Partner wants to move but I don't
Sep 29th 2011, 4:15 am
#32
Still alive
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 28,994
Re: Partner wants to move but I don't
Last edited by Dorothy; Sep 29th 2011 at 4:19 am.
Sep 29th 2011, 8:34 am
#33
Possum. Amiculum. Latrina
Joined: Jan 2011
Location: Footloose
Posts: 3,427
Re: Partner wants to move but I don't
I think sponsorship for a teacher on a 457 would be quite improbable. Plenty of students on the course I did at JCU tried to get sponsorship, even in remote areas but to no avail. The only ones who managed to stay and teach here did so on WHVs.
To the OP I really think you should stay put - once you come over it could make the divide between you far worse as you may well have financial stresses as well as different desires. The cost of living here is high and teaching wages are not particularly lucrative. It will cost quite a wad to ship your stuff over, buy a car, rent a house and bring a family of four over. Quite a few Brits on here are struggling for work and finding it tough. For the sake of something of a standoff now you can prevent what may be a bigger problem.
To the OP I really think you should stay put - once you come over it could make the divide between you far worse as you may well have financial stresses as well as different desires. The cost of living here is high and teaching wages are not particularly lucrative. It will cost quite a wad to ship your stuff over, buy a car, rent a house and bring a family of four over. Quite a few Brits on here are struggling for work and finding it tough. For the sake of something of a standoff now you can prevent what may be a bigger problem.
Sep 29th 2011, 9:23 am
#34
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 213
Re: Partner wants to move but I don't
Don't do it , if your not both 101 % you will be exposed, though here from scratch.
Sep 29th 2011, 11:34 am
#35
Account Closed
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 101
Re: Partner wants to move but I don't
I m married with a young child and moving to Australia has always been more of my dream than my wifes, however, wonderful person that she is, she is ultra supportive of that dream and although leaving her parents behind is going to be a huge wrench she is willing to make the move.
However, there is no way that I would put us on that plane without having the security of a job at the other end. Especially in todays economic climate the thought of travelling all that way and chancing having to turn around and come back within a few short months because of financial issues just does not bear thinking about.
I know you say you have tried but you need to sit down and have a rational conversation in which you way up the pros and cons and look at the alternatives and the possible down sides of all options.
I wish you luck with whatever you decide.
However, there is no way that I would put us on that plane without having the security of a job at the other end. Especially in todays economic climate the thought of travelling all that way and chancing having to turn around and come back within a few short months because of financial issues just does not bear thinking about.
I know you say you have tried but you need to sit down and have a rational conversation in which you way up the pros and cons and look at the alternatives and the possible down sides of all options.
I wish you luck with whatever you decide.
Sep 29th 2011, 2:11 pm
#36
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 23,400
Re: Partner wants to move but I don't
Yup, you're right... It doesnt work for everyone... But I think you'll find that for those couples who are the kind that stick together through thick and thin, and work at it... No matter what the IT is.. (an old fashioned concept I know), who have total trust in each other and when one is "down" the other pulls everything along and vice versa... It works better ....
Not many people truely know nowadays what the " thin" of thick And thin is...
We're bloody lucky that as a couple and as a family unit we KNOW what "thin" is... And when you can make it work through thin you can survive anything...
Do you think the pioneers crossing america ever thought... Nope this isnt working I'll go back to my three bedded semi in Idlewhich???
Things dont just happen, you make them happen, things dont just work, you MAKE them work...
And you bloody well get on with it.
Not many people truely know nowadays what the " thin" of thick And thin is...
We're bloody lucky that as a couple and as a family unit we KNOW what "thin" is... And when you can make it work through thin you can survive anything...
Do you think the pioneers crossing america ever thought... Nope this isnt working I'll go back to my three bedded semi in Idlewhich???
Things dont just happen, you make them happen, things dont just work, you MAKE them work...
And you bloody well get on with it.
Sep 29th 2011, 10:25 pm
#37
*********
Joined: May 2008
Location: Up in dem hills.........
Posts: 1,458
Re: Partner wants to move but I don't
Hiya
I'm looking for some advice from people that have been through a similar situation please.
My partner has an obsession with Australia and has done since he was a child. He is intent on moving there one day and this has never been kept a secret from me.
We have been together a number of years and I have alwasy gone along with the 'one day'. I have been on holiday to Perth (which is where he would like to move) and I did like it there. I had a great holiday and would happily visit again...on HOLIDAY.
The problem lies here...a lot has changed over the years...we have bought a house and have 2 children for a start. I am very close to my family (whereas he isnt necessary close to his), my mum is our child carer so that we can both work full time. My dad died a few years ago and caring for our children is something that keeps mum busy.
I am happy with the life we have together as a family. We are settled.
My OH has visions of Australia being the perfect country that will provide the perfect life for our family. This is all well and good bbut I am unable to see HOW our lives will be so drastically different.
If we had won the lottery I would say fine go ahead and give it a go...he has started the process of applying for visas and it just appears its extortianate cost after extortianate cost...for pieces of paper. now the goalposts have changed and there are more costs involeved. Dont get me wrong, I know its going to be expensive, but I do resent spending £300odd for someone to sign a bit of paper to say my teaching degree is suitable for use over there!! Now hes ffound out that my skills are on some list that means we could get the visas in a year!!! Im not ready to move in the next 5 years let alone a year and on my own back.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated
I'm looking for some advice from people that have been through a similar situation please.
