Old May 27th 2003, 4:10 am
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IMMIGRATION:
Stop!
Who approaches the Bridge of Death
Must answer me
These questions three!
Ere the other side he see.
IMMIGRANT 1: Ask me the questions, immigration. I am not afraid.
IMMIGRATION: What is your name?
IMMIGRANT 1: My name is Dotty.
IMMIGRATION: What is your quest?
IMMIGRANT 1: To find the Holy Grail.
IMMIGRATION: What is your favourite colour?
IMMIGRANT 1: Blue.
IMMIGRATION: Right. Off you go.
IMMIGRANT 2: That's easy!
IMMIGRATION:
Stop!
Who approacheth the Bridge of Death
Must answer me
These questions three!
Ere the other side he see!
IMMIGRANT 2: Ask me the questions, immigration. I am not afraid.
IMMIGRATION: What is your name?
IMMIGRANT 2: My name is Steven of Stevenage!
IMMIGRATION: What is your quest?
IMMIGRANT 2: To seek the Grail!
IMMIGRATION: What is the capital of Assyria?
IMMIGRANT 2: I don't know that!
IMMIGRANT 2: Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh!
IMMIGRANT 3: Mark of Abingdon!
IMMIGRATION: What is your quest?
IMMIGRANT 3: To seek the Holy Grail.
IMMIGRATION: What is your favorite colour?
IMMIGRANT 3: Blue ... No yelloooooww!
IMMIGRATION: What is your name?
IMMIGRANT 4: It is Pommie Bastard, King of the Britons.
IMMIGRATION: What is your quest?
IMMIGRANT 4: To seek the Holy Grail.
IMMIGRATION: What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
IMMIGRANT 4: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
IMMIGRATION: Er ... I don't know that ... Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh!
OTHERS IN AWE: How do you know so much about swallows?
IMMIGRANT 4: Well you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.
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Old May 27th 2003, 4:18 am
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Originally posted by Florida_03
IMMIGRATION:
Stop!
Who approaches the Bridge of Death
Must answer me
These questions three!
.

Roll up the bored and under employed?



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