My partner has an obsession with Australia and has done since he was a child. He is intent on moving there one day and this has never been kept a secret from me.
We have been together a number of years and I have alwasy gone along with the 'one day'. I have been on holiday to Perth (which is where he would like to move) and I did like it there. I had a great holiday and would happily visit again...on HOLIDAY.
The problem lies here...a lot has changed over the years...we have bought a house and have 2 children for a start. I am very close to my family (whereas he isnt necessary close to his), my mum is our child carer so that we can both work full time. My dad died a few years ago and caring for our children is something that keeps mum busy.
I am happy with the life we have together as a family. We are settled.
My OH has visions of Australia being the perfect country that will provide the perfect life for our family. This is all well and good bbut I am unable to see HOW our lives will be so drastically different.
If we had won the lottery I would say fine go ahead and give it a go...he has started the process of applying for visas and it just appears its extortianate cost after extortianate cost...for pieces of paper. now the goalposts have changed and there are more costs involeved. Dont get me wrong, I know its going to be expensive, but I do resent spending £300odd for someone to sign a bit of paper to say my teaching degree is suitable for use over there!! Now hes ffound out that my skills are on some list that means we could get the visas in a year!!! Im not ready to move in the next 5 years let alone a year and on my own back.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated
If you don't support him, your husband, in following his dream, which you have know about since day one, then you are going to drive a wedge between the both of you. Resentment is a terrible thing to live with.
Sep 29th 2011, 10:31 pm
#38
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 14,284
Re: Partner wants to move but I don't
You knew right at the beginning of your relationship that he wanted to come to Australia, Now that you have kids, a house....I do not want to be away from my mum...blah blah.
If you don't support him, your husband, in following his dream, which you have know about since day one, then you are going to drive a wedge between the both of you. Resentment is a terrible thing to live with.
If you don't support him, your husband, in following his dream, which you have know about since day one, then you are going to drive a wedge between the both of you. Resentment is a terrible thing to live with.
It must have been just as clear to her husband that it was not OPs dream to go to Australia. Resentment could work both ways too. There isn't an easy answer to this kind of conflict / dilemma.
Sep 29th 2011, 10:38 pm
#39
*********
Joined: May 2008
Location: Up in dem hills.........
Posts: 1,458
Sep 29th 2011, 10:50 pm
#40
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 14,284
Re: Partner wants to move but I don't
People are allowed to change their minds. OP cannot be obliged to go through with a move across the world because 14 years ago she thought it seemed like an ok idea.
Sep 29th 2011, 11:03 pm
#41
*********
Joined: May 2008
Location: Up in dem hills.........
Posts: 1,458
Re: Partner wants to move but I don't
Nah sorry, don't buy it. Maybe it is because of my own experiences.
From the information provided, the OP's other half wanted to go to Australia since he was kid! How can you ask someone to push that type of dream away?
From the information provided, the OP's other half wanted to go to Australia since he was kid! How can you ask someone to push that type of dream away?
Sep 29th 2011, 11:04 pm
#42
Still alive
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 28,994
Re: Partner wants to move but I don't
If he wants to go then he should go. Would you force your partner to do something they didn't want to do just because you want to?
Sep 29th 2011, 11:07 pm
#43
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 14,284
Re: Partner wants to move but I don't
The OP's OH should have gone to Australia 14 years ago then, he made his choice and he chose OP and to start a family in UK. How can you drag somebody to the other side of the world against their will? That seems like a far worse thing to do to someone.
Sep 29th 2011, 11:09 pm
#44
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 41,518
Re: Partner wants to move but I don't
Yup, you're right... It doesnt work for everyone... But I think you'll find that for those couples who are the kind that stick together through thick and thin, and work at it... No matter what the IT is.. (an old fashioned concept I know), who have total trust in each other and when one is "down" the other pulls everything along and vice versa... It works better ....
Not many people truely know nowadays what the " thin" of thick And thin is...
We're bloody lucky that as a couple and as a family unit we KNOW what "thin" is... And when you can make it work through thin you can survive anything...
Do you think the pioneers crossing america ever thought... Nope this isnt working I'll go back to my three bedded semi in Idlewhich???
Things dont just happen, you make them happen, things dont just work, you MAKE them work...
And you bloody well get on with it.
Not many people truely know nowadays what the " thin" of thick And thin is...
We're bloody lucky that as a couple and as a family unit we KNOW what "thin" is... And when you can make it work through thin you can survive anything...
Do you think the pioneers crossing america ever thought... Nope this isnt working I'll go back to my three bedded semi in Idlewhich???
Things dont just happen, you make them happen, things dont just work, you MAKE them work...
And you bloody well get on with it.
Sep 29th 2011, 11:14 pm
#45
Still alive
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 28,994
Re: Partner wants to move but I don't
You don't buy what?
The OP's OH should have gone to Australia 14 years ago then, he made his choice and he chose OP and to start a family in UK. How can you drag somebody to the other side of the world against their will? That seems like a far worse thing to do to someone.
The OP's OH should have gone to Australia 14 years ago then, he made his choice and he chose OP and to start a family in UK. How can you drag somebody to the other side of the world against their will? That seems like a far worse thing to do to someone